Not Going There
by luckyirishtart
Summary: When a dangerous job leaves Bella striving for balance, and an uncertain future leaves her yearning for normalcy, will a familiar face from her past risk all her careful plans? AH
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer:**__ Anything remotely resembling Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Any of the stories within, belong to me. Please do not copy or translate without permission._

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><p><em><strong>Not Going There<strong>_

_**Chapter 1**_

I never thought I'd wish for rain, but I was sorely mistaken. Rain beat muggy weather hands down.

My first day back from vacation found me assigned to babysitting duty for some young punk inside of my non-air conditioned cruiser, and surveying the house in front of me. For five nights now the rest of the department had been trying to catch this asshole…kid…whatever, who'd been evading Forks' finest on his four wheeler. He taunted the guys each and every night by racing up and down city streets without a helmet, recklessly endangering others before disappearing into thin air.

Although the town was laid out as any other small town—small cul de sacs, neatly placed houses that formed safe neighborhoods and assorted trailer parks full to the brim—the town was also surrounded by thick, dense woods, easily allowing perps to disappear in the blink of an eye. I looked over to the left, noting movement from the house. A tabby cat padded languidly across the driveway.

_Well, this was just awesome._

The scanner crackled and popped and I heard Newton respond to a possible domestic disturbance. There were only four of us on duty tonight, and I wondered why I was here when I would be of better use on patrol. We didn't know if it was Connor Mallory or not, but when you lived in a small town, no one could keep their mouth shut for long—especially the one who committed the crime. I looked over at the house again and, from my secluded vantage point, noted the small bathroom light turn on for a few minutes and then back off.

…and then nothing for the next ten minutes.

At that point, I picked up my radio handset, ready to shut down this "stakeout," when I noticed a figure sliding around the side of the house. In the distance, I heard the motor of a quad rev to life.

_You little fucker._

The kid shot across the road and straight past me on the four-wheeler, and in turn, I whipped the cruiser around, driving in the same direction as my heart rate jumped to catch up. I was certain he was headed to a trail on the east end of town that would take him into the woods—then it was anyone's game. I got on the radio requesting back-up so we could head him off. Sam responded and verified he was in transit.

In no time, my pursuit of Connor escalated to close to fifty miles an hour down one of the main roads in town, and although it was the part of the job that I liked, there were innocent people in close proximity, so I needed my senses on full alert. It was my job to apprehend him but not at the expense of others or myself—for someone needed me at home. I was thankful that no one was on the street at this hour but had to watch for the resident herd of elk that lived here in town.

I was gaining on him…only the smart ass cut across someone's lawn and turned down Palmer Road at top speed. There were only two options down there: a dead end and a turn that would take him to another group of homes—but also easily into the woods.

I hoped it wasn't the second.

But of course he took the turn that would take him to a short cut and out of my reach. Thankfully, I saw Uley's flashing lights come up behind me. The kid reached the end of the road and took a right turn onto the trail, but he stopped, hesitating only for a moment before he took off running on foot. When I came up behind him, I bailed out of the cruiser, knowing that particular trail like the back of my hand. Ahead of the quad, I noticed a large log and a bed of river rock piled around the base.

_Thank you, Mr. Cope._

Cutting off to the left through someone else's yard, I ran down the embankment trying to anticipate his next move. A sound like something crashing through the bushes sounded to my right, and I darted in that direction.

"Aaah. Fuck!"

Connor instantly began to struggle when I tackled him, kicking and twisting and landing a hard elbow in my side. My breath whooshed out as I felt the sickening crunch in my rib cage, which only served to make me that more determined to nail his scrawny ass. It just figured that his mother and father hadn't taught him proper manners and how to treat a lady.

Pissed now, I wrangled him into an arm lock and counter-rotated his wrist with just enough pressure until he stopped resisting.

"Ow! Stop! It hurts!" he shouted, seething as I gained control and got enough advantage on him to finally get him pinned.

In the periphery I noted that the neighbors' dogs were barking and a porch light turned on in the yard next door. I called out a warning for whoever had decided to see what was going on to stay in their house, and then refocused all my attention on the kicking legs beneath me.

"Really, Mallory?" I said, grunting. "Can't hide on your quad anymore, can ya?" My muscles were on fire from the workout.

Sam called from behind, "You alright, Swan?"

"Yeah, thanks, Sam. Got restraints?"

Sam knelt down next to me to cuff Connor, and then began to read him the Miranda Rights.

With the arrival of backup, I slid off to the side, huffing a little from the exchange. While Conner was led away by Sam, I got to my feet, wincing at the pain in my side. I put my hands on my knees and tried to breathe deeply, but it hurt.

_Damnit_, I thought. I was going to catch hell on this from not only the guys at the station, but also at home—something I really didn't want to think about right now. With one last painful breath I straightened up, re-securing my mag light into my belt, and followed Sam up the hill.

O=^=C

"Nice job, Swan. Looks like you accomplished more in one night than we could in a week," Mike said from the doorway.

"Thanks. Helps to know the trails around here, know what I mean?"

"You rocked it, no doubt about it," added Sam.

Uncomfortable with the praise, I simply nodded and pushed back from the desk. "And with that I'm ready to go home."

I'd already handed Conner off to corrections and had just finished the last of my paperwork. I was looking forward to my bed now. Night shifts sucked for me, but it would be another couple of months until I had enough seniority to get day shift.

I said my goodbyes and headed out to the parking lot to my old truck. Unlike my dad had in the past, most days I preferred not to drive the cruiser home—but, then again, he was the Chief then, so I imagine it was somewhat of a necessity.

Pulling my truck into the driveway of my dad's home, I noticed his silver truck was still there with Sue's car parked right behind it.

_Huh. _That was odd; Sue didn't need to be here today.

I walked through the carport, around to the back door and stepped into the den just off of the kitchen. I slid my belt and firearm into the safe, and then spun the dial to make sure it was secure. Lowered voices were coming from the kitchen, so I poked my head around the corner. Sue and Charlie, too immersed in conversation to look up, were sitting there with their heads together over the Peninsula Daily News.

"Morning Dad, Sue."

"Hey Bells," Charlie said, looking up. Sue gave me a small wave.

"Is she still asleep?"

"Yeah. For now anyway."

"Be back in a few," I said, heading into the hallway.

I walked to the stairway and slowly climbed the stairs, noting that I had a pretty sore rib and what felt like the start of a good, deep bruise on my hip. Great. That was gonna be colorful.

When I got to the top of the stairs and peeked into her room, all I saw was a small mass of brown hair peeking above the purple and white bedspread. There were about fifteen stuffed animals around her head and body. I had to chuckle looking at her all burrowed into her little nest. She let out a heavy little sigh and an arm pushed out the top, knocking a few of her friends onto the floor.

My Katie-bug.

"You awake, baby?"

From under the blanket came the sweetest little voice, all sleepy and soft. "Mama?"

I crossed into to room. "Yes, love, I'm here."

"Crawl into bed with me?"

"Sure." I shrugged out of my uniform, wincing as the polyester slid roughly over my newly acquired road rash. I cursed silently when I noticed the small tear along the bottom—and I'd just gotten new ones, too. _Double damn._

As I stood there in only a t-shirt and boy shorts, I made an attempt to slip into the bed without disturbing the pile of her stuffed toys, but inadvertently knocked off one of the dogs.

"Mom!" she said, sitting up, "Watch out for Ozzy! He needs to be here." She pointed to her knees.

I smiled at that—here I was getting scolded when she'd already scattered the other poor little beasties on the floor.

When she was two, she'd disappeared out of my sight. I had only gone outside to grab the garden hose to bring it around back to fill the wading pool, and she'd disappeared into thin air. Frantic, I'd had the neighbors looking everywhere within walking distance. Panic had me close to calling the police, but something prompted me to take one last look in her bedroom. I saw the pile of stuffed animals in the corner move and fell on my knees as I discovered she had completely buried herself underneath them and fallen asleep.

The stuffed-animal-nest habit had stuck, especially when I started working for the Forks P.D. I think it helped ease some of her fear of having me away from her at night.

"Sorry, honey," I grabbed the black dog and placed him on her knees. "I don't know how you have room for _you_ in here." I tickled her tummy and adjusted the blankets around us both.

She giggled. "But they're my family. Like you and Grampa. They keep me safe."

I sighed and brought her closer to me, snuggling into her tiny body. Instantly the drama from the previous night melted away; I always felt better when she was beside me.

I was thankful every day that she was safe and sound, as happy as possible with all we'd been through.

I still felt guilty taking her away from her father, though. She didn't mention him much. But amazingly enough, she didn't complain or cry when it was her time to visit. I constantly wondered how I ended up with such a stoic kid?

My ex-husband James and I had split a little over two years ago; with the ugly terms of our relationship being what they were, I was fully prepared for an uphill battle when I announced that I wanted to return to my hometown. Forks was quite a bit away from Spokane, and I'd learned since that logistics didn't always pan out the way you planned.

Surprisingly, he gave me full custody, agreeing to everything, including us moving back here. He'd go through phases where he wanted her all of the time then nothing. I needed her to have stability, especially with my life the way it was.

James and his girlfriend, Victoria, a fellow officer from our old department were still going strong—for now. I think that if their relationship had happened after the fact, I wouldn't care so much. It would suck that he'd moved on so fast, but it was something I thought I could have dealt with. But that wasn't _quite_ the way it happened.

It really burned that he'd cheated on me with her; probably more so that it happened under my nose and everyone else on the force knew.

When James and I met, we dated briefly before we got married, and I left the force when I got pregnant so he could 'provide' and I could be home. After Katie was born, I hardly saw him. When I did, it was full of alcohol fueled fights. We separated when she was two, but I didn't want her to have a broken family, like mine, so I tried again. But he just couldn't stop—the drinking _or_ the cheating. He'd profess his love, be devoted for two years, and then start roving again.

He had one thing going for him, though: if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have Katie.

So, there I was, a broken-hearted, freshly cheated on, newly single parent. When my father suggested I come home, I jumped at the chance, figuring I could rebuild my life and go back to the job I loved. There was a position open in the Forks Police Department, and I had no problem securing it…though I was sure dad may have called in a few favors.

Dad loved it. He was only a few years retired from the force, and was thoroughly enjoying his new life of fishing, and playing Grandpa.

I secretly thought that he also enjoyed all the help he got from his "friend" Sue in watching Katie.

Katie broke me from my thoughts. "Mama? Grampa's going to take me to the beach today… Sue's beach. Are you gonna come?"

"No," I said, sighing. I tucked a piece of hair behind her ear."I'd love to, but mama's gotta work again tonight, so I have to get some sleep."

"Okay, I'll bring you something home. Something pretty."

I smiled and hugged her tighter, and tried to ignore the soreness in my ribs. That tactic didn't last for long…

"Let's get you some breakfast, kiddo." As I sat up, a sharp pinch in my side caused me to gasp.

_First day back and I'm already injured._

There was no denying it, either. I probably didn't notice last night, being so pumped up on adrenaline after the pursuit, but reality was settling in—my body was letting me know I wasn't getting any younger.

Katie chattered loudly at me as I walked down the hall to grab a pair of sweats, brimming over with plans for her day, and listing all the cool things to see at the beach.

When we were downstairs, the smell of Sue's blueberry pancakes made me smile, and I watched as Katie hopped onto the bar stool, chattering away at her Grandpa about her visit to Disneyworld. I loved watching those two together—Charlie was wrapped around her finger, and so, so eager to do anything for her.

When I hesitated at grabbing a plate, he noticed, though. Charlie cocked an eyebrow at me immediately as Sue handed me a cup of coffee. I gave him a _don't ask _look and leaned against the counter, reaching for the bottle of ibuprofen. We didn't talk shop around Katie, I made sure of that.

When I was home, I just wanted to spend time with my daughter and my dad, and get in some much needed family time.

O=^=C

_That song. Again?_

One eye opened, realizing it was that obnoxious ring tone alarm on my cell phone—I hated it. But it always got me out of bed.

More of the soreness from last night had settled into my body. I sunk deeper into the bed, not wanting to get up or move at all._ Crap._ It was three o'clock, they'd be back soon and I had to get some stuff done before my shift tonight.

I'd planned on getting a run in today but thought better of it. Instead, I gently stretched, drew myself a hot bath, forgoing a shower in the hopes it would help my muscles relax. I hissed as I sank into the hot water, but pushed myself further in, knowing the end result would be better. The warmth soothed my body, gently lapping over my skin as I let the heat do its thing.

Eventually the hot water worked, and either the incredible feeling of being enveloped or the fact I was extremely relaxed got me feeling…well, a little horny. I quickly shoved that out of my mind because one, I didn't have time for it, and two, I would have preferred the real thing.

After I became thoroughly pruned, I started to pull myself out of the tub and slipped, landing on my newly acquired bruised rib. The pain that shot up my side about buckled my knees.

"_Fuck!_" I shouted to no one in particular. Catching my breath, I gingerly climbed the rest of the way out, and attempted to survey the damage. A large softball size bruise was now showing toward the bottom of my left side. I gently dried the other raw areas before shrugging on my bathrobe.

The rest of the time before my shift, I _tried_ to do as much as I could before Charlie got back: finished laundry, picked up the scattered toys and started a pot of spaghetti sauce for him and Katie. It was a little slow-going though, and the longer the pain stayed, the more I realized it wasn't going to just go away.

That Mallory kid would be lucky if I didn't stun him the next time I saw him acting up.

The phone rang and I grabbed it as I stirred the tomato paste into the sauce.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Bella."

"Hi, Dad. You guys having a good time?"

"Always. Mind if Katie and I stay down here at Sue's for dinner? If you want us to come home, I don't have a problem with that. She's just wrapped up in Sponge Bob at the moment."

I was a little disappointed but said, "No. Stay. Have a great time and I'll see you tomorrow morning. Give Bug a kiss for me, will ya?"

"Sure thing. Love you."

"Love you, too."

When I was growing up here, Charlie and I weren't as close. I don't think he knew what to do with a moody teenage girl, but over the last couple of years, we'd grown pretty tight. We to the point now that he was finally okay with showing me affection, like he knew that I'd never leave him behind—as my mother had done.

With dinner plans postponed, I finished the sauce and left it to simmer for a while, figuring I'd freeze it for a day later in the week. I glanced at the calendar as I was finishing, and saw that Katie had circled the first day of school. I'd have to take her shopping soon, and I reminded myself to request a personal day to take her shopping in Silverdale.

My cell rang then, and I fished it out of my sweats. "Swan," I said.

"Hey, it's Sam."

"What's up?"

"I need you to come in for a meeting an hour earlier than your shift. We're going to meet up with the Sheriff's department tonight for a quick brief."

"Not a problem. See you at eight."

Sam had recently become Chief of Police for the City of Forks after serving as interim chief over the last couple of years. When Charlie had retired six years ago, right after Katie was born, the idiot that was hired for the post brought on an embarrassing scandal and created bad feelings with other law enforcement agencies and the community. They had to all but dismantle the force, and Sam had come in to help out. He previously served as the Chief in La Push so he was well known around here.

Even in his temporary post, he made the effort to bring everyone back on the same page. Newton was the only one left from that tenure. That's when Sam brought me and others in to create a stronger, more unified force. Initially, I was afraid of being harassed because of nepotism, but being known around the community like I was, most people didn't seem to have a problem with it unless they were the ones getting arrested.

O=^=C

When I arrived at the station, I looked around to see if anyone was watching as I slowly got out of my vehicle. The pain was steadily getting more intense, which must have been from the extra spill I took in the tub, but I was determined _not_ to take the night off.

Most everyone had arrived, and I glanced over at Sam talking to a few of the other guys, our dark blues in contrast with the brown and tan of the county sheriffs. There were a few Staters on the other side of the room congregating around the beverages and I noticed the Deputy Sheriff of Clallam County, Lee Stephens, was here as well. Anything that wasn't included in the Forks city limits was handled by the Sheriff's department. Often, our investigations and coverage overlapped.

I thought I ought to grab a cup of coffee before we started, so I headed to the side bar where there was coffee and snacks. Our dispatcher, Shelly Cope, was the best. She liked to mother all of us, making sure we always had what we needed.

I was in the process of stirring tons of cream into my coffee when I sensed someone come up behind me.

"Hey, Bella."

I turned around to find none other than Edward Cullen standing in front of me.

Completely caught off guard, I was mesmerized by how devastatingly handsome he was—still. I hadn't seen him for at least ten years, but I'd always thought so when we were in high school. Now, his face held the lines of experience but his natural ease set him apart from every man in the room.

I felt like I was sixteen all over again as my stomach twirled and flipped inside.

Surprisingly enough, he stood before me dressed in a county uniform. My mind started whirling, trying to find any pertinent information. I didn't recall hearing he was with Clallam County...

"Long time, Bella. How are you?" he asked, the light in his green eyes matching his smile.

"Huh?" I said, jarred out of my thoughts.

"Should I start over? Hi—"

"Oh, sorry." I said, laughing dryly. "Just surprised, that's all. I haven't seen you in forever. Did you move back here?"

"Just this week. I just got hired after being in Vancouver for ten years. Been trying to come back home for the last couple." He looked at me, slightly pleased by the look in my eyes.

We were interrupted by Mike, who threw his arm around my shoulder.

"Hey, Cullen. Hear about Swan last night? She kicked the ass of some punk we'd been trying to catch all week." His fist came in to playfully punch me in the side, but the impact, however light it was, made me lose my breath. I dumped my coffee and grabbed the table.

Edward immediately grabbed me under the arm.

"Bella?"

"Shit, you alright?" Mike asked. By then, Sam had noticed our little tussle.

"Bella, what's wrong," said Sam, clearly alarmed.

I finally found my breath to answer. "Just a little sore, boss. That's all."

"Doesn't look like 'a little sore' to me. You're going to ER to get it checked out. Now."

I realized that Edward was still holding on to my arm, and I turned to see the look of concern in his eyes. Warmth flooded my body—in embarrassment or attraction, I didn't know. I disengaged my arm from him and stepped away.

Like I'd said: I didn't date cops. And, sure, he certainly lent credence to that whole "men in uniform" thing, and I could absolutely appreciate how good he looked, but I wasn't even trying to think about it any further than that.

And, well, I had to face it: it had been a while since I'd gotten laid, and any man touching me that looked like that? Even if he wasn't throwing off an interested vibe, not that I thought Edward was, I'd still get all worked up.

"Sam, I'm fine. Really. Just start the meeting. I'll be okay."

"After the meeting, hospital." Sam said sternly.

I muttered "Yes, sir," under my breath and moved to sit down with the other guys.

Mike came to sit next to me.

"I'm really sorry, Bella. I didn't know."

"Don't worry about it Mike, it's all good," I lied. Mike was a good guy. He was very athletic in school, playing the part of jock really well. Married his high school sweetheart, Jess, and had a couple of boys on every sports team Forks had to offer. He was kind of like the goofy brother I never had.

The meeting lasted about an hour with each department explaining what our goals were individually and together. I watched as Edward made his way up to Stephens in the front of the room.

"I'd like you to welcome Deputy Cullen back to the area; I understand he grew up here with some of you." My eyes caught Edward's but I quickly averted them back to pay attention to Stephens. "He'll be in charge of the County's coverage of the West End as we move forward in our partnership with the City of Forks and Clallam County."

My heart sped up at the thought of him here, again. _No cops, Swan, _I reminded myself. Besides, last I'd heard he was married, and I had enough experience to know that I was staying far away from anything like that.

But damn if I didn't start fantasizing about him, just like I did in school. We were friendly then, because I hung with his sister Alice, but I stayed safe and admired from afar. I'd spent a lot of hours reading on the bleachers, watching him play basketball or hanging on the grass of the baseball fields secretly stealing looks. He was always just out of reach—for me anyway. I never felt like we were on the same playing field.

I lightly bit my lip and smiled about how girly I was being, only to be caught again by a green pair of eyes.

_Okay, so you caught me, Cullen._ I smiled over to where he had retaken his seat.

His mouth turned up a bit with a slight smirk and a small nod of the head.

The meeting adjourned, and Sam immediately caught me heading out the door.

"Can I trust you'll go on your own or do you need an escort?"

"I'll do it right now." I said, grumbling.

"I want to see a release before you come back. You can't be on duty injured, Bella."

I scowled at him, knowing he was right but pissed about it none the less.

"Heading there now, Chief."

He smiled. "Good."

I'm sure the frustration showed on my face. I didn't want to be seen as weak. That was the old me—in high school. I was a different person now and better for it; I'd worked hard for this. As I deliberately climbed into my truck, I heard a voice coming from behind me.

"Would you like a ride, Bella?"

Oh, that voice._ Yes. I would. In more ways than one…_

I sighed and wondered if I'd bumped my head tussling with Connor without my knowing it.

"Thank you. I'm fine, really. I've had worse." I said in a clipped tone, frustrated.

He frowned, creating a little wrinkle between his brows. Years ago, I had that tic memorized, and knew it meant that he was concentrating hard on something.

"Right, then. I guess… I'll see you soon."

"See you around."

He abruptly turned on his heel and headed back into the building. I watched his lean frame as he walked away, noting the muscles in his shoulders as he moved. Seriously—I think he broke the stereotype of men in uniform and made it even sexier.

_Double damn._

_O=^=C_

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><p><em><strong>AN:**__ Special thanks to these wonderful ladies for all of their invaluable help…caren, kimmydonn, theresa and always nic, my Seche Vite. You ladies rock with your encouraging words and I am forever indebted ._

_Song: Bitch – Meredith Brooks_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer:**__ Anything remotely resembling Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Any of the stories within, belong to me. Please do not copy or translate without permission._

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><p><em><strong>Not Going There<strong>_

_**Chapter 2**_

As the light of the sun disappeared, the sky had taken on a purplish-blue hue when I pulled my truck into the parking lot of Forks Hospital. It was after normal clinic hours and the emergency room was the only choice I had to get my ribs checked out. Sitting in my truck, I debated whether to go in or not—but had no other option if I wanted to go back to work.

The struggle for me was that I more or less hated everyone knowing my business. After being opened and dissected back in Spokane during the divorce fiasco, I protected myself now—especially for Katie. The less they knew, the less we could be hurt. As I took a deep breath, the pain reminded me this was not the time to be proud.

_Man up, Swan. _

Sighing, I grabbed the paperwork Sam had shoved at me before I left, and got out of my truck, keeping my arm tucked at my side.

At the registration desk, Carmen, the mom of one of Katie's classmates, was on the phone but waved hello. My eyes wandered to the pictures hanging over her desk, most of them of her kids.

When she hung up, she turned her attention to me. "Hi Bella, how's it going this evening?"

"Alright, thanks."

"Here on official business tonight?" I'm sure she assumed so because I was still in uniform.

"Yes and no. I need to get checked out before I go to work. I can come back if it's too busy."

"No, not at all." She turned to the computer and asked me a couple of questions, printing out a piece of paper for me to sign.

"Workman's Comp?" she asked as I signed the consent. I sighed. What a pain in the ass.

"Yeah, here's the form."

"Okay, just take a seat and we'll get you in shortly."

I sat down in the waiting room, chuckling when I realized the television was playing 'Animal Cops.' Animal Planet was huge in our house. Bug would watch it all day if she could. Charlie was good about keeping her to minimal television, though, often keeping her busy outdoors instead.

Charlie. I thought back to my earlier phone call to dad—it wasn't pleasant.

"_Why didn't you tell me you were hurt, goddamnit?" he yelled._

"_Dad, I didn't know until I slipped in the tub and banged it, then things just kind of got worse. I'm heading to get checked out right now, Sam's orders."_

"_This is not something you mess around with. Call me when you're done."_

"_I will." _He always worried so much about me; before I became a parent, I didn't have the capacity to understand why—I was a good kid, hardly ever causing any trouble, and as far as teenagers went I thought Charlie got off pretty lucky. I understood now. He worried, like any parent, and probably even more so because he knew what could happen in the line of duty.

While passing the time, I allowed my thoughts to turn to Edward. The look in his eyes had brought me back to a moment when we were—something more than all of my teenage fantasies had never had dared to be. I hadn't seen him in person since he left for college and to have him appear here in Forks kind of rocked my world. He'd held my arm as I collapsed yesterday, and my body eagerly responded to his touch. I was kind of bewildered by the feelings that resurfaced so quickly. To keep my mind from spinning to a place I didn't want to go, I focused on the television screen and watched the officers rescue forty dogs from an elderly woman's home.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

I turned to see Rose standing in the doorway with a file in one hand and another on her hip.

"Occupational hazard. Sam made me come over to get checked out. "

She rolled her eyes. "Well, come on back and fill me in."

Rose and I had become friends after I moved back home. She never gave me the time of day in high school because she was usually attached to Emmett—her boyfriend at the time, now her husband.

Shortly after I settled, I'd come to visit my dad after he'd had knee surgery and all I remembered was Rose barking at me from the nurse's station.

"_Excuse me?" she said in an acidic tone._

"_I'm here to see my dad."_

"_The Chief? You're Bella Swan?"_

"_Uh, yeah. Is there a problem?" _

_Her demeanor changed entirely. "No! I'm sorry. You're all he talks about—when he does talk. I just haven't seen you in so long and…you look great. Last time I think I saw you, you were about this big around." She made a circle with her fingers. _

I chuckled again as I followed her into the ER, remembering how I'd immediately looked down at my hips when she said that, unsure whether that was a compliment or not. She intimidated me at first, but now she was the closest thing to a best friend that I could get. She was probably the best nurse this town had ever seen. The doctors constantly asked for her to assist because she was incredibly sharp, efficient, and always two steps ahead of the game. She should have been a doctor herself.

"Go ahead and sit up there," she said, pointing to a gurney. I removed my gun and belt, setting them next to me, and took off my uniform shirt, leaving my t-shirt on, and gingerly climbing onto the cushion.

"So spill, girl—nice road rash by the way," she said, lifting up my arm and examining my scrapes.

I recounted my tussle with Connor and then told her how it got worse after my fall in the tub. After taking my vitals, she wrote a couple of things in the chart.

"Do you want good news or bad news first?"

For the life of me, I didn't know what she was talking about. I hadn't even been examined yet. I frowned.

She continued. "The bad news? Lauren, my ankle of a nurse manager, who I _swear_ is out to get me every moment of the day, is also gunning for you."

"Ankle?"

"Yeah. She's three feet below a c—"

I held up my hand. "Got it. Why?" I asked. Then it struck me. "Lauren? As in Crowley?" I groaned; the hits just kept on comin' as far as Connor was concerned.

"Yes. You got the 'golden boy' thrown in juvie for the week and she's fit to be tied."

"You've got to be kidding me. That kid caused a lot of havoc over the last week," I said, rearranging myself slightly. My side was positively throbbing by this point.

"I know, I know. God forbid she look bad in the community. Might hurt her chances to become CEO of the hospital someday."

"Well, if she'd pay any attention to her son…" I felt my irritation begin to rise. "I'm stopping there before my blood pressure goes up any more."

"Okay. The good news?"

I laughed. "Sure."

"Dr. C. is on duty tonight to tend to your wounds and my brother-in-law is back in town."

"Edward? Yeah, I saw him at a meeting tonight, so?" I said in a casual tone, attempting to blow it off.

"So? You've been crushing on him forever. Don't even try to play like it's untrue—you forget that I know all. "

Heat burned my cheeks. "Well, no," I mumbled, looking at my feet.

"_And_ he's single, again."

My eyes snapped back up to see a smiling Rose. I certainly _didn't_ know that one… I wondered why she hadn't told me before tonight.

"Knew it," she said in a sing-song voice.

When I moved back home and started to hang around with Rose, I'd found out that Edward had married, but no one saw him very much. Apparently, his wife only wanted to spend time with her own family. I know for a fact it caused tension within his own.

I looked at Rose, at the honest excitement in her eyes, and then shook my head. "Look… I can't do it. Dating or being with another law enforcement officer is too much for me after what I went through. I just can't," I said, wondering all the while if I was trying to convince myself or her.

She rolled her eyes…again. "He's not just anybody. And from the look on your face, _you_ don't think so either. I think it's time for you to get some."

"Rose!"

A rustle came from the curtain behind me. "Bella! How are you?" Dr. Cullen said as he walked into the room.

"You tell me?" I said, half-heartedly joking while shooting Rose a sharp look. I filled him in on my injury while he palpated the area on my left side, taking note of when I winced, and checked my breathing several times.

"I'm going to send you to get a chest x-ray to be sure, but I think it's just deeply bruised. Nothing ice and rest won't cure."

"But I'm on duty tonight. Can't we just tape it?"

"We don't really tape anymore because of the possibility of pneumonia. Sometimes these things take three to six weeks to heal. I wouldn't advise active duty for at least three days, but once you begin to feel that the pain is tolerable, you can wear a rib pad to work."

I frowned at that. I'd only just returned from a break; I couldn't be out so soon after. My thoughts must have been visible because he hurried to cut off my complaint.

"You need to be healthy first. You don't want to leave yourself up to the possibility that this could get injured further with Katie at home, Bella. I would like to see you in a couple of days in the clinic for a follow-up."

Accepting his diagnosis, I nodded. I hated missing work but ultimately, I knew he was right. He went over instructions for the next couple of days: ice, rest, and stretching. He handed me a prescription for pain medicine, but I knew I wouldn't fill it.

"Any problems before that, come and see me, all right? It's good to see you, although under different circumstances would have been better."

"Thanks, Dr. Cullen."

He passed my chart to Rose and exited the room.

"Let's get you to radiology so you can go home, babe," she said.

"Yipee," I muttered, sliding off of the bed.

When I got home, I looked in on Katie and found her fast asleep. Joining Charlie in the kitchen, I sat down at the table with an ice pack strapped to my side and filled him in on the details. He listened for a bit, then chastised me about my risky tactics.

"I'm all right, just not happy about being out of work for a few days. I'll go nuts."

"You'll be okay, kid. A couple of days won't hurt. They know how devoted you are to the job."

"I just want to be there." I'd worked hard to be a good police officer and didn't want to screw that up.

I took a couple of ibuprofen and went to bed, not sure I would be able to sleep with my body clock being out of whack. I moved around, making sure I propped myself so I wouldn't roll over the wrong way and finally got settled.

I took a guarded breath and let my mind wander back to the conversation I had with Rose. Why would she be teasing me about Edward? She knew how I felt about it. Maybe there was something I didn't know…

I did know one thing for sure, though: even after all this time, there was something about him that made my body come alive.

O=^=C

The next morning I was awakened by my six-year-old bouncing on the bed.

"Katie, honey," I gasped, "can't bounce right now, Mama's not feeling good."

She stopped abruptly looking at me with wide eyes. "Are you sick?"

"No. Just have a big 'owie' at the moment." I breathed out. She stood there thinking for a moment then turned and ran out of the room. I could hear her fussing around in her room and she returned with a stuffed yellow dog.

"Molly can stay with you. Then you'll feel better."

"Thank you, love. That's very sweet of you." I placed the dog next to my pillow. "Is Grandpa home?" I said as I slowly pulled myself to a sitting position.

"Nope. He's fishin'."

"Okay, why don't you go watch some 'toons and I'll be down in a minute."

"'Kay." She shuffled out of the room.

I pulled on my sweats and a hoodie and sat on the bed taking a couple deep breaths like Dr. Cullen had recommended. Re-doing my hair in a ponytail was a little challenging today, but I managed and went downstairs to join Katie.

We sat there for most of the morning watching cartoons and movies. It ended up being a pajama day for the both of us.

Katie was on the opposite couch next to the front window, bouncing around, laying out her animals by groups. She turned her attention to outside.

"Mama?"

"Yeah?"

"There's a guy outside."

My instincts kicked in, and I slowly sat up. "What guy?"

"A policeman."

A wave of relief washed over me. It was probably Sam checking up on me, and I shifted my legs forward so I could stand.

"He's a brown guy, not blue."

Weird. There was a soft knock on the door and Katie bounded over to get it.

"Honey, let me answer it. We don't know who it is." Holding my side, I made my way to the door, curious as to whom it was. Well, I was curious until I saw the familiar crop of copper colored hair through the tiny window of the front door. _Shit._

I glanced down, and suddenly didn't feel so good about pajama day. Oh well, though—there was no way I could change quickly with my injury, and I didn't really care to anyway. I'd just do the next best thing.

Opening the door, I attempted to keep myself partially hidden.

"Hi," I said, somewhat surprised at his sudden appearance.

"Hey, I hope you don't mind me stopping by," said Edward. He stood on the porch in his dark brown and tan uniform looking so... so _formal_.

"No, not at all. Is this official business?"

"Oh, no."

"Thank God."

I waited for him to say something…and waited…and then wondered if he had some strange code of conduct where he expected people to speak out of turn. The silence stretched into awkward territory, and we stared at each other for a moment longer. I opened the door a little wider as he nervously tapped something he had in his hand against his thigh.

Finally, he gave me a small smile. "I just stopped by to see how you were doing," he said.

Katie pushed her head out from under me then to see who was at the door, and hooked an arm around my leg. "Hi," she said smiling, all dimples and big brown eyes.

"And who's this?" he said, looking down and giving her an easy grin.

"This is my daughter, Katie." I looked down at her and placed my hand on her head. "And this 'brown guy' is Edward, honey, Uncle Emmett's brother." Her eyes got big and she took off running back into the living room. I turned back to Edward, and grinned that grin that only mommies who were convinced of how utterly adorable their kids were should attempt. "Believe me, she's not shy. Once she warms up, you're probably in trouble."

"Brown guy, huh?" he said, chuckling. "She's practically your spitting image," he mused aloud. "So, how are _you_ doing?"

"Okay, I guess, just bruised ribs. But your dad advised me to stay home for a few days. He's supposed to call about my chest x-ray today." I realized that we were still standing in the doorway. "How rude of me, would you like to come in?"

He looked a little nervous and shuffled his feet a bit before he answered. Then, he blurted, "Nope, just had a minute and was in the neighborhood so I thought I'd check to see how you were doing. I should probably go, unless you need anything?"

_Need? Yes, definitely._

_Oh, damnit. _Where in the hell had that come from? I shook my head at myself, playing it off like I was answering him. "Nah, we're fine. Charlie's bound to be back soon." I watched him, noting how the crease in his brow made an appearance once again.

"Okay, if you need anything, let me know." he said as he handed me his card, which he'd been holding in his right hand. I noticed he'd written his cell phone number under his name. I smiled in spite of myself.

"Thank you."

"Well, have a good day, Bella. Say 'bye' to Katie for me."

"Okay." I said, still smiling.

I shut the door and turned around to lean against it. _How endearingly formal and old fashioned calling on me with your card, Deputy Cullen._ I giggled, and then banged the back of my head against the door. _Oh, let it go, Swan. Not going there._

I walked back into the living room to sit back down on the couch I had occupied all morning.

"Mama?"

"Yes, Bug?"

"He has pretty eyes," she said as she scooped up her animals into a basket.

_Oh, don't I know it._

O=^=C

Katie played quietly, while I relaxed on the couch. About lunchtime, I got up to make her something to eat and clean up the breakfast mess. The screen door on the back porch opened and Charlie came in with a sockeye salmon.

"Nice, Dad."

"Why was Cullen here today?"

I laughed, loving the gruff tone in his voice. He was such a dad. "How did you know that?"

"I know everything that goes on around here, retired or not. "

"No wonder I wasn't popular in high school."

"Nah. Mrs. Yorkie couldn't wait to tell me when I got out of the truck."

"That nosy ol' biddy."

"She's a good watch dog. Get most of my info from her and her trusty scanner. So what was he doing here? Not really his territory."

"He came by to see how I was doing, and technically, Dad, our side of the road is unincorporated-it _is _his territory."

"Hmph. Yeah, whatever."

The next couple of days, my side seemed to loosen up and the pain faded. I made an appointment at the clinic to see Dr. Cullen and get cleared to go back to work.

"I'd advise light duty for a bit and trust you'll take it easy on the criminals for a while."

He handed me my release form, and I folded it up and slipped it into my bag. Sam wouldn't let me near the station without it in hand.

I laughed. "That kind of situation really doesn't happen very often where there's a pursuit on foot, Dr. Cullen. Doubt I'll be doing anything like that again soon."

"Good to hear. Now, on a happier note, we're having a barbeque at the house this weekend and would like to invite you and Katie."

"I have to work, but we could come for a while, I suppose. Thank you. That sounds fun."

"Great, we'll see you then."

O=^=C

I managed to get my sleep pattern back on schedule, and the next couple of shifts were uneventful: a few DUIs, three driving with a suspended license and a couple of drunk and disorderlies.

Rose stopped by Saturday afternoon, as I was in the yard watering the flower beds.

"Hey, Babe."

"Hi! What brings you by?"

"Oh, just wanted to see how you were. See if you were coming tomorrow."

"Yeah, we planned on it."

"Good. It's turned into Edward's homecoming party."

"What? Then it should be just family there."

"Are you kidding? You are family. It's not like we're setting you up. It's just a party."

My stomach knotted. Rose was the only one who knew what had happened between us, and the only person I'd trusted to confide how over the moon I was for him in high school. "I know. I shouldn't be so uptight about it. But I feel so vulnerable around him, and I really don't want to feel like that." I saw movement out of the corner of my eye and looked over at the neighbors.

"Hi, Mrs. Yorkie!" I waved, noting how she was inching closer as Rose and I talked.

"Oh my God, do you think she's listening to us?" Rose asked.

I shrugged. "Probably."

Rose grabbed my boob. "There, now she'll have something to talk about."

"Rose! Not cool." I laughed.

"See you tomorrow afternoon!"

O=^=C

The next day, I went straight to bed after my shift so I could be awake for the afternoon. Admittedly, I was a still a little amped up over seeing Edward, knowing that he affected me, but I hoped that I could play it cool. It'd be nice to have another friendly face at work, especially one who I'd known for so long. And, even though he was single, I didn't really think he was interested, which should make it easier.

When I woke up, I put together a fruit salad, letting Katie cut the fruit into tiny shapes with a cookie cutter. Then, I sent her upstairs to get dressed and ready to go.

"Katie!" I hollered, walking to meet her at the bottom of the stairs. She'd dressed in a pair of denim overalls and her arms were loaded with stuffed animals. "Honey, I'll let you take one, but the rest have to stay here." The look on her face let me know we were about to have a giant meltdown. I blurted out, "Someone has to watch the house because Grandpa is gone."

_Nice save, Mom._

She hesitated and frowned at me, putting all of them down on the stairway. I watched her think carefully about who had to stay. I had to give it to her: she cared so deeply for her 'animals' and people—it was just another thing I treasured about her.

We arrived at the Cullen house, and I heard most everyone outside, around back. I thought we'd step through the side yard to head that direction. When we walked through the gate, there was a blur of yellow fur almost knocking Katie and me over, her squeal being one of delight rather than terror. When I turned back around, I found a large yellow dog licking the heck out of Katie—and she was giggling.

"Abby!" called Edward. The dog immediately sat down on its haunches and looked at him, but leaned in to give Katie one last lick.

I cracked up at the totally guilty look the dog gave him then. It was something that reminded me of Bug, and the way she played her hand with my dad.

"Abby loves kids and I haven't been able to break her of licking everyone to death," he said as he came up to us.

"Oh, that's alright," I said, laughing. I looked down at Katie as she gently petted Abby on the head. The yellow lab leaned in to snuffle the toy rabbit that Katie brought.

"Glad you came. How're the ribs?"

"Relatively back to normal. A little sore but nothing too bad. I can't wait to go running again, but may have to wait a few more days." I looked over at Katie as she wandered, talking to the dog. Abby was following her around, seemingly herding her back to the party.

"What an awesome dog. Looks like my daughter has a new best friend."

"She's great. Rescued her when she was a pup and I'm considering training her to be a service dog."

"You'll be Katie's hero, for sure. She _loves _animals, but with work… Well, I don't want to give my dad more to look after right now."

"Hero, huh? Not a bad title," he said, smiling.

That smile did things to my tummy; I wanted to lean in to him, to touch his hand, or have his hands on me.

_Ugh, whatever. _

"I'd better get this to your mom," I said, looking down, knowing that I was flushed. I stepped past him to move into the house.

After dropping off my salad and going through a bunch of hugs and hellos from Esme, Rose and Carlisle, I stepped back outside to check on Katie, who seemed to be completely enamored with Abby. A large hand landed hard on my shoulder, but I grabbed it, performed a two finger hold, and twisted my body to exert some pressure.

"Give, give!" Emmett said from his knees. "Man, Swan, you wound me!"

"Then don't sneak up on me. You know better."

"Yeah, unfortunately I do," he said as Edward walked up to join us.

"Learn that at the Academy, Emmett?"

"Dude. She may be little but she packs a mean punch. Almost got beat wrestling her last time." He turned to me. "If it wasn't for your recent heroics, Bella, I'd ask for a rematch."

"Someday, _Dude_."

Eventually we gravitated toward the patio, most of us chatting and catching up. It had been a little while since I had seen everyone together, and it was kind of nice. Edward hadn't been home much since I moved back. Every so often, I would steal a glance at him and my heart would skip a little. I was utterly and completely attracted to him, but I wasn't ready to examine that too intensely just yet.

After I got Katie fed, I watched her play with Emmett as he rolled around on the ground with her and Abby.

"He's so good with kids, Rose."

"Wish I could give him that…" she trailed off.

I changed the subject. "How's the prison job going for him?"

"He really likes it and I'm just thankful he's not working in the woods anymore," she said watching him.

"Yeah, the woods can be pretty dangerous, lots of injuries this year."

"Don't I know it."

We watched, thoroughly amused, as Katie directed Emmett to play _her_ way.

"So have you given any more thought to my brother from another mother?" she asked.

I looked over to where he was standing with Carlisle. "What's with the pressure here?"

"Well, someone's been asking questions about you," she said, bumping my shoulder.

"Rose…"I couldn't deny the little thrill her words gave me. It was always nice to hear someone thought you were worth asking about, and to hear that Edward had asked about me?

Well, it was certainly something to smile about. Later.

"Look. Technically, you've been done with that asshole for over two years, and as your friend I'm going to tell you, you need to move on."

"I will. Look, though. I know I'm like a broken record, but we have to work together, ya know? Besides, if anything went wrong, I'd lose you guys as my second family."

"No way, babe. Not me."

I let out a deep sigh. "I'll make an effort to be friends with Edward, I know I can handle that. And I'll make you a promise that I'll go out and date, okay?"

"That's my girl."

When it got close to eight, and it was time for me to think about getting ready for work and get Katie ready for bed, I said my goodbyes and grabbed Bug. She protested, loudly, only giving in when Abby was allowed to "escort her out".

"Bella?" said Edward. I was hoping the general 'goodbye' would've done, but here we were—alone—as Abby walked with Katie to the truck.

"Yes?" I said, suddenly nervous.

"Really glad you came today. It's been a long time… and well, it's good to see you." His hand lightly brushed my arm, and my skin reacted to his touch. To touch me in a simple gesture like that after I'd fantasized about it at length, I thought I was going to combust.

"Would you like to go have coffee sometime next week?"

"Like, on a date?"

"Well, if you'd like to call it that—"

"No." I rushed out. "No _dates_."

His eyes darkened almost immediately but not in the way I'd seen them before.

I quickly backpedaled. "But I'd love to hang out, I mean, coffee would be fun."

"So a just 'friends' thing, I gather?" he said, searching my face.

I nodded, wincing a bit, not wanting to dig myself a deeper hole. He stepped back and relaxed his stance a bit.

"When are you off next?" he asked, seemingly nonplussed by my rejection.

"Thursday and Friday."

"How 'bout I give you a call and we'll figure something out?"

"Sounds good. Please let your folks know we had a really good time."

"I will."

He walked me to the truck to help load up my stuff as Katie climbed into her booster seat in the cab. Katie waved at Abby and Edward as we turned to drive back down the lane. I snuck a look out of my driver's side mirror to see him standing there, watching us drive away. I almost kicked myself.

_Am I doing the right thing?_

_O=^=C_

_**A/N:**__ Thank you …caren—for your sprinkles, kimmydonn—for keeping me in check, theresa—for your everlasting support and nic—your magic, as always._

_EPOV Song: Shiver - Coldplay_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Disclaimer:**__ Anything remotely resembling Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Any of the stories within, belong to me. Please do not copy or translate without permission._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Not Going There<strong>_

_**Chapter 3**_

As I grabbed my things from the bench of my truck, bumping the door shut with my hip, I continued humming the chorus of the last song I'd listened to under my breath, an upbeat song that Katie always listened to over and over. I was in great mood, practically giddy as I headed toward the station.

Spending time at the Cullen's was something I always looked forward to, so comforting and a part of my past that I was glad I'd never given up. Even when I was married and away, I'd always make it out to see them when I brought Katie down to see her grandpa.

Deep down, I knew that part of my frivolous behavior had to do with the fact that I was jelling on the idea of Edward being around, too. As much as I didn't want to over think it _that way_, I realized I was actually looking forward to 'coffee' later that week.

Newton was in the main office running over briefings when I got inside. He looked up from what he was doing and practically tipped over his chair to come out and meet me.

"You'll never believe what happened," he said as I picked up a few bulletins to review.

I swore that sometimes that the guys around here were just as gossipy as any females I knew. Total gender cliché blown right out the window in my experience. I looked at him from the corner of my eye. "Do I really want to know?"

"Oh, yeah. 'Mother of the Year' bailed out Connor on Friday."

Not all that surprised, I shook my head sadly. That poor kid was going to keep offending if his parents didn't get a handle on him and soon. "Yeah, well, we figured that would happen. So?"

"So… Friday night, there was a burglary at the Goff's. This time, there were firearms and a vehicle stolen. Among other things."

"Do we know if it was him?"

"Pretty sure. Him and a few others. They left some clues behind but there needs to be more proof. County's investigating it now."

All I could do was shake my head, again. Connor was a bright kid and smart enough that he could really do well—if he wanted. But he didn't. Unfortunately, he spent his time trying to outsmart the law, continuing to buck the system at every turn instead of focusing on bettering himself. And his mother didn't help any. The kid was in the middle of an ugly divorce between Lauren and Tyler; it was no wonder he was struggling.

And the only attention he seemed to get was mommy sweeping his misdeeds under the proverbial rug. I gave a long sigh, frustrated by this kid and yet saddened _for _him, too.

"Way to make my night, Newton."

"Thought you should know."

I picked up the papers and my keys and headed toward the cruiser, trying to tuck the disappointment and any other…_earlier_ thoughts away. It was a Saturday night and bound to be busy, and I couldn't be safe focused on anything other than the job ahead of me.

O=^=C

"One-nine-four," I said into my radio handset.

"_One-nine-four. Go ahead."_

I ran the driver's license and plates through dispatch for what made probably the fifth time this year. The driver of the small black truck, Austin Marks, was another kid I met up with way too often. He had his driver's license suspended repeatedly but continued to drive, often finding himself in jail at the end of each traffic stop.

He already knew the routine when I returned to his window: hands on the steering wheel, step out of the car, and be cuffed. Once safely inside the cruiser, I'd give him his Miranda rights and deliver him safely to jail.

"Having a good night, Officer Swan?"

"Sure am, Mr. Marks, But we need to quit meeting like this."

"I know, I swear, I just have to get a job and I'll pay my fines to get my license back."

And I'd heard all of this before.

After transporting Austin to the city corrections facility, I glanced at the time, noting how close it was to one in the morning.

Five hours left and we hadn't even hit the 'golden hour' for drunks. Newton had a DUI on the south end of town, but so far nothing big had happened. I turned on to Division Street and continued my patrol through the west end of town.

After a sweep through a few subdivisions, things were still relatively quiet. The radio buzzed with a 'citizen contact' for county but the local dispatch was relatively silent. I made the decision to park at the north end of town to watch the main drag and sat back, replaying the entire day in my head as I observed the quiet street.

It was so good to see Edward again. It felt so normal, so natural for him to be there—even after all of this time. Besides the infatuation I'd held for him in school, it was just nice to have most of the Cullen family in one place, happy and together; Carlisle joking with the boys and flirting shamelessly with the ladies, Esme calling him out amusedly for it every time. The only thing missing was Alice. But since she was in Chicago and the celebration was kind of impromptu, she needed more notice.

I missed her terribly because she had been a big part of my life growing up. She was privy to some of the most important events in my life—except for one.

There's always the moments that become burned in your memory indefinitely: your first crush, your first dance, the first kiss, the sloppiest kiss…

The kiss that meant everything in the world.

The memory was vivid, all Technicolor perfection. I was staying at Alice's the summer after our sophomore year in high school, and we'd been through the house, screaming and laughing and just acting a fool because her parents were out for the evening. Bounding up the stairs, so out of breath because trying to catch up with her as she tore into her room at the end of the hall…when the door to _his_ room opened.

I hadn't even realized he was home.

He was leaving for college in the morning, so I figured he'd be out partying the night away. My silliness fled when his hand caught my wrist as I sped by and stopped me in my tracks.

Green eyes searching mine, he held my wrist gently for a moment, and I was stunned. Sure, we'd touched before. I was at his house practically every day unless Alice was at mine—I'd been passed the salt… mashed potatoes…a napkin enough times that our hands had mingled. He'd pulled my hair on his way past me and Alice giggling over the latest teen heartthrob on occasion. Little things that I'd gushed over internally but never thought more of.

"Meet me on the roof later?" he said in a low, quiet voice.

All I could do was nod. The blood in my veins practically sang at the mere suggestion of being alone with him. I lightly pulled my wrist from his grasp and continued on to Alice's room, praying she wouldn't see the telltale blush on my face.

Thankfully she didn't seem to notice. We I amused ourselves for a few hours painting toenails and talking about guys at school. I was literally dying inside because time was moving so painfully slow. It was all I could do to not throw the door open at that moment and run up to meet him. I felt weird thinking it was anything more than just a talk, though. Desperately I ached to talk about my feelings for him—how he'd make me blush with a small smile and times that I caught him looking that I read into and dreamt he felt something for me. So I worked on keeping a level head about the whole thing.

Besides, Alice was his sister. It just wasn't right.

I truly felt…I don't know, strange in a way, deceiving her like I was. I'd never kept a secret from her, and it felt like going to meet him and not confiding was a cardinal sin against friendship.

When she had finally fallen asleep for the night, I closed my eyes, nervous about what I was going to do. Part of me felt guilty but the other part was bubbling with dreamy, hopeful anticipation.

After a bit, the sounds of her light snores assured me that she was asleep. I snuck out of her room, making sure no one could hear me. Her parents had come home and gone to bed long ago. Their room was on another floor, but just in case...

I quietly walked to the bay window at the end of the hall and noted it was already open—just enough so I could crawl through. Once on the gently sloping roof, I moved around until I was to the other side of the dormer. There, Edward sat taking a long drag off of the cigarette he was holding.

"You made it," he said without turning, his voice altered from holding the smoke in his lungs.

"Yeah," was all I could muster. I moved up to sit next to him, gathering up my knees to my chest and waiting as he stared out over the trees.

He stubbed out the cigarette, placing it into a can he had sitting on the shingles next to him. The roof was a place where we all hung out from time to time, talking the night away. Their parents didn't seem to mind—they were cool, so understanding of what it meant to be teenagers needing space.

"So you're leaving tomorrow morning, right?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yeah. Probably about seven," he said wistfully. He turned to look at me, and his eyes seemed to shine in the moonlight.

"Are you going to miss home?"

"Home, not so much. But other things… yeah." He toed some moss off of a nearby shingle.

I took a deep breath, calming myself the longer we sat companionably. There was a sense of loss, yeah, because I'd obviously misinterpreted the scenario, but it was still nice to just hang out. Or at least that's what I told myself. We sat there for a few more moments before he spoke again.

"I'm going to tell you something that I've pretty much kept to myself for awhile—something no one else knows."

I looked at him over my shoulder, waiting to hear what he had to say.

"Do you remember when we went down to Ocean Shores for New Years'?"

I smiled. That was a good memory, one I kept close at hand. "Yeah, I do. I was stoked that your family invited me along. It was so fun. I was flippin' soaked from digging clams in the rain, though. Did I ever thank you for helping me get my limit of clams after all of that?"

"Yeah," he said, and I thanked my lucky stars he'd seemed to bypass my rambling. He paused and took a deep breath. "I recognized something then. I realized I really liked you."

"You do—did? What?"Stunned into incoherency, I shifted to look at him fully, sure I'd been hearing wrong.

He chuckled. "Yeah, I do. But since you're Alice's friend, I knew I couldn't go there. I also realize it's kind of late to tell you this, but I wanted you to know before I left."

My mind was reeling from his confession. Of course I was pretty much keenly aware of every move he'd made in the last…oh, six years, but I hadn't ever really thought… A giddy thought bubbled up, and I wondered, hoped and prayed with all my might, that maybe, just maybe, that was why he hadn't had a girlfriend the last several months.

"And I also knew every time you were at one of my games or studying in the bleachers," he said, with a small laugh.

"Ugh. Well, that's just embarrassing…" I said, wrapping my arms around my legs even tighter. I watched as he absently pulled on the laces of his shoe.

"Don't be embarrassed. I liked it."

And there was something about the way he said that, so soft and earnest that I believed him. I grinned, tried to tamp it down, and just said to hell with it and smiled wider. To a sixteen year old girl, those words meant everything.

Turning to me, he said softly, "Can I kiss you?"

"Sure," I whispered.

He reached up and took my face in his hand, turning my chin slightly up, thumb brushing gently over my cheek. Then he leaned in to kiss me, lips softly brushing mine. My hand automatically went up to grip his shoulder as I reeled from the sensation; I was sure I'd lose my balance. The firm pressure of his lips on mine made me feel instantly heady.

"I've wanted to do that for a long time," he said as he pulled back.

"Really?"

He smiled then. "Yeah."

"Why'd you wait?"

"Now that I've done it, I don't really know." He leaned into me again and covered my lips with his. He laid me back onto the roof, one hand sliding down my hip, super-skilled tongue exploring my mouth. God, it felt absolutely heavenly. I was all but ruined for life from kisses so heartbreakingly perfect…and to think I had my 'hello kitty' pajamas on for this very moment.

Maybe it was just a few minutes or maybe it was a couple of hours that we made out; I honestly couldn't separate one beat of time from the next, but I knew that I never wanted it to end. That feeling of being completely enveloped in the very person who made your heart soar was seared in my soul forever.

I reveled in the feeling of his hands sliding over my body, stopping just below my breast and then moving tentatively up while my body tried to find a way to get closer.

Reality would creep into my mind every so often, telling me that it wouldn't go anywhere, be anything, but I didn't care. I wanted to hang onto that moment forever.

Eventually, when the first bird began to chirp, followed by many others and the light started to overtake the dark, I knew it had to come to an end. There would be no more stolen kisses on the rooftop or promises of being together. We didn't have to speak the words—it was just reality.

With our final kiss, I poured everything I could into it hoping he would remember this someday. He sat up reluctantly and I followed, leaning into him as we watched the sun rise. After a few quiet moments, he gave my hand a squeeze, quietly letting his eyes roam over my face. The next thing I knew, he was helping me up and guiding me back to the window.

My heart was soaring and breaking all the same as I crawled onto my makeshift bed on the floor and curled up under the blankets. I didn't want to go to sleep, wanted to remember each and every detail: his scent, his lips and the feeling of his body on mine.

When Alice woke up, she lightly tapped my arm.

"Bella, do you want to come down and say goodbye to Edward? He's leaving in about a half an hour," she said quietly.

I groaned into my pillow, curling tighter into a ball. I didn't want to see him go.

"Okay, well, I'll come get you in a bit for breakfast."

The door closed and I opened my eyes, staring at the early morning sun-drenched sky and reliving every detail that didn't hurt.

"_Attention all units: Attempt to locate erratic driver reported Westbound 101 east of the D.O.T. shed._"

The crackle of the radio brought me out of my fog.

Not in my vicinity, but heading this way. County might lock it up for us before they hit town, otherwise I'd pick it up at the Calawah Bridge.

"One-nine-four."

"_One-nine-four__, go ahead."_

"En route to northern city limits for back up."

"_Ten-four, one-nine-four__."_

So maybe this wasn't going to be a slow night after all.

O=^=C

Sunday morning at our house was pretty quiet. I usually worked Sunday night so Dad would take Katie out to breakfast, then fishing or down to Sue's, therefore allowing me to sleep in longer and carve a little more time to myself during the day. Still, I looked forward to spending Sunday dinner with the both of them.

Before I took a shower, I thought I would try to go for a run. I desperately needed to get back into my routine as it kept me focused and cleared my head, which was a definite must at the moment.

My run started off pretty well, but as I reached Tillicum Park, the soreness crept back in around my ribs. I bent over with my hands on my knees then down to the ground to stretch a little before I started back. The pain was manageable, thankfully. As I stood up, I noticed a county cruiser heading into the parking lot. The familiar face caused me to smile.

"Hey," I said when he pulled alongside me and rolled down the window.

"Hi," he said, laughing. "I promise I'm not stalking you."

I shrugged. "Considering we only have one main road through town, I'm not really worried about it."

He laughed. "Have a good run?"

"Yeah. Things are feeling pretty good. Not quite normal, but good."

"Glad to hear." He started to say something when a call came in, and, shaking his head, turned to take it.

I waited patiently, moving my legs around so they wouldn't get stiff after their recent disuse.

"I gotta head out. Anyway, hey. What about coffee on Friday?"

"That sounds great actually. Thursday is my day off but I have to head to PA to drop off some paperwork for the Juvie case I was working on, but Friday would definitely work."

"Three all right then?"

"Perfect."

"Okay. We'll see you then. Have a good night, Bella." He grinned, all at once cocky but not, and I got a flutter in my tummy.

"You, too."

O=^=C

Spending time in Port Angeles following up on Connor's court case was not what I wanted to be doing on my day off. I was met in the lobby by one of the juvenile case workers, and she briefed me on the additional charges they'd come up with for him. He was finally picked up on Tuesday after some more joy-riding gone wrong: his so called 'friends' had ratted him out. He was digging himself a deeper hole and none of this was going to go away over night, regardless of how much pull Lauren may have had.

As I was leaving Juvenile Hall, I spotted someone I knew from running in the North Olympic Marathon the last couple of years and from my adult softball league. We'd hung out a time or two in a large group, and seemed to be a genuinely nice guy. Good looking, too.

"Bella! What brings you into PA?" he said, touching me lightly on the arm.

"Hi, Riley. Just following up on a case from last week. What's up with you?"

"Just bought a house up on "C" Street that I'm renovating so I'm preoccupied with that at the moment. Otherwise, same ol' same 'ol. You?"

"Work, the mom thing, you know. How's softball going?"

"Good. We're going to come out and play in the tournament in Forks. You gonna be around?"

"Possibly," I stressed. I wasn't for sure yet. "I'm usually working on the weekends."

"You should come out and watch if you can."

It wasn't hard to see the appreciative sparkle in his eye as he looked me over, and I found myself thrilling to it. It was nice to feel like someone noticed me, and especially so when he didn't come with the baggage I so desperately avoided.

"We might do that. Katie loves ballgames. Look, I have to get going, but we should catch up another time."

"Yeah, for sure. In fact…how about dinner? Me, you, next week some time?" He stepped closer, gazing down at me.

In the back of my mind I asked myself what I was doing, but Rose's words about me needing to get out drowned them out. I wasn't ready for anything heavy, but I could go to dinner, couldn't I?

"You know, I think that sounds awesome. My number is the same one from the Marathon roster, if you still have it."

"Yep. But you're not hard to find either."

"True. I guess…I guess I'll talk to you soon." I laughed, trying my hand at coy. It had been so long since I'd flirted that I felt a little rusty.

He surprised me by going in for a hug, and I surprised myself by returning it. Honestly, it felt nice.

I spent the rest of my time over in Sequim getting all of our 'big box' shopping done so we'd be set for awhile. When I arrived home that evening, Katie was curled up with Charlie watching the Mariners.

"Hi guys," I said, setting down the bags. I leaned over and kissed Katie on the forehead. "How was your day?"

"Good," said Katie, not looking at me and continuing to stare at the television. I rolled my eyes—she hung out with my dad too much.

"Yep, we've been watching some baseball. Ate about a half hour ago. Did you eat?"

"No. I'll grab something here in a bit."

"Cullen called," he said, looking at me sideways.

"Oh?" I said, feigning surprise.

"I left his number next to the phone."

"I have it already." He looked at me suspiciously for a moment then turned back to the TV.

I chuckled as I walked into the kitchen, thinking that my dad playing the protective card was sort of adorable.

I pulled his card from where I had it stashed, picked up the paper dad left next to the phone and dialed Edward's cell, but then paused. I wasn't sure why, but somewhere between the kitchen and the living room, I'd lost my nerve to call him back.

Ugh. Whatever. That was silly. He'd called me, I could call him. I hit send and then put the phone to my ear. It rang about three times before he answered.

"Hello?" he said, sounding all out of breath.

"Hi, it's Bella. I'm not interrupting am I?"

"No, just lifting some weights."

_Oh, please don't tell me that. _I imagined what he looked like at the moment, his skin glistening from the heavy workout, muscles pumped from working so hard...

"Can we meet at two instead of three at the Coffee Shop?" he asked.

I broke out of my stupor. "What? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I can do that."

We talked for a few minutes about banal topics, and then said our goodbyes.

_See, not so hard—'friends' remember?_

After putting the groceries away and heating up a bowl of soup, I joined Bug and Dad back in the living room.

"What was that all about?"

"Edward just called about meeting up for coffee tomorrow."

He looked at me again with that funny look.

"Friends, Dad."

O=^=C

I met Edward at the Forks Coffee Shop in the main part of town. It was more of a diner than an actual coffee shop that you'd find in the city, but most of the locals preferred to eat here.

When I arrived, I found him sitting in one of the booths toward the back, near the kitchen. I was kind of relieved that we wouldn't be up front for everyone to see.

"Hi," I said, sliding into the seat and throwing my bag next to the wall. He was sitting with his back against the corner of the booth and a leg swung up on the bench. He looked incredibly handsome sitting there smiling at me—the features of a teenage dreamboat were filled out now, more masculine and, even I could admit, more appealing.

"Hey," he returned.

Jessica stopped by the booth to deliver some coffee cups. As she turned them over, I couldn't help but notice her eyes shifting between me and Edward; no doubt she was trying to figure out what we were doing here together. "What can I get you guys today?"

"Just coffee with cream for now, Jess, thanks," I said.

"Black for me, please," Edward added.

"Sure, I'll be right back."

I fidgeted around in the booth a little, trying to make myself relax. "So how's your schedule? I know you're working on Sunday, but how about the rest of the weekend?"

"Working weekends for now. I don't mind really. Still the 'newbie'."

"Somehow, I don't see you as the 'newbie'. You have plenty of experience. What made you want to chuck your seniority and come back home?" I saw him shift uncomfortably. "Oh, gosh, if it's too personal, you don't have to tell me."

"No. I'm sure you've heard I got divorced, and after all of that, I was looking for a change. Just so happens the position opened up and the benefits of coming back here…well, let's just say they outweighed staying there."

I nodded, fully understanding the need to get away from somewhere with bad memories. I hadn't regretted returning home once since I'd been back, and I hoped he felt that way, too. Peace of mind was key to getting back on track, a lesson I'd well learned.

"I'm sure it feels good to be home, then. Your parents must be happy."

"Yeah. Now, if only they could get Alice to move back home, they'd be in heaven," he said.

I smiled sadly, nostalgic all of a sudden. "I don't really get to talk to her much anymore. I wish I could, but our schedules are so different. We only send the occasional messages on Facebook to stay in touch."

He laughed. "I don't do Facebook at all."

"What do you do, Deputy?" _Oh shit. _I needed to rein this back in immediately. I didn't want to give him the wrong impression, but it was really hard _not_ to be flirtatious with him.

He tried to hide his smirk. "Nothing. Everything."

A hundred thoughts flooded my mind. Jess returned with our coffees, thank God.

"Nah, just working on getting my house set up at the moment. Went straight to work once I got here, so I haven't had time to do much."

"Where's your place?" I asked, adding creamer to my cup.

"Out on the Prairie. It's a log cabin that was built recently but the owner moved back to the city and wanted to sell. Couldn't resist it."

"That sounds impressive. I'm sure Abby likes it."

"Yeah, it's the perfect place for a dog. Lots of room. Pretty bare at the moment, though. You and Katie should come out and see it sometime."

"That'd be great. I'm sure she'd love it, if only for Abby," I said, shifting again.

He took a sip of his coffee and apparently caught on to my turn-about back to skittish. "So what brought you back home? You were out of law enforcement for awhile weren't you?"

"Yeah, for a few years. Just… after my divorce and Dad's retirement, I just wanted to be near him again. And a position opened up and I couldn't resist it. This place is more my home that anywhere else. It's funny, you don't realize it until you're away from it for awhile. Doesn't happen for everyone, but for me, this place holds the best memories."

I caught his eyes and the slight crinkle that formed at the corner. "I know what you mean."

It felt like an eternity as we looked at each other. And it was comfortable, nice. Edward was just as kind as he'd always been, really, and infinitely more handsome. What _was_ my issue, again? Was Rose right and I was being stubborn, not giving in to second thoughts because I'd been hurt before…and was that even fair?

I was starting to rethink my 'policy' on dating another officer but was interrupted as Newton appeared at our table.

"Hey, Bella," he turned to Edward. "Cullen."

"Hi, Mike," I said, as Edward nodded to him at the same time.

"What brings you here?" I asked.

"Just stopped by to see my gorgeous wife. You know we're pregnant, right?"

"No, I didn't. Congratulations." All of the sudden, I felt for Jess. This would be her fourth and here she was running around, working her ass off.

"Yep. The Newton tadpoles are mighty," he said, flexing his arms. Tact was not one of his strong points. "Can't get her to stop working though because she worries about the money so much. But I know we'll be okay."

I appreciated his boyish enthusiasm as he did love his wife and his kids, but I also knew that Jess did most of the actual worrying about things around the house, getting the kids to practices and lunches made.

He turned back to me. "So I hear you're going out on a date with Riley next week."

_O=^=C_

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN:**__ And of course, I thank nic, caren, kimmy and teresa for everything that you do to help make this what it is and what I hoped it to be. _

_EPOV Song: Everything You Want – Vertical Horizon_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Disclaimer:**__ Anything remotely resembling Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Any of the stories within, belong to me. Please do not copy or translate without permission._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Not Going There<strong>_

_**Chapter 4**_

After Mike dropped the bomb on the Riley situation, the silence felt so thick I started looking around for a knife. Edward sat across from me stone faced and quiet. The earnest expression, so light and joking, was replaced with indifference, watchful eyes and a bland, professional smile.

"Where did you hear that?" I asked, actually surprised to hear it myself. I'd only run into Riley yesterday afternoon, and there hadn't been any confirmation of a _date_. A suggestion to call me and ask me about dinner, yes...but still, no concrete plans.

"I just saw him last night at practice. Seems like he's pretty keen on ya," said Mike, grinning.

"No definite plans right now, Mike," I said, attempting to brush it off.

"Well, it'd be great if you did. He's a really a good guy."

I knew that but could only nod and give him a tight-lipped smile. Edward still hadn't said anything, hadn't really even moved, and I suddenly felt uncomfortable in my own skin, unsettled by the change in the atmosphere.

"Well, I'll see you guys later, just came by to drop the 'Burb off for Jess." He turned to me completely unaware of the tension. "See _you_ tomorrow night on shift."

"Yeah, bye," I said absently, hesitating a look at Edward. His eyes were focused on the coffee in front of him, fingers lightly drumming the side of the cup.

"Later, Cullen."

"Newton," he said, lifting his fingers slightly.

With Mike's departure, there was nothing to say. I wanted to apologize for some reason, though I had no clue as to what I should even be apologizing for. I could tell by the tightness in his jaw and the crease between his brow that the simple exchange with Mike had struck a nerve, but I wasn't entirely sure why. I hadn't done anything wrong, per se, but Edward's abrupt shift in demeanor made me feel like I had. And, deep down, I also felt…embarrassed. And that was a feeling I did _not _want to experience.

I'd had enough of that to last a lifetime.

"So a date, huh?" he said, spinning a creamer with his fingers.

_Oh._

Now I got it. I sighed and attempted to be casual about it. "We just talked about getting together for dinner," I said as I straightened out my napkin.

He hummed a little and nodded.

"Is there… something wrong?"

"Just curious as to why you didn't want to call _this_ a date." He was trying to be laid-back in his remark, but I could see his other hand still flexing around his coffee cup.

Nervously cracking my knuckles under the table, I realized then, how bad everything must have looked from his perspective. I had basically said 'no' to any date with him, and had agreed to what he thought was a date with another man.

It seemed that, impossible as it may be, Edward _did _seem to have some sort of interest in me. How much or how strongly I didn't quite know, but I sensed that it was there—hell, I'd just been thinking about giving in to at least going on one date with him not five minutes before despite my aversion to dating a fellow officer.

It was important that he understood where I was coming from, if we were going to be friends. I didn't want anything to ruin the rekindling of our friendship when we had practically grown up together….even if it only ended up being that for now. Taking a moment, I tried to choose the right words—to figure out what I wanted to say.

I peered into my coffee cup. "Do you, um, know anything about my marriage…about what happened?"

His tone was quiet too as he answered, "Bit and pieces, but not much."

Looking up from my hands, I said, "I'm going to tell you a story, then, because I feel like I should explain why I am the way I am. "

He looked at me, his face still masked. "Okay, I'm listening."

"I won't bore you with the 'whys' because the 'how' is what's important. "

He looked at me, and like a dam, I burst.

"Katie was two when I quit the force to stay home with her. It was my choice, ya know? My mom…well, I wanted my daughter to have something different. So, there I was, the stereotypical 'stay at home mom', baking and cleaning and hooked on SpongeBob against my will. I'd lost touch with my co-workers, had no clue on the gossip at the station besides what I picked up from James."

Just remembering it all hurt so damn much. I hated that he'd done what he'd done, but the attention and stares after…

I cleared my throat. "Anyway. Imagine my surprise when one of the girls from administration called me out of the blue. She said she couldn't stand it anymore, that she felt bad for being part of my _husband_ making a fool out of me. Maybe that was the truth, or maybe she was just mad 'cause he'd moved on from her to my ex-partner, I don't even know…"

"Shit…Bella, I had no idea—".

I held up my hand. "Don't worry; trust me when I say I've heard it all before. Basically, everyone knew more than I did, and by the time I found out, I was humiliated. I was betrayed by James, the woman who I thought was my friend, and in front of all of my peers. Just... splayed open for the world to see."

A look of understanding came over his face. No matter that he was older, he still had known me way back when and had to realize how much that sort of attention would bother a girl who'd been so quiet and shy growing up.

"So after that, I swore off of dating any and all law enforcement officers. I just don't ever want that personal kind of scrutiny at work again. Especially in a small town. I love my job and don't want to lose it or have to move. Ya know?"

He looked deep in thought even as I asked that question."I think I understand."

A little stunned with my frank honesty—really, I'd told him more than I'd even told Rose, who only thought I just had a problem with the male variety cop—I sat back and glanced out of the window.

Hell, I hadn't even been that honest with myself.

His quiet was starting to get under my skin, itching in that prickly way that attention always made me feel. I waved my hand, attempted a smile. "Why would anyone want to date me anyway? Single mom, too much of a pain in the ass to even begin to describe…"

"Don't. Don't put yourself down that way, Bella. It's beneath you. Please. Who wouldn't want to date you? If I had a chance, I'd be there. It hasn't changed," he said, looking up and out the window, too.

Jess reappeared at the table, "How about a piece of pie this afternoon? I have some fresh apple and a banana cream waitin' on the shelf."

I ignored her because… damn. Had he really just said that?

Edward turned to me and prompted, "Bella?" I shook my head. "Apple for me, please," he said.

"Coming right up," she said, smiled, and then walked away from the table.

I sat there, dumbstruck, recapping everything in my head. I had figured after he'd gone to school, all had been forgotten. I had let myself dream of it from time to time, only to tuck it away like a memory book and revisit it when my heart needed to feel whole.

"I had no idea," I said, in almost a whisper.

"Doesn't matter. You've pretty much stated your case, and I can't fault you for it," he said, in an unconvincing tone.

And that bothered me. I was being honest with him, so why couldn't he show me the same? Jess returned to deliver his pie and he tucked in immediately. The sound of the fork to his plate sounded louder to me each time, with him deliberately spearing each bite.

I didn't know what to do; everything felt so awkward. Gone was the easy conversation and light-hearted banter. After a few moments he spoke again without looking up. "What's most important to me is that we're friends. I'll do whatever it takes to keep that."

My throat tightened a little. After a lengthy pause, I replied, "Thank you."

"For what?" he said, looking up at me, his eyes softening a little.

"For understanding."

He shrugged his shoulders and took another bite of pie. Jess dropped off our check, and as I reached to grab it, his fingers landed on mine. I hadn't been doing a very good job of lying to myself—the incredible sensation of his touch had never gone away. Heat soared through my body.

"I've got it. After all, I asked you," he said wryly, pulling the ticket and his hand slowly away. He pulled a few bills from his wallet, tossed them on the table, and nodded his head toward the exit as he got up out of his seat.

As we walked out of the diner, I waved at the Copes. Shelley gave me a knowing look and a wink, and I returned a small smile with Edward following me out the door. He walked with me, so quiet that it hurt, over to my truck.

I paused, touching the door handle, and turned before I opened it. He was so close; I could feel everything about his presence surrounding me.

"Thank you, again. It was really good to spend some time with you," I said. My heart was pounding out of my chest, trying to get my head to do a one-eighty.

"You too. We should do this again… sometime," he said with a slight hesitation before looking away. His hands were stuffed in his pockets and he rocked on his feet a little.

"Yeah, that'd be nice," I said, giving him a small smile. I climbed into my truck and headed out of the parking lot toward home.

That was the second time I had driven away from him, and I still regretted letting him go.

O=^=C

On Sunday, Riley had called about a dinner date later in the week. I thought about it briefly and called him back almost immediately to confirm. There was no sense in being a hermit—besides, if things didn''t work out, it was okay. I didn't think I was ready for anything serious quite yet, but there was no harm in at least trying to put myself out there. I needed to go out, make new friends, and date a little—it wouldn't kill me.

And maybe, just maybe, I was doing this to prove something to myself. I _could _do this—I had no reason to be scared.

Thursday evening approached, and I dug through my closet in search of something to wear. I hadn't purchased anything for myself in so long that I wondered if I'd be able to fit in to what I did have. I almost missed Alice constantly trying to make me over in high school…almost. She always knew what looked good on me. .

I was trying to slip a sandal over my foot while hopping on one leg—it had been a while since I'd dressed up for anything that the whole process felt awkward—when a little voice came from thedirection of the bathroom.

"Mama!"

"What, honey?" I yelled back to her.

My door swung open and banged against the wall.

"Look!"

At first all I could see was her bloody fingers and I began to freak out, but then she opened her fist. In the middle of her palm was a tooth.

"I lost my first tooth!"

"Wow! Look at that!" I said, choking up a little. So silly the things moms got emotional over… Back in the day, the sight of blood would have made me pass out.

"I have to tell Grampa!" Excited, she took off running down the stairs.

I took one last look in the mirror, wiped my eyes before my makeup could run, and grabbed a sweater from my closet.

Katie was babbling non-stop as I headed down the stairs. He voice carried, as did my dad's enthusiastic exclamations at her story of why it fell out ("Grandpa! Everyone has to get rid of their baby teeth or they'd have monster mouths!"), how it happened ("I wasn't pulling on it that much, I promise!"), and what she was going to do with it ("Do you think the Tooth Fairy will leave me a lot of money? I want a new Barbie…").

He looked up at me as I walked into the kitchen, and we both tired not to laugh.

"Mom," she said with urgency, "I need to go get my tooth pillow!"

Charlie looked at me as she scampered out of the room. "Didn't know what happened with all of that blood on her, but with all of the chatter, I knew she was fine. Now she can't stop talking about it," he said, chuckling.

"I know. She's been looking forward to this for awhile. Will you make sure it gets washed off and into the pillow so the 'Tooth Fairy' can take care of it tonight?"

"Sure. Know when said fairy will be back?"

"Not late. It's only dinner. I don't plan on being out past eleven."

"Okay. Be safe," he said.

"Where are you going?" Katie asked, reappearing in the doorway with her little pillow in hand.

I squatted down and looked into her big brown eyes, sweeping her ponytail behind her shoulder. "I'm going to dinner with a friend in Port Angeles. Mommy will be back after you go to bed, honey."

She looked at me blankly for a few moments, eyes beginning to well up. "But, you _can't_ go I need you here."

I hugged her. "I won't be long, baby. Promise."

"No!" she wailed and stomped her foot. And then her bottom lip came out and the sniffling started.

_Great._ I looked over at my dad, who was biting his lip in an attempt not to smile. I was no good at corralling tantrums—I didn't like to see her upset and gave in all too often. Here I was, trying to do something for myself for the first time in ages, and I was met with the ire of my baby girl.

For a brief moment, I considered calling the whole thing off, but then shook my head.

"Bug, listen. Mommy'll be back in a little bit. Grampa will be here with you just like every time I go to work."

"No!" she said and sat down on the floor in a huff. Covering her face with her hands, she whimpered, "You can't go!" and burst into tears.

I stood staring at her in disbelief—_she never does this_. All of the times she should have and didn't…I was just floored. As the crying got louder, and I knew she had reached the point of no return, I leaned over to pick her up. _God, she's getting heavy. S_he remained stiff and crumpled in her sitting position as I lifted her. At that point she was full on sobbing. I stood there stroking her hair, rocking her back and forth and quietly whispering to her until she began to breathe normally again.

I was certain my blouse was ruined, and that was a shame…but her being upset was more important.

In my mind, I knew she'd have to get used to me having a life. There was no way in hell I'd ever leave her out, but I also knew I needed some sort of balance. It still broke my heart in two that she was taking this so bad.

Finally, when she had completely stopped crying and we were down to sniffles, I said, "I'll be home in a little while and Grampa will tuck you into bed. Then I promise I'll be here when you wake up. Okay?"

She nodded her head against my neck.

"So I'm gonna give you to Grampa now, and then I'll come in and kiss you goodnight when I get home."

"'Kay," she said, sniffing.

I handed her over to Charlie and mouthed "Thanks for the back up." He chuckled a little and hugged her even tighter.

"What do you say we go watch 'Up!' before you go to bed? Sound good?" he said, patting her on the back.

"Yeah," she said. He smiled at me as he carried her out of the room. I ducked into the bathroom to take a quick, final look. Only a small tear stain on my shoulder—that would dry before I hit PA.

I met Riley at Wild Fire in Port Angeles. One of my favorite places. I figured it'd be relatively neutral for a casual dinner.

He stood right outside the door, looking great, as usual. "You look fantastic," he said as he met me with a brief hug.

I smiled at him warmly. "Thanks."

Riley was an incredibly funny storyteller. He told me stories about working as a shipbuilder in Port Angeles and how it was different from the big city but busy nonetheless. We chatted about the remodel on his house and various things he had planned coming up. I was fine with listening tonight, feeling a little protective of myself since Edward's revelation the other day.

I had a lot to think about, and wasn't sure which direction to go yet.

As I sat there, listening and watching Riley animatedly telling a story, his voice faded into the background. I started to think wish that Edward was sitting across the table; I wanted to be listening to_ his_ stories.

_This is screwed up_, I thought_._ I couldn't believe myself. I was dining at a restaurant, across from a nice, intelligent guy and all I really wanted was something—someone—else.

After we finished dinner and dessert, Riley turned to me outside and asked, "Do you want to go and get a drink someplace else? We could head down to the Wine Bar or Downrigger's."

"That sounds nice, it really does, but I'm gonna have to pass. I don't drink when I have to drive home to Forks."

"You can always crash at my house, you know. I have a spare room."

Slightly unnerved, I looked at him, and he threw up his hands in self-defense.

"No strings, Bella. Just a place to stay."

"Oh, I know that, Riley. Thank you, but no. I need to be home for my daughter in the morning, and I also have Tooth Fairy duty tonight."

"That definitely takes precedence," he said sincerely. I grinned at his understanding, thinking it was nice to not have to explain that one too much. "Will I see you at the baseball fields?"

"We may stop by for a game on Saturday."

"Hope you do. Glad you came in for dinner." Taking one of my hands and smiling down at me, he said, "I really had a great time."

Then he kissed me on the cheek. His touch was soft, sweet, but there wasn't any spark behind it for me. I thanked him again for dinner and said I'd be in touch.

The hour and fifteen minute drive home from Port Angeles gave me plenty of time to think. I thought about my behavior during dinner. In my mind, I'd basically sabotaged any kind of relationship with Riley before it even started. I'd accepted the date for all the wrong reasons. Maybe I still wasn't ready yet.

Why didn't I want a guy who would be a safe choice?

Why did I want someone who could potentially steal my heart, again?

Ugh. And now I was back in the Edward zone, and admittedly being a smidge unfair. Why did I try to label him because he was in law enforcement? Edward had never shown me anything other than who he was, who he'd always had been. With a start, I realized that what happened with James was incredibly unfortunate, but that I was making everyone else pay for my choices and mistakes.

The reason, I finally figured out, was that I was trying to avoid my feelings for Edward, period. I was lying. All that I knew and all that I felt with my entire being was that I wanted him in my life again, more than anything.

I turned the volume up on the stereo as loud as it would go, listening to Incubus ask what was so wrong with being happy. _Oddly fitting song for the night..._

When I pulled up to the house, it was about quarter after eleven. The lights in the house were out, but Dad had left the porch lights on. I sighed, deciding that I was done over thinking things tonight—tomorrow I'd look at everything with a fresh head.

What I didn't see was the figure sitting on the porch steps, so I jumped back. Immediately on alert, I held my breath and flipped a key in between my index and middle finger. I thought of anything else I could use for self-defense, and remembered there was a can of mace in my bag.

"Hey," said the smooth voice in front of me.

"Shit, Edward. You scared me!" I said, breathing out harshly.

"Sorry, wasn't intentional."

"Good thing I didn't have my sidearm with me. What are you doing here? Is everything alright?"

He was sitting on the steps in jeans and a black t-shirt, with his elbows on his knees, hands laced together. He looked nervous, and I instantly started to worry that something was wrong with Esme or Alice…

"I came over because I needed to talk to you."

"Now? At this time of night?" I said, my heart still beating a million miles a minute. I took a deep breath and sat down next to him.

"Couldn't wait. I called earlier and Charlie told me you'd gone in to PA… on a date." This last part came out laced with slight disdain.

Was I detecting a hint of jealousy here? My ego may have liked it a little bit. "It was just dinner with a friend," I offered.

"Riley?"

"Yes," I answered, watching his face.

He ran his hand over his hair and let out a big sigh. "Look. I'm going to be straight up with you because I need you to know what's going on here, even if it makes me sound like an ass."

I hesitated for a few moments. "Okay."

He gestured with his hands, a trait I remembered from days gone by. His words came out in a flurry. "I don't _want_ you to go out with anyone else." And I know I don't have the right to say that, but hear me out."

I was surprised by his admission and watched as he fidgeted a little.

He cleared his throat. "This is probably going to sound idealistic, but I don't care. I've had a thing for you since we were kids. It was the whole reason I told you anything in the first place that night on my roof. I wanted it out there, but because you were still in high school and I was, well, heading off to college, I realized we were at very different places in our lives. But I wanted more—I wanted a chance when you were ready…even if it wasn't going to happen right then. "

His words came out slowly, as if he was struggling with putting them in the right order...or he was having a hard time saying them in the first place.

"So I put you out of my mind for the time being; dated other people, enjoyed the college experience. It didn't work quite the way I thought it would—I ended up comparing those girls to you. By the end of my sophomore year I was done pretending…but you'd gone off to WSU by then. So I went to the Academy, was looking forward to coming home at the end of it and telling you when I heard you'd gotten married. At that point, I knew I had to let go and make a life of my own. I tried and failed miserably. Only later did I understand that I went into marriage for all of the wrong reasons."

I was having a hard time digesting what he was telling me. He was pouring out a part of himself that I never knew existed. His words were raw and so, so off what I'd always assumed. I'd felt the same about him for years, and to know we'd missed each other time and again made my heart ache.

"After it was over with Heidi, I didn't feel sad. I know that sounds odd. I mean, I was married to her. I thought I loved her, but I wasn't _in_ love with her. I liked my position with the county in Vancouver and was doing really well in the department, but when I heard you were back home, I wanted to come back, too. The position with Clallam County opened up and I didn't hesitate."

He'd come back because I was here? _Oh, my god. _

"Just seeing you again brought back all of those memories I'd pushed down from so long ago. I can't push it down anymore. I won't. When I heard you actually went out with this Riley guy, I about fucking lost it. You're not even mine, and I can't stand the thought of losing you—again. "

I sat there looking at him in the dull glow of the porch light. His short hair was only slightly longer on top, but I could see he'd run his hands though it a lot. I noticed the muscles in his jaw clenching and how he pumped his leg quickly, nervously. My mind reeled from everything he'd just laid before me.

I placed my hand on his thigh to still his leg.

"Let's get this over with."

_O=^=C_

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN:**__ Thanks to caren and kimmy for your pretty comments, teresa for your tireless belief in this and nic, oh, how I love the way your mind works. xo Brilliant._


	5. Chapter 5

_**Disclaimer:**__ Anything remotely resembling Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Any of the stories within, belong to me. Please do not copy or translate without permission._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Not Going There<strong>_

_**Chapter 5**_

The weight of his words sat on my heart, heavy but not intolerable, and I realized I needed to deal with them immediately.

I'd been contemplating opening the door between us earlier, cracking it to let a bit of light into my gloom, but he'd gone and thrown the door wide open, all sunshine-y warm and golden. He was open now, bare to me in a way he'd never, ever been before.

I got up from where I was sitting and stood in front of him to make my case. Reaching down, I pulled his hands and arms away from his knees, surprising him. I shocked him further by climbing onto his lap, straddling him while he stared in awe.

Smiling, I put my hands on either side of his face, remembering everything I'd cherished about it as a teen: his eyes, his lips and the small crease between his brows that always let me know what was going on inside. Those eyes were cautious now; that mouth set in a grim line that I guessed was in reaction to my ambiguous words of a few seconds before. The crease was deep, troubled, and I brushed my thumbs over it, trying to soothe the worry from his mind.

"Do you know how long I've waited to hear that?"

His forehead crinkled slightly, and then smoothed some.

"After you left for college, I'd hoped I'd get to see you again, but you weren't home for Christmas that year, and I was there waiting for you… Alice said you'd gone off with some friends. Your parents invited me over for Christmas Eve dinner, and I spent the entire time wishing you would change your mind and come home unannounced."

Secretly, I'd always thought that Carlisle and Esme knew more than they let on, but were just being kind in not mentioning it. When he stiffened, I moved my hands down to the broad expanse of his back to ease him knowing that he'd seen it as another missed connection.

"As time passed, I figured you'd forgotten about me and I was too afraid to reach out to you then… so I forced myself to forget about you." I looked away for a moment, noticing the slight breeze that had picked up.

It killed me to know that all along we had just been missing each other. So many things would have been different. But had things not worked out the way they did, I wouldn't have my Katie, and that was something I couldn't be sad about. Although… maybe now we might be able to make up for lost time.

"We were so young then. I was afraid we wouldn't make it being so far apart," he admitted.

I ran my fingers over his temple, feeling the softness of his hair as he closed his eyes in thought. "Well, I am certain of two things at this very moment: I _don't_ want to waste any more time and I _do_ want you, more than anything, if you'll have me."

When his eyes opened, the light of the porch revealed the relief there. A smile slowly spread, casting new shadows. Warm fingers brushed under the hem of my shirt as his hands moved more securely around my waist.

He brought one of his hands up to my neck, threading his fingers into my hair and gently pulling me down toward him. With the slightest of pressure his lips met mine, the kiss deepening as our tongues began to meet in slow twists and turns. It was everything and nothing of what I remembered, better perhaps because it wasn't so uncertain this time around. I felt warm all over as his hands clutched me tighter, pulled me closer, made me lose my head completely.

He pulled slightly away and I gasped, craving more. I thought he might have felt the same because he tipped his head again, pushing his lips against mine with a passionate yet gentle urgency. I ran my fingertips over his short hair because I'd dreamed of doing so for the longest time. Different…but in a very, very good way.

In an attempt to get more contact, I widened my legs, bringing us even closer. The easy rocking of our bodies was making me blissfully aware of our reconnection.

His hands slid under my shirt and traveled up my back. Although he grazed the sides of my breasts, he stopped short, not going any farther than to hold me to him. I appreciated that he wasn't pushing this, that he was letting things progress naturally but with a tangible sense of yearning for more. I didn't even know how much time passed as we kissed; I only knew that it felt so, so right.

Eventually he pulled away and leaned back against the top stair, and I immediately felt the chill from the loss of his body heat. He laughed softly. "We should probably keep this to a minimum unless you want to put on a show for the neighbors."

"Mrs. Yorkie wouldn't know what hit her," I said, giggling.

He sat back up and tightened his arms around me. After a few moments of him lightly stroking my back, he looked at me, scrunching an eye as he trailed a finger along my waistband. "So, we're going to give it a go?"

His voice sounded hopeful, and I heard so much more in it. He was letting me take the lead.

"Yeah, I think we should," I said.

My lips felt bruised and full as I ran my tongue over them. In the dim light I watched as his eyes tracked the movement. I shivered, and didn't know if it was from the cold or the implied _want _he was so clearly giving off.

"Out of respect for what you told me the other day, if you want to keep things under wraps, we should probably keep the public displays to the bare minimum," he added.

I searched his face. "You'd do that for me?"

"Yeah," he said, brushing my hair back over my shoulder. "I would. No reason to let anyone know what's going on until you're ready. What I don't want is for you to be distracted at work—by _us_. I want you to look forward to it at the end of the day."

_What did I do to deserve this amazing man in front of me?_

He continued, "Probably the only person who'd really need to know right now is Charlie because I don't plan on staying away."

I leaned in to press my lips against his. I was so happy, my lips curved into a smile as I kissed him.

"What?" he asked.

"I..._this_, is awesome," I said, as I put my arms around his neck.

He hummed his agreement.

We sat there and just held each other for a while, and I hoped he was enjoying the feeling of being wrapped in each other again as much as I was. I let out a deep sigh, relieved, but I also knew I needed to go inside.

"You okay?" he asked.

"More than okay, but it's been a long day and I should probably go into the house. I have a tooth to retrieve, and by this time, I'm sure my dad is lurking around somewhere."

His hands moved slowly up and down my back. "Can I call you in the morning?"

"Of course," I said, sitting up. Carefully, I climbed off his lap, a little stiff from sitting in that position for so long, and promptly tripped on the stair.

"Okay there?" he said, chuckling and catching my hand.

"Yup, just a little kinked up."

He raised a brow at that, and I ran the words over once more in my head. _Oh. _Well, that was awkward.

I ignored his laughter as I ducked my head and worked hard to fight a smile, too. Rolling my eyes at him—guys were truly twelve year olds sometimes—I made to pick up my bag. He beat me to it, giving the hand he still held a squeeze before I headed up the stairs to the front door. Right before I pushed through, I turned to see him grinning at me.

"You know," he said, "I selfishly took something from you once and I want to do my best to give it back."

I frowned, trying to think what he could have taken from me. I wasn't quite sure what he meant, but I looked forward to spending the time finding out.

With one more wave, I tiptoed into the house and headed to the kitchen to get some water. Thankfully the stove light was on, so I didn't have to stumble to find the switch. When I flipped on the light, Charlie was sitting at the kitchen table with a glass of milk and a package of Oreos.

"Dad!" I said, hand on my chest to stop my heart from leaping out. _Is everybody trying to scare the shit out of me? _"What are you doing up?"

"Heard a noise," he said, chuckling. "Didn't want to disturb, once I saw it was you."

_Damn. _"What did you see?" I asked, embarrassed.

"You and the Cullen kid, talking."

"He's hardly a kid," I mused aloud.

Charlie cracked up at that. "Because you were later than I expected, I looked out, saw the two of you, then came in here for a snack."

I felt myself relax. _At least he didn't see anything else_—_l__ike me dry humping Edward on the stairs._

"So how was dinner in PA?"he asked.

_Ouch._ With everything that happened, 'dinner' had pretty much left my mind, and I felt a flash of guilt. "It was okay. Riley is… nice."

"Nice? Hmm. And Cullen?"

That was where it got complicated. I needed to explain what was happening although it was still new to me as well.

"This is going to be kind of hard to explain," I said, nervously.

"Bella, you don't need to tell me anymore than you want. You're an adult and have your own life."

I grimaced. It all sounded fine and well on the outside, no more than a simple inquiry and an offer to listen. But I knew my dad better than that. He could always sense when I needed to talk (which, albeit, wasn't often but did happen occasionally), and had the tricks down pat to get me to spill.

"Well, I went to dinner with Riley for the simple fact that I needed to get out, do something for myself. But here's the thing: I felt ambiguous about the whole thing and seriously considered my motivations on my drive home."

He took a bite of his cookie and a sip of milk, listening.

"When I got home, Edward was waiting for me out front. Seems we've been missing out on each other for a long time. Long story short, I've had feelings for Edward since high school and it's definitely mutual."

"I already knew that."

"Huh?"

"You went to every game that kid was participating in, practices even, and trust me, Kiddo—you and a sudden interest in sports was more than enough of a giveaway. And a forewarning you might need when Bug gets older… Teenage girls have all these _emotions _that go up and down based on what they want at the time. Coupled with the fact that you spent most of your time around the Cullen house, it was an easy deduction."

"And I thought you didn't have a clue about moody teenage girls," I said, joking.

"Oh, just wait, you'll see. So, you and Cullen?"

"Well, we've decided to start seeing each other," I said, wrapping and unwrapping a dish towel around my hand. "And in light of both of our jobs, and my need for privacy, we're going to keep it quiet for a bit. Edward thought it was important for you to know, at least."

"Like him better already. What are you going to do about Katie?"

"Haven't gotten that far, but I'll work it out so it's easy for her, too. By the way, how did she do after I left?"

"Calmed right down. We watched a movie and then she was out like a light. I think the tears wore her out. "

I made a face, not liking her upset. Maybe I had separation anxiety, too.

"I'd better make good on my promise, so I can get to bed. Goodnight ,Dad."

When I walked into Katie's room, she was sprawled out on the bed, tangled in her blanket and assorted animals. Her hand still grasped the little white tooth-shaped pillow that Sue had made for her. I scooped out the tooth from the pocket and slipped in her reward. Looking down at my beautiful girl, I bent over to kiss her on the head and run my hand over her brow.

I wouldn't force her into anything as far as Edward and myself were concerned. It was best to let her get used to him being around gradually first as "Mommy's friend", and see how she took to him. She'd been through a lot of change already in her short life, and I refused to add any more onto her unless I felt it was safe to do so. And I prayed that her hysterics tonight were a one time thing and not a sign of things to come.

Back in my bedroom, I put my purse on the chair and started to undress. My phone buzzed and I leaned over to pull it from my bag.

_Wanted to say goodnight._

_So, so glad you came over _I replied.

_Me too. Tomorrow AM then?_

_I'll be waiting. Goodnight._

Like a love struck girl, I twirled around and flung myself backward on the bed. I couldn't take my fingertips off of my lips and smiled as I thought about him kissing me—so intense but gentle and searching at the same time. My head swam thinking about all we'd revealed to each other. And yet there was so much that we didn't know. I was excited by the prospect of getting to know each other all over again.

O=^=C

The next morning, I felt a feather-light dip in the bed and little sounds of breathing close to my face. I opened one eye to see Katie, chin perched on her hands and anxiously waiting for me to wake up.

"Mornin' Bug," I said, reaching out to touch her hair.

"Hi, Mama. I couldn't wait to show you this!" she said, as she held up a dollar bill.

"Nice." I leaned over to pull her up on the bed and snuggle for a bit. She talked about all of the things she wanted to buy with her dollar, but in the end, I convinced her to put it in her piggy bank for something really big someday.

After a half hour of giggling and talking, we went downstairs for breakfast, but not before I put my phone in the pocket of my hoodie. I was full of anticipation for Edward's call. In fact, I'd spent half the night thinking about him.

Katie was content with cereal, so I retrieved bowls and boxes from the cupboards and brought them to the table. My phone buzzed inside my pocket and I quickly shoved my hand in there to dig it out.

"Hello?"

"Morning." he said in his smooth voice. I think I sighed.

I turned around and leaned against the counter. "Good Morning to you," I said, biting my lip to hold back a smile. I looked over to Katie and she was fully entertained by the picture on the back of the box, talking to the characters as if they could hear.

"Sleep well?"

"Actually, no," I said, laughing.

"Really. And why's that?"

I smiled at the tinge of smugness in his tone—he knew already so I might as well put it all out there.

"Well, my mind was going a million miles a minute. Last night was a lot to process—but in a good way."

"I know what you mean. Anyway, can I see you this afternoon?"

"I have to wait until Charlie gets back, but I'm sure I can arrange it."

"Earlier is better, I have to work tonight since I'm playing in the tournament Saturday and Sunday."

"I didn't know you played ball nowadays." There was a lot we still didn't know about each other.

"I was a last minute addition to the team. Crowley needed a second baseman. You should come out and see a game before you head into work."

I briefly thought of Riley and knew he'd be out there as well. But since we were being low key, it wouldn't hurt to show up.

"Yeah. We just might. How 'bout I call when Charlie gets in and then we can meet up later?"

"Looking forward to it."

"Me too."

I pushed 'end' on my phone and pulled out a chair to have breakfast with my kid.

She looked up at me, her brown eyes calm. "Mama?"

"Yes, Sweetie?" I said as I poured cereal into my bowl.

"It's gonna be good today."

I was puzzled by her comment but she did that on occasion—commenting on her general feeling of the moment. I never put much stock in it, but today, I think she was right on.

O=^=C

Edward had agreed to pick me up at the house that afternoon. We planned on heading out for a drive in the woods—a typical 'first date' around here. I was a little paranoid still and insisted Edward drive since no one knew his car yet. At about three-thirty, he picked me up in a dark green truck with dark windows that I didn't recognize.

When I got in, he handed me a cup of coffee. "Vanilla latte okay? I know you like cream but guessed on the flavor."

"This is perfect, thank you." I said, smiling and taking a sip. "Nice truck, very stealthy."

He just grinned at me and pulled out of the drive.

We drove east on the one-oh-one for about ten minutes before he turned down one of the well-used logging roads. After a few turns, I knew the area we were in, but wasn't familiar with the road. We passed several miles of partially cut forest until we dipped down a road deep with foliage on each side. As we rounded the corner, there was a clearing and I could see the river just beyond.

"Talk about privacy," I said, laughing.

"Yeah. This is kind of a secret fishing hole. I'm sure your dad knows about it, but it's usually empty this time of day."

We got out and walked down the path to the river's edge. Off to the right was a large fallen tree perched on the rounded stones that made up the gently sloping bank. He picked up a couple of rocks and tossed them into the river. The sound of the water was soothing; a fish jumped, looking for an afternoon meal.

I reached for his hand and pulled him down to kiss him lightly on the lips. "Been dying to do that all day," I said.

"And here I thought I was going to completely freak you out with my confession. Glad I didn't scare you away," he said, squeezing my hand.

"Nah. When things are pent up like that, sometimes it can come out sounding intense, but I understand completely—I was living it, too."

He led me over to a log to sit near the edge of the river.

"So you're playing ball again?" I asked, picking up a smooth, round rock, rolling it in my palm.

"Yeah, I thought, why not? It would be fun for a lot of reasons. Probably steer clear of the after parties, though," he said, laughing.

"I think I know what you mean. We're not the most popular people to have at a party."

"I don't care—not my scene anyway. I have a lot to get done on the cabin in my off time."

"Can't wait to see it. I'm sure your mom would love to help you out, she's pretty good at that kind of stuff."

"I have a bit to do before I worry about that. Most likely, I'll have my mom help me out. Alice will probably have to throw her two cents in as well."

"Alice." I said, pausing. "What are we going to tell her?"

"I think, Bella, because we're adults now, it won't be that big of a deal," he said, laying a hand on my knee.

"I know. I guess I still worry that she'd feel, I don't know, betrayed because we didn't tell her."

"I'm not worried about it and I don't think you should be either. We'll think of something when the time comes." He leaned into me and put his arm around my shoulder and I tucked into his side. "I honestly think everybody in my family will be pretty supportive."

"Well, I know Rose will. She's been pushing me to 'go for it' ever since you got back."

"That kind of surprises me," he said, scoffing. "I thought she was pissed off at me for eternity about Heidi."

"Ah, well, she knew I'd been crushing on you," I said turning my head to look down river.

"Hey," he said, gently turning my face back to him. The light from the river reflected off of his eyes making them appear bright. "Don't be embarrassed about it."

He looked into my eyes for a moment longer, and then his lips descended on to mine. He kissed me sweetly, making me forget about anything else. I looked up at him, completely content in the moment.

We sat there enjoying the afternoon sun as a new hatch of bugs swirled through the air. Filling each other in on missing pieces of our lives, I found out he'd graduated from the Academy as president of his class and had numerous honors in Clark County.

"Wow. Sounds like you were on a fast track to promotion and you left that?"

"I told you why I left. There were several things contributing to it." He dug his heel into the rocks.

I thought about Heidi. I wanted to know, but then again, I didn't want to bring that stuff up yet, just like I really didn't want to talk about James. I knew I would have to eventually. As Katie's father, he would probably appear sooner or later.

"Well, I'm glad you're back," I said, snuggling into his side.

He hugged me gently. "What about Katie? You're going to have to guide me on that one."

"She doesn't like major surprises, so I figured I'd have a chat with her and bring it up that way. You know you're already in though, right?"

"What do you mean?"

"Abby?"

"Oh," he said, laughing.

We sat there for a little while longer quietly talking, occasionally stopping to kiss in the afternoon sun. When it was time to go, Edward stood up and held out his hand for mine. He pulled me into his arms and laid a kiss on me that positively caused my knees to buckle. He had to hold me up or I would have stumbled on the rocks.

"Thought I'd do that now, since I can't kiss you when I drop you off," he said, brushing a stray hair off of my face.

I ran my hands around his waist. "Thank you again, for humoring me."

He wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin on the top of my head. "Hey, I understand. I'm not sure how my department would take it either since I just got hired. We need to lay low until we figure it out." He squeezed me a little tighter and said, "Shall we?"

We walked back to the truck hand in hand and headed back toward Forks.

O=^=C

On Saturday, after my mid-morning nap, I decided that I'd take Katie down to the park for a while, then we could wander over to the baseball fields and watch a tournament game or two before I had to head in to work.

Katie was excited to head to the playground, so we dressed for an unusually sunny Forks day. At the park, Katie jumped out, waited for me to lock up the truck, then immediately ran over to the slide. It would be a few weeks before school started, but I could tell, recognizing friends of hers from school, she was beginning to get excited.

I walked over to a bench to plant myself for a while where I could see Katie, but had also brought a book so I could bask in a few quiet moments with myself. The sound of cheering wafted over from the baseball fields, indicating the tournament had begun.

I looked up to make sure Katie was doing alright and saw her encouraging another little girl to follow her down the slide. I smiled and dug my nose back into my book for a while until Katie came over and crawled up on the seat next to me.

"Are you done already?" I asked.

"Yes, Mom. It's hard work playing when it's hot."

I laughed. "Do you want to take a break and walk over to the games? We can get a drink over there."

"Yes!"

She hopped off of the bench while I put my book back into the bag. I grabbed her hand, and we walked toward the cluster of backstops where the games were being held. I looked for the familiar blue of the Forks Outfitters team and for Edward. Searching the dugout, I spotted him over at the side, flipping a bat in the air as he waited for his turn to hit.

He watched the next pitch then looked around for a moment and spotted me, a slow grin appearing on his face. I returned his smile and walked over that direction, just to be a little closer.

"Bella! You're here!" said Riley as he pulled me into a hug. I casually extricated myself from him as soon as I could, still holding onto Katie, nervously looking to where Edward was waiting on deck.

Gone was the smile I'd seen only moments ago, his features clouded and dark now.

_Double damn. _

O=^=C

* * *

><p><em>Thank you nic, caren, teresa and kimmy for your time and effort to help make this pretty.<em>

_Side note: I was lucky enough to go on a ride along with one of the local deputies around my area to get a feel for what they do on a daily basis. Lots of respect._

_Song: All I Wanted - Paramore_


	6. Chapter 6

_**Disclaimer:**__ Anything remotely resembling Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Any of the stories within, belong to me. Please do not copy or translate without permission._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Not Going There<strong>_

_**Chapter 6**_

The hard look on Edward's face told me all I needed to know: he wasn't pleased that I was hugging some other guy.

Having been on the receiving end of much, much worse, I understood. In an effort to avoid an argument that didn't need to happen, I took another step back and moved Katie behind me, eyes flickering between Edward and Riley the entire time.

Edward pursed his lips and turned his attention back to the game. Stepping up to the plate, he readied for his turn to bat.

"You know someone playing for the Outfitters?" asked Riley, looking over to the backstop.

When he angled his body in my direction, Katie tugged on my jeans. "Mama, let's go…"

"Just a second, Bug. I promise." I gave Riley a smile that hopefully said _what can you do? _and hoped I pulled it off. He was a nice guy—I just wasn't into him. Leaving things vague, I replied, "Yeah, I went to school with a few of the players."

"Cool," he said, smiling at me and then my daughter in turn.

Ready to be done with grown up time and on her way to the concession stand, she huffed. I was going to have to have a talk with her about her attitude lately. Crankypants McGee wasn't going to fly for very long in my house.

"Our game is over there if you want to come and watch," he added.

His tone was so…cautious and down that I felt bad. The park wasn't exactly the place to tell someone _"Yeah, so hey. I know we went on a date but when I got home that night I kissed this other guy…and I think I'm just going to give you the boot. Have a good game!" _

I shuffled a little, unsure of what to say and hating the awkwardness that hung in the air between us. Just then, a loud crack whipped through the air and I turned to look as Edward hit a double into the outfield. Everyone cheered and I watched for as he trotted easily toward second base.

"Mama," said Katie, pulling repeatedly on my arm. "I'm thirsty. Nowwwwwa, mom!"

Thankful for the out, I said apologetically, "Sorry, Riley, I need to go and get her something to drink. It's pretty warm out."

"Hey, no problem. Catch up with you later?" he said, looking at me eagerly.

I just smiled at him while Katie literally tried to pull my arm out of its socket.

On our way to the concession stand I lightly reprimanded her for being so impatient and rude in front of my "friends", and let her know in no uncertain terms that she wasn't to do it again. My daughter was generally well behaved, and I worried that my night shifts were starting to take a toll on her attitude.

By the time we got back to the field where Edward and his team were playing, Rose had arrived. We climbed into the small set of bleachers beside her, and it seemed that any hurt feelings Katie may have had were gone.

"Hi, Babe, glad to see you came," Rose said, catching Katie as she jumped up to hug her.

"We're just here for a bit. I have to work later."

Katie, who knew the deal when it came to my pal and all things chocolate, crawled up between us and peered into the small cooler bag Rose had beside her. She looked up at her with pleading eyes.

"Yes, you can have some candy, but you gotta ask your mom."

I laughed and nodded my head as she dove into the bag looking for her favorites. I realized that I had no clue what the score was, but guessed that The Outfitters, Edward and Em's team, were ahead by the smattering of smack talk coming from the outfield.

"How was the date?"

"Meh," I said, not wanting to go into detail. "I feel bad because I wasn't that into it."

"How am I not surprised by that?" she said, wryly.

We watched for a little longer when I was reminded of all of the water I had consumed. I needed to get to a restroom and fast. "Rose, could you watch Katie? I gotta go."

"No problem," she replied, laughing at me dancing in my seat.

When I looked over to the nearest restroom, there was a line coming out of the door. I wouldn't have made it if I had to wait that long, so I turned around and started toward the other side of the park. It wasn't far and there was another facility over there—and probably no one near it.

After washing and drying my hands, I walked out of the cinder block entrance, wondering how long we should stay. My thoughts were interrupted by a pair of arms wrapping themselves around me and pulling backward in the direction of the utility room. My training kicked in and I planted my feet firmly, twisting my body in an awkward position that would leave an abductor with little to no hold that I could easily break. I swung my head to the side, and then stopped dead.

"What are you doing? Don't you know that sneaking up on a cop will end with a probable knee to…um, your area?" I said as I turned around to face him.

Edward grimaced. "Yeah, let's not go there. Sorry," he said, pressing his body against mine and nuzzling my ear. His hands ran down my hips, sliding around to my backside. "It's all I could do to not come over there earlier and kiss you."

Honestly, he was already forgiven if he'd just keep this up…

The sensation of his breath on my already warm skin felt like fire. His lips made a trail of moist heat down the length of my neck and I deliberately tipped my head and hoped he got the message—and, oh, did he ever. Breathless and squirmy, I let my hand roam until the landed on his hips so I could steady myself. Before I could open my mouth to tell him _stop…no, keep that up…oh, that's nice_, he continued.

"I don't want anyone else to touch you," he said raggedly as his lips hovered over mine. He brushed them teasingly against my bottom lip, only increasing my need for more. I could tell he was tense, so I looked up, noting the dark look in his eyes.

"Hey," I said, reaching up and touching his face, "I didn't expect to see Riley first thing, but there's really nothing to worry about. Okay?"

"That was Riley, huh?" he asked, scoffing a bit.

I shook my head. Guys.

"Look, you know I need to talk to him at some point, so I can't have you getting all caveman on him, alright?" I said, attempting to lighten the moment.

He backed away from me a step to peer into my eyes. "I know. I'm just a little frustrated at the moment because I want to spend time with you without any other drama in the mix."

"Hey." I reached out and took his hand. "I need you to trust me."

Surprising me not with words, but a kiss instead, his lips crashed down, tongue easing inside and stroking mine. It was hard and fast, and it stole my breath. His leg slid in between mine and I closed my body around it, hands gripping his shirt as I ached for more. Our breaths echoed in the small space and I broke away.

"Oh, god," I said, panting. "We can't do this here."

A slow grin spread across his face. Gone was the look of desperation, replaced by a look of smug satisfaction. His eyes showed a hint of smile as he let out a chuckle. "Yeah, I know, but it was fun."

Jokingly pushing him away, I tried to straighten my clothing, knowing there had to be pinkness in my cheeks. "Don't you have a ball game to get back to?"

"We've probably already won. We'll advance to a later bracket and then maybe play tomorrow."

"Well, I have to get back to Katie," I said, grabbing two of his fingers. "Do you want to talk later? I can call you when I have a break tonight. Might be late though."

"Sure."

He leaned down and kissed me quickly before backing out. With one last look, he headed back to the ball field. I stood there feeling numb, marveling on how he could kiss me senseless in mere seconds. Giving it a few moments before I started back, so as not to look guilty, I headed out the opposite direction toward the bleachers.

When I arrived back at our seats, Katie was lining up various candies on the bench and Rose was staring at me. "Did you go home to pee?" she asked.

"No…"

She turned her head to look at where Emmett and Edward were standing and nodded. I also turned to glance in that direction, trying to hide my suddenly warm cheeks when Edward looked in our direction with a small smirk on his face.

"You're looking a little flushed. Are you _hot_?" she asked, teasingly.

Doing my best to not meet her eyes, I fanned my face and dug the last of the water out of my bag. "A little. It's warm today."

"He couldn't wait to follow you," she said, matter-of-factly.

My eyes snapped to her face and she gave me a raised eyebrow, a knowing smile and turned back to watch the game.

At the end, we gathered our things so Katie and I could head home. As I turned around to say goodbye to Rose, I looked for Edward, wanting to acknowledge him at least before we left, but what I saw was a blonde woman standing in front of him, with her hand on his arm.

Lauren.

The distance between them looked way too intimate for my comfort. Edward had his arms crossed, listening to her, but I saw him looking over to us out of the corner of his eye. I knew it was innocent on his part, but I didn't trust her as far as I could throw her.

And, for all of her supposed perfection, Lauren had that rode-hard-and-put-away-wet look.

"You've got to be kidding me," Rose said. She had also turned around to see where I was looking.

I hummed my annoyance.

"She'll do anything to piss me off," Rose continued, mumbling. "Now she's fucking with my brother-in-law." She looked down at Katie. "Sorry."

I seriously doubted Lauren would go that far…until she looked over at Rose with a smirk on her face. Her voice got louder and to me it was unbelievably grating—like someone who was getting laryngitis and wanted to hear themselves talk anyway.

"What exactly happened between you two? I thought you got along fine at the hospital?"

"We did. But since she was promoted to manager, she seems to be power tripping. Because I could run circles around her, she's trying to find something to make an example of me."

"Careful, Rose, I heard she can be absolutely venomous."

"Oh, I know, but I think you're on the hit list, too. She's pretty pissed about Conner and might try to stir up shit for you."

I scoffed. "Hmph. I'm not worried about her. I do my best to fly under the radar. She'd be hard pressed at the moment to find anything." At least I hoped so.

"Good. Keep it that way." She waved at me and said, "Well, I'm outta here. I have to listen to that at work all day," she said, gesturing to Lauren. "And I know Emmett's going to meet me at home, so I'll talk to you later, 'kay?"

"Okay, see you later, chick," I said and steered Katie in the direction of the parking lot.

There was one bright side to leaving the park, though: I didn't see Riley anywhere when I glanced around for him. Part of me wished I didn't have to deal with that conversation, but I knew I would have to eventually.

O=^=C

Work was a bit more busy than normal. Summer hadn't been very warm so far, but the last few days had bordered on scorching. In general, this meant the crime rate was sure to skyrocket.

The first call of the night revolved around a break-in at a local business. Most likely it was bored kids with nothing better to do-the the only things taken were a stereo and some food. The owner of the building had dealt with this before and vowed to change the security system. I hoped he'd decide to get on top of that now.

I returned to the cruiser, making my call to dispatch, when I heard Newton was headed to a possible domestic disturbance and asked for back-up. Apparently, the father of a daughter who was roughed up went to confront the boyfriend.

Newton's squad car and another county unit were parked in front of the trailer in question. A mid to early twenties male sat in the back seat of the county cruiser with Deputy Fuller and Mike was standing in front of another man, asking questions. As I approached, I saw the blood running down the man's face, most likely from a broken nose.

I turned back to the car to radio for medical assistance when I saw a girl barely out of her teens curled up on the front steps. I finished the call and walked over to where she was seated.

"Hi, I'm Officer Swan. Can you tell me what happened here?"

She looked up at me with a tear stained face.

I knew that look. I'd seen it before. The agony of wanting to tell everything mixed with the misery of saying nothing because she didn't want to implicate her boyfriend. In this case, there was a father, too. I noted as she turned to look at the boyfriend that a deep bruise was forming on her face. Ire flashed, hot and sickening, and I stood taller. It was time for me to get the full story.

Nights like this made my stomach turn; I could handle the traffic stops, the DUIs, the drug busts, but abuse was something that I could never get used to in law enforcement. I, myself, had been on the inside of a relationship that was at times ugly and raw—loud, verbally abusive fights—and no one ever knew.

O=^=C

It turned out to be quite a busy night. I went from one call to another, with a few traffic stops in between. I texted Edward at eleven.

_Sorry haven't called. Swamped._

_I heard on the scanner. Just call me later._

_It'll be too late._

_It's never too late._

I smiled at his last response, noting the double meaning.

"Smexting Riley?" Mike asked as he walked up to me, jolting me out of my bubble.

I snapped my phone shut. "No, Mike."

"Oh." He looked bemused for a minute. "Cullen, then?"

I looked at him warily, wondering if it was that obvious. I had a surge of panic, but Mike shook his head at me and held up his hands.

"Okay," he said with a drawn out sigh. "I know, Swan. I won't say shit, all right? I know I fucked up in the diner. Probably none of my business anyway."

I breathed a sigh of relief, and pretty much had to refrain myself from kissing him on the cheek. That was really, really…decent of him. "Thanks, Mike." I replied.

"See you out there," he said as he walked out of the office.

I turned back to the rest of my paperwork, trying to complete as much as I could before I went back on patrol.

At about five in the morning, I had a break. I didn't want to wake Edward, but found myself needing to hear his voice. I waffled back and forth for about twenty minutes, wondering if I had the guts to wake him up. Rubbing the button with my thumb, I made the choice and pressed 'send'.

"Hey," he said, his voice sounding gravelly.

"I did wake you. I'm sorry," I said, making a fist with my other hand.

"Actually, I was up reading. I usually go for a run at about five-thirty, but I couldn't sleep."

"And I'm beat. It's been a long night and I'm ready to crawl into bed." I lightly rubbed my brow with my fingers.

"That sounds good to me. Want company?" he asked.

I tamped down the rush of excitement at the suggestion. It sounded great, actually, but I was nowhere near ready for that. Yet.

"That would be more than nice, but most likely Katie and my dad are home."

"Another time, then."

_Soon, I hoped._

We talked for a few minutes about my shift and about the tournament the next day. They were going to play in the championship game at noon. I told him I'd make an effort to come if I wasn't knocked out still.

When I got home, the house was incredibly quiet. Walking through the back door into the kitchen, following my usual routine, I saw a note on the kitchen counter.

_Took Katie fishing then we'll head down to Sue's. _

_Give us a call in the afternoon. _

_Dad_

I placed the note back on the counter and headed to bed. Unbuttoning my uniform as I walked up the stairs, I had an idea.

I wiggled out of my pants and emptied my pockets, laying the various items on the dresser. Standing there in my t-shirt and underwear, I thought about Edward at the ballpark, in the doorway, his lips on mine. I picked up my phone and searched out his number.

"Shouldn't you be in bed?" he said, laughing lightly.

"Yes, but the house is empty and I'm all alone." I scrunched my eyes closed, wondering if I sounded too corny. I should have worked on my flirting more when I had the chance. I was so, so rusty.

"Really."

"Yup. Wanna come over?" God, I felt like I was in high school again—and it felt damn good.

"See you in fifteen?"

"I'll be here. Back door is open."

I put the phone down and panicked. Now what? I glanced down, and then made haste to the shower. I threw my hair into a bun, jumped in and gave my body a quick scrub to wash off the smell of the cruiser.

Giddy with the fact that he would be here soon, I threw on a new tank and pajama pants and headed to the kitchen to make coffee.

Five minutes later the coffee was brewing when a slight tapping noise came from the back door. I turned, grinning because he looked freshly showered, too, and waved him into the house.

"I didn't hear your truck, where'd you park?"

"At the trail head on the other side of the woods…at the back of your house? I figured it would take just a few minutes to walk over here."

The trail behind our house had a beautiful pathway with rough cedar fencing on either side. I loved to wander through there at various times of the year; the leaves on the trees told the story of the seasons.

"Good thinking. Coffee?"

"Sure."

I handed him a cup and waited while he checked out the kitchen for a minute or two. And maybe I scoped him out, too, because damn…

"Aren't you going to be tired for the game? Sounds like you hardly slept last night," I finally said, leaning against the counter.

"Oh, I might doze later, but I'm fine for now."

"You certainly are," I said. Then I snapped my mouth shut, averting my eyes from his face.

_Since when did I get so bold?_

Honestly, though, I think he liked it. His eyes lit up, and he had that same slow grin from the day before working. Slowly, he placed his cup on the counter and scooted over to me. Taking the cup out of my hand, he placed that down, too. With his hands on either side of me, he leaned down and gave me a slow, pleasurable kiss.

"Good morning," he said, in a low voice.

"Morning," I whispered. He continued to kiss me, tipping his head to one side, carefully placing his lips at each and every angle, finally trailing down to the corner of my jaw. I practically crumbled as the feel of his kisses sent my body into overdrive.

My brain caught up with it though. I needed to take this a little slower if we were going to do this right. I gently pressed on his arm to back him away.

"Edward?"

He drew back, looking slightly miffed at being interrupted, and his brow wrinkled slightly in response. "Hmm?"

I stroked my hand down his arm in a reassuring way, then snuck my arms about his waist. "Would you mind if we took this kind of slow? I mean, I want to get to know you and spend more time with you—I want to get this right."

He reached up to stroke his thumb across my cheek. "And I get that. We can take all of the time you need, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't wanting this…you. Just tell me if I move too fast, deal?"

"Deal." I stood up on my toes to kiss him and he met me with even pressure. Kissing was good…kissing like this was more than okay, and I wanted a little bit more. Opening my mouth, I took it to a place I was comfortable with, and liked the slow burn that ignited when his tongue touched mine.

After a few moments of making out, he picked me up so my legs had no choice but to wrap around his waist. He turned to walk out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

"Where are we going?" I asked, nervously, tucking my head into his neck. This didn't feel 'slow'.

"Why, I'm putting you to bed, ma'am. Crime fighting is an exhausting profession. You need your rest."

"What if I don't need any rest?" I asked, in a flirty tone.

"You will," he said, confidently.

When he got to the top of the stairs, I realized he had no idea where to go. I smiled and stayed silent, wondering what his next move would be. After a peek into the first room, he moved along to the next one pushing his way inside.

"You sure it isn't that one?" I teased.

"Don't forget that I'm a cop, too. If your old room is pink and stuffed with toys, we need to have a chat."

I giggled. "Nice work, Deputy."

He closed the door behind us and carried me over to the bed, gently laying me on top. Covering me with his body, he scooted us both further onto the covers.

The contact was heavenly. I liked the feel of him between my legs as he settled against me. Looking down at me, he leaned in for another kiss and I opened my mouth, welcoming the softness of his lips.

"I want to know every inch of you," he murmured, kissing my temple and skimming his nose along my hairline. "Slowly."

His hand moved down my side, thumb gently grazing my breast and I inhaled sharply. It moved back up as his hand fully palmed my breast, massaging in a slow circle.

"God, that feels good," I said, moaning.

"I want you to feel good," he said, backing off and moving his hand back down to my hip. We stayed like that for a long while, him testing my limits, giving me what I wanted and then bringing things back to a slow simmer. We'd take a break every once in a while and talk about the things we'd done since we saw each other that night on the roof.

"So, she's crazy about stuffed animals, huh? How do you even have room for new ones in that room of hers?"

I cracked up and twisted my face into his neck. He smelled so good that I found myself returning to that spot over and over as the morning progressed. "I don't even know. I think I need to get some of those net things that hook into the ceiling. But she loves them, so…"

'Basically what you're saying is that if I want to get in good with the munchkin, I should buy out all the stuffed animals in the area?"

I smiled against the skin of his neck. He wasn't saying it to pander to me, but I sensed that it meant something to him that my daughter liked him. "Hmm, possibly. Or you can just give her some time with Abby and she'll be your new best friend."

He hugged me closer, shivering when I kissed the skin behind his ear. "Keep that up and slow is gonna be a thing of the past, Bella."

"Sorry," I said, but I wasn't. It was fun to get him worked up, too. It felt nice.

He held up his wrist and checked his watch. "Time for you to rest, you're working tonight, right?"

"Yep. Aren't you working too? And you have the tournament?"

"Yeah, my shift is six to two. I don't usually nap for that."

I yawned a little and smiled at my Iron Man, completely engulfed in his scent and the feeling of contentment. He moved slightly and I knew it was time to let him leave.

"I'm glad you came over," I said, stretching my arms over my head.

"Anytime." He rose from the bed, straightening his wrinkled clothes as best as possible.

I started to get up to walk him out when he leaned over to place a kiss on my forehead, essentially pushing me back on the bed.

"Sleep."

I smiled up at him and reached up to touch his face. With a light kiss on the lips, he walked out my bedroom door with one last glance and a smile that I would linger on as I fell asleep.

_O=^=C_

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><p><em><strong>AN: **A__pologies for not getting to all of your reviews. Life threw me a couple of curveballs over the last week and I got pretty bogged down. However, I do appreciate each and every one of your comments__._

_Thank you carenl, kimmydonn, ttharman and nic for everything. And I mean, everything._

_Song – Lucky Man – The Verve_


	7. Chapter 7

_**Disclaimer:**__ Anything remotely resembling Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Any of the stories within, belong to me. Please do not copy or translate without permission._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Not Going There<strong>_

_**Chapter 7**_

The sound of a small branch lightly bouncing off of the roof startled me from my nap. Silvery light flooded the room, and the subtle chill hanging in the air kept me from getting up right away; I burrowed a little further under the covers instead. I had big plans to take my time enjoying the warmth and comfort of the soft, downy bedding while I could.

Turning my head to look out the window, the light outside was a muted gray—a stark contrast to the hot day we had yesterday—but common with coastal weather. It was fall and the weather in Forks this time of year turned quickly.

My mind started its usual post-sleep spin: lists were made, chores added, and an schedule to accomplish it all was put into effect…well, in ten more minutes. My limbs felt heavy and sluggish enough from my nap that I didn't feel like moving. It wasn't an unpleasant feeling, really, just possibly a gratifying reminder of what happened a few hours earlier. My lips suddenly curved into a smile.

_Oh yeah._

Edward had left me a few hours ago in a state of pure joy. Thinking we needed to go slow and learn about each other all over again, I'd felt nervous having him here on my bed with me at first, but he ultimately respected my wishes and I realized how much it made me trust him. It had been so long since I had been touched in that way that I completely gave in to my senses and let the feelings seep deep into my flesh—relishing every moment of it.

The memory of his eyes occasionally connecting with mine as he we kissed and cuddled caused an instant flooding of warmth that made me tighten my thighs together in response. I stretched a little then, enjoying the unraveling of tightness in my muscles. I supposed I could have stayed in bed recalling those few hours, but with a shift that night, I knew I needed to get my ass up and moving. I reached over to grab my phone to check the time.

Three o'clock.

_Probably missed the tournament game_, I thought, which on one hand disappointed me… and on the other not so much. I'd had such a good rest that I wouldn't have passed that up for anything. Then I noticed there were a few text messages and sat up a little against the headboard to check them.

_Call me when you're up. _

Edward. The corner of my mouth curled up in a smile.

_Thought I'd see you today, sorry I missed you. Call you later? _

Riley. Guilt washed over me immediately because I guessed I was going to hurt his feelings—unbeknownst to him.

Sitting up on the edge of the bed, I contemplated going for a run. After a minute or so, laziness won out and I stood up, grabbed my sweats, and headed downstairs to make myself an iced coffee.

As I rustled around looking for something to make for Sunday dinner, the phone rang in the kitchen.

"Hello?" I said, balancing the phone between my ear and shoulder.

"Hi, Bells, you up and around?"

"Yeah, Dad, just searching for something for dinner."

"Well, Sue's invited us to stay here for dinner tonight. Why don't you come down and join us. No mess, no dishes and you can hang out with Katie a bit."

"Actually, that sounds great," I said, closing the cupboard door. "Does Sue need me to bring anything down?"

He covered the phone for a second and I heard muffled voices.

"Nope, but an extra pair of pants and shoes for Katie might be a good idea. We've been at the beach all day."

"Okay. I'll get ready and head down."

I ran upstairs and jumped in the shower, and then got everything ready to go for work after I returned home. I grabbed some of Katie's clothes and threw them in a bag before I locked up the house and headed down to the res.

When I climbed into the truck, I thought to text Edward back before I hit the road.

_So did you guys win?_

Almost immediately I received a text back from him.

_Yep 10-7 and they weren't too happy about it either._

_Let me guess. Em was throwin' some smack talk?_

_Uh, yeah. Par for the course. You have a good nap?_

_Absolutely delightful_

_Good (Grinning ear to ear)_

_Gotta run. Heading to Sue's for Sunday dinner. Maybe see you later? _

_Looking forward to it_

I smiled as I put the phone down on my seat. It felt so nice to have him in my life again.

O=^=C

I pulled up to Sue's, parking the truck behind Dad's and grabbed the bag of Katie's things. The front door opened as I headed up the walk, and my daughter came ripping out of the house, leapt off of the stairs and slammed into me, arms wrapping around my legs. My knees buckled and I reeled from the force of her hit.

"Easy kiddo, almost took your mom out," I said, laughing.

Dad was right: she was wet up to her knees and needed dry clothes. She was hopping and talking non-stop about all of the things she did at the beach and it all blended into a flurry of words as we went into the house.

I loved it, though. She was always so excited to see me, always had such interesting tales that made me shake my head in awe. She was getting so big, so smart. I was proud of the job I'd done in raising her.

Entering Sue's home was always a treat, as I was met with the warm pine smell and the aroma of freshly baked bread. My mouth was already salivating as I looked to Sue in the kitchen and was greeted with a affectionate smile. Charlie was comfortably ensconced in the recliner in front of the television.

"Hey," he offered in greeting, slightly lifting his beer can.

"Can I help you do anything?" I said to Sue, noting the pan of freshly baked bread to the side as she busied herself cleaning up.

"No, you sit. I've got it," she said, smiling. "Iced tea?" she asked. I nodded. She reached into the refrigerator and grabbed the pitcher to pour me a glass.

I thanked her and set my glass on the counter. "C'mon kiddo," I said, herding Katie to the bathroom to get her into some dry clothes.

"Mom, you have got to see the tide pools," she said, squirming as I tried to extract her from her sodden things. "There's fish and all kinds of cool things in them!"

I laughed, remembering when those were my favorite things, too. "Next time for sure, Bug. Now hold still so we can get you dressed."

She sighed like I was cramping her style, but thankfully held still long enough for me to get her into something warmer. We were just turning out the light to the bathroom when she stopped me, wrapped her arms around my waist, and said, "I missed you today, Mom."

Tears pricked my eyes. Day shifts couldn't come soon enough. I hugged her back. "I know, baby. Mommy missed you, too."

Blinking to clear my vision, I followed her back to the living room, grabbed my tea and went to the couch to sit opposite of Charlie. Katie bounced onto the cushion next to me for a kiss and a hug before she was off to the kitchen again.

"How come you didn't have a change of clothes for her? You know she pretty much always needs one," I stated rather matter-of-factly.

"I did. We went through that one already." He took a sip of his beer. "Did you go to the tournament?"

"Nah. I guess I was too tired. I slept most of the day," I said, looking away. I thought of green eyes and strong arms, and reddened.

"Sounds like you needed it then. Going to be on night shift much longer?"

"Probably. Wouldn't mind moving to days. It'd probably work better with Katie's school schedule to stay on nights, but I miss her too much. I think Sam's going to shake up the schedule a bit to spread the wealth. Newton's gotta stay on nights because Jess works during the day."

"Cullen going to day shift?" he asked.

"Dad!"

"Just askin'. No need to get defensive," he said, smirking. "Things good?"

I blushed harder at that. How come he could always tell when I'd seen Edward? Was it that obvious? But then again, he said he always knew.

"Yeah. They're good." I sat there for a few moments. "I was thinking about talking to Katie about it tonight before I head into work. Seeing as it's something more than casual, Dad, I need to do this right."

"Yep, probably a good idea."

Sue called us in to eat, and as usual, we all scrambled to the table.

After dinner, we stayed for a bit, but I wanted to drive Katie home, before I went to work. Once in the truck, I took a big breath to start the conversation.

_Here goes._

"Do you remember my friend Edward?" I said, glancing at her as we drove up the hill off of the reservation.

She looked at me blankly, crinkling her forehead some.

I looked at her and added, "Uncle Emmett's brother?"

"Oh." She flicked the tag on the bottom side of her bunny a few times with her thumb. "Abby's dad?"

"Yeah," I laughed.

"He's a policeman, right?"

"Yes, a Sheriff's deputy," I said, laughing. I reached over and gently tucked her hair behind her ear before I continued. "He's going to be coming by the house more often, to, uh, hang out with mommy."

After her reaction to my date with Riley, I was bracing for the worst. Obviously if my child had a problem with her mother dating, something was wrong that I wasn't seeing. Delayed reaction to my divorce from her father, or the amount of time we spent together being cut in half, I wasn't sure. I just knew that it was something that I'd have to do some serious soul searching about if it turned into a huge issue. She came first, and introducing her to Edward as "Mommy's special friend" would possibly need to be handled more carefully than I'd initially thought.

I sure hoped not, though. I didn't want to stress her out.

She considered that for a moment. "To play?"

I chuckled. "Adults don't really play." But I choked a little on that. "We talk, eat, and watch movies. Sometimes I might leave the house to go do things with him."

"Oh." She thought for another minute. "Will Abby be coming over, too?"

A small wave of relief washed over me. _This, _I thought, _is going to be okay_. No tantrums, no pouty lip. She looked merely interested and not one bit adverse to the whole thing. Thank whoever was listening for her love of dogs.

"I'm sure we can make that happen. Sometimes we can even do things together, the three of us."

"You mean four, Mom," she said, smiling and looked out the window. That meant she was done with the conversation.

O=^=C

Later that night on duty, I was parked in the lot next to Sully's casually observing the main thoroughfare when a County patrol car pulled up next to me, the driver's side window down.

"Evenin', Deputy," I said, trying my best to keep a professional face. The grin won out.

"Officer Swan."

I was a little nervous about people seeing us together and had butterflies fluttering around in my stomach like no tomorrow. In all honesty, no one probably thought anything of it. It was actually quite common to see the local police and the county sheriff's department in tete-a-tete on the side of the road.

"How's it goin'?" he asked.

"Good. Slow night, for once."

"Yeah, things seem to settle a bit once school is about to start," he remarked.

"I know. Katie starts on Wednesday and she's all amped up about it. First grade, you know."

He tapped his in-car computer, and then glanced back at me with a smile. "Big day."

"Yeah, I'm a little nervous and sad and happy all at the same time. I'm making a big deal out of it, a little present, a fun dinner, kind of celebrating it all."

"Funny, I brought you a present," he said, smirking.

"What? Why?" I said, incredulously.

Through the window, he handed over a little white bag. I looked inside and saw about a dozen mini old-fashioned donuts. I ducked my head to try and control the goofy smile on my face. As far as presents went, it was really sweet…pun intended.

"It's my cover. Nothing wrong with cops meeting for donuts, you know."

I laughed. "That's generally in a coffee shop, Cullen."

My radio crackled with a dispatch, and I turned to listen but it was directed at Sam. A tournament party getting too loud for the neighbors. I turned to look back at him and his eyes locked onto mine. I felt him—even at this distance. Heat flooded my face and I turned to fiddle with my radio. What I really I wanted was to reach through the window and touch him to remind me that this was real.

"I'd better go check that out as well," he said. "My side of the road." Many of our calls overlapped because of the way the city limits were laid out.

I nodded, but inside I was a teensy bit bummed. My night was slow enough that a ten or fifteen minute break with him would have been welcomed. I might have even shared my donuts.

It looked like he was thinking the same thing. He shrugged, and it was a sad little shrug…and then he brightened almost immediately. "Hey. Want to go for a run after your shift?"

I thought about this for a moment. Katie's school didn't start until Wednesday so tomorrow morning would work perfectly.

"Going to have to… I gotta work off these donuts." I said, smiling and lifting up the bag. "Come by about six-thirty?"

"I'll be there."

The next morning, when I had completed my shift, I headed home a little more energized than usual. I put away my gun and walked into the kitchen to see Charlie look up from his newspaper.

"I'm going to head out for a run before Katie gets up… with Cullen." I turned quickly to reach for a coffee cup, wanting to avoid any questions.

"Okay, I'll be here until you get back, then I'm heading over to Doc's. Gotta finalize the details of our trip."

Dad, Doc Gerandy and Deputy Fuller planned a hunting trip to Eastern Washington every year. It was something Charlie looked forward to each fall. I assured him I'd be back in time, grabbed my coffee, and booked it up the stairs to get ready. My dad was still in the kitchen with his paper when I came back down. I tried not to, but I must have glanced at the clock a time or four too many, because he chuckled lightly behind his newspaper and attempted to hide a smile.

A light tap on the back door jolted me back to the matter-at-hand. I walked to open the door and Edward stepped in, dressed in navy blue sweats, t-shirt and a ball cap. I was about to shuffle him out the door when Charlie coughed.

Edward stuck his head around the corner. "Morning, Chief."

"Cullen." And thankfully, that was all that needed to be said in their mutual acknowledgement of each other.

Edward looked at me with a small smile on his face. "Ready?"

I nodded and turned to head out , feeling his fingers ghosting along my side as he moved with me to the door.

We stood in the back yard and discussed our potential path. It was so easy to run unnoticed around here, especially with all of the logging roads and trails, but the deeper you went into the woods, the greater the possibility of an encounter with a cougar or bear. I tended to stick to the neighborhoods. He agreed, so we chose to stick to a fairly easy wooded route that bordered the residences around the area.

As we started off, I let him lead. Thankfully, he chose a pace that I was confident in and wasn't trying to "dumb it down" for my sake. It felt really good. The crisp morning air seared my lungs in that 'hurts but feels good' way.

We made a five mile loop in about fifty minutes. There wasn't much room for talking, but just being with him was enough. As we approached the trail that led to the back of the house, I leaned over to stretch my hamstrings and thought _crap, __my ass is pointed right at him_, but he said nothing as I bolted upright.

"That felt great. Now time for a nap and I'll be good to go," I said.

"Nap? Hmmm," he said, smiling deliciously.

"I wish," I said, reaching to link his fingers in mine.

He moved over to me then and pushed me gently against the fencepost on the side of the trail. I was fully aware of his body pressed to mine and placed my hands lightly on his waist to steady myself. A light sheen covered my body, and, exposed to the air like we were, the dampness of my clothes beneath was noticeable.

"Dude. I'm sweaty," I whispered.

"Don't care. You smell like Bella to me."

That made me blush from the bottom of my toes on up. He moved to my mouth and kissed me, his tongue sliding gently between my lips. I reached up and curled my hand around his neck, pulling him closer to me, not wanting to break this, not wanting to come up for air. He was the air that I breathed in this moment, making me forget where we were.

He pulled back and my lips followed, and then he kissed me again. It was a whisper, the softest of soft touches, but it still sent a jolt to my system more potent than the best coffee. In the back of my mind I was aware of the houses nearby, that anyone could look out their window and see us, but I just didn't care right then.

When he pulled back this time, he moved his head further away so I couldn't trap him again.

"You big teaser, huh?" I said, slightly flustered and gasping a little for air.

"Are you quoting 'Sixteen Candles' to me?" He pulled back, taking my hand in his and turning toward the house.

"Maybe."

We walked slowly in quiet contemplation, and I couldn't wipe the smile off of my face. There were things about this that were so scary, but there were also things that felt so natural and easy that I wondered why I'd worried so much about dating a fellow officer—but, no, that wasn't entirely right, either. It was Edward, plain and simple. He made this easy.

Right before we stepped out of the trees, I pulled on his hand to stop him. "How about coming over for dinner tomorrow night? It's Katie's first day at school and she'll be wound up in a good way."

"That would be great." He turned to look at me, taking in my face. "Thanks," he said earnestly and smiled.

"I talked to her the other day and she'll be okay with things—us, I mean. But…"

"But what?"

I smiled. "She made a request to spend time with Abby as well."

He laughed. "I think that can be arranged. Mind if I bring her here?"

"Oh definitely. We'd love to have her. I always wanted a dog but felt I was too busy to care for one."

"Yep. They can be work, but definitely worth it."

I tugged on his hand, bringing his face down to mine. "Good, it's a date then." I kissed him fully on the lips and backed toward the house. "Do you want to come in for coffee?" I asked.

"Next time. You have someone waiting for you," he said as he pointed through the trees to the house.

As I backed out of the cover of the trees, I turned around to see Katie watching out the window. She waved at me and I waved back. I turned to look at Edward and he lifted a hand in a goodbye gesture, smiling as he jogged in the other direction back toward his truck.

O=^=C

To say getting ready for the first day of school was pure insanity was an understatement. I'd taken great pains in getting everything laid out for her first day: her outfit, backpack and 'the perfect shoes'. I had everything ready for her lunch in the morning. Luckily, her teacher, Ms. Weber, sent a list of supplies prior to the start of the year. Katie must have taken everything apart and put it back together ten times.

Getting her to go to bed was another story. Finally, under heavy amounts of bribing and a promise of the next installment of 'Ivy and Bean,' we crawled into bed together to read.

I'd taken the day off so I could be there to take her to school and get everything sorted out. She was unbelievably quiet the next morning, her face a little blank. I was a little nervous that we'd have a meltdown, but as I pulled up to the school and parked so I could walk her to class, I could see her eagerly looking out the window to see who she knew.

There's something about the first day of school, an undercurrent of energy, a fresh start. I smiled to myself, feeling like I, too, was getting my own fresh start.

We walked into her classroom hand in hand and I made eye contact with Angela Weber. We'd been casual friends in high school and I was grateful that she ended up being Katie's first grade teacher. She smiled and made her way over to where we stood.

"Hi, Katie, welcome. How are you doing today?" she asked.

"Fine," she replied.

"We're still waiting on a few more kids. Can you find your name on one of the desks?" she asked.

Katie nodded her head. As she moved to look around the room, I had a hard time letting go of her hand. She turned to me and said, "Mom, I can do this myself."

I nodded, my eyes shiny but not overfull. Angela smiled at me and steered Katie further into the room.

I walked out of the school, and as I hit the fresh air, I took a huge breath, attempting to clear my mind.

_My baby's growing up so fast._

O=^=C

When I picked her up from school, she ran to me and threw her arms around me.

"I take it you had a good day," I said, laughing.

"Oh, Mom, it was great!"

I laughed and took her hand as we walked to the car. She was talking a million miles a minute about what she did, how awesome Ms. Weber was, and about some kid named Luke that followed her around at recess.

I frowned at that—kid better back off my baby.

When we arrived at the house, she ran inside so she could tell her grandpa all about her day. I pulled a few snacks from the refrigerator, placing some grapes and veggies on the table for her to graze on as I began to put together my lasagna.

I smiled to myself and listened to the chatter coming from the other room as I assembled the wavy noodles and sauce into the pan. I wasn't nervous about Edward coming over, instead looking forward to time with everyone I cared about. It all felt so…normal.

He showed up about five-thirty—with Abby in tow. It was apparent that she was very well mannered despite sneaking a lick of Katie's face. She looked to Edward before she made her next move, but Katie had other ideas.

"C'mon, let's go see my grampa," she said to Abby as she walked into the living room.

Charlie was nestled into his chair watching the waning season of the Mariners, once again far from entering the playoffs. Abby snuck a look back, but, not hearing any sort of reproach from her master, followed my daughter. Charlie nodded 'hello' to Edward and he nodded politely back.

Edward handed me a white bag with what looked like baked goods and was warm to the touch.

"More donuts?"

"Nope. Those are for special occasions. Just dinner rolls."

"You rock. Can I get you something to drink?" I said as I turned to walk to the kitchen, hinting that he was to follow me.

"I'm good for now," he said, his voice close behind as we moved down the hall. As we entered the kitchen, his hands went around my waist and he buried his nose at the nape of my neck. I did everything in my power not to squeal.

"Smells good," he said. I squirmed a little, knowing Charlie and Katie were in the next room, but turned and wrapped my arms about his waist and met him with a kiss. The feel of his lips on mine only made me want more and I pressed my hips lightly into his.

The second I heard feet padding down the hallway, I pushed myself away from him, turning to check on dinner.

"Mom? I'm hungry."

Abby stopped at the edge of the kitchen and with one look from Edward, laid down on the floor, just outside the kitchen doorway.

He saw my amazed look and said, "No dogs in the kitchen while we're cooking or eating. She knows."

"Impressive," I said.

"_Mama," _said Katie.

"Honey, it's almost ready. How about you help me set the table and then you can go and get Grandpa and we can eat."

I pulled down the plates and glasses as she dutifully set things out. This was our usual routine in the evening, and I waved Edward off when he attempted to help. So he leaned against the counter and watched as we moved around the kitchen.

I was secretly amazed that Katie wasn't even fazed by another body in the house—someone she wasn't familiar with but at the same time knew that he was a new piece to the puzzle. She kind of ignored him, but I also caught her looking at him curiously.

Over dinner, I casually observed Charlie and Edward talking about work, fishing and other guys things I had no clue about.

When we had finished, Edward insisted on cleaning up, managing all of the pots and pans as well. I was thinking about getting Katie a bath and ready for bed when I felt his fingertips brush my back.

"I'm going to head out. Thank you for the amazing dinner and a fun evening. Katie's a kick… and you're not too bad either," he said, laughing. I went to walk him to the front door, but he motioned toward the back door. "I actually parked at the trail head."

I looked at him quizzically and he went on to explain. "I thought it was best to keep my truck out back, you know, Missus Yorkie?"

"Oh," I said, but I was starting to not care so much about keeping things quiet. He walked back to the living room to say goodbye to Charlie and Katie and to round up Abby, who had her head on Dad's lap being scratched. I smiled.

We walked to the back door and I stepped outside to grab a minute alone with him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he leaned into me, kissing me softly on the lips.

"Do you have plans next weekend?" he asked, moving his hands up my back.

"No," I said and hummed when he trailed his hands back down to my waist.

"Would you and Katie come to my house for dinner?"

I looked up at him. Now, I was feeling selfish.

"How about I come—alone?"

O=^=C

_**A/N:**__AND I could not do this without the help of these lovely ladies—kimmydonn, ttharman, carenl and nic. Y'all are the frosting to my cupcakes…wait, that sounds just silly. You know what I mean._

_Song –First Time - Lifehouse_


	8. Chapter 8

_**Disclaimer:**__ Anything remotely resembling Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Any of the stories within, belong to me. Please do not copy or translate without permission._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Not Going There<strong>_

_**Chapter 8**_

In my opinion, there were few things better than curling up beside a warm, crackling fire when the rain was a constant beat against the windowpanes. Add to that a lazy Saturday afternoon spent at home and not out on patrol? Pure. Bliss. And I was determined to enjoy it while it lasted. I lifted my feet onto the coffee table, crossed my legs and leaned back with a stack of magazines, thumbing through them while I decided which one to read next.

"So have you done it yet?"

Exasperated, I glanced to my left at the only other person in my house. "Rose!"

Eyes narrowed in suspicion, she observed my reaction, and then seemed to deflate a bit. "That would be a 'negative'."

"You're something else. You kiss your mother with that mouth?" Try as I might not to, a telling flush spread over my cheeks.

"Apparently I do more with my mouth than you do…but you, missy, have been up to _some_thing. I can totally tell!" she said, giving me a shrewd look and ignoring the fashion magazine in her lap. "You know, half the fun of having sex is talking about it."

"Really? Do we need to do this right now?" I wasn't ready to share _anything. _Not yet.

Surprisingly, I'd found myself easing into the whole "dating" thing with a decided lack of fear and worry. Maybe it was just that I was ready to move on, but deep down I suspected that the fact that I was dating Edward had more to do with it than anything. It had been almost three days since I'd invited me, myself, and I to his house next weekend, and I wasn't even freaking out.

_Score one for me… _

"I just love making you blush. It's so easy to do," she said, casually.

"Thanks," I said sarcastically.

"Things must be progressing a bit to get this kind of reaction out of you. Don't get me wrong, it's good…and seriously about damn time, so I'm just ribbing you a little," she said. "But he told Em, who told me because he likes thinking he has one-up on me in gossip—comical, really."

"I'm glad my love life seems to be entertainment for you all."

She closed her magazine and turned to face me. "As matter of fact, it's important to me to see you happy—more than anything else. And Edward, too. Things haven't been easy for him either."

I curled the corner of the magazine that I was reading, flipping the pages with my thumbnail. We weren't really at the stage where you confessed all past hurts, yet, so I didn't know specific details about Edward's previous relationship save for that it ended in divorce—and I hadn't exactly gotten around to asking, either. Rose would know, though…

"I figured he'd tell me if he wanted me to know."

"Some of the details might be too embarrassing for him."

And, man, I tried, I really did, but curiosity won out—I'd always thought the whole excuse of it being "not my story to tell" was BS anyway. If you knew something that could save a friend or loved one drama, why not spill? Attempting to be casual, I asked, "What do you mean?"

She looked at me, and then shrugged. "I don't know the intimate details of things, but I know Heidi wasn't who he thought she was, and ultimately it was the demise of their marriage…if you could call it that."

"What do you mean?" I hedged.

"She didn't like sex."

I was floored. _Not like sex? With Edward? You've got to be kidding me. _

"I know, right?"

"So, I said that out loud, huh?" I sat back. Not that we were up to that stage yet, but our chemistry alone and intimacy so far told me that I'd probably really, really enjoy it.

Rose continued, "Yeah, not surprised though. Turns out she handed him a brand-spanking-new V-card when they got married. God knows why he let that happen."

"Well, to some people, that's very important," I said.

"I guess." Rose looked like she couldn't even imagine; her expression made me giggle. "She latched on to him because I think she wanted to emulate the lifestyle she grew up in. You know, perfect guy, perfect marriage but while still reaping the benefits of Daddy's business."

"Which was…?"

"I don't quite know. Dabbled in a few things I guess. The girl wanted status and money and besides, who wouldn't want Edward on their arm?"

"This makes no sense. He's so not like that." Edward was one of the most down-to-earth people I knew. I couldn't even fathom him with someone like that.

"Girl, I don't even know what he was thinking. After they had a quickie ceremony, of which Mama Cullen was none too pleased, her dad put on the pressure for him to leave the Sheriff's Department—probably made 'Daddy' a little nervous. But Edward refused to give it up because it was something he loved to do. After awhile, she just refused to put out. Said it was only for making babies. Good thing they didn't go there."

"Oh." I was flabbergasted. And that she'd wanted him out of law enforcement, to boot? It sounded like a bad situation on so many levels. "How on earth did he even get involved with her?"

"He was really lonely, B. He was away from his family and just wanted something of his own. And, okay, this is gonna sound crazy, but she kind of reminded me of you sometimes."

"Of me?" I didn't know whether to be insulted or just plain mad. That didn't sound like me at all.

"Yeah, well, physically anyway. You guys do look sort of alike. Not uncommon with some guys—they have their types, know what I mean? And, like, you were 'the one that got away' or whatever…people don't forget things like that. He wouldn't admit it because he screwed up, though."

I sat there wondering how things had gotten so messed up.

"Speaking of which, have you heard from baby-daddy lately?"

"He called the other day, asking if he could have her for Thanksgiving. I can't tell you how badly I wanted to say 'no', but, much as I hate what he did to me, I can't punish her for his crap."

He did call her weekly but I rarely talked to him myself. Fact was that I preferred not to talk to him at all. His inconsistency just irritated me because he tended to show in fits and starts, complete with lots of excuses for not being able to make it. It didn't seem to make any difference to Katie—he was her dad, and they had a good relationship besides.

"Anybody cut off his balls yet?"

"Don't know, don't care. I guess we'll see soon if he's serious or not."

"I think you have the better end of the deal—you have Katie and a Cullen that's head over heels for you."

I hid my smile behind my coffee mug. "You think so?"

"I know so." She picked up her cup and scowled at the bottom. "Want more coffee?"

"No, I'm fine," I called after her as she retreated to the kitchen. "I have to go pick up Katie soon from Jess and Mike's place. I need to get her settled before I head into work."

"So you're going over to his house on Friday alone, eh?" she shouted from the kitchen.

I didn't answer her. Something told me she already knew anyway—Damn Em and Edward and their big mouths.

Rose walked back into the living room and sat on the couch. "Don't forget to shave and make it pretty."

"My God," I said, flustered. The woman had no couth whatsoever. "If I didn't love you so much, I'd kick your ass."

"You'd never kick my ass," she said batting her eyes. "I am your truth."

O=^=C

On Monday, after school, I took Katie to Thriftway so we could get some shopping done. I usually did it myself; if I let Charlie do it we'd have a house full of TV dinners and junk. It was enough to work my nerves, though, having Katie along—I wish I had a dollar for every time I had to say 'no'.

As we were entering the store, I saw Lauren barreling toward me with her grocery cart. Small as Forks was, I hadn't run into her around town since the baseball game. Apparently she was still put out with me for "ruining her good name in the community" by nabbing her son. Never mind that I'd done what I could to get him off the hook.

She made an effort rivaling a race car driver to come within inches of my side. I quickly moved Katie to the right and swear I heard her mutter 'bitch' under her breath. I just laughed. So petty.

After getting most of the basics, I turned the cart down the ice cream aisle when Katie whooped and started to take off. It was then I saw Esme heading our way from the opposite direction. When I got closer, she looked back and forth between me and Katie with a huge smile on her face.

"How are you girls today?" she asked.

Her genuine warmth always showed, and, in a way, it made me miss my own mom. Not that Renee was exactly the warm and fuzzy type, especially these last few years, but still. Having Katie made me miss that maternal bond, and I was grateful that I had Esme at least for some motherly advice when I needed it.

"We're great. Just catching up on the grocery list."

"Oh, me too. I was going to call you this evening, but since you're here now I don't have to! Would you like to come over to dinner on Wednesday? I mean, I know it's in the middle of the week and a school night, but we can make it early. We would love it if you two could come."

I usually didn't take Katie out midweek, but I said, "Sure, an early dinner would work. What time?"

"Oh, come over around four so we can have plenty of time to chat."

I had to smile at that. She had something up her sleeve, definitely. Katie regaled her with stories of her new duties in school for a few minutes before we said our goodbyes and set about finishing our shopping so we could head home.

When I got Katie settled in to her booster seat, she was furiously working on the bag of gummies I bought her, sorting out the colors. I took that opportunity and flipped my phone open to dial Edward.

"You must have ESP," he said in greeting.

"Oh, yeah? Why's that?"

"I was just thinking about calling you," he said.

I twisted the key in the ignition, but sat in the parking lot and grinned at nothing and everything. It wasn't a declaration by any means, but it still made me feel good that he was thinking about me, too. There was a warm, fluttery feeling in my tummy that I was happily getting used to.

"So I take it you told your mom?" I asked.

"Yeah, is that okay? I figured she wouldn't say anything until we said she could."

Holding my laughter, pretending to be outraged, I whispered, "Dude, she was practically vibrating in the middle of the store. If she had access to the store PA system, everyone would know."

He wasn't fooled. "Well, that would solve the formal announcement in the paper I had planned."

"Ha. Ha. Funny. She did invite us to dinner on Wednesday, though."

"Oh? Huh. I didn't know about that. What's she up to?"

"Your guess is as good as mine."

O=^=C

Right after I'd picked Bug up from school on Wednesday, Edward swung by the house and drove us to Esme and Carlisle's. Katie, in the backseat of the extended cab truck with Abby at her side, was excited and talking a mile a minute, leaving me no room to talk to Edward much. He still grabbed my hand covertly a few times; every time he did that, I had to look out the window to hide my goofy smile.

There were more cars than usual in the driveway, and I frowned at the zippy little convertible parked near the front. Someone wasn't being very practical.

"What's with the crowd today?" I wondered aloud.

"I don't know," he said as he maneuvered the truck to park behind Emmett. "Looks like the whole family is here—and then some. Rose didn't say anything about a new car to you, did she?"

"Uh, no. Anyway. Bug, baby, get your things back in your book bag, please. We're here."

Katie, adamant about wanting to bring over some stuff to show Uncle Emmett, started piling her things in her bag haphazardly. Once free of the truck she ran to the front steps, bounding up clumsily with all that weight on her back and Abby at her side.

As we walked up the stairs, Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me underneath a shade tree for a quick kiss. It was sweet and soft, and I wanted much, much more, but I turned my head quickly away and smiled to let him know it wasn't him. It didn't matter how old we were—I still felt silly kissing a guy in front of his parent's house.

The door opened and Esme was standing there, all lit up and excited.

"Well, hello, everyone!" she exclaimed exuberantly, and then leaned down to hug Katie.

Puzzled, Edward and I just looked at each other, but she wasn't giving up any more clues. Shrugging, Edward placed his hand on my back and guided me up the stairs and into the house. His touch was faint, but warm, and made me melt inside just the same.

The loud bellows of Emmett and the other sounds of conversations coming from the kitchen, told me that everyone was clustered in there. I froze in the doorway, shocked when I saw who the car outside belonged to.

"Alice!" I shrieked as I flew over to hug her.

"Oh, Bella, how _are_ you!" She squeezed me hard and rocked me back and forth.

"Good. Great. Oh my _god, _I can't believe you're here! Why didn't you tell me?"

A few tears may have slipped out, and I squeezed her back just as hard. It had been so long since I'd last saw her. After a few moments, she pulled back and I looked into her beaming face.

"It's so good to see you; I've missed you so much." She hugged me again and then turned. "Edward," she said and moved to hug him as well.

You could just feel the happy vibe in the house. The whole family, and me and Katie, were all together in one room. It was awesome, and such an amazing surprise. I glanced at Edward to see his reaction, and he seemed just as joyous and shocked as I was.

She stood back. "I knew it!" she gasped, looking back and forth between us.

"Knew what?" I hedged. I hoped she wouldn't be mad …

She let out a sound of exasperation. "You," she pointed at me, and then her brother, "and him. It's about freaking time. I thought I was going to have to come up with some scheme to make this happen."

"What?" I said.

"Don't 'what' me. Your little mutual fan club has been going on as long I can remember. I'm amazed it didn't happen in high school. I had to put up with your constant 'moony-moony' over each other all of the time."

"It's out in the open now, bro," Emmett chided.

I was still in a state of shock about Alice even being here with us, much less that there were apparently no hurt feelings over secrets long-kept, when Edward slipped his hand around my waist and gave me a gentle squeeze.

She rolled her eyes at us, but I could tell that she was thrilled, too. She cleared her throat. "Where's Katie?"

Katie was standing in the doorway holding on to Esme's hand, , all shy and quiet. She was a lot like me in that regard—standing back, taking in the excitement, but not saying anything. She was as animated as could be when she knew someone well enough, or felt comfortable because either myself or Charlie told her it was okay, but was always watchful around anyone new. And she hadn't seen Alice in person since she was a toddler. She usually had good instincts about people, though, and I knew she'd be okay in about five minutes.

"C'mere, Bug," I said, holding out my hand. "This is Mommy's very, very oldest friend Alice. Can you say hi?"

"Hello," she said, smiling a little so that her dimples showed.

Alice crouched down to her level. "Hi, Katie. Do you remember me?"

She looked up at me and I nodded to let her know all was okay. She shook her head at Alice.

"That's okay. You weren't very old the last time I saw you. You sure got big! Did you bring something fun to play with? Can I see?"

Katie nodded and shrugged off her back pack, unzipping the big section. She opened it and held it out for Alice to peer inside. Alice oohed and ahhed and Katie relaxed enough to move closer to her.

She touched a tentative hand to Alice's earrings, big, gaudy things with lots of beads and loops. "That's pretty."

"Thanks, kiddo. Hey, let's go look at everything you brought."

I watched with a grin on my face as Alice held out her hand and led Katie into the living room, followed by Emmett and Rose. Those two were charmers, and I fully expected to hear about how much Katie liked my friend on the car ride home.

"Wow," I said. "What a surprise."

Esme moved over to where I was standing. "She didn't want us to tell anyone that she was coming. And you know how hard it is for me to keep a secret. It's just so great to have everyone here."

I smiled at her, acknowledging silently how a little part of me felt complete now.

After dinner, the guys were in the den watching baseball and Alice and I were curled up on the couch. Rose and Esme kept Katie busy in the kitchen. I kept a careful eye on the clock—I wanted to get my little girl home and in bed before my shift started in a few hours. I would have liked to stay all night.

"So, how long are you here?" I asked.

"I have to head back to Seattle tomorrow. I'm actually out here on a business trip but thought I'd squeeze in a quick visit. It's been way too long, since I've seen everyone, especially you."

"I know. It's so good to have you home," I said and reached out to grab her hand.

"Give me the scoop. What finally happened in the stars to push you two together?" she asked.

"Well, …" I said and filled her in on the details, explaining that it probably was inevitable. "You know, I guess the timing was never right until now," I said, wistfully.

"You guys look so happy."

I still felt weird about talking about her brother to her. I reached down and played with my foot.

"Yeah. We are, "was all I could manage.

"I have a bit of a confession to make," she added, shifting her legs underneath her.

"Oh? What's that?"

"Well, I _knew_ back in high school that you two had a thing for each other and, while I didn't go out of my way to prevent it, I didn't do anything to help it either."

I cocked my head to peer at her. "What do you mean?"

"It sounds so silly now, but when we were in school, you were _my_ best friend, not my brother's to take away from me. Sounds incredibly selfish now, but when you're a teenager everything feels so absolute, like you're going to die if you have to move or change friends for example."

"I can relate to the moving thing. I was sick to my stomach for weeks thinking I had to start a new school when Mom sent me up here to live with Dad. I was heartbroken. But then I would have never have found you and your family."

"Yeah. You were lucky because it had already happened to you and you knew how to adapt. I never had to worry about anything. My family gave me more than enough and I really wasn't good at doing without. It wasn't until I had to go to university alone that I had to grow up. I had a rude awakening in college, no longer daddy's princess." She paused for a moment, "Are you upset with me?"

"Upset? No, not at all. If I would have known at the time, I probably would have been really mad at you, but so much time has passed. I appreciate you telling me but it honestly doesn't matter anymore. In a way, I'm glad it happened the way it did."

She leaned over to hug me. "I want the best for you, and my brother."

"I'll do my best, Alice, you know that."

"I do." I let go and looked for Katie through the kitchen door. "Crap."

"What's up?"

"I have to get ready for work and get Katie ready for school tomorrow. Also Charlie's leaving on a hunting trip next week and I have to make some arrangements for Katie and I haven't even made the phone calls yet..."

"Sounds like you need an assistant."

"Are you available?" I said, laughing.

"I would love it more than anything but I don't think my boss, Mr. Whitlock, is interested in letting me go at the moment. I'm indispensible, he says." Her head tilted up rather proudly.

"Really?" I caught a flash of light in her eyes, and wasn't quite sure how to perceive that one.

"He knows a keeper when he sees one," she said, smiling.

In the truck later, after lots of hugs and promises to see each other more often all around, Edward asked how things were going with making arrangements for Katie.

"I've got the weekends covered with Lizzie, her sitter, and I'm going to try to take Monday through Wednesday off, too, if I can. I hope they give me the days, or I may have a problem with someone to watch her at night. Then there's school to worry about..."

I sighed. Most times I didn't mind being a single parent. I had a great support system in my dad and Rose and Lizzie, but when our schedules all went crazy at the same time, it was hectic and I wished for a bit of a break or some help from James that wasn't so spotty.

"I can do it."

"What?"

"If you need me to, I can help on my days off."

"You'd do that?" I asked. I hadn't even thought of it. If he was willing to help me…Well, I wanted to kiss the hell out of him right now.

"Isn't there some list I'd need to be on at the school?"

"Yeah, I can call them as soon as possible and let them know. Thank you. That's really…awesome."

"My mom could always help, too. I'm sure she wouldn't mind at all."

My heart swelled a little as did my kinda newly extended family.

O=^=C

That night, I was sitting in my patrol car at the Shell station when Connor and a couple of his buddies approached my vehicle.

"Mallory, how's it going?" I asked. I noticed he was on foot and some of his friends carried skateboards.

"Hey, Officer Swan. Good, I guess."

"Did you get things sorted out with court and your fines?"

"Yeah. Everything will be off my record once I do my probation, community service and pay my fines. They told me that I could forego the jail time with time served."

"Sounds like you were pretty lucky."

"Well," he said looking down to the ground. He lowered his voice so his buddies couldn't hear, "I kind of wanted to thank you for going to bat for me in juvie court. I mean, the stuff about my grades and everything."

What bothered me the most about kids that I saw getting in trouble day in and day out was that they all had other options. Connor's grades were excellent, and if his parents would just give him attention that wasn't so focused on making them look good, I truly believed he'd stop trying to cause so much trouble.

"It's the truth, Connor. I believe you're smart and can do anything you want if you put your mind to it. Some of your buddies might not see it the same way, but in truth, the only person you can rely on is yourself. And to be successful, it has to come from you."

"I know, I—"

He was interrupted by one of his friends throwing his skateboard on the ground and hopping on.

"Connor! Let's go!" said

"I gotta go. See you 'round Officer Swan."

"Bye Connor. Be safe."

I watched as him and his buddies crossed the street and headed toward the skate park. It was the most I'd ever get out of him, but it was things like that that made me love my job.

O=^=C

As the weekend approached, I could feel my nervousness about our 'date' increase. In my mind, I knew what I wanted to happen, but did he? I spent all day Thursday scouring the house from top to bottom. I had to channel all of my nervous energy into something and figured I'd get all of this stuff out of the way.

After I dropped Katie off at school Friday morning, I returned home to finish my list of things to do. But I didn't have a list—I'd completed everything the day before.

_Okay. Go for a run. That'll help. _Then I figured I could spend the rest of my time leisurely getting ready.

Since I was so amped up, I thought I'd take a different route today. Normally I didn't run along the highway, but there was a stretch of road I wanted to get to that was off the beaten path where I could run without traffic to worry about.

Once across the Calawah Bridge I headed up the hill and around the bend to where the lumber mill and the 'A' Road were. A few cars passed me, but I paid them little notice.

My iPod was kicking out a great shuffle and I was just hitting my stride, so I ran and thought of Edward, and tonight, and let those thoughts cycle through my brain while I pounded the pavement.

Things between us were going so good. He was sweet and thoughtful, totally hot, and not at all put out by my single mom persona. In fact, he was way more accommodating than I would have ever expected, and I was really, really glad I'd let go of my silliness over dating a fellow officer.

Turned out it wasn't as scary as I'd thought it would be. It wasn't a magic fix, not by far, but for right now, things were good. Newton had kept to his word as far as I could tell and not spilled the news to anyone. There were still niggling doubts in my head, but maybe I just needed time and experience to get over them. Everyone had to start somewhere when facing fears, right?

Partway down the road, I started to get an eerie feeling. I slowed to a stop and pulled my iPod buds out of my ears, taking a look around. I didn't hear anything, per se, but made up my mind that I didn't want to continue any further.

Mindful now, I turned around and ran back toward the way I came. I scanned the trees and places around me anyone could hide, my training kicking into full effect, but there was nothing. Up ahead, I saw the tail lights of a small, dark SUV heading away from me. Funny, but I didn't hear it behind me before. I watched it until it turned and disappeared, and breathed easier when I was alone once more.

At this point, I just wanted to get home and start preparing for my date with Edward.

O=^=C

_**A/N:**__Thank you ladies for your continual support and help. Nic you've done me huge. _

_Song – Falling Into Place – The Afters_


	9. Chapter 9

_**Disclaimer:**__ Anything remotely resembling Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Any of the stories within, belong to me. Please do not copy or translate without permission._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Not Going There<strong>_

_**Chapter 9**_

Sitting in the elementary school parking lot, I watched the main doors in search of a bright orange jacket. When I caught a glimpse of Bug, I immediately jumped out of my rig to meet her. She looked a little more tired than usual and I chalked it up to her first full week at school. I figured she was just plum worn out from all of the excitement.

"Hey, baby," I said as I grasped her hand.

"Hi, Mama."

"So, guess who's coming over tonight?" I asked, trying to pep her up a little.

"Abby?" she asked, looking up at me.

"Noooo," I said, drawing it out. "But would Lizzie do?"

Lizzie Cope, daughter of Shelly, babysat Katie on occasion and, now that she was eighteen, I'd decided to start letting her do overnights when needed. This year she had taken up cheerleading for football and was pretty busy, but she was also one of the most responsible kids I knew. This week's football game had been scheduled tomorrow so she was able to come over and sit with Katie tonight; Charlie wasn't due back until midnight from Olympia so this worked out perfectly.

"Lizzie!" she said. "Yay!" Her eyes brightened a little at the idea of her babysitter coming to the house.

Once we arrived home, I fed Katie an early dinner. I knew there would be plenty of snacks later, so I hoped to get some healthy sustenance into her now. She chatted eagerly in between bites of spaghetti about her classmates and Lizzie, a Sponge Bob marathon that was supposed to be on later, and going to see Sue again soon. I soaked it all up, grinning when she wondered aloud if she should change into her pajamas now or later.

When she was settled down at the table with her homework—I insisted that she do it now rather than put it off until Sunday; a habit I was guilty of myself in school—I headed upstairs to finish getting ready for our date. In truth, I was giddy at the thought of spending some time alone with Edward. We'd done everything so far at a pace I was comfortable with; it was time to take things one step further.

At six-thirty there was a knock on the door and I rushed down the stairs to open it, buttoning up my sweater on the way.

Lizzie stood on the front porch in her Spartan cheerleading uniform looking like she was ready to tackle the highest pyramid. I noticed she had a backpack with her, hopefully with some warmer clothes.

"Hi! I just got done with our after school pep rally. I didn't want to be late so I came straight over."

"C'mon in. Charlie will be back around midnight and I may even beat him home, but you're welcome to stay if you fall asleep. Someone can run you home in the morning."

"Sure. Whatever works."

"Lizzie!" shouted my whirling dervish of a daughter. She grabbed the sitter's hand, hopped in glee and led her into the living room to settle down in front of the television.

I popped into the downstairs bathroom to take one last look in the mirror. I looked…nice. Not too dressy, but not too casual, either. Grabbing my bag and keys, I kissed my girl on the head and made my way out the door.

The drive out to 'the Prairie' started on the same road as the highway down to La Push, but a right turn took me onto a road which curved and arched through the trees until it evened out in to a straight line. I hadn't been out here in awhile since I don't patrol much beyond the city limits. There was a new house going up, and I smiled and hoped that it was for a nice family.

Another turn took me down a road with only one other house on it. At the end was a small green sign indicating the address. As I drove down the lane, a huge two-story log cabin came into view.

"Wow," I said to myself.

There was a county patrol car parked next to the big green truck in the driveway, and I pulled in behind them. The view was freaking gorgeous when I stepped out of my vehicle: giant fir trees bordered the sprawling yard, and what looked like the beginning of an outdoor fire pit was in initial stages of construction toward the back. This place would be awesome for family get-togethers, something the Cullen's were fond of.

Abby barking excitedly broke me out of my gawking, and I turned just in time to catch her making a mad dash for me as I opened the cab door. I patted her head as she sniffed my pants, and apparently satisfied with what she found, she trotted her way to the front door like a good little hostess.

The door opened as I walked up the front steps and Edward stepped out to greet me.

"Hey," I said as I handed him a bottle of wine. "Your place is gorgeous." I turned to look at the view off of the porch over a little valley, the sun still setting in the west.

As I turned back, he leaned over and kissed me lightly on the lips. "Come on in and see the rest of the place."

We walked into the entry and I was awed by the hardwood floors and large open air floor plan. It was furnished in the great room with an overstuffed leather couch and chair as well as a large free-standing woodstove already cranked up and filling the room with warmth.

"I haven't done a whole lot. Trying to finish the bedrooms before I fully furnish the downstairs," he explained.

"This is beautiful in here. A piano would sound amazing." I said, noticing a slight echo to the room. I remembered that he'd played as a child but didn't know if he still played nowadays.

"Don't worry. That's on the list."

I looked up to the heavy beamed rafters and noted the upstairs had an open walkway where you could see the doors to the all of the rooms. There was a large double door at the end—most likely the master. I blushed slightly because, in a way, I was dying to see that room the most.

Off to the left was the kitchen, open to the dining area and surrounded by floor to ceiling windows. He stepped into the kitchen, opening drawers in search of a corkscrew.

I walked to the window admiring the sunset through the glass. "The sky is so beautiful this evening," I said turning back again. He had stopped what he was doing, and was watching me.

"Are you hungry?" he asked.

"I'm fine for the moment," I said, wondering about his question.

"Good, this can wait," he said. He flipped off the stove, opened the cupboard and grabbed a thermos. He opened and sniffed it cautiously, rinsing it out and pouring in the contents of the entire bottle of wine.

"Let's go catch the sunset at the beach. Dinner's about ready except for the pasta. I can heat it up when we get back."

Somewhat excited at this sudden change in plans, I agreed.

He grabbed his coat to leave, but stopped and looked at me, his lips settling into a thin line. He threw a big parka around my shoulders. "It'll be pretty chilly out when the sun goes down." I laughed, but was touched by his concern.

We took his truck five minutes down the road to Mora Beach—right on the Pacific Ocean. From the place we were standing, you could look off to the left and see the village of La Push on the other side of the inlet. There were a few people scattered along the beach but it was relatively empty.

The sky was streaked with pink and orange, and the islands were shaded dark in the dimming light. We still had a half hour of light though so he grabbed my hand and we headed north, up the rocky beach.

A little further, he found us a log to sit on that was out of the way but had a beautiful vantage point overlooking the beach. The swirling wind tugged at my hair, causing me to tuck it behind my ears, repeatedly.

He gestured to me to sit down and took a seat next to me. Pulling the thermos out, he poured a cup of wine and handed it to me. "Only brought one cup," he said smiling sheepishly.

"Cheers," I said, lifting up the cup to him. I took a sip and handed it back and he took a drink as well. He topped off our cup and put his arm around me to pull me closer. We sat there in silence as the sun began its descent into the sea. Despite the chill, I felt spreading warmth inside—could have been the wine or the beginning of a slow, internal burn.

"The surf is fierce tonight," I said, shivering when a wave broke against the closest rock and spray drifted our way.

"Bet you're glad you have that warm coat, then, huh?" he said, smirking.

"Oh, hush, smartypants." I rolled my eyes at him when he blew on to his knuckles at dusted them off on his shirt. I sighed wistfully. "I haven't come to the beach to watch a sunset in the longest time…"

"Haven't you brought Katie to see one?" he asked, sounding surprised.

"Mmm, no, unfortunately. I know my dad has taken her a few times when they were down in La Push, but usually, when it sounds like a good idea to her, I inevitably have to work. Dad says she loves it but that she gets bored quickly."

"Hmm. Maybe…I mean, if it's all right with you, one night we'll bring her and Abby. Maybe she'll be more entertained if there's a dog…"

His voice trailed off, and I wondered at the uncertainty in his tone. Did he honestly think I'd refuse him? Because there was no way I would. I _wanted _Katie to get to know Edward; if this thing between us kept heading in the direction it was she would need to get accustomed to him being around. At least, I hoped it kept heading that way…

I scanned the area and noted the only other couple was down the beach, heading the other direction with their dog. Wanting to reassure him, I stood up and, just like that night on the stairs, I climbed on to his lap and wrapped my arms around him. "I think that sounds like a great idea. We'll have to wait for a warmer night though…"

He smiled, all relieved and adorable, and then said, "Hmm. Yeah, warm is good. C'mere, you look cold."

My lips descended onto his, teasing, searching, finding. He _was _warm, and not just physically. His presence was a blanket, soft and reassuring and unlike anything I'd ever known before. He was so patient with me, so accepting of my need for privacy and security. I couldn't have asked for a better man.

The wine was forgotten as his hands snaked their way underneath my coat to move up my torso and down my back. As I kissed him, I moved over him, just a little to see if he was as turned on as I was.

_Oh… yes._

Kissing him even deeper, I gave him a slow, sensuous preview of what I was planning in my head. If his response was anything to go on, we were in for a very, very good night. His hands moved constantly, clutching my hips and then skimming around to the front of my thighs, enthusiastic but not guiding, letting me take the lead in this. I appreciated it immensely—it seemed my desire to take things slow had resonated with him, and he was content to let me set the pace.

Eventually, though, despite our activity, the cold started to seep in. After a few minutes, when I was couldn't take it anymore, I moved off his lap and held out my hand to him.

"Where are we going?" His eyes were dark in the fading light.

"To your house."

"Hungry now?"

"Oh, yes."

I think he understood my meaning then, and rose easily when I pulled him up. I bent over to pick up the cup and laughed as he palmed my butt. "Hey, hands!"

"Couldn't help it this time," he said.

I rose up, giggling, and started to pull him by our entwined hands toward the truck. Luckily, there were a few overhead lights in the parking lot, so we weren't stuck out there in the pitch black. Something caught my attention, then, and I glanced to the trees at the edge of the parking lot.

A raccoon scampered out of the brush, and I giggled at myself. Sometimes I was so on alert—almost too much—I searched for perps in my dreams, I swore it.

"What's got you laughing?" he asked.

"Oh, nothing. Just happy."

Maybe he was trying to hide his reaction, but I still noticed when he ducked his head and smiled so big. He was very conservative with the wine he'd consumed, so I felt completely at ease about our short trip to his house. My face, on the other hand, was aglow with the wine I'd already had. I felt giddy as we walked up the front steps and he opened the front door.

The minute we were inside, he gently pushed me against the door, ravishing my neck and sending small ripples of pleasure down my spine. While he kissed me, he tugged off the heavy parka and the coat I had on underneath. He lifted me and I wrapped my legs around his waist.

I loved the feeling of his body pressing into mine, the way we moved into each other as our hands roamed and explored.

He stopped once, gasping. "Are you sure you don't need food?" he asked, kissing my collarbone.

Food was the last thing on my mind.

"Maybe later." I said breathlessly, "All I want right now is you."

I'd thought long and hard about this over the last couple of days. I trusted him—with my daughter, my heart and even my life. We'd known each other forever, and moving forward only seemed natural to me.

He still held back, looking at me reverently, as if he was memorizing this moment. I was, too. His eyes asked me the question, and I nodded the answer.

He gently put me down, stood back and held out a hand for _me_ this time, leading me up the stairs toward the double doors at the end of the hallway.

The room was also surprisingly warm, just like the area downstairs. A large king size bed was centered along a sage green wall, with a fireplace opposite the bed. The south facing wall at the end of the room was made up entirely of floor to ceiling window panes; I could see our reflections in the glass. Beauty of it was there was not one neighbor in sight.

I walked around to the other side of the bed and stood across from him. Standing there looking at each other, my nerves began to make an appearance. We were both adults but this moment, for us, had been much anticipated, for as far back as I could remember. I'd dreamed of being with him for so long and to know the moment was upon us made my heart surge with joy. I began to undo my sweater, each finger moving nervously as they worked the tiny buttons. He watched me for a moment then pulled his shirt over his head, baring his lean torso and distracting me from what I was doing.

Catching me watching him, he came around the bed to where I was standing. "Need some help with that?" he asked, moving my trembling hands gently away to complete the task.

My breath caught as he worked the buttons down, stuttering out unevenly every time he'd brush his fingers along the skin he'd just exposed. He knew what he was doing to me, too, the smug jerk. His smile was small and cocky, and I vowed to make him lose his breath at some point tonight, too.

Sliding the sweater off of my shoulders and tossing it onto the chair, he took my face in his hands. His lips met mine and we kissed unhurriedly, all slow and lovely and better than any time before.

He turned to lay me gently on the bed, never losing contact between our bodies. Crawling over top, he began to kiss my neck, trailing down to my collarbone and between my breasts. As my fingers reached up to trace his back, his hand slipped underneath me, deftly unclasping my bra. I shrugged it off, moving it to the side, then reached my fingers up to play in the hair at the nape of his neck.

My worries had ceased somewhere between standing over there and being here, on his bed, with him. I shut my eyes, letting my body take over and my brain shut off for a while.

His hand roamed over my breasts, causing me to arch up into his touch. He bent to take me into his mouth and the exquisite feeling of his tongue on my bare flesh was almost too much to handle. His hand then moved to unbutton my jeans, making quick work of opening them, sliding them down, teasing along the way.

I reciprocated by undoing the first button of his jeans, my fingers grazing on the inside of his waistband. When I encountered his erection, I slid them in further, taking him into my hand.

"Oh, God, Bella," he moaned, moving against me.

He leaned down on an elbow and reached up to palm my breast, massaging it gently, seeming to know instinctually how I liked to be touched.

He kissed me under my ear and I shivered. "Are you sure you're ready?"

"Yes, …um, do you have condoms?"

"Yeah, I do." He moved back towards the nightstand while I shimmied the rest of the way out of my pants.

He stood up to shed the rest of his clothing as I watched and reached over to turn down the covers so we could slip inside. Pulling the covers back over us slightly, he moved his hand down my torso and between my legs. His fingers started a slow pattern that provided enough friction to drive me insane. He pulled my panties down over my legs and brushed his hand back up my side to ease a finger inside. I moaned in response.

I'd always thought about a moment like this, and to have him here, with me, loving me, was almost more than I could bear. Reaching up and brushing my thumb over his temple, I felt my eyes becoming moist as I whispered, "Please."

He hesitated slightly, but moved to position himself over me. I took hold of his hips, keeping him close. Then my breath caught at exquisite feel of him pushing in to me, filling me, making me feel whole again.

"I can't even begin to describe what it's like to be inside you," he said, his voice full of emotion. "I feel like I've waited a lifetime."

"I know. I feel it, too," I rasped back.

O=^=C

Staring out the window into the darkness, I moved a little to tuck my head more comfortably in to the crook of his shoulder, wrapping my leg around his. The bedside clock glowed an ominous shade of red.

"It's okay, you know," he said, a hint of mirth in his voice.

"What's that?" I said as I fidgeted a little.

"If you need to go home, it's okay." I lifted my head to look at him in the dim light and he was smiling back at me. He stroked my arm. "I can wait."

"I…"

"No need to explain. You have someone waiting for you at home. We can do this another time."

I reached up and touched his face, not knowing what to say. His hand took mine and he kissed my knuckles before placing my hand on his chest.

Laying my head back down I rested, content there for a few moments longer, but my mind and heart were at war with each other. After what we'd just done, I was perfectly happy to spend hours wrapped around him, but I also had a responsibility to my daughter. There was Lizzie to worry about, and Charlie, too—I didn't want my father to worry when I didn't come home at a decent hour.

I shook my head at my own thoughts; what, was I sixteen and worried about staying out past curfew?

Finally, I groaned in complaint as I slid out of bed.

As I picked up my underwear and pulled them on, I glanced at the clock. "It's not too late, so how 'bout we have a bite to eat and then I'll head home," I said, still wanting to spend some time with him.

"We could do that."

I leaned over and grabbed his shirt, breathing in his scent as I threw it over my head. He put on his jeans – commando—and waved his hand toward the door. "After you, m'lady."

We both looked moderately disheveled and it tickled me to see how we were so comfortable with each other.

Once he'd pointed out where the plates and utensils were, I went about setting our places at the breakfast bar while he reheated the sauce. My job was done first, though, so I took the time to surreptitiously watch the way his muscles bunched and released while he cooked. It was a great sight, indeed. I was so, so attracted to him that I could barely keep my hands off of him; I moved behind him, lightly brushing my hand against his back as I peeked over his shoulder at the stove.

"That smells awesome," I said, and planted a kiss on his shoulder.

"What can I say? I'm a man of many talents."

I shoved him lightly with my hip, and then remembered my vow to get back at him for his stunt while taking off my shirt. I wrapped my arm around his waist, letting my fingers rest just inside his waistband. "That you are, Cullen. Mmm, I'm starving."

The spoon clattered agains the floor and I laughed silently, and then went to sit at the bar.

Dinner wasn't exactly leisurely, but we didn't rush through it. His hand would brush my leg here and there, and he leaned in to me to speak, something that I loved about him. He made me feel important, a part of his life. Too fast, the time crept past eleven, and I sighed.

"Time to go?" he asked.

"Yes, but thank you. I had a great night."

"'Me too."

After I'd helped him clean up a bit, I went back upstairs to put on my own clothes. Walking into the bedroom, I was immediately awash in memories of us only an hour earlier. I smiled.

_She has no fucking clue what she's talking about._

"What who's talking about?" Edward said as he walked up behind me.

"Oh, fuck, you scared me!" I said, whirling around to meet him. _Shit! _He didn't know that I knew anything about Heidi. "Sorry, thinking out loud; it's nothing important."

"Hmm. You're cute when you're flustered," he observed.

"You're not the only one to think so." He looked at me funny. "Rose?"

He laughed. "Oh, I was gonna say…."

As much fun as our night was, I knew it was time to go. Finished dressing, I moved to the bed, attempting to throw the covers back together.

"What are you doing?"

"Just…"

"Just leave it. I plan on being back there soon."

I smiled at him shyly and moved to the door. He walked me downstairs, and helping me with my coat, shrugged his own on to walk me to my truck. I started the truck and lowered the window to say goodbye. He leaned in to kiss me—a slow, lingering, memorable kiss.

"Call me when you're up tomorrow," he said, his fingers gently holding my chin.

"I will. Might be later, I may just bail on running tomorrow."

He smiled and kissed me again. "Text me when you get home?"

"Of course," I said, smiling. He patted the door frame and backed up so I could move out.

O=^=C

I walked quietly through the front door around midnight, not wanting to frighten Lizzie. Peeking in to the living room, I saw her asleep on the couch, in front of the television. I figured I would just leave her there until I checked on Bug.

I climbed the stairs, noting the pleasurable ache in my legs, and smiled to myself. The night had been amazing: the sunset, the beach, and Edward. Hell, dinner was superb, too. I was so, so glad I'd decided to come out of my shell and start on this journey with Edward. He just…got me.

When I got to the top, I pushed open Katie's door, thankful she had a small nightlight next to her night stand so it wasn't completely dark. Bending to kiss her goodnight, I noticed how flush her cheeks were; I moved my fingers to her forehead and her skin was hot and dry.

Fever.

I sat on the side of her bed and placed my hands on her cheeks, as though my hands could draw away the heat.

"Mama?" she said, opening her eyes a bit.

"Yeah, baby, I'm here. Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm really tired." Her eyes looked glassy to me.

"I know, baby. I'll be back in a minute." I got up and headed to the bathroom. The children's Tylenol was on the top shelf, so I grabbed a thermometer, a glass of water and the medicine and headed back to her room.

"Honey, did Lizzie know you were sick? Did she give you any medicine?"

"No, she just brought me up to bed 'cuz I was 'sweepy."

She lay back on the bed and I placed the thermometer in her mouth.

99.9

"Here, sit up, again." I managed to get the Tylenol down and waited a second before I gave her a sip of water. I guessed I'd have to watch her and see. I sat there smoothing the hair out of her face when I heard Charlie come in. After a few minutes, he poked his head into the room.

"She okay?"

"No, not really. She has a slight fever right now, but nothing else that I can tell—no tummy ache or anything."

"Probably picked up a crap load of germs at school."

"Who knows." As I sat there, the guilt started to creep in a little. I should have been here. Me and my great plan for seduction...I should have just had dinner like I was supposed to and called it a night.

"Knock it off," he said.

"Huh?"

"Don't you dare feel guilty about going out and having some time to yourself. These things happen, kiddo."

While I knew what he was saying was true enough, I still felt like a bad mom. My baby was sick and I was out . _Oh, shit. _I didn't text Edward.

"Dad, could you sit with her for a minute? I'll be right back."

"Sure."

I raced back down to where I left my purse in the front entryway and fished my phone out of my purse.

_Sorry I took so long. Katie's in bed with a fever_

_Just glad you're home safe. Anything I can do?_

_No, I'll call you in the morning_

_ok_

_Thank you, I had a fantastic time :)_

_Me too. Sleep well._

I closed my phone and looked over to the couch to where Lizzie was sitting. She had pushed herself upright, hair matted on one side. She swayed a little from being half asleep.

"Lizzie?" I asked."Why don't you just lay down and go back to sleep and I'll call your mom so she knows where you are."

"Oh, I called her earlier and told her I was staying over. It's okay," she said groggily as she lay back down. I grabbed her a better pillow and scooted it under her head before covering her up with the afghan.

I walked back upstairs to find Charlie perched on the toy box, slouched against the wall, half asleep.

"How's she doing?"

"Better, I think. She fell back asleep."

"You go to bed, I'm going to stay up a bit."

I settled down next to her on the floor for a bit noting that she was resting easier than before. I took a deep breath, and then calmed down. I had to reconcile with myself that this stuff was going to happen, whether I was here, or not.

After sitting there for awhile and feeling satisfied that she seemed to be resting peacefully, I got up to head to my own bed to get some sleep.

The air in my bedroom was chilly and uninviting. I undressed myself, slipping into a pair of flannel pajamas to help ward off the cold. The sheets weren't any better as they were icy to the touch. How I wished I was still ensconced in the warmth of his bed and the comfort of his arms. Rolling on to my side, I curled up in a ball, creating a defense against the cold.

Things were so different with Edward. Every touch held a purpose, a need to know, a desire to satisfy. We were already so emotionally connected, it made it so easy to give and receive. I smiled and lay my head on my arms I as remembered the night and all it held.

James hadn't been like that at all. In the beginning, it was exciting—the sneaky, hidden trysts when we first met. It seemed to be the charge in our relationship and was what he needed. I was game because I thought I loved him and thought that's what I needed to do to please him.

It also made me think that was the reason for his need to wander—he didn't want emotional connection; instead he needed instant gratification or a band aid for his emotions. I was sure now that's why things ran their course in a matter of a couple of years.

Thinking back to that time, I was so different. There was little intimacy or profound feeling—which I had found in just a short time with Edward.

O=^=C

* * *

><p><em>Song – All Night Thing – Temple of the Dog<em>

_A/N: Thank you caren, kim and theresa for your loverly comments. And nic, as always you are uh-mazing._


	10. Chapter 10

_**Disclaimer:**__ Anything remotely resembling Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Any of the stories within, belong to me. Please do not copy or translate without permission._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Not Going There<strong>_

_**Chapter 10**_

Most of the time, being a cop on nights—especially in Forks—wasn't a bad gig at all. A few calls here and there, patrolling, and paperwork were what comprised my shifts. It wasn't as thrilling as my job in Spokane, sure, but I didn't mind the watered down pace. There were enough calls out of the blue that kept it interesting, at least.

Until, that is, there was a twelve hour shift involved.

I hadn't worked one in ages, but a couple of guys suddenly went out on leave so we were a little short handed, four of us working 'round the clock to fill the spaces. Since these shifts started when I left the driveway, I had to cave and bring my patrol car home so I could be on call in case of an emergency.

Tonight was possibly the worst night _ever. _It droned on in a repetitious cycle: a traffic stop, a disturbance call, a false alarm…rinse and repeat. I was going from one end of the city to the other, and back-up wasn't as readily available as usual—it seemed the residents were keyed in to our situation and determined to keep us on our toes.

"Ma'am, I understand, but there's really nothing I can do about your neighbor keeping her light on 'at all hours of the night'. Not unless she's causing a disturbance."

"Well, it's disturbing me! I can't sleep with the lights on and I have to get up in three hours for work!"

"Perhaps you should invest in darker curtains," I said, at the end of my supply of patience. The call I was on was truly ridiculous, the citizen all riled up because her neighbor apparently slept with the flood lights on…not really something I could assist her with. It wasn't exactly a crime in the true sense of the word to amass a ridiculous electric bill.

After another fifteen minutes of arguing, suggesting she just speak to her neighbor, and getting called rude, I trudged back to my car and resisted banging my head against the wheel. I was _so _looking forward to going home. The thought of a nice hot cup of coffee and breakfast made my stomach growl. Not to mention that Edward was coming by to spend the morning with me…

Well, that last thought brought the happy back.

I smiled to myself, letting snapshots of the last two weeks play in a slideshow as I drove back toward the station. Since our 'date' at his house, we'd made a pact to spend as much time together as possible to help build what we both wanted so much—whether it was five minutes or five hours.

The beauty of it was Katie seemed to be taking everything in stride, and had accepted his presence easily. In fact, I even caught her snuggling up to him on the couch when we were watching a movie three nights ago. At first I thought she was trying to put herself between me and him but realized she was becoming quite enamored with the deputy.

So was I.

_Only one hour left._

Just when I thought I could wrap things up, a call came through about an accident on the main road through town. One of the out-of-towners with a boat trailer had attempted to turn in front of a log truck thinking he could beat it. Apparently he hadn't taken the slick roads into consideration, and the driver of the truck couldn't stop his eighty-thousand pound load on a dime.

With past experience in these sorts of wrecks, I pulled up to the site fully expecting a DOA, but was surprised to see that no one was fatally injured. The scene was a mess, though, bits of boat and logs sprayed in dangerous looking formations across most of the two lane road. And impatient, rubber-necking traffic was beginning to form.

Once I was positive that I wasn't needed in the thick of things, I took over south side traffic control from Newton so he could grab the north side. I hated this part of my job—people were crabby at this time of the morning to start with, but add in an accident and slow-moving traffic and you were bound to get honked at… or worse. I stopped counting at the fifth bird-flip, and just directed the traffic around the rubble that hadn't been cleared.

"Need some help, Swan?"

I whirled around, and then grinned. Just seeing him made my heart skip a little—but only for a moment. _Now's not the time._

"Hey, Cullen. What are you doing here? I thought you were off hours ago," I asked.

"Miller's still on a call in Clallam Bay. Thought I could head in to see if any help was needed."

"Awful dedicated of you," I said as I let a pickup truck pass through.

His mouth twisted slightly in an attempt to hold back a smile, and he laughed wryly. "Yeah. I was up anyway. I've got important things on my mind today."

We were set to meet at the house later and go for an easy run. Charlie, sensing I needed a little 'me' time after working some grueling shifts, had made plans to take Katie over to Sue's early for breakfast, giving me that time with Edward alone—it made me love my dad all the more.

From the corner of my eye I caught his unmistakable look, all bedroom-heavy eyes and smug satisfaction. Looked like he was thinking about my 'me time', too. "Walk away, Cullen, before you coerce me into anything unprofessional," I said, holding back a laugh.

"Coerce? I suspect you'd be quite willing, Swan."

The heat in my cheeks clearly wasn't because of the cold, but I tried to play it off as such anyway. Our banter was incredibly inappropriate but I could tell he was winding me up for fun.

I liked it.

"You surprise me. I didn't think you had it in you. I mean, to brazenly flirt with me at work? My, my, my…" I clucked at him.

"It's all foreplay," he shot back.

My mouth popped open as he turned to swagger away, and had to shout at an oncoming driver when I realized I'd forgotten about traffic momentarily. When I looked back up a few minutes later, he'd walked over to where Trooper Johnson was standing taking down information. _Dude, you're mine in one hour. _

I couldn't get home fast enough when I completed my shift.

The morning, accompanied by the kind of rain that only looked misty but soaked you to the bone, had turned chilly. Despite the nip to the air, I was acutely aware of his proximity to me during our run, the way our stride matched quite evenly, and his heavy breathing beside me.

By the time we got back to the trail behind my house, my skin felt like ice as, my body was rapidly cooling off, and I visibly shuddered.

"You all right?" he asked.

"Yeah, just cooled down a little faster than usual. Nothing that a hot shower won't cure."

It was impossible to ignore his sudden mischievous grin, so I didn't. "You thinkin', what I'm thinkin'?" I asked, feeling a bit sassy.

"All for it."

"Race ya?"

We playfully sprinted up the back stairs, shoving through the kitchen door and up the stairs into the bathroom. Immediately, we began pulling at each other's clothing—laughing and stumbling with me almost falling on my ass as I leaned over to step out of my running pants.

Once in the shower, he slowed his actions as he held me to him, his lips starting an unhurried journey toward my shoulder. I leaned back and let the water cascade over my head, relishing in the heat it provided. His hands followed his mouth up my neck, slicking my hair back and holding my head in place as he kissed the corner of my mouth on one side, then the other. My fingers relearned the dips and grooves of his muscles as they trailed his wet skin down over his sides.

His hands moved their way down my back and clasped mine, bringing them up and over my head to rest on the tile behind me. The worries of my extra long shift were forgotten as his clever mouth and tongue thrilled me in places only he knew—but it was my turn to make him feel good, so I turned him to lean against the wall instead.

He'd always taken the lead, concentrating on my pleasure first, but I didn't want us to be one-sided in that way. I wanted to give as good as I got, to make him feel as great as he made me feel. It was nice to be in a relationship where I felt equal.

I wrested my hands away from his and moved to grasp him in my palm. His breath hitched as I sank to the floor and took him into my mouth, hands clenching against the shower door to steady himself above me.

His obvious enjoyment made me eager to please, and I held nothing back in my efforts to make him come. There was something so hot about a guy falling to pieces over something I'd done to him, in the way he watched me for a while and then shut his eyes tight, how he cursed and called my name in these fantastically breathy groans that about did me in. His body shook, nearing, and I would have kept going but he pulled me up instead.

"I want to be inside," he said, biting my ear and turning me to face the wall. His fingers found their way between my legs, all wicked and perfect and working me into my own release.

The tile felt cool on my hands as we carefully maneuvered into a safe position and he pressed his body against mine. His left hand clasped mine over the top as his other gripped me around the waist. I gasped as he entered me, holding on tightly, fingers vainly attempting to dig into the wall. He couldn't go deep enough and I moved faster to meet him, moaning loudly when I finally felt the exquisite surge of my orgasm.

His followed mine just a few minutes later, and I sagged against the wall with his welcome weight at my back.

We spent the next few minutes loving, kissing and soaping each other's backs as we finished off our shower hurriedly—I wasn't sure when the other inhabitants of the house would return.

"Guess that foreplay at work got you going, huh?" he said, water and suds streaming down his face as he rinsed the shampoo out.

I reddened, and ducked to pick up a spare loofah. "Hush, now."

I didn't know why, exactly, but I felt a little awkward at the moment. Which was silly considering my wanton ways of a few minutes before compared to the normalcy of our shower now, but there it was. I scrubbed at my hands with the bright pink sponge, watching as my fingers turned pruney.

"Hey," he said, stepping close and moving me under the spray. "What's with the face?"

"It's…" I kept my eyes cast downward, but he lifted my chin and just smiled at me, leaning in for another kiss. "It's nothing, really."

"Hmm." He didn't sound like he believed me. "Did I tell you this was the best shower ever? Because it was."

I looked up at him, settling down when I saw the way his eyes smiled, so happy and earnest. That was another great thing about him—he just got me, could pull me out of my insecurity with ease. A smile, a kind word, a heartfelt gesture. All incredibly awesome things that let me know he was in this, too, that, while I was venturing into new waters, they weren't like the ones I'd fished before.

"I thought so, too," I said, meaning it.

Wishing we could stay in here until the water ran cold but knowing it wasn't going to happen, I finished rinsing my hair while stepped out to get dried off.

Once dressed, he opened the shower door again. "I'll head down and start the coffee," he said, taking one last lingering glance at my body.

"Thanks, lov—" I stopped myself. _Not going there. It's too soon._

His face didn't change as he shut the door and headed downstairs. I'm sure he heard me, and I just hoped it wouldn't scare him off.

Thank goodness he was completely dressed when he went into the kitchen to make the coffee, because I was upstairs still drying off when I heard Katie and Charlie come in through the back door.

"Edward!" There was a clattering sound and then the stomping of little feet. Probably running, which I'd warned her about in the kitchen. "Is Abby here, too?"

"Hey, kiddo. No, she's at home right now. Morning, Charlie."

My dad's response was too low to hear, so I took one last look in the mirror, figured that I was as good as I was going to get, and headed for the door. My daughter's next response, however, had me barreling down the stairs.

"Why's your hair wet? It's not raining anymore."

There was a beat or two pause before Edward replied, "It's still sweaty from running this morning and I'm going to dry it off on _you_!"

"Ew!" Again with the running, but this time it was joined by heavier sounding footsteps. Edward. Looked like I was going to have to talk to both of them about running in the kitchen…

As I passed Charlie on my way in to the kitchen, he gave a measured, sidelong look, making me feel every bit like an about-to-be-grounded teen again. Ever on the defensive, I shot back at him, quietly, "Really? I seem to recall getting off shift early and coming home to—"

"Hey, hey! All right already," he said, grunting and holding up his hands.

Gotcha.

Clearly he remembered when I caught him and Sue in the living room, too. There wasn't enough brain bleach to be found that day, and I shuddered all over again. I remembered being shocked but happy, in a way, that my dad wasn't alone. I played it off as 'no big' to my dad at the time but held my cards to my chest until I needed to play them.

_Full House, Pops._

We made a late brunch, and everyone managed to graze off of my plate in the process. Finally it was about time for me to get some sleep before my shift that evening; I excused myself to start tidying up.

I was carrying my dishes to the sink when my cell phone rang.

"Hello?" I said without looking at the screen.

"Hey, Bella, it's Riley."

_Shit._ Not only hadn't I called him, but it had completely slipped my mind.

"Oh, hey, Riley."

Edward looked up at me quickly, head jerking so fast that I almost laughed, but something in his expression said he didn't find it funny. I shrugged at him because there was nothing I could really do, now, and he looked back down at something Bug was saying to him. His reaction surprised me, though, and I headed out to the back porch so I could talk in private for a moment.

Riley continued, "So, I've called you a couple of times and haven't gotten a response. Anything you want to tell me?"

I grimaced knowing that I had been a total ass to him, but squared my shoulders and said, "I know, and I'm so, so sorry. I got busy and then I just couldn't find the right time to call you." That wasn't the truth, and I knew it. I had been avoiding him all along.

"Well, I really thought I would see you again. I mean, we've known each other for awhile, I thought we had a good time. Was I wrong?"

How honest should I be? No time like the present. He'd probably find out sooner or later from Mike.

"Riley, I think you're a great guy." I cringed as I said it. It really was the lamest blow-off line. "It's just that, after we went out that night, I ran into an old friend of mine… and well, he's someone who's been very important to me for a long time. We've, um, we've decided to make a go of it."

There was a pause for a few moments before he said, "Well, being honest with me sooner would have been nice."

He sounded truly upset, and I felt bad all over again. Riley was a nice guy, and I really wished now that I'd had the decency to tell him this before now. "I know, I'm _really_ sorry."

And I was, for being so inconsiderate.

"I thought we would have been great together. Who knows, you may be missing out," he said.

_Whoa._ I didn't know how to respond to that. Did I give him more platitudes and agree with him? Tell him that, while he was a great guy, I'd found someone better? No, that'd only cause hurt feelings and was just plain uncalled for…

There was an awkward silence then, because there wasn't really much more to say.

"Okay, well, maybe I'll see you around sometime," I offered.

"Yeah, maybe. Bye, Bella." He hung up.

I let out a big breath. This one's on me. I hung up the phone and turned to look into the kitchen window. Edward was seated at the table with my dad, but keeping an eye on me at the same time. I gave him a tight-lipped smile letting him know that I was done and everything seemed okay—as much as it could be.

Seemed I had some more apologizing to do still today.

O=^=C

That weekend was the Halloween Carnival at the elementary school. It was my first year volunteering but I looked forward to seeing Katie and her classmates in action. Most of the local businesses usually came out to support it by lending volunteers to man the booths.

I spent most of my spare time on Friday working on Katie's costume for Halloween. She'd seen some nineties music video with a girl in a bumblebee outfit and that was all she could talk about. I wasn't great at sewing but man, could I wield staples and a glue gun.

"Katie-did!" I shouted from downstairs. "Come and try on your wings, please!"

She came bounding down the stairs, "They're done!"

"Yup. Turn around." I slipped the wings onto her shoulders and before I could adjust them, she took off into the kitchen making all sorts of buzzing and squealing sounds. My phone vibrated in my pocket.

"Hello?" I said once I flipped it open.

"Hey," said my favorite voice. "How goes the battle?"

I thought about how at the end of our breakfast date, I was struck by how different he was in regards to what I expected. Had I still been with James and a random guy called me, there would have been a huge blowup where I ended up defending myself from accusations of cheating (in my experiences, the number one deflection of an actual cheater is to accuse the non-cheater) but that wasn't how it went with Edward.

Like, at all.

He was more mad that Riley had even called me, and once I'd explained that I hadn't actually gotten around to telling the poor guy that I wasn't interested, but that he definitely knew now, all was water under the bridge.

Returning back to our conversation, I asked sarcastically, "Know any bee keepers? My daughter is ripping around the house in her new wings completely wound up."

"Grab the honey, honey," he chuckled in to the phone.

"Could you be any cornier?" I said, laughing.

"Yes, I can as a matter of fact. Not one of my most attractive traits, I've been told."

"By who? I find it incredibly attractive, Deputy." Then Katie came running by and headed up the stairs."Aw, hell. I have to go track her down before we have broken wings and tears."

"Oh, okay. Just wanted to know if I could stop by later. Probably be about nine."

"Sure. I'd love it."

"See you then."

"Bye." I put the phone down on the hall table and ran upstairs after my little pest.

O=^=C

Katie was in bed by the time Edward showed up and Charlie was still out for the evening. I opened the front door to let him in, glad we'd abandoned the covert operations I'd felt necessary in the beginning. He was still dressed in uniform, obviously coming straight from work—and looking incredibly hot as usual. His hands reached for my waist and he pulled me to him. It was a bit awkward as he hadn't taken his gun belt off yet, but I didn't care.

"Mmm." I said as his lips covered mine. I pulled back, smiling."That's nice."

"Been looking forward to that all day, ma'am."

"Me too. You hungry…thirsty?"

"Juice if you have it, or water?"

"Be right back." I might have wiggled my hips a little at him as I walked toward the kitchen. Possibly.

When I returned to the living room, he was sitting on the couch sans utility belt, staring out the window until I handed him his glass of orange juice.

"How was your day? Busy?" I noticed now that he looked weary, and surmised the day had been a tough one.

He sighed. "Yeah. A couple of things I ran across today made me think about you."

"You all right?" I worried over the slump to his shoulders, the stiff angle of his jaw.

"I guess," he said, running his hands over his face. "Just a D.V. case got the best of me today."

I went stiff at his words. Those calls were the absolute least favorite aspect of my job. Brought too many long buried memories back into view, though I'd never had near as bad an experience as some women I came across. "Happens to me, too. I think it has to be the shittiest part of our job."

"Kinda makes you wonder why people react the way they do. I mean, what sets them off to completely lose their minds."

"Drugs."

"That, but I've seen sober people lose it in crazy ways."

"I know what you mean. My ex and I used to fight like that. Funny thing is, I _never _thought of myself as someone who yells but he sure knew how to push my buttons."

His face went cloudy, and I rushed to explain further.

"No, not like that. James was an asshole, but I wasn't in danger that way. We fought though, loudly."

"Well, my marriage wasn't great, and there were some points where I was so completely pissed at her that I wanted to yell, but I could never imagine hitting or torturing her the way some of these assholes do."

I reached over and grabbed his hand, gently squeezing it. "Feel like talking about it?"

He turned to look at me. "Mind if I just sit here and be with you? I kinda want to forget about it."

"Not at all," I said as I rubbed my thumb over his hand.

He reached over and pulled me into his side. We were silent for a while, simply listening to the whoosh of the wind outside. His grip was tighter than usual, and I wondered at the things going on inside that head of his. After a while he cleared his throat.

"I wish I would have come back for you sooner, Bella. So much shit could have been avoided…"

"Hey, stop that right now. I'm just glad we found each other again." I could never wish that because of my daughter. Her father was an ass, but he gave me her, and I would never be able to look at it any other way.

"Yeah."

Thinking that it was time for a subject change, I stuck my feet under his leg and thought I'd lighten up his day by telling him about mine and my attempt at domesticity.

He cracked a smile when I told him about stapling the wings to the table and chasing Katie around the house.

"She can be a livewire, all right," he commented.

"Like her momma," I added proudly.

He laughed and leaned over to kiss me softly on the lips. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For bringing me back around to what's important."

"What do you mean?"

" You. And Katie."

My heart grew tenfold. "I'm just really glad you see us that way."

He moved in to kiss me again, and I thoroughly enjoying the feeling of it without being rushed.

He pulled back for a moment, looking at me "I have an idea."

"Oh? What's that?" I said as I burrowed back into his shoulder.

"Let's go on a getaway. You, me and Katie. Down the coast or something."

"That sounds wonderful actually."

"Well, I haven't taken any time off and I know you haven't. I think we're due."

"As soon as the schedule gets back to normal, let's do it. Probably'll have to wait until December though." I thought for a moment. "What about a mini getaway to your house? Katie's never been out there and you know she would love it."

"Huh, didn't think of that. That'd be fun."

"And then we won't have to wait." I smiled up at him and leaned in to give my deputy a kiss, glad that he was back to good.

O=^=C

Friday was a half day in school and, since we had something special for Katie planned, I looked forward to picking her up. Charlie had spent the morning, before he left on his trip carefully raking leaves in to giant piles of yellow and gold. It was kind of comical to watch as he cursed and grumbled over the number of heaps he'd created. I knew he dreaded the task because he figured everything eventually would be blown around anyway. But his motivation that morning was purely for his granddaughter.

As he finished loading his bags into his truck, I hugged him goodbye and wished him a safe journey. He and his buddies did this every year, but since I'd been back, he made a big deal out of leaving us alone.

"I hate leaving you here, you know."

"I know, Dad. But we're fine. You do this every time. I _am_ a police officer, you know."

"And you're my only daughter. I've been thinking: you know I don't care if Edward comes around to hang out. It will kind of make me feel better," he said, looking away in attempt to hide his worry.

I laughed, knowing that he'd be here regardless. "Okay, I'll keep that in mind."

Edward came by to pick me up before we headed over to the school to get Katie. We stopped to get a couple of coffees and a hot chocolate for her. I couldn't help but grin. This all was just so incredibly overwhelming—and perfect.

After we picked her up from school and drove home, Katie bristled with excitement and I could hardly get her to eat any lunch. With the promise of "I will, mom," she bounded out the back door with Abby running after her. Edward and I grabbed our coats and followed them outside. Thankfully, it wasn't too wet or cold out and we had quite a glorious day on hand.

He sat down on the porch steps and pulled me down between his legs, moving me so I could rest comfortably with my back against his chest. I sighed in contentment when his big, strong arms wrapped around me. This was the life.

"This actually comes a close second to snow for her," I said as we watched her run and jump through the leaves. Abby ran with her, barking and biting at the leaves as Katie threw them with joyous abandon.

I felt so content. His lips brushed my ear, sending delightful shivers down my spine and making me snuggle in closer. I closed my eyes, enjoying the scent of the leaves, the crisp fall air, and of him surrounding me.

"So I know it's kind of early, but I'd love it if you both would spend Thanksgiving with me."

I turned to look at him. "We would love it." But I stopped. "Oh, wait. Her dad wanted to spend the day with her, but he hasn't confirmed it yet."

"Well, either way, your presence was requested at the Cullen household."

I smiled. "Sounds perfect." He leaned down to kiss me, and my hand lifted to cup his face. Katie was oblivious to us, so we kept on; his mouth covering mine tenderly.

And I didn't care that old Mrs. Yorkie was probably in her window with binoculars. I'd been rapidly approaching the conclusion that Edward wasn't my ex-husband, that letting people know about us might not be a bad thing after all.

He was an easy guy to be with, plain and simple. He gave his affection freely and asked for little in return, just that I share my time with him. I did it gladly. It was, quite simply put, easy to fall in love with a guy like Edward. Maybe it was time that I fully allowed myself to do so.

Our moment of peace was quickly broken when Abby barked in warning. Before I could turn to the direction of the disturbance, I saw Katie's face brighten in surprise.

"Daddy!"

O=^=C

* * *

><p>D.V. – "domestic violence"<p>

_Song – No Rain – Blind Melon_

_Thank you again ladies for your help. And nic, ilu. I dedicate to you the first two lines of this WotD song by Darius Rucker…"Alright" _


	11. Chapter 11

_**Disclaimer:**__ Anything remotely resembling Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Any of the stories within, belong to me. Please do not copy or translate without permission._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Not Going There<strong>_

_**Chapter 11**_

"Daddy!" Katie yelled again and took off running across the yard.

I shot to my feet and whirled to look toward the side of the house. And it wasn't just my imagination: James stood with his arms open to Katie and she rushed into his embrace. I looked back to Edward as he slowly stood up and there was a flash of something in his eyes—gone before I could respond or reassure him. Abby stood in the middle of the yard, on alert and looking like she was ready to bolt.

"Hey, pumpkin!"James said as he hugged Katie, picking her up.

What the hell was he _doing _here? I was not okay with him showing up unannounced.

As I watched, the hackles crept up my back. The dog wasn't the only one on alert.

James turned to me casually, like he just happened to stop over for a cup of coffee. "Hey, Bella."

"What are you doing here?" The ire in my tone was barely concealed.

"Just here to see my girl." He smiled at Katie, looked over at Edward, and raised a brow at me.

What, I wasn't allowed to see anyone? Lord knew he'd probably been _real_ busy since our split. I almost felt bad for Victoria, because once a cheater, always a cheater, but that was her problem to deal with now.

"A phone call would have been nice," I said through clenched teeth.

"You mean I can't see my daughter whenever I want?"

Katie, oblivious until that point, craned her neck to look at me, a worried little crease forming between her eyebrows. _Goddamnit_. Now he was baiting me in front of her. I took a deep breath and blew it out slowly, attempting to calm my shit.

I looked over to Edward and his manner suggested I should introduce them before things became tenser than they already were.

"James, this is Edward Cullen. Edward, this is James—"

"The ex-husband," offered James, looking at the man now standing beside me with a wry smile on his face. He put Katie down and reached over to shake hands, but even I noticed the way their knuckles turned white. Testosterone. Guys. Fabulous…

Edward nodded politely, refraining from words, thankfully.

"Hey, Katie-bug," I said, trying to put an end to the silent pissing match that was going on. "How about you go play with Abby while Daddy and Mommy talk, okay?"

She pouted a bit, but did as she was asked. Abby followed her closely back over to the pile of leaves they'd been playing in just a few minutes before the world decided to tilt.

"Well, I do have another reason to be here," he added as we watched Katie play. "I saw there was a job opening with the Port Angeles Police Department so I'm up this way for an interview."

"Why?" I snapped.

The look on his face was all false-incredulity. "Thought I should be closer to my daughter," he said slowly, so sarcastic and condescending that it made my spine stiffen.

He was enjoying this; he'd always enjoyed making me squirm because he knew I wouldn't completely lose it in front of her. As much as I abhorred him, I was careful to never be negative about him in front of Katie. Now was not the time to light into him.

"Where are you staying?" I asked, hoping he wasn't anywhere too nearby. I wondered how long he'd been in the area before he decided to stop by—knowing him, he'd probably been here for a few days just waiting to make his move at an inopportune time.

"I'm in Port Angeles at the Red Lion for a few days. Then, if the interview flies, I'll look for a place to live. Think I can I take her for lunch, here in town? Or are you guys too _busy _for her to spend some time with her father?"

_Be the bigger person._ It had been a while since they'd spent any time together—the beginning of summer had seen us on our last "family" outing to Disneyworld. Happiest place my ass: I'd spent the day annoyed and frying in the sun while James one-upped me at every opportunity. Originally Katie and I had gone to see my mom, but James flew down once he knew we were there and suggested Disney to make himself look awesome.

"That would be okay but I need her back by four. We have plans." We didn't, but I was going to make some.

He looked back to Edward, a calculating glint in his eyes. "All right then, four it is. C'mon, Katie, let's go get some fries."

"Yay!" she said, once again full-tilt as she ran back over and grabbed his hand.

I got her bundled up and kissed her goodbye, watching warily as her father escorted her to his car. When I followed them around the corner of the house to see if he had a booster seat, he turned, already anticipating my thoughts, and flipped forward the seat so she could crawl in back, making a sweeping gesture with his hand.

There was a seat. A brand new, really nice one with a print Katie would love.

Angry tears stung at my eyes as I watched them drive away; I could barely breathe for the weight sitting on my chest.

"You all right?"

_Edward. _I hadn't realized he'd followed me around the house, too. I glanced over my shoulder, saw him standing within reach but not touching me. Some of the weight eased.

"Yes… No. That man just grates my nerves, and showing up unannounced is so typical."

"Are you okay with him taking her on short notice?"

"Yeah, that's not a problem. She'll come back spoiled, but he wouldn't hurt her. But any chance to get a dig at me, knowing I won't say anything in front of her…"

He didn't say a word, and I tried to work out the expression on his face. He looked almost…worried?

I closed my eyes, sighed deeply, and reached for his hand.

"I'm sorry. We were having such a nice time, and then… Guess I'm a bit shocked at the moment. He hasn't pulled anything like this in a long time. Something tells me he got wind of us somehow."

"Why would that make a difference?"

I scoffed. "It shouldn't, but if he knew I was involved with someone he'd do his best to make it difficult.

"Who do you think told him?"

"I honestly have no idea, but it doesn't matter at the moment."

I could tell he understood by the squeeze of his hand, so comforting and secure. He wasn't pulling away, and it made me feel good to have someone on my side, someone to let it all out to.

"The hard part is he just waltzes in and out as he pleases, and she doesn't understand right now because she's so young. Yeah, he calls her once a week and I just try to make the best of it for her, but someday she'll have to figure things out on her own. I need stability for her. Not someone who sees her when he feels like it."

"Maybe this will work out okay if he gets the job in Port Angeles," he offered.

I looked at him sharply.

He held his hands up and continued, cautiously, "He'll be close, for her sake, but an hour away, for yours."

A look into his earnest eyes allowed the frost inside me to melt a little. It wasn't even his situation and here he was dealing with it, with me.

"Hey," I said softly, grabbing one of his hands. "How 'bout we go inside and I'll make us some tea and we can talk. I think it's time for me to fill you in on all if this."

"Okay," he said. Pulling me into a hug, he kissed my forehead. "Whatever you need."

O=^=C

When the thought of having this conversation occurred to me a few weeks back, I'd been nervous. I didn't want pity—there were people out there who deserved it far more than I did—but the idea that Edward would see me as…less, somehow, scared me. Today, though, and especially after the myriad ways he'd shown me that he was in this, with me, too, it felt…okay. Good. Needed if we were going to move farther along.

I handed Edward his cup of tea and took my spot next to him on the couch, twining my legs through his because I needed for him to be as close to me as possible. He placed his hand on my thigh, lightly rubbing it back and forth as he turned to listen.

"So," I started."I know you have the gist of things but I want you to understand why he still gets to me after all of this time."

He just sat back, encouraging me to go on.

"Basically, once I was finished with college, I decided to go into law enforcement without telling anyone. Charlie was less than pleased. I understand his reasoning now that I have a daughter of my own, but at the time I just thought he was being overprotective. So I just plowed ahead on my own, thinking I was this independent, mature woman," I said, chuckling dryly. "Then I met James at the Academy and he was kind of exciting…fun. And he seemed to get me, too, ya know? I was all alone and on my own for the first time. He made me feel taken care of."

"I can relate to that," he said.

"Then there was the fact that he was my first real, adult relationship, and I didn't know how much work came along with something like that. My parents were…well, you know. And yours were great role-models, but I'd always kind of felt like they were perfect to begin with."

"Sometimes, that's just as hard to live up to—when things appear so easy."

"No joke. Anyway, once we both landed jobs with Spokane, we just up and took off to Idaho to get married. My mother thought it was romantic and Charlie was pissed. But he knew he couldn't do anything about it since he had gone through something similar and figured I'd have to sort it out on my own."

Edward tightened his grip a little on my leg, lips settling into a straight line. I knew he didn't exactly like to hear about this, but he'd been honest with me and I'd do the same with him. The past was the past, after all.

"Things were okay at first, kind of manageable despite working in different precincts. We didn't see each other much which is probably why we got along so well back then."

_Oh, hindsight. You cruel, cruel harpy. _

"After the first year, he started coming home after his shifts so freaking cranky. I blew it off as stress from the job until he started with the drinking. I mean, he did before, but it became constant. Every little thing I did was wrong or not good enough, so at first I shrank back from it. As the drinking became heavier, the shouting became uglier. I was about to pack up and leave when I found out I was pregnant."

"Jesus," he said, pulling me a little closer into his side.

"It's okay. Just let me get this out." At his nod, I took a sip of my tea and continued. "After I had Katie, he was okay for awhile. But it started happening again and there was no way in hell I was going to put up with that with a baby in the house—I already saw enough of it on the job every day, so I fought back and stood up to him. Things never got physical but the yelling and fighting was emotionally and mentally draining. I was horrified that if my dad found out he'd kill him. So I just hid everything from everyone—my dad, Alice—no one knew squat."

I leaned my head on the back of the sofa and he reached up to rub the back of my neck.

"He was so excellent at manipulating the situation so I always thought it was my fault somehow. When Bug was two, I caught wind of him messing around with one of the girls at work. I've told you that I found out later it was more than one. So I confronted him. He denied it and begged me not to leave him, and I thought I could do it, that things would change, but when Katie turned four he'd taken up with my former partner. I just decided I'd had enough and left for good. At that point, I didn't have a whole lot of self-esteem and didn't really have a support system in Spokane, so I came home."

"I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"See, I'm not… I don't want pity, I never have. Life's about choices and I made a few wrong ones, but who hasn't? I learned from them, I'm stronger because I went through that. "

He nodded, conceding. "Think I'm on that train with ya."

"I'm in a better place now and I know I need to not let him get to me. There's no point."

"I have a feeling, Bella, if you lay down the law in the beginning, it'll give you some boundaries that should give you a little comfort."

"You know, he just gave me full custody in the beginning and I never had to worry about that, but you're right. It needs to be in black and white."

He put down his cup and turned my faced towards his. Leaning in, he gently touched my lips with his, melting me at once. I reached up and wrapped my hand around his neck, pulling him closer to me so we could keep on kissing like this.

After a few moments, I pulled back a little. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For reminding _me_ what else is important."

"And that would be?"

"Katie. My dad and my friends here. You."

O=^=C

Saturday and the Carnival rolled around, and as a last minute idea I'd whipped up a ladybug costume; I thought that baby pest needed a momma pest. It was slightly dorky, but I figured that I'd get my silly 'mommy and me' dreams out of the way before the teenage years started.

I was assigned to the face painting booth which I actually didn't mind. I was supposed to have one other volunteer, someone from the hospital, but they hadn't arrived so I organized everything into an easy-to-find system when I got there. Since the carnival was set up in a big circle within the gym, I could keep Katie in my sights. I was comforted by the fact that I could see her running around with the Newton kids, Mike not far behind.

My booth proved pretty popular and I was having a ball. The little guys wanted monsters, skeletons and football mascots painted on their face while the girls all wanted animals and butterflies. One little guy did want a butterfly, and I went to town on his.

"Great. Figures it'd be you they partnered me up with."

I looked up from the zombie mask I was painting and froze. Lauren, latte and a fully stocked makeup kit the size of a suitcase in hand, stood behind me. Her hair was all business up front and party in the back like that lady on television with the eight kids. I didn't think it was a costume.

Luckily, I was so busy with the kids that I could just ignore her…until we had a lull in the action.

Common courtesy dictated that the first thing out of her mouth _should _be, "Thank you for helping my son, I really do appreciate it."

But, no, I got, "Isn't your ex-husband back in town? Someone told me that they talked to him at the diner the other day. Does this mean you're getting back together?"

In small towns, word traveled fast, which was another reason I tried to fly under the radar. _ And I would love it if you would shut your mouth, please and thanks._"No, we are not. He was just in town for the day." As if I owed her an explanation.

"He told my hairdresser he plans on staying. She said he was a good looking man, Bella. Don't know if _you _should pass up that chance…"

I tried to ignore the unspoken "not like you'd have another one" she'd implied. Little did she know… I continued to ignore her as long as possible until she decided to open her mouth again, and I really hoped it wouldn't be anytime soon.

About an hour later, I glanced up and saw my favorite deputy walk into the gym and strike up a conversation with Shelly. He was on duty right now but probably stopped by to say 'hi'. I smiled.

Lauren opened up her trap again and I tried to block it out but heard snippets of: "Ooh, there's Deputy Cullen, who I hear is available." "Got rid of that nasty ex of his, too." "I wouldn't mind getting my hands on that."

My insides clenched a little, as she continued. "You know, I always thought he had a thing for me since high school. It's so obvious when I talk to him that he's into me."

Now, I was starting to get irritated. The word 'clueless' came to mind. Since things were winding down, I cleaned up what I was doing and neatly stacked things inside the bin I'd brought.

She kept on prattling. "Maybe he's just shy since his divorce. Watch how this is done, _Bella_. I'll just walk right on over there and ask him out. Putty in my hands."

There were times when the way someone said your name was just… rude. And this was one of them. I was going to have so much fun with this…

"Oh. I wouldn't do that if I were you, _Lauren_," I said, drawing her name out the way she'd done mine.

"Why? Someone like you couldn't be interested in him. It's really too bad there wasn't someone more your speed in town."

"Truth is, he just so happens to be 'my speed'. And mine. Have a good one."

With those parting words, I turned around and walked across the gym throwing myself an internal fist pump all the while. When I reached Edward, he smiled down at me, lightly touching my arm. I stepped closer in to his side.

"Hey. How's it going, Lady…bug?"

"Great. It was a fun day—until ten minutes ago. As a result, I just 'outed' us to Lauren. I couldn't help myself."

He chuckled. "Good. Because I was getting tired of fending her off. Tyler's been a good friend since I've been back here and I wouldn't do that to him."

"You mean you wouldn't do that to me," I said, batting my eyelashes at him for effect.

"I'd be an idiot if I even considered it," he said, smiling back.

Katie ran up, "Mom, Look!" She was holding a giant stuffed spider. Cute, but still a spider. "I won this! Over there!"

"That's fantastic honey. Are you done? We need to head home shortly."

"But I have to say goodbye to Carly. She's my new best friend."

I laughed. "Go do it real quick, then we'll go."

I turned back to Edward and rolled my eyes. "Second new best friend this week. I foresee lots of sleepovers in my future."

"Poor you. You ready for trick or treating tonight?"

"Yeah. We're going to head through a few houses in the neighborhood and call it good. She doesn't need that much candy."

"Mind if I stop by after my shift is over?"

"Not at all. In fact, I'll save you some dinner."

"Sounds like a plan."

I turned to look for Katie and saw Lauren, hands fisted at her side and her eyes shooting daggers at me. I smiled big and just waved.

O-^=C

Nothing brought out the pranksters on Halloween like a cop's house, so, just before we went trick or treating, I made sure the house was secure in the back and the front. I just hoped we didn't return to trees covered in Angel Soft.

As I closed the front door, checking the knob, my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hey, babe."

"Hi, we're just heading out right now."

"Well, I'm not sure if I'll get over there, things are already starting to get a little busy."

"Good thing I swapped my shift. Not into it, not right now. Sorry that you're stuck, though."

He laughed. "It's no big. I'll stop by if it's not too late, but otherwise I'll just head home."

"Okay. Call me later regardless. I'm not sure when Charlie's coming home."

"I will."

I hung up as Katie said, "Momma!" for about the hundredth time. I slipped my phone into my pocket and headed down the porch stairs.

"Let's go get some candy!" I said, leading her on to the sidewalk.

Our walk through the neighborhood was pretty lively. This year it seemed that there were a lot of kids, and the cars driving through really had to slow down. As I waited on the sidewalk, watching Katie at the Miller's door, I turned to my right just to check for safety and saw an unfamiliar car parked in front of the house.

It was too dark and I was too far away to see, and figured I'd get a look at the plates as we got closer to home. Most likely it was someone who trekked into the neighborhood to bring their kids here to trick or treat, but I was too well-trained to let it go without first checking if I could. Lots of kids out on Halloween, so it was always better to be safe rather than sorry.

It was gone by the time we returned, though, and I guessed that it probably was a neighborhood-hopper out on the hunt for the best treats. Once through the front door, I turned on the lights and lit the pumpkin in the window, ready for the onslaught of older kids.

Bug was tuckered out, and I carried her to the couch, flicked on Nickelodeon, and figured she'd be out in five minutes. As I straightened, I heard a noise in the kitchen and froze.

"You guys home?"

"Hey, Dad."

I headed toward the sound and found Charlie in front of the refrigerator, grabbing a cold one. He'd obviously had just made it back; it was apparent he was in need of a post-hunting shower.

I waved my hand in front of my face and stepped as far away as possible. "I don't get why you guys feel the need to stink all week."

"Got to live in the scent when you're hunting, you know that."

Just then, Katie came trudging in behind me, tiredness forgotten as she saw who was with me.

"Grampa!"

"Hey, Little Bug," he said, picking her up and grunting at the same time. "I sure missed you."

He put her back down and she grabbed his hand. "Guess what! Guess what! My daddy's here."

Charlie looked over to me with a questioning look.

"He got here yesterday. Apparently, he's interviewing with the P.A.P.D. Which is kind of out of the blue," I said as I unloaded the dish drainer.

He didn't say anything, so I turned to look and he looked kind of…well, guilty.

"What are you not telling me?" I asked, keenly aware that he knew something.

"Oh, um, I may have mentioned something about you and Edward a few weeks ago, when James called for Katie. Guess it lit a fire under him," he mumbled.

"Dad!"

"I know, but I've been waiting so long to say something—anything—to that sonofabitch that I couldn't help myself."

I sighed heavily. "Well, I guess it doesn't matter too much. Edward and I talked about it a bit and if it's good for Katie, I'll have to be all right with it."

"I don't think he'll mess with you."

"Oh, Dad, you don't know him like I do."

"Bells, it'll work out," he said. Then, changing the subject, "Did you leave the screen door unlocked back here on purpose?"

"No. I'm sure I locked it. I always do because the safe is back here. Was the other door locked?"

"Yeah. I checked the deadbolt and the door and it was secure. Just thought you may have missed it."

I thought for a moment. I was sure I had locked it, yet with the phone call and Katie bugging me to leave, I may have overlooked it.

"Huh, well, you can bet that won't happen again."

O=^=C

On Tuesday, James called and announced that he'd gotten the job. I told him that since he was moving here, I wanted a revised parenting plan. He balked at first, but I was having none of that.

"Look, you were too far away before and logistics prevented us from having any kind of schedule for her. But I won't put up with it this time. She's in school now and needs a schedule. It'll be better for her to know what's coming."

"That all sounds fine and dandy, but I don't know my schedule yet. I may not be able to give you a _plan_ yet."

I sighed loudly and rubbed roughly at the space between my brows with my fingers. "As soon as you know, I need to have something in writing so we can arrange things."

"So now you're trying to keep tabs on me? Same ol' Bella."

_Fucker. _"No, I am not the 'same ol' Bella', and you're going to have to get used to that. Soon as I contact my lawyer, I'll get the papers to you."

"Sure, I guess. But hey, I'd like to come out and get Katie this weekend. Bring her here for a night."

"We have plans this coming weekend. For right now, you can spend time with her out here. We'll talk after the papers are done."

"When did you get so bitchy? Things not going well with the new boyfriend?"

I could feel the heat rise in my face. _Let it go._

"I'll talk to you in a few days," I said, calmly. I wasn't going to give him anything.

"Found a hot button, didn't I?"

"Goodbye, James," I said as calmly as I could and I literally hung up on him. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest. I would have to find a way to not let him get to me.

O=^=C

* * *

><p><em>Thank you for all of the terrific reviews. I always love to hear what you think!<em>

_RL has been hectic and I gotta give love to nic for putting up with my procrastinating ways. Amazing, she is._

_Song - Headstrong - Trapt_


	12. Chapter 12

_**Disclaimer:**__ Anything remotely resembling Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Any of the stories within, belong to me. Please do not copy or translate without permission._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Not Going There<strong>_

_**Chapter 12**_

"You keep doing that and we'll never get out of bed."

"Maybe I don't want to…"

Turning my head slightly, I watched particles of dust dance in the out-of-the-norm rays of sunlight that filtered through the curtains. Lazy days spent in bed were awesome, but sunny days spent in bed? Better than best.

"Mmmm," he moaned and turned his head to place a kiss between my breasts.

"I can't keep my hands off of it," I said.

Running my fingers over the short hair on his scalp in a random and lazy pattern, I scratched my fingernails every once in awhile along the way, eliciting a contented noise from him. "Your hair is so soft when it's this length."

He lifted his head to look at me, his eyes a deep, rugged, green filled with want. His arms flexed as he moved up alongside me and bent down to kiss me again—deep, languid. I pulled at his hips until he was flush against me, and I moved a little, letting him know what I wanted.

"Again?"

"Mmhmm. I want to think about nothing else at the moment. Just you and me."

"You are insatiable—I like it," he said as his head ducked down and his lips touched the skin behind my ear.

And I was…with him. The ways he touched and teased evoked strong, deep emotions that I didn't think myself capable of a few months prior; they were new, thrilling, and heavy in the best possible way. I pushed him back and rolled him over so I was on top, loving how his hands held hips as we moved before sliding around to my thighs.

I rose up and steadied my weight over him as he guided himself into me, gasping when he did and delighting in the rush. Leaning over him, I started to move—rocking back and forth, finding my rhythm and responding vocally when it felt good.

Wanting to see him, too, I leaned back and controlled the tempo all slip-slide good. There was something about the way he responded instinctually, eyes closed and head thrown back like he was lost, but very much in the moment as his hands moved here and there. He was everywhere all at once and no area was left untouched.

Watching him brought up those feelings again, the ones that started in my belly and spread out until I thought I would burst from the exquisite pleasure-pain of them. As the feeling expanded to all-encompassing, I threw my head back and moaned. He sat up, wrapping his arms around me and let go, too, holding us tightly together as his movements slowed.

Breathing heavily, I sat back a little and he cupped a hand to my face, stroking his thumb on my cheek while we remained locked in our embrace.

"I can't get enough of you, you know," he said.

"And here I thought it was just me," I said, kissing his forehead.

"No way." A soft kiss on my collarbone, that wicked tongue eliciting shivers."Need…" _kiss "_…to make up for lost time."

Once he was seemed satisfied that the kissing had done its job in turning me into a malleable pile of flesh and bones, he moved to the side and gathered me into his arms.. When I situated myself to better look at him, he was looking at me so tenderly that those unnamed feelings from before surfaced once more. I reached up and ran my hand over his temple, catching another feel of the softness of his hair.

He snorted. "Do I need to be concerned about a fetish?"

I pushed him away playfully and pulled at the sheets to cover myself. "Hush. We should probably get up anyway. Charlie's due back in a bit and I need to recover before he sees the shit-eating grin on my face."

"You're not the only one," he remarked, moving to sit on the side of the bed. I couldn't help but run my fingers down his back and note the way he leaned in to my touch. _Silly boy..._ He was just as twitter-pated as I was. He reached around to squeeze my fingers before standing up to gather his clothes.

Now, I wasn't stupid, so when an opportunity to admire the long cords of muscle that were his back and biceps presented itself, I took it. He was so leanly built, strong where it counted but not gross and bulky like the guys who lived at a gym. I watched appreciatively as he bent over to pull on his pants and took one more opportunity to stretch for my benefit.

"So are we set for this weekend?" he asked as he pulled his shirt over his head.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, for sure. Katie's pretty excited about it. She thinks we're camping."

"Camping?"

"Well, because you live in a log house and it's surrounded by trees—that's camping to her."

"Huh," he mused aloud.

"Yeah, she's a ham. She's got her Tinkerbell sleeping bag all ready and waiting. I haven't got the heart to burst her bubble." I sat up, slid out of bed, and slipped on my sweats and fleece top. "C'mon, I'm starving."

He followed me down to the kitchen, swatting my butt when I moved away from him and toward the refrigerator.

"Watch it, bub. I won't cook for you."

He held up his hands and then glanced at his watch. "Ah, no. Rain check? I should probably head out since I have to be to work in a bit."

"Sure." I pulled him to me, wrapping his arms around my waist. "Thank you for coming over."

"Thanks for having me…"

"Oh, c'mon!" I said, giggling. "You totally can't keep a straight face. Jerk."

He chuckled and pulled me closer, blowing a raspberry on my neck. "You're ruining the moment, Bella. Be still."

And so I was. I relaxed in to him, head on his chest, eyes closed. This was bliss. "I really don't want to leave," he said pulling me in tighter.

"And I don't want you to."

He bent to kiss me and I melted into him. Then he moved away as I reluctantly let him go.

I watched as he picked up his keys and jacket and headed for the front door. When he walked through, he turned to kiss me quickly and I grinned. As he made his way down the steps, I noticed Mrs. Yorkie gawking at the end of her driveway. I waved at her and gave her a big thumbs up, not really caring who knew anymore.

O=^=C

Since it was my day off, I headed in to Sequim to run my usual bi-weekly errands. There was an extra stop on my schedule today, though: I was dropping by my lawyer's office to get the parenting plan between James and I started.

Once everything was legal, I'd be satisfied that I could keep things stable for Katie as well as keeping James in check. Knowing him the way I did, I understood his posturing wasn't so much about disrupting Katie's life, but about disrupting mine.

It made me increasingly angry the more I thought about it. Sure, we hadn't gotten along for a while, but I didn't give him an awful lot of hassle. As far as ex-wives went, I was pretty chill. As long as he called his daughter once a week and helped contribute toward her upbringing, I was fine to leave him to his own diversions. So why, when things in my life were on an upswing, did he have to be such a pain in my side?

Yes, the plan was sorely needed. My lawyer agreed.

Later, as I cruised through the giant bulk-shopping warehouse that I made the drive out here for, I took another look at my list and groaned when I realized I forgot something on the other side of the store. I turned my cart, navigated the traffic jams around the sample stations, and grabbed the juice Bug liked so much.

When I looked back up, Riley Biers was standing ten feet from me and blocking my path.

Our last conversation had gone so badly that my stomach dropped. I felt uneasy and I'm sure the look on my face said so.

"Hey," he said in a friendly voice. "How are you doing?"

"Uh, fine? How are you?" I replied, trying to ignore the moths in my stomach.

"Great! Just loading up for a few weeks. Looks like you're doing the same…"

I glanced at my full cart. "You could say that. Kind of a must in my household."

"Things going well for you?" he said, tone inferring something different than the seemingly bland question he asked. I braced myself for it. "I mean, with your new boyfriend?"

"Riley—" I started.

"Hey, I know. None of my business. I just hope you'll be happy."

I wanted out of this awkward conversation. Even though we were in a public place and he was attempting to be nice, it just felt wrong. How did women do this on a regular basis?

"Thanks, Riley. I mean it. But, hey, I better get moving so I can get home at a decent time. Nice seeing you."

"You too. Take care, Bella," he said, and I was relieved to hear that there was no ill will in his words.

I left the store still feeling strange about our conversation. I'd never willingly or unwillingly ditched anyone before this and I hated the weird feeling that settled over me as I got into my truck. I assuaged them by telling myself that soon he'd probably find someone that made him as happy as Edward made me—it just wasn't going to _be _me.

When I got home, I made a point to call Rose and invite her over for a bit. I hadn't talked to her in several days and was feeling the need for a little girl time.

She walked through the door carrying a couple of coffees thirty minutes later.

"If I didn't already know, I'd guess you're getting some on a regular basis. You look fantastic!"

"How in the hell can you _guess_ that?"

"You're all blushy and smiley. Must be good," she said as she passed me a latte.

It is, actually. So good that memories of the way Edward and I had been twisted around each other this morning resurfaced, and I blushed at the sinfully good snapshots in my head.

"That never gets old," she remarked.

I ignored her and took a sip of my coffee. "What are you guys up to this weekend?"

"Oh, Em's working some overtime and then it'll be football on Sunday all day—the usual. How about you?"

"Well, we're doing a 'sleepover' at Edward's tomorrow night. It's more about Katie than anything else. I need to know for sure that's she's okay with this."

"Well it's pretty obvious that you are."

"Yeah …" I said, with a half-smile.

"I'm so glad, B. It's been a long time coming for both of you and you deserve it."

"Things couldn't be better between us in _that _way, but with James back in town, we have a few wrinkles here and there."

"Is he causing trouble?"

"Nothing that seems to be affecting Katie, but he's irking me. Kind of one step forward, two steps back. But I'm making a pact with myself for everyone's sake to not let him get to me anymore. I'm done with all of that shit. Edward and Katie are my priority now."

"Go, Bella. You're pretty serious about all of this?"

I looked at her. "Definitely."

Rose pumped her fist and moved to the cupboard where the snacks were, selecting the package of Oreos.

"Better watch it. I think Charlie counts those."

"Ha. I'll take him on. Besides, he loves me. So, where's Douchebag's girlfriend? I thought that was the 'love of his life'?"

"Honestly? I haven't got a clue. Maybe she's here, maybe not. I haven't seen her. You'd think she'd be here… I mean, they're almost to the two year mark, but he hasn't mentioned anything, and I'm certainly not gonna ask."

"I bet he dumped her like all of the others."

Was it wrong to feel a sort of satisfaction at that? Probably.

"I wouldn't doubt it."

O=^=C

Friday rolled around and Katie was chatting a mile a minute when she got in to my truck after school.

"Mama, are we going now?"

"In a bit, honey. We have to go back to the house and get some things first."

James' car was parked out front when I pulled onto our street. _Great. _Just then my phone rang and I saw that it was Edward.

"Hey, can you hang on a minute? I have to get parked."

I heard him say 'yes' and dropped the phone in my lap while I parked the truck in the driveway. I leaned over to turn Katie loose and she ran over to her dad and hugged his legs. I could hear her from where I was still seated babbling about our plans tonight.

I picked up the phone again, "Sorry about that. We were just pulling in the driveway when you called. James is here."

"He is?" His voice sounded alarmed. "Do you need me to come over?"

Wondering at his reaction, I said slowly, "No… I can handle whatever he's here for."

I was certain I wasn't up for any manly men pissing matches at the moment.

There was a brief silence. "You guys headed over soon?"

"Yep. We just have to pack up her stuff then we'll be over. I can't wait," I said softly, glad that he'd backed off and let me handle things on my own.

"Me either. See you soon."

"Bye."

When I got out of the truck and walked over to where they were standing, James was looking at me like I was crazy.

"Overnight?"

"Katie, honey, go say 'hi' to Grampa and then pick out a few of your animals_ to pack—_"I stressed, looking pointedly at James_,_ "and I'll be in shortly to help you, okay?"

"Sure, Mama. Bye Daddy!"

When she was inside, I turned back to him warily. _In three…two…one…_

"You're taking her to his house overnight? I'm not sure if I'm okay with that," he said brusquely.

For the first time in a long time, I was incredibly calm. I folded my arms across my chest and tilted my head to give him a look.

_Here we go._

"First of all, I'd appreciate that anything you have to say to me, you _not_ do so in front of Katie. Secondly, you haven't been a part of our lives for a while now, so I suggest you keep your comments to yourself."

"Excuse me? What right do you—"

"I have been incredibly generous with you in the past," I continued, ignoring his ramping antagonism. "When I let you have her for weekends in Spokane, Victoria was staying with you, at your house—living there—so don't even."

I thought I saw a look of pain cross his face. Whatever. I didn't even care about his personal crap right now.

"What are you doing here anyway?" I asked.

"I was coming out to see a buddy of mine about fishing out here and I thought I'd stop by to see Katie on my way back."

Yeah, right. Who did he know out this way?

"From now on, you call before you come over. Period. I will not keep her from you, but I will _not_ put up with you randomly showing up," I said in a low voice. "I've filed the papers for the parenting plan, and as soon as those are finalized, we'll set up a schedule. Got it?"

He looked at me, and I'm for the first time possibly ever, I felt as if I'd gained some ground with him. I wasn't going to be his stress relief any longer.

"I got it."

He stared at me for a moment and I wondered if he realized that he'd pushed me far enough. It certainly seemed that way from my vantage point. Without another word, he turned and I watched him get into his car. He shot me one last look before he revved the engine and took off down the street.

Charlie was waiting for me when I entered the house.

"Was he giving you trouble?"

"He's trying, but I'm not biting. I refuse to play his games anymore."

Charlie looked at me with a sort of…I don't know…_proud_ look on his face?

"You know I was a little worried when I heard he was here and planning on staying, but watching you in action, putting him in his place? That's my girl."

"Thanks, Dad."

O=^=C

The drive out to Edward's was fun and I could tell Bug was totally excited because the questions flew.

"Are we there yet?"

"Where is his house?"

"I'm hungry now." Never failed once we got in the car and were driving for more than ten minutes.

I had to laugh, because deep down was just as excited as she was. Tonight was so much more than just a date between my boyfriend and I—it was a stepping stone toward something bigger. If her giddiness was any clue, it was a step in the right direction.

We pulled into the driveway and Abby met us at the truck. Katie hopped out and had her face washed clean. She giggled and said, "Abby, stop!"

Edward came out to meet us and I swooned a bit at how hot he looked in his green Henley and a pair of old jeans.

"Hi," he said, pulling me into a hug and kissing my temple. "Need me to grab anything?"

"Sure." I turned to hand him our bag and grabbed Katie's backpack. She ran up with steps with the dog and let herself in.

"Wow!" Her voice carried across the lawn. "This is so cool! Mom, look!"

I myself was awed the first time I walked through that door and chuckled as I stepped in after her.

Immediately I noticed the furniture had been moved around. There was a small yellow tent erected in the center of the living room filling up most of the space on the rug. Inside was a sleeping bag and a dog bed. Next to the tent was a double sized futon mattress set up for what I assumed was us. I turned to look at him and he actually blushed.

"Thought it'd be fun if we 'camped'. Even thought we could do s'mores later." He shrugged and I wondered how I got so lucky to find such a thoughtful guy.

"This is amazing," I said pulling on his hand to give him a kiss.

Katie had already climbed into the tent with Abby and zipped up the door. I could hear her having a conversation with the dog and had to laugh a little.

"Made herself right at home," I quipped.

"The way it should be."

O=^=C

Dinner was great. Katie and Edward got along so well, and she was equally impressed with the menu of chicken fingers and French fries. I was pretty sure she was over the moon for Edward, too, when he set up the DVD player with one of her favorite moves while we took care of the dishes.

I looked around the corner again to see how she was doing and she seemed completely fine, snug and happy in an overstuffed chair with Abby at her knee.

"Worried a little?" he asked me as he picked up a towel to dry one of the pots.

"Actually, no. I'm amazed at how she's so comfortable. Usually takes her a bit in new places."

"Well, it's nice." He turned to hand the pan on the overhanging pot rack above the central island. He continued on, his voice lowered a little, "I didn't get a chance to tell you about something that happened today when we talked on the phone earlier."

"What? Something at work?" I fished the silverware out of the sink.

"No. I ran into James today."

I froze. "What? Where?"

"I went to the diner with Emmett for lunch and he was there with some guy."

I wondered who the guy was. Must be someone he'd met during his job interviews, but what the hell were they doing in Forks? "And…"

"I didn't want to cause shit for you, so I just kind of nodded at him as I left... but he got up to follow us to the front door."

I looked at him, a little bit uneasy about what was coming.

"He was pissed because he found out somehow that I was on the contact list at Katie's school, and I told him I didn't see what the big deal was."

I clenched my fists. Lovely. "What did he say?"

"He made some noise about how he was back now, so it wouldn't be necessary. I told him to talk to you about it. I remembered what we talked about with you wanting to deal with him, so I was trying to stay out of it. And then he said something I really didn't like."

I closed my eyes. "Can you tell me what he said? I'll probably need to tell my lawyer."

"Bella, look. I'm a guy, and guys don't like when someone questions their authority. He was being a dick, but I'm pretty sure that isn't anything new. He wanted to get me riled up and pissed, and probably wanted to start a fight. I was in uniform, so that wouldn't have been cool."

I grabbed the counter with both my hands and dropped my head. "Oh, god. Edward, I'm so sorry."

"Hey, no blood no foul. I was about to ask him to step outside to continue the conversation but Em got me the fuck out of there."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Because the whole situation was ridiculous anyway and I didn't want to start our night off with B.S. like that."

"So now he's trying to bait you, too."

"Don't worry about it. I know his type and I can deal with it. It's only when he says things about you that I want to come unglued." His hand came up to rub my back and I turned into his arms, welcoming the tight hug.

I hoped that after our talk this afternoon, James would chill out once and for all.

I heard little feet pad across the floor. "Can we have Summores now?"

I laughed and looked up to Edward.

"Sure," he said and reached over the counter to grab the chocolate and marshmallows.

We settled into the living room around the woodstove with long sticks and marshmallows, poking them inside over the red hot coals and laughing when Katie fed part of a sticky marshmallow to Abby.

Trying to forget about the drama, I snuggled up beside Bug in the tent, Edward at my back, and watched a movie. Before long the stuffed animals were arranged, Abby was dozing beside my daughter, and I guessed that bedtime was imminent.

Try as I might to forget, I couldn't. Funny thing was, though, that my thoughts weren't all about James and his asshole behavior—they were of Edward, yet again. I was pretty positive I could guess along the lines of what my ex-husband had said to him, and yet he hadn't reacted negatively because he knew it would upset me.

That went a long way with me. Those feelings, the ones that had been brimming for days, bubbled over.

As we watched the end of Tangled, where they released the lanterns into the sky, I leaned over to kiss him.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For making this so special for us."

"Anytime. I 'm glad I have you in my life again. I'll do anything to keep it that way."

I turned my head to look up at him. "You would?"

"Of course. Haven't you figured it out by now, Bella?" He paused, reaching up to touch my cheek. "I love you."

And, god, the look on his face about did me in. So tender and honest and just so, so right. I was certain that I was ready, too, and reached up to stroke his temple with my thumb.

"You told me when you first came back that you took something from me and wanted to do your best to give it back," I said, struggling for the words I wanted to say. "I think I've figured it out."

"Yeah? What was that?"

"My heart."

He ducked down, kissed the side of my mouth. "Ding, ding, ding."

"It's yours to keep, you know…"

He smiled and replied, "I think it's just the hair."

I slapped him lightly on the chest and tried to pull away, but he held me fast, his expression happy. Mine felt the same—my face hurt from the mega-watt smile I was displaying.

"How dare you mock me in my confessions of love," I teased, twisting away to sit up some.

"Say it," he said holding me fast and not letting me get away.

"I love you, Edward Cullen. Always have."

This time I was positive the pure joy on his face mirrored mine.

O=^=C

_Your reviews bring me joy. Like lots._

_Nic, Thank you for your words. You always know what I need when I need it. ilu xoxo_


	13. Chapter 13

_**Disclaimer:**__ Anything remotely resembling Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Any of the stories within, belong to me. Please do not copy or translate without permission._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Not Going There<strong>_

_**Chapter 13**_

When Edward told me he loved me, I'd felt like I was on cloud nine. I played over and over again the memory of how he looked when he told me. I didn't think I would ever tire of it. Luckily, I did get to enjoy it for a little while.

Until the Fates decided to play havoc with my good mood, that is.

James, in typical fashion, was late to pick up Katie for an overnight I'd allowed. Because I had to work, I thought she'd like the time with her father. To be fair, I'd picked a halfway point between Forks and Port Angeles—the Fairholme store, a place closed during the off season but convenient for my needs. We'd sat there for almost half an hour waiting for him. Needless to say, it had turned my good mood sort of sour.

And then at work, almost first thing Saturday night, I picked up a 'drunk and disorderly' thinking it would be a quick transport to the city lockup. Said party decided to puke all over the back of my patrol car. Now, being a mom, I'd dealt with the unpleasantness of a sick child, but when it came to anything leaving an adult—just, no.

"Stand up," I said once we were at the secure bay at the jail. His eyes were bleary and he stared blankly at the roll of paper towels and Lysol wipes I handed him. "Here's the stuff, there's the trash can. Get busy."

"But—" he whined.

All I had to do was look at him until he began grumbling and muttering expletives under his breath. But he did turn to clean out the back seat as directed.

Arms crossed over my chest, I watched him clean up the mess, waiting until I was satisfied enough that my rig was clean before handing him over to corrections. Whoever came up with the plastic rear seats for the back of a patrol car should get a service award.

Sunday was no better. When I went to pick up Bug at the same agreed spot and time, I received another kick in the butt from Fate: forty-five minutes of waiting, this time, and no "I'm sorry" to be found. I did my best to hide my ire from my daughter, subtly glaring at James while I strapped her into her seat.

I didn't want to engage him in front of her and already knew that my making a big deal about it was exactly what he wanted—and there was no way I was feeding his need to make me all-out angry. When we were safely on the road and on our way back, I came up with the perfect plan to teach him about being on time: next time, I was going to tell him to meet me an hour earlier.

When we got home, it was apparent that we were going to have to have a day of what I called 'deprogramming'. It had been awhile, but it was clear that at James' house, she was allowed to do whatever she pleased. Even though she knew it wouldn't fly here, she pushed.

Her dinner wasn't what she wanted; she wanted to watch cartoons when my dad was watching a game; she wanted a soda instead of the choice of water or juice I gave her.

At bath time, we had a total meltdown. She was all out throwing a tantrum because she didn't want a bath, she wanted a shower. I said no. She was a messy shower taker, and I still had to get ready for my shift that night—there would be no time to clean up after her, too. After pouting, stomping, and a bout of crocodile tears, she was directed to the bath, but then she couldn't find the right toys to take in with her.

"I don't _want _to wash my hair. Daddy bought me Princess shampoo and I don't _like _the one here." Her washcloth landed on the faucet with a wet _thunk_.

_Is this my kid?_ I sat back on my heels, grabbed the washcloth, and placed it back on the lip of the tub. "Well, you keep this up, and you won't be watching Princess anything, let alone washing your hair with it. Now, tilt back or you'll get water in your eye."

If I could have had Charlie help, I would, but this was definitely not his territory.

Once I rustled her in to her pajamas and in to bed, I could tell her hysterics had taken their toll; she was close to passing out. "I'll make a deal. No more fits, and I'll get Grampa to come up and read to you, okay?"

"'kay. Bye, Mama," she said, with a yawn.

"Love you, Bug." I leaned over and kissed her goodnight.

I walked downstairs and said, "Dad, could you read to her while I get ready for work?"

He looked up from his game, clearly amused. "Bit of a battle tonight?"

"Ya think? I feel like I need a nap again already."

"Gotcha covered. Have a good night. Be careful out there."

"Always am."

Later that night I went on a call about an abandoned vehicle on the edge of town. As I pulled up to the van, I called dispatch to run the plates. The call had come in saying the vehicle was involved in a drug deal and that someone saw people going in and out of the van. It was registered to an older woman who I knew had an adult son that lived with her. Thinking it could have been him who left it there, I jotted his name down in my notes and stepped out of my rig.

With my Maglite to light the way, I scanned the brush on the side of the road looking for any indication that people had been here or any kind of movement.

Nothing. If they had been here, they were long gone.

After checking the inside for anyone hiding inside…or something worse…I scoured the area one last time for evidence. A dropped wallet, a phone or something else to identify the individuals, but there was nothing to find.

As I grabbed my radio clipped to my shirt, an odd feeling passed over me. This area of town could be a little spooky at night, with how deserted it was, but something in the air made my guard take notice. A quick flash of the time I found a deceased male inside a vehicle back in Spokane came then, and I shuddered. Poor guy was homeless, basically froze to death, and it was one of my creepiest calls to this day.

Behind me I heard a rustling in the brush, and turned to shine my light, palm already at my hip and on the butt of my gun, only to see a scared rabbit darting across the road.

"Calm it, Swan," I said out loud, just to break the silence. I shook the memory I'd just been thinking of away.

As I drove back through town, I couldn't shake the feeling of something being wrong. I'd had too many instances lately where I felt that things were off: jogging on the 'A' road, the strange car in front of the house, the back door the night of trick or treating. I didn't usually overlook stuff like that.

Somehow, I had been bordering on being too distracted. With just that fact, I was kind of pissed off at myself for being so unobservant. In my line of work, complacency could be incredibly dangerous.

Sam was waiting on me when I got back to the station, and I reported the events of my shift so far. He agreed about the son of Mrs. Molina, and said he'd have patrols beefed up in the area of town they lived and warn everyone to start watching that area for anything suspicious.

"Hey, before I forget…how's the new roster coming? Can't wait to finally get some decent shifts…" I mused aloud, alluding to the scheduling issue. I was really hoping to move to either days or at least swing-shift.

"I needed to talk to you about that," Sam said.

I certainly didn't like that tone. "What do you mean?"

"Mike's wife is scheduled to be induced on Tuesday, so I'm gonna need you to cover nights and while he's on leave with her, and, well…I'll need you to take Thanksgiving this year."

I bit my cheek from the inside, holding back the loud exhale that threatened. Sam was a good guy, but he _was _my boss. Any fits of unwillingness could be looked down on when the rosters did eventually get fixed. I took a deep breath.

"But that's next week. I already had that off, I mean, I have plans." I didn't like the sound of my voice at the moment—it closely resembled my daughter's when she was going off about the shampoo.

"One of the guys from day shift is going out on medical so I'm stuck there covering him. I don't really want the two new guys out on nights alone. We already have minimum coverage right now. You're a good cop, Swan. I need you out there." He hesitated and started again. "And unfortunately, Thanksgiving's usually pretty busy. You know that."

"Yeah, I do," I said, but internally I screamed: _Am I the only healthy one around here? _ Realizing that I again was close to behaving like my six year old, I pulled it in. "I'm sorry, Sam. You know I'll do it."

"Good. And I'll do my best to make it up to you. I promise you that."

I smiled at him, upset over having to cancel my plans, but knowing I was lucky to have a superior who tried hard to keep the good faith of his crew.

Wanting something that wasn't all disappointment, I called Edward around eleven. We had plans for the next morning that I really, really needed after my awful weekend.

Hey," he said, voice deep and soothing and exactly what I needed. "How's your night going?"

"All right, I guess," I said, sighing. "I just got some bad news though. Sam had to juggle things and I'll be working on Thanksgiving."

"Oh," he said, obviously bummed. "That's too bad. I was really looking forward to you coming over."

"Me too."

"Well, it looks like I might be tied up, too. Heard about that rash of robberies in the area? "

"Yeah, we've heard of them. Most of them are outside the city limits, but we were told to keep an eye out. What's going on?"

"We're pretty certain it's a specific group of people, and I don't think it's kids. Too neat, and way too specific to be teenagers looking for things to cash in for stupid shit... They know exactly what they want when they're going in. The first couple hits were electronics, mostly, and then they moved on to other valuables. Now it's firearms."

I breathed out harshly. "That's not good. Any leads?"

"A few. They're smart, though, moving stuff around and staying one step ahead of us. I hope someone gives us something credible soon because we're getting our asses kicked here. I'll probably be pulling a twelve tonight."

My heart sank. "So no breakfast?"

"Probably not. But we'll see. Might keep me tied up for the better part of the week unless we catch them. By the way, how did the whole exchange thing go?"

"With James? Asshole keeps showing up late, knowing I won't say a word."

He sighed heavily, a frustrated edge to it. "You need to call him on it."

Irritated, I sat there for a minute and said nothing. I'd had enough of people telling me what I needed to do this weekend, and I really didn't want to snap on Edward because of it.

"I'll deal with it, don't worry," I said, a bit sharper than I meant to.

He obviously heard the tone in my voice. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Sorry. It's been a shitty night and I'm just tired. Kind of had an exhausting week."

His voice softened. "Well, get a good rest when your shift is over and I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay, goodnight."

I hung up unsatisfied with our conversation. Maybe I was feeling selfish. Things had started to feel so good and so perfect and then stupid reality had to butt it's head in there. _God, I'm driving myself crazy._

The next day, I came home and got Katie ready for school. I was expecting a battle again, but she looked up at me and said, "You okay, Mama? You look like you got a sore tummy."

I chuckled. My 'tummy' was fine, but a glance in the mirror told me I was pasty as chalk and had horrible bags under my eyes."Yes, baby, I'm just really tired, that's all. I'll take a nap after I get you off to school."

She turned back to her cereal as Charlie walked into the room.

"Well, hell. I was gonna see if you wanted to go shoot today, but you look beat, Bells."

"I'd love to Dad, but I don't think I'll be any good today."

"Why don't you go to sleep, I'll take Katie to school and we'll see how you feel after you get up. Gotta stay sharp."

I waffled. Getting some of my frustration out did sound like something I could go for, but a pillow and a hard core REM cycle sounded even better. "Hmm, maybe. Wake me at noon and I'll see how I feel?"

"Sure."

The instant my head hit the pillow, I was out. I woke later feeling better rested, but still groggy, and I yawned my way down the stairs. Charlie was sitting at the kitchen table with his gun bag, loading a few boxes of bullets.

"Oh my god, what time is it?" I said around a yawn.

"About one. Still want to go?"

I thought for a few moments, "Yeah, uh, just lemme…" I threw a cold cup of coffee into the microwave and headed to my room to make myself presentable—well, at least to brush my hair and throw on new sweats.

My coffee was warm—a little too much like sludge, but warm—when I got back downstairs. I drained it quick and tried not to think about the taste.

"Okay, ready," I said, grabbing my jacket.

On the ride out to the gravel pit on the 'A' road, Charlie didn't say much. Then again, that was his usual M.O., so maybe he was just thinking Charlie-like thoughts. We weren't headed to a real range, but I was excited all the same. If we lived in the city, we'd have the luxury of a shooting range to practice in, but out here in the country you just had to take what you could get.

"I'll set up the targets while you get your stuff ready." And he walked over to put up the targets we'd brought along with us. After I had fired off several rounds and Charlie followed suit, he squinted and walked a little closer to check out the targets. On his way back, he looked to me and then back down to his clip which he was in the process of reloading.

"You okay, Kid? You're a little off to the left."

I sighed. "Is it that obvious?"

"You seem a little distracted. Tired even. Worries me a little."

I hated when he worried about me, because that meant it was pretty bad. I'd pretty much taken care of myself since high school, and he knew that, but he also could tell when I faltered a little. "Well, on one hand everything's fantastic—" I started.

"When it comes to Edward, you mean?"

"Yeah," I said, smiling. "I mean, he's so amazing and Katie thinks the world of him. I couldn't ask for more."

"James still giving you a hard time?"

"A bit. Nothing I can't handle. But he's taken to antagonizing Edward, too, and I can't have that."

"Better lay down the law on him."

"Not you, too."

"What?"

"Everyone's telling me what to do. I know what to do, it's just not happening right away. I know James and if I don't back down, he'll eventually mellow out, but yeah, the constant battle wears me out."

"Don't let all of this get to you. You need to be sharp at work, Bella. Anything less could be your life," he said quietly.

His brow was furrowed and I didn't like upsetting him like this.

"Dad? Hey, look. I promise I'll get it together. I _know_ how important it is. And I'm glad you brought it up. It helped to just talk about it with someone."

"Need some more bullets for your clip?" he asked. He was letting the subject go having said what he needed to say.

"Thanks," I said as he handed them to me. "Now watch your daughter kick your ass."

O=^=C

Thanksgiving. You'd think that everyone would be harmoniously sitting around the table eating turkey and mashed potatoes, younger kids stuck at a card table flipping food at each other and dying to hear what the adults were talking about.

We were so busy with family fights and assorted DUIs that I forgot about food all together. It was only until I got a call from Edward about nine-ish that I remembered I needed to eat.

"How are you holding up?"

"Good. Busy. How's things at your parents?"

"Good. Food was great, but I missed you guys. Katie coming home tomorrow?"

"I asked to get her about ten tomorrow morning. Any more time at his place and she may be insufferable."

"Do you want me to drive you out there? I'm off in the morning. I don't mind."

I wondered briefly if it would rile James up any, but quickly pushed it aside. It shouldn't matter. Besides, if I didn't get to spend my holiday with Edward, I was going to at least see him as much as I could tomorrow.

"Sure. That would be great."

"Feel like I've hardly seen you this week," he said.

"I know, me too. At least I'm off at a decent hour tonight. Then it's back to the trenches tomorrow night to defend our fair city against the Black Friday thievery."

"My, you're waxing poetic. You must be tired."

"Yes, very tired," I agreed. Lingering for a few moments, I said softly, "Well, goodnight…I love you," a pause, "but I think I love my bed more right now."

He laughed and said, "I'm offended, Swan. But I'm holding you to that… I mean, the bit about the bed..."

"Mmm. Sounds nice. See you at nine?"

"Sure. Have a good night. Be safe"

"Always am."

The next morning Edward picked me up at nine, coffee in hand and a sexy smile on his face. I was never too tired to notice that. The ride out to the meeting point was quiet as he held my hand; I think he could tell I was still waking up and not completely myself.

We pulled into the parking lot at the store, and of course James wasn't there yet. I breathed out a choppy breath, and glanced at the growing storm outside my window. The wind out there was just as agitated as I was, blowing across the lake in great gusts that made the surface dance angrily.

Edward squeezed my hand once more but didn't say anything.

Twenty minutes later, you could hear the 'thump, thump' of James' stereo as he came down the last stretch of road. I got out to greet Katie as James emerged from the other side of the car.

"I see you brought back up this time," he said sarcastically.

I ignored him, picking up Katie's back pack and turning around to get her into the truck. But I couldn't let it go—I was at the end of my tether, and the threads were dangerously frayed. I closed her door and turned back to him.

"I don't need back up. Unlike you, I take commitment and responsibility seriously. _You_ choose to play games to avoid responsibility."

Edward had stepped out of the truck at this point and walked around the front to…I didn't know…listen, step in if needed, watch James get his ass handed to him?

"Play games?" said James, glancing toward Edward. "Seems you're the one who's all about _games_."

"Watch it," Edward said.

I shot him a look because I didn't need him to fight my battles.

"Oh, so your protector steps in to save the day," James said, all taunting and rude.

I couldn't hold back. Under my breath I said, "Just shut the fuck up, get into your car, and go."

"Getting a little rough now? Hey, Ed. She likes it kind of rough."

Before I knew what was happening, Edward's fist was cocked back and aimed clearly at James' face. I grabbed at his shoulder in an attempt to hold him back. We didn't need this. And I didn't want Katie witnessing any of it.

"Stop it! My god, you two. Katie's watching you!" I said.

Edward shrugged me off, huffing still while James clearly held back a smile. It was obvious he felt he'd won this round.

Meanwhile, Edward was pissed. I'd never seen him like this, ever, and I wasn't sure I liked it.

O=^=C

The ride back home was deadly quiet. Katie, sensing the tension, said only a few words before lapsing into quiet humming. I caught a few bars of a song from one of her shows, and while it would normally make me smile, all it did was make me wish I'd picked her up on my own.

Speaking of, from the corner of my eye I watched Edward's jaw muscles flex and twitch as he gritted his teeth. I wasn't too pleased myself. He needed to know that I could handle James myself; hell, I'd been doing it for the last eight years.

Once we got back home and I let Katie into the house, Edward hadn't come in and was still out on the front porch staring down the street. I joined him and it was a few moments before we said anything.

In my head, I thought what I was about to say was going to be reasonable. But what came out was:

"Why does everything always end up a pissing match between you two?"

He turned around, looking at me incredulously. "What the hell did you expect? Did I start it?"

"No, but you let him get to you _again._ He lives for that shit, and you fell into his trap."

"Bella, I am not going to sit there and let him make shitty remarks about you."

"But getting all steroidal about it doesn't help!"

He shot back at me, "You let him constantly spew that stuff at you, don't you think Katie's going to pick up on it soon? If she hasn't already. Can't help but think that's not good for either of you."

I crossed my arms and turned away. "Don't you think I know that? Why does everyone suddenly feel the need to tell me what's best for me and my daughter?"

"I'm not trying to tell you anything! Just reminding you that you need to set some boundaries with him, otherwise he'll continue to control the way you run your life. It's obvious to me that's what he's doing."

"I don't let him dictate _any_thing," I said defensively.

"But you do. You let him alter times and schedules and then, instead of taking charge, you just end up being pissed off about it."

"Well, it's not like it's your kid you have to worry about," I snapped.

It was out there before I could rein any of it back in.

His icy stare about did me in. I hadn't meant it to sound that way, not at all. I was so, so thankful for him and all the little ways he helped me, but I couldn't stand for him to pile things on my shoulders, too.

"That was completely unfair, Bella, and you know it," he said, his voice deadly calm.

"I…"

"I've done nothing but been completely supportive of you and the way you want to do things. What this is, at present, is not healthy for anyone involved. I also think until you figure out what you really want, there won't be the stability that you crave."

Deep down, I knew he was right. His words hit me at a level that made me feel uncomfortable, like maybe I wasn't quite ready yet to be the strong person he thought I should be.

…As if maybe I was still that woman from just a few months prior who wasn't comfortable enough with herself to be _someone_ to anyone else.

He stood staring at me, his eyes growing angrier by the second.

He reached in his pockets for his keys. "I wonder sometimes if I'm really what you want—if I'll ever be enough for you." He paused, looking at me. I could see the hurt on his face, yet I stayed obstinately silent. "If and when you want to talk, you know where to find me."

My heart broke as I watched him turn around and get in his truck to leave.

O=^=C

* * *

><p><em>AN: Thank you again to Edward's Chipper for __ rec'ing Not Going There over on the WordyBitches blog in their Sunday Selections feature on 1/8/12. You can check it out at it at wordybitches (dot) com._

_Songs: What Hurts The Most - Rascal Flatts_

_ I Wish I Was The Moon - Neko Case_

_Thank you nic. You are flippin' awesome. xoxo_


	14. Chapter 14

_**Disclaimer:**__ Anything remotely resembling Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Any of the stories within, belong to me. Please do not copy or translate without permission._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Not Going There<strong>_

_**Chapter 14**_

Outside, rain drops accumulated on the window, and I followed their trail as they flowed down onto the sill. The hard precipitation had started a half an hour ago, the freezing drops sounding like tiny pebbles being tossed against the pane. If this didn't let up soon, it would be a hellacious night at work.

Living in a dreary locale pretty much guaranteed that when you were down the weather would _always _match your mood. Proof: I was curled up on the couch wondering how in the hell things had turned south so fast. Katie was tucked into my side, a warm, constant weight that I needed so desperately at that moment.

The look on Edward's face was etched in my brain—I knew I had hurt him, and I hated it. When he turned to go, it took every bit of willpower I possessed not to run after him. I had crossed a line and needed to sort through what was going on in my head first, though.

Katie wiggled a bit in her spot and I was thankful for the distraction. I gently smoothed her hair back on her forehead, the soothing pattern more for me than her.

She burrowed in a little deeper as she watched her movie and asked innocently, "Is Edward coming over tonight? He said he'd help build me a fort, right here," she said pointing to the living room floor.

My stomach twisted once more. "No honey, not tonight."

She turned and stared at me for a moment. "But he promised."

I wasn't too happy about fudging the truth, but I had to put it in a way she would understand. "Sometimes adults have to do things before they can play. I'm sure…" I said not knowing myself. "I'm sure he'll make it over when he can."

"Can we call him? I want to talk to him."

"We can't call him right now, baby."

She must have seen right through me; she looked at me with a scowl so fierce that her stony stare broke my heart. Jumping down from the couch, she turned on her heel and stomped upstairs.

_Great. Seems like everybody's pissed off at me now._ I sat up and leaned over to put my head into my hands.

My heart hurt so fucking bad right then I would have rubbed it if I thought it would make me feel any better. It was a worthless thought—I was in such a pity spiral, nothing except seeing Edward's smile right then would make things better.

Deep down I knew he was right. He'd been nothing but supportive in everything I did and I just threw it back at him, like his opinion didn't matter. I'd created this mess and I was the one who had to clean it up.

Feeling overwhelmed, I padded into the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea. I was tired, but not in the mood to nap yet and didn't feel like eating. My cell rang on the counter and I jumped to answer it. In that nano-second I hoped it was him. Then again, I knew it was too soon.

I saw that it was Rose and flipped open my phone.

"Hey."

"How are you?"

"All right, I guess."

She snorted. "Sure sounds like it. What's going on?"

I sighed, figuring she must know by now. "Edward and I had a fight. A pretty big one."

"I guessed as much. He showed up here over an hour ago, been out in the garage talking with Emmett ever since. He doesn't look very happy."

I closed my eyes. "I know, it's my pretty much my fault."

"Well, generally it takes two, but if you need to talk, I'm here."

"I know you are. Trust me, I know I need to make this better, but I'm so freaking overwhelmed and exhausted right now that I'm scared I'll just fuck it up more. I can't even think straight. Then, Charlie went to Olympia with Sue for a few days and Lizzie's not due over here until I go to work. I—"

"Do you need me to come over for awhile so you can take a nap?"

I closed my eyes and thanked the friendship gods for Rose. "Would you? For real, that'd be great. I gotta get some sleep before my shift tonight."

"Be there in a bit."

When Rose arrived and walked through the front door, first thing she said was, "You look like shit."

I laughed And ran my hand through my ratty ponytail. "Ya think? I normally don't work this much, but with the holiday and the overtime…"

"Whoa there. Number one, you need to take care of yourself, otherwise you're no good to Katie or anyone else. You can't be this run down at work either."

"I know. Charlie was on me the other day about it, too. There's so much going on, I feel like I'm losing control of everything around me."

"Why do I think your asshole ex is at the root of this?"

"He's part of the problem, not even gonna lie and say he isn't. But other things have been going on for awhile now, too—little things that make no sense. I don't know; I just keep repeating the same patterns over and over."

"What do you mean?"

"One of the things Edward said to me was that I let James set the rules, let him control the situation. Maybe I didn't want to admit that to myself, but hearing it out loud kind of struck a nerve. I thought I was picking my battles because I've had to deal with him for eight years."

I went on to explain what happened when we went to pick Katie up and how everything spiraled out of control, including the argument with Edward.

She looked at me with her lips set in a thin straight line. "He's right, you know. Didn't have to say it so harshly, but I see his point in a way. "

Looking at her, I leaned back and wrapped my arms around my knees. "I've been sitting here thinking about it, realizing it after he pointed it out. It's another pattern. James pushes, I push back, we scream and say evil shit, and then we don't speak to each other for months. Katie's stuck in the middle of it, and it's so freaking toxic for her."

Rose patted my foot but didn't say anything. I loved the way she let me work things out with minimal prodding. It was like a giant spigot that, once it was turned to open, everything came rushing out. And she was there to catch the overflow.

"It's so exhausting. It's like he's trying to get even with me for something."

"Why do you think that is?"

"I don't know. The only thing I can think of is that I moved Katie away from him. But he hadn't made much of a stink about that until now. I mean, not until he found out I was seeing Edward."

"Maybe James sees him as 'competition' and has to puff up about it."

"For Katie?"

"Yeah, probably. He most likely thought you'd never move on. All the better to control you, my dear."

"This has to stop. Katie's a complete sponge at this age and she's already been exposed to more than I would have liked. Who knows what he says when I'm not around. And it's so damn hard not to bash him in front of her, but I refuse to do it."

"Look, chica," she said. "I can't give you a magic solution for this one. I've never had to deal with something like that, and gotta say, I don't ever want to be in your shoes. But you are, and you have to be the one to deal with it in a way that's beneficial to both you and your daughter. You're not weak, B. Don't play his games."

I nodded, liking what she had to say. It gave me a lot to think about.

"Lemme ask you this: why did you doubt Edward? Sounds to me like he was just trying to protect you…"

"Ugh," I groaned. "I don't even know. You should have seen him. I'd never seen him that angry or out of control and I wasn't sure I liked it. I think it just makes me kick into protective Mama Bear mode."

"Um, as long as I've known him, that side of his personality only comes out when things get pushed too far. What man behaves perfectly in the middle of a fight? I would say most people act out of character when they are pushed to their limits. He's only human. If James had been pushing at his buttons the way I know he does to you, that's probably why he went ape shit when things turned bad."

"God, I screwed up. He's always so good to me and Katie," I mused aloud.

"I know you were on your own for a long time in all of this, B, but you don't have to carry everything on your shoulders. He wants to be with you and be a part of your life. _Let _him."

"I guess I'm afraid to trust him."

"See? That just makes no sense. He's not that guy, and you're putting your past onto his shoulders. I love ya to death, sweetie, but that's not cool."

"You're right. I swear I get where the fault lies on this one." I sighed and put my feet back down on the floor. "I know I need to make this right, but I think I need to do a little soul searching before we talk."

"That's probably a good idea. He'll be there. I know it," she said, smiling softly.

I looked over at her and smiled back. "Yeah. I do too." I heaved a deep sigh and rubbed my hands over my face, the weight of the conversation adding its toll.

She held out her hand to me to pull me up, spun me around, and steered me by the shoulders toward the stairs. "Seriously, bed. Now."

As we walked to the base of the stairs, Katie met us at the top. Her bad mood had dissipated some, too.

"Auntie Rose! What are you doing here?"

"I came over to see you so yo' mama can sleep. Go grab what you want to play with and we'll play down here. Okay?"

"Yes!" she said, drawing out the word and pumping her little fist. Quick as a flash, she scrambled into her room.

Rose escorted me to my room and gently pushed me toward the bed. "Go."

I slipped under the comforter while she leaned back against the dresser, surveying my face. "It'll be okay. I bet he's just feeling a little raw at the moment. He has a hard time with people being honest about things whether it's with him or themselves."

"Yeah, I know," I said. "Thank you for coming over. You're awesome."

"So are you." She pushed away from the dresser to leave. "Oh, by the way, can I borrow your red blouse? We have our Christmas party coming up next week and I love the way it's cut. You mind?"

"No. Go for it. Should be in the closet." I pulled the coverlet up over my shoulder and nestled into the pillow a little more.

Rose wandered over to my closet and rummaged through my limited choice of clothing.

"I don't see it."

I rolled over to see what she was doing. "Huh, then look down in the laundry room. It's probably hanging in there."

"Okay, will do. See you in a few hours."

When I woke up, Rose and Katie were in the kitchen making a gourmet dinner: chicken nuggets and mac-n-cheese. The table was set for the three of us and I had to smile. Rose looked at me and mouthed, "Her idea."

I couldn't help but grab my daughter and give her a hug. "Thank you, Sweetie," I said as I gave her a big, wet, sloppy kiss.

"Mama!" she squealed, wiggling out of my grasp.

"Feeling better?" Rose asked.

"Yeah. Thank you so much, I really needed that."

And then the three of us sat down together to nosh on noodles and nuggets.

O=^=C

Once at work, I was busy enough that I didn't have time to dwell on how incredibly shitty I was feeling on the inside.

After I'd checked in at the beginning of the night, I got a call about a burglary in Robin Hood Loop. The family had been in Port Angeles for the day shopping during Black Friday, and most of the things taken were easily pawned items: DVDs, an iPod and laptop, a few pieces of jewelry. The large flat screen was left, though, which led me to believe the culprits were teens this time rather than adults—probably too young to have a getaway vehicle.

Varner had met me there and we figured it was an isolated incident, but took note in case it was connected to the bigger crime pattern going on in the area. I left him to finish up with the questions while I resumed my patrol on the east end of town, down through Elk Loop. I couldn't help but look for Edward's patrol car each time I turned a corner because I knew our shifts overlapped by a few hours tonight.

I heard him on the radio later on and stopped looking for him everywhere; he was up in Clallam Bay, so I was certain I wouldn't see him the rest of that night.

Calls were coming in left and right about minor traffic accidents and stalled vehicles due to the weather, and there were enough college-aged kids in town for the holidays still that the bars (and the inevitable fights in bars) were hopping.

On my down time, I went back to the office to catch up on some paperwork. I was checking my email when Sam stopped by to poke his head in.

"How's it going?"

"Good. Just catching up on the bulletins and a few emails. Just got back from Mill Creek. Marshall and Varner are out on patrol right now."

"Sorry about sticking you with all of the overtime. I realize it makes it hard for you."

"I'm fine. You know I have no problem doing my share." I always pushed myself to let him know that I could do it. There were times, though, like now, that I needed to be honest. "The thing is, with all of the extra time on duty, I'm about tapped out."

"I know you are—I can see it. I really appreciate your attitude about this whole thing, Bella. I've noticed how exemplary you've been, I want you to know that. Once we get through the holidays, we'll find something that works for you."

"Thanks, Chief."

He gave me a nod, drummed his knuckles on the door jamb, and turned around to leave.

I felt a little better letting him know how I felt, and that he also had my back.

O=^=C

When Charlie arrived home on Saturday, he knew something was up but thankfully kept his questions to himself. Edward and I had been spending a lot of time together, which meant he usually got some Edward time, too. He watched me carefully, probably waiting to scope me out before he said anything.

Sunday morning over coffee, a time Edward would normally be sitting here with us, we sat at the table quietly while I let Katie sleep in. I spent most of the time staring out the window, trying to organize my thoughts some more.

Charlie cleared his throat. "No boyfriend today?"

He must have known that would spark me out of my melancholy. I briefly looked at him out of the corner of my eyes. "No. Not today."

"You two have a fight?" he asked.

"You could say that."

He sighed and sat there for a few moments. "I'm not the best example kiddo, but this stuff takes work. And I mean hard work. Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Is it worth it to you?"

I turned to look at him, knowing in my heart what the truth was. "Damn right, it is."

"Well, then... Guess you know what needs to be done."

He looked back down at his Sunday paper and continued to sip his coffee. I chuckled a little and got up to refresh my own mug of java. How many people could have such a heartfelt conversation with their father in so few words?

O=^=C

Work, home, shower. Wake Bug up, get her breakfast, get her ready for and off to school. Sleep the rest of the day, work, rinse and repeat.

The next few days settled into a predictable pattern, all busy and routing. With the extra hours, my schedule was so screwed up I didn't have a chance to make time for anything else_ but_ Bug—even then, the time we spent together was mostly spent with my eyes closed catching catnaps.

By the end of the week, I couldn't stand the way things felt so off anymore.

I missed him so much.

It was past time to talk and I had everything I wanted to say planned in my head. There was no way in hell I was about to let the best thing that ever happened to me get away. Not now.

Wanting to suss out his state of mind first, I decided to send him a text. Not as easy to determine mood as say, a voice, but if a good first volley at least. I didn't expect a response, but put it out there in case.

_I miss you._

I let out a slow breath, and waited. The relief I felt just letting him know was enough.

After a moment my phone buzzed.

_Miss you too. _

Those three words, and the minimal response time to boot, meant more to me at that moment than I could possibly explain. Wanting to keep the momentum going, I sent another.

_Wanna talk? _

_Yeah. Tomorrow?_

_Yes. I'll call when I'm up._

_See you then. Be safe._

_Always am._

O=^=C

On Friday Charlie decided to drive back down with Sue to pick up Seth, her son, from Evergreen State College for the holiday break. Unfortunately this left me with no babysitter, and Rose and Emmett had plans. Since she did so well last weekend, I was pretty comfortable with asking Lizzie to come over and stay the night by herself again.

My mood was…hopeful. Seeing that I would actually get a day off tomorrow, I' had big plans on spending some quality time with Katie, and maybe even a chance to make things right with Edward.

Lizzie came ready with a backpack full of clothing and all the energy in the world. I was so lucky to have someone who loved spending time with Katie as much as I did. I corralled Bug and gave her a kiss on top of the head. "You be good for Lizzie, you hear? I don't want any bad reports."

"Don't worry Mama, I'll get a good grade."

I laughed and hugged her again.

I turned to Lizzie. "Any questions about anything?"

"Nope. I'm _hoping_," she said, stressing the world with a smile at Katie, "that this here _SpongeBob_ DVDI just got will keep us entertained."

As expected, Bug thought that was just the coolest idea pretty much ever. I grinned at Lizzie. "Good call, kid. Make sure you keep the front and back locked, okay? You know where the number is if you need anything."

"No worries, Ms. Swan. I totally got it. See you in the morning!"

I laughed at my own damn self—mama bear, indeed—and kissed Bug one more time before I headed in to work.

The night started off pretty mellow, until I got called back to the 'Flood Light' lady's house. After another twenty minutes of explaining to her the same thing I did last time, my radio crackled with an emergency call at the north part of town. It was only eleven o'clock but the urgency of the call made me take notice.

We were still short staffed, and I really, really needed to head on over.

"Ma'am, I'm very sorry to say there's nothing I can do about the flood lights. Please just speak with your neighbor. If there's nothing else pressing, I need to be on my way. Just got a call about an emergency…"

"Oh, is it something terrible?" she asked as she clapped a hand to her chest.

"That's what I'm going to find out," I said as I climbed into my patrol car. "You have a good evening, ma'am."

Backing out of her driveway, I whipped my cruiser around and headed to the north end of town. I made the call to dispatch that I was en route. Apparently there had been a rollover accident; it took one mention of the word "teenagers" for my guts to clench.

As a mother, I couldn't even imagine…

Once I reached the northern city limits, I could see the emergency lights brilliantly lighting up the area and the wreckage off on the side. I pulled up to the scene and noted a state patrol car and Uley's patrol SUV nearest to me. I saw Edward's county patrol car on the far side, where he was directing traffic around the accident scene. My heart fluttered when he looked at me and nodded, the tiniest of smiles on his lips.

I knew things were going to be okay.

I scanned the area for Sam and saw him standing at the edge of the road, looking down onto the scene below. The EMTs had arrived before me and were tending to the kids from the car in the back of their ambulances. I could see a young man sitting up in the back of one, but the other had the doors shut and all that was visible were the paramedics moving around as they worked.

Damn. Poor kid.

"What happened?" I asked Sam as I approached him.

"Icy conditions. Eyewitnesses said they were screwing around in the middle of the road at a high speed, caught the edge there, and rolled twice."

"How many?"

"Three. The driver had to be cut out. He was transported just a few minutes ago."

"Aww, shit. All alive?"

"Yeah, thank God. Two of them are pretty badly injured, though. One of the kids was Shelly's."

My blood ran like ice through my veins. "You mean Lizzie?"

"Yeah." Sam looked at me strangely…probably because of the gurgling sound in my throat. "Swan? Swan, you okay? Bella!"

"Oh my god," I said as I took off toward the ambulance with the closed doors. "Katie!"

O=^=C

* * *

><p><em>AN: I love your reviews and love to respond to them when I can. The last couple of weeks have been insane. Just know I (heart) each and every one! _

_Thank you nic, you gave me a helluva lot this week and ilu for it! xo_


	15. Chapter 15

_**Disclaimer:**__ Anything remotely resembling Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Any of the stories within, belong to me. Please do not copy or translate without permission._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Not Going There<strong>_

_**Chapter 15**_

Sam called after me as I ran flat out toward the ambulance, but I paid him no mind. I was on autopilot, the thoughts in my head so loud and frightened that I didn't have any to spare for anyone else. Running as fast as I could, I reached the back of the ambulance just as one of the EMTs opened the door to exit.

"Ben—" I gasped. "Is…who do…?"

"Bella."

A hand on my shoulder, squeezing, trying to get me to turn around—I ignored it and tried to peer around Cheney.

"_Bella_. Swan! Listen to me. Katie's not here. Why on earth would you think she is?"

The relief was only momentary. If my daughter wasn't here, then she was alone…at home…with no one to protect her.

"Lizzie was babysitting tonight! I left her at my house _with_ Katie. Now let me go…"

In the split second I took away from my worries to peer at Sam, I noted that his face was confused and anxious. I turned back to Ben, "I need to talk to her for just a moment. I don't know where my daughter is," I said frantically.

Ben, who had been listening to me, said, "Only for a few, we have to get her to the hospital. She's going to have to be flown out."

I nodded as I climbed into the rig. The sight I was met with was gruesome: torn skin, bruises already beginning to form, a leg encased in an inflatable split, the same on her neck. Hearing her cries of pain and a soft whimper as I approached the gurney, I touched her hand to let her know I was there.

"Oh, sweetie."

She mumbled something, and I shushed her soothingly, climbing as close as I could to her as I could in the cramped quarters. "Honey, it's Bella."

Her head turned slightly to the sound of a familiar voice. A low cry came out of her throat.

"You're going to be okay," I said trying to reassure as I reached up to touch a patch of unscathed brow. "Lizzie, I know you're hurt right now, but I need you to tell me where Katie is…Can you do that for me?"

"I'm sorry," she cried. "So sorry…ow," she broke off into a pitiful moan.

"Is she at home?"

"No. Her d—"

"Her dad? Did he come and get her?"

She nodded her head ever so slightly, but I caught it. I was at once relieved and highly pissed off. How dare he take her from my house without telling me?

"We have to move her now, Swan. She has some pretty serious injuries," said one of the guys.

I was so pumped up on adrenaline at the moment I thought I was going to burst—my hands shook and I wanted to puke. I got up, staying low to clear the roof of the ambulance, and stepped down to the ground.

"Lizzie, sweetheart, don't worry," I called to her. "These guys will take good care of you." The door shut on my last words, and then they were pulling away from the scene.

Sam was waiting. "What's going on?"

"She's my babysitter, Chief. I thought she had my daughter with her, but apparently not. I have to call James and find her—now. I can't believe this."

A movement off to my left had me looking up, and my face crumpled when I saw Edward. Apparently he'd been listening in because his face was etched in worry.

"What do you mean? She was babysitting tonight?"

"Yes," I said, frustration replacing the worry.

I fumbled in my pocket and got out my cell phone, only to find it off. I never, ever turned it off when I was away from Katie, and I pressed the power button anxiously. Of-fucking-course when I turned it on, there were no messages. My hand shook as I scrolled my contact list and pressed send.

"Hello?"

"Is Katie with you?" I said, my voice wavering.

"Yeah. I picked her up a couple of hours ago. I was gonna leave a message…"

"You son-of-a-bitch!" I raged into the phone. "Where are you?"

"In Port Angeles, at my place. Why?"

"Bring her home. Now."

"Bella, she's asleep. What's going on?"

And wasn't that just his way? He swooped in and did as he pleased, not caring enough about my thoughts and feelings to give me even a heads up. Why ask for permission when he could just scare the ever-loving hell out of me in the meantime. Like a thread pulled at too many times, I was beginning to unravel. My personal life was out of control, a speeding train with no brakes and little track left.

My breaths were rapid and shallow—I was on the edge of hyperventilation, and I couldn't stop it.

On the edge of hysteria, I said, "Bring her home first thing in the morning. You hear me? You can't just take her!"

"All right already!"

I snapped my phone shut, shaking uncontrollably, and watched as the ambulances drove toward Forks Hospital.

A touch on my back, a whisper against my hairline. "Calm down, shh. It's okay, babe."

I turned toward Edward, looking up at him through blurry eyes. "Where's Sam?"

"He said you were to go to the hospital to be with Shelly and Lizzie," he said, looking at me with concern.

Realizing what he'd just said—that little term of endearment that he'd either said out of habit, or because he cared—I took a deep breath and tried to calm down some. I wanted nothing more than to step into his arms and just have him hold me.

He knew. His hand caressed my back soothingly, slowly. "I'll be there as soon as I can, when I'm done here."

Just knowing that was enough to hold me together. My adrenaline was still pumping through my veins, though, making me light headed. As I walked back to my patrol car, I was upset with myself for letting go at work. I'd never lost it on duty, and only hoped my colleagues would understand why.

On the drive to the hospital, I pulled myself together. I had to be there for Shelly and Lizzie. Now that I knew that Katie was relatively safe, I needed to put my mask of professionalism back on—it'd be the only way I could survive the night.

When I arrived at the emergency room, I found Shelly talking to one of the nurses. She turned to see me come in.

"Oh, Bella," she said as I wrapped her in a hug.

"Oh, god, Shelly, I'm so sorry. What can I do?"

"Nothing at the moment," she sniffed, stepping back. "They just informed me that they were stabilizing her, but are taking her to Harborview for surgery on her leg since it's so badly damaged. The doctor told me a helicopter should be landing soon."

"Probably Northwest Airlift," I told her, recognizing the enormity of the situation. "I had no idea she was gone from the house. I thought she was there with Katie."

"I got a text from her about ten saying Katie's dad had come to pick her up. We just…assumed you knew. So, she told me she was getting a ride home from Jesse, her new boyfriend. Little did I know they were out riding around. Oh dear, is Katie all right?"

I appreciated her concern, but also guessed that she hadn't been taken in to see her daughter yet. Having had a moment with Lizzie myself, I couldn't imagine Shelley being so calm if she had seen her the way I had just a bit ago. I sent a quick wish that she would be okay.

"Yes. She's with her dad in Port Angeles."

"I'm sorry if there was a mix up. This is so not like her."

"I know. Let's just concentrate on her getting better. Is there anything I can do for you? Do you need me to get anything from your house?"

"No. Hank is coming to get me so we can drive over tonight. My sister's in Seattle, she's offered up her house to us for however long we need. I don't know that I'll be using her guest room much, not with Lizzie… Oh, dear. "

I hugged her again. "You're lucky to have family so close by, then. Please call me if you need anything."

"I will, sweetheart."

The automatic doors swooshed open then, and we both turned; I looking for Edward, Mrs. Cope no doubt looking for her husband. It was both, surprisingly.

Edward led the way, Hank behind him red-eyed and face twisted into a grimace. Once he saw Shelly, his lips trembled a little and I stepped away from her so he could gather her up in his arms.

The doctor came through then, ushering them to the side to no doubt update them on the situation.

"You doing okay?" Edward asked, his hand lightly on my elbow.

I looked up at him and my mask dropped a little. It was all I could do to not lose it right then.

"I guess. They're leaving to drive over to Seattle as soon as they move Lizzie. I want to stay here with them until they go."

"I'll stay with you. Sam told me to let you know to just head home. He'll cover the rest of your shift."

"Aren't you on duty?"

"No, I was off at midnight."

I felt a tiny bit of relief that he was here with me but my body was wrecked from the stress. "I'll need to go and get my truck."

"How about I just give you a ride home. You're exhausted."

I wasn't about to argue and didn't hesitate to agree.

We sat with Shelly and Hank until we heard the rotary blades of the helicopter and the loud whooshing sounds of it landing outside on the helipad. I hugged Shelly once more and gave Hank a squeeze on the arm.

"Please call if you need _anything_."

"I'll call as soon as I can."

As I watched them walk out of the doors, I couldn't help but feel both relieved and selfish, that it wasn't my Katie being loaded into that helicopter.

O=^=C

Edward kept his word and followed me back to the station to drop off my patrol car. Sam was out on call when I went inside to grab my things, and I left a note on his desk thanking him and apologizing for leaving them shorthanded.

I was so exhausted I felt like I was swimming through mud—my limbs too heavy to do even the simple task of buckling my seatbelt once I climbed inside Edward's truck. As he drove to my house, I rubbed my fingers over my forehead and tried to wipe away the events of the evening. Exhaustion fell heavy on my shoulders.

Though I knew Katie was perfectly okay, I was still incensed at James for taking advantage of the situation. And then there was Lizzie…

"Quite a night, huh?" Edward said, probably reading my thoughts plain as day from the frown on my face.

"That it is," I agreed wearily.

When we got to the house, Edward quickly stepped out of the truck and came to my side. Ever so lightly touching my back, he helped guide me to the door.

I walked through the darkened house, through the kitchen and to the den, to put my gun belt in the safe.

While we had barely said but a few words to each other throughout the entire evening, I was so thankful he was here with me. The fact was that we hadn't really talked at all since our fight. But if he left now…

I walked back out to the entry way and found him waiting for me. Sensing that I had something in mind, he waited for me to speak.

The emotion of everything welled up inside, choking me to the point of where I couldn't speak. I took a few moments as I wrung my hands then looked up at his face. "I'm so sorry." A single tear rolled down my face, followed by another.

Before I fell completely apart, he stepped forward and gathered me into his arms. Cries wracked my body until I could barely stand.

I felt awful for making him pay for the hurt and frustration that I had endured over the last eight years. My words the last time we'd spoken face-to-face were cruel and cutting, and he didn't deserve them. It was so, so unfair, especially to him. He loved me, he believed in me…and I failed him.

I kept gasping for air like Katie did when she was beyond upset. Just thinking of her brought on a new wave of tears.

All of the misery and worry of tonight, and the days leading up to it, hit me like a ten ton brick, and I let it all wash over me, a moment of clarity that I desperately needed. I was so sick of letting others get in the way of my happiness. I wanted Katie to grow up in a house that was as normal and loving as I could make it for her; I wanted to stand up to James and make him see that our bickering was doing absolutely nothing for her, and find a way to co-parent peacefully; I wanted Edward by my side.

He held me there in the entryway until my breathing calmed down, and the sobs tapered off into hushed tears.

"Let's get you into bed, okay?"

I nodded, still too raw to speak, and let him lead me up the stairs.

My uniform was stiff and uncomfortable, and I just wanted it off. As soon as we got to my room, I reached up to fumble with the buttons. He stilled my hands and began to undress me tenderly, showing me through his actions how selflessly he loved me.

Leaning over, he drew back the covers and then guided me in to bed. Once I did, he covered my body with the duvet and sat on the bed next to me, gently moving his fingers to draw the hair out of my face.

After a bit, when I was calmer, he made to move off of the bed. I reached out for his arm.

"Don't go, please," I said, "I need you."

He looked at me, eyes searching for a confirmation of my words.

It hurt that he was still uncertain about my feelings. "I do."

He was turned away from me, deep in thought for a moment, and then began to unbutton his uniform with his back turned to me. As he stood up and turned, I noted the smattering of hair peeking out of his white, v-neck undershirt.

I scooted to the other side of the bed as he climbed on top, setting himself against the head board. His arms immediately sought me out; the ache in my heart subsided a little as he held me.

After a few moments of just inhaling his scent and enjoying the comfort of his embrace, I took a deep breath, and then started to speak.

"I need you to know how sorry I am. You've done nothing but be there for us and I've realized that I lashed out at the wrong person. I completely understand your perspective on the whole thing now, and I know I wasn't fair to you, at all."

He sighed. "I appreciate that; I can't say that I don't share some of the blame, though." He pulled me more closely into his body, "I'll admit I was pissed about what you said to me. I've tried to do nothing but support you in everything that you do."

"I know" I whispered. My throat tightened a little.

"But if this is a relationship, it takes two to make it work. Not just two individuals, with two different lives. I've had to deal with that too much in the past and I refuse to make that mistake again."

"I have so much that I need to say to you."

He looked down at me and smoothed my hair away from my face "You've been through a lot tonight. Why don't we just rest. I'll be here in the morning," he said softly, "and every day thereafter."

Tears slipped from my eyes again and I lifted my head to kiss him.

"Thank you," I said, sniffling, my voice full of emotion. I had to laugh a little. "I'm sorry, I'm so flippin' emotional. I can't turn it off…"

"You don't have to."

He bent down, and kissed me again, all warm and wonderful. Being in his arms made me feel so loved, so secure, that my body instantly relaxed beneath his, welcoming, wanting.

His hands were in my hair then, his lips on mine so hungrily as he rolled on top of me. The ache that had beat at my chest for the past few days exploded now that he was beside me. I pushed against his body, seeking more, always more.

He pulled back, scanning my face for something, and I only hoped that what he found was all of the love I had for him—my eyes told him that he was everything I'd ever dreamed of and imagined, my hands told him that he wasn't close enough, yet.

All of the hurt, anger and doubt dissipated when he dipped his head back down, and what was left was…just him and me.

And then I was in his lap, and his hands were everywhere: down my back, up my thighs, around my knees and pulling me closer. It was good, great even, but I needed more. Needed his skin on mine, needed him inside and us moving together. I leaned back, pulled at his t-shirt, and then lifted it off when his hands were free.

He fumbled beneath us for a bit, the click of his belt, the sound of his zipper being drawn down, and then his fingers were right there, pushing my panties to the side, pulling me onto him.

It was rushed and needy, but so, so good. His pants were rough against my legs, but I didn't even care right then. I held him close to me, watching his face, his movements, feeling him from the inside out. There was a brief moment where time stopped, his eyes opened, and I thought I could see straight into his mind. I saw me, him, us.

"I love you."

O=^=C

The windows in my room were foggy when I woke up, cloudy white where the warmth of home met the early morning chill of near-winter. The sky was a little dark yet, though the time on my clock read ten after seven. I stretched—luxuriating in the heat of the body spooned against my back. He felt so good against me that it made the decision to get up impossible.

A kiss on my shoulder, arms tightening around me. Heaven.

"You awake?"

"Mhm," I mumbled, stifling a yawn as my stomach decided to chime in.

"Hungry?"

"I guess I am," I chuckled.

"How about I make us some eggs?" he asked.

"That sounds good." I moved to get out of bed, but he caught my arm and pulled me back. Smiling, he lightly kissed me and then let me go. I ran my hand over his hair while he rolled his eyes at me in mock annoyance. Things between us felt so good, just like they had before.

"I'll be back in a minute."

I used the restroom and scrubbed my teeth minty clean. Realizing that he came over in his uniform, I darted into Charlie's room to grab some sweats, but when I returned, he was standing there in his t-shirt and uniform pants.

"I grabbed you these if you want."

"I'm all right. When's Katie due back?" he said, obviously concerned about any state of undress.

The reality of last night invaded my thoughts. I sighed. "I hope by ten. I said to bring her back first thing."

He made us some scrambled eggs with cheese while I took care of the coffee and toast. Realizing that now was as good a time as any, I steadied my insides for what was about to come next.

"So," I said, "time to get down to some serious talking."

He gave me a small smile. "Floor's yours."

I looked at him sitting across from me and my heart started beating a little harder. Fresh-out-of-bed suited him. He looked adorably sleepy and snuggly yet.

"I know I said I was sorry last night, but I need you to know here in the daylight how sorry I really am."

"I am too," he said quietly.

"I'll preface this explanation by saying that I'm not trying to be defensive, I just want you to know where I was coming from."

He took a sip of his coffee and set it down.

"The hardest part to understand, and what I have to reconcile with myself, is I had to rely on just me for so long, even when James and I were together, that I get my back goes up when my choices are being questioned." I looked up at him. "I need you to understand that."

"I do."

"I want you to know I trust you, more than anything. If you disagree with what I'm doing or saying, especially when it comes to Katie, then we have to discuss it in private. Any rift between us in front of her or her father leaves us open to manipulation."

He looked at me, his mouth set in a thin line. "I get that, but I wish we would have talked things out a while ago, before everything blew up. I mean, we could have avoided a lot of this. But I realize my issues got in the way, too."

"What do you mean?"

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I didn't think you were being honest with yourself about the manipulation. To explain why it bothers me so much, when I met Heidi, it had been a long time since I'd dated or been with anyone. We were casual friends first, way before we started to see each other more seriously. Then I had this impulse to get married. I thought that's what needed to happen…sort of like, well, anything we had to work out, we'd do it when we were married. In reality, us not knowing each other that well just made everything worse."

"I know the feeling," I murmured.

"She was accustomed to a certain lifestyle that, on my salary, I couldn't maintain. So a lot of the fights were over money in the beginning. I was convinced she would understand, but she'd just get the money behind my back—from Daddy. New things started to appear in the house that I knew we couldn't afford."

There was bitterness in his voice that took me by surprise. I thought about it for a moment, and came to the conclusion that, though he may have seemed okay with his divorce when we talked about it before, there was a lot of underlying hurt he hid. I reached across the table and grabbed his hand, threading his fingers through mine.

"Lots of dishonesty, then."

"That's one way to put it. We'd fight, I'd give her an ultimatum and then she'd try a different approach. She started using sex as a way to get things that she wanted. It became tiresome, always a battle. She continued to do what she wanted and left me to me living pretty much on my own."

He got up to grab the coffee pot and came over to top mine off.

This sounded so opposite of what I had envisioned for him in his life. But then again, I never envisioned the relationship I had either.

I'd always thought about Edward, asked small questions about his life of Alice, and she'd say he was happy. Either he hid it well, or Alice wasn't seeing the real situation.

"I was done. So I filed for divorce and came home."

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that, but I'm glad you did come back," I said, giving him a small smile.

"Me too," he said taking my hand in his again. "So I have a hard time with lying and manipulation. And I guess because we deal with it so much at work, sometimes it really sets me off."

"Yeah, you start thinking no one tells the truth anymore."

We sat there for a few moments in silence and then he said, "So about—,"

"James," I said, letting out a long sigh. "Believe it or not, I feel incredibly calm about this at the moment. I'm done. When he gets here, I'm gonna lay down the law and threaten him with removal of his visitation if he even tries anything like that again."

He looked at me, a bit of surprise on his face. "Good, Bella. I'm glad you're standing up for yourself."

"I'll call my lawyer first thing Monday morning and let him know. I'm not playing anymore."

"That's the Swan I know."

I chuckled. "Are there any more eggs? I'm starving."

"Yep," he said, getting up from the table. "When Katie gets here, do you want to ride out to the house so we can get Abby?"

Just then the front door opened, and the sound of little feet pounding down the hall grew closer.

"Mama!" came the little voice I was so relieved to hear.

I stood from the table, went to the doorway, and held out my arms. She flew at me and I hugged her tightly.

All the worry of the previous night, when I first thought she was inside of a car that had went careening off the road, and then thought she was gone, rushed at me, and I sat down on the floor to pull her into my lap.

"Oh, Bug, mommy missed you," I said as I covered her giggling face in kisses.

"Mo-om," she whined. "I wasn't gone for forever!"

"Still, Baby, I'm so glad to see you."

I looked down the hallway and saw James still standing on the front porch.

"Mom, you're squeezing me too tight!"

I laughed and let her go, and then stood up as well. She noticed Edward, let out a delighted squeal, and moved to give him a hug, too. It felt good to know that she'd missed him while we weren't talking.

"Bug, I need to talk to your dad, would you hang out with Edward for a minute until I get back?"

"Yup," she said, climbing onto the chair opposite him.

He looked at me, eyes clearly asking if I was going to be okay.

I nodded and smiled, touching his shoulder briefly. Then I headed out to the front door.

O=^=C

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><p><em>AN: Your reviews make-a me happy! Love. Them. All._

_Just posted my first ever Age of Edward entry... An Honorable Intention. So much fun to write._

_Nic, I am amazed you donut flounce me for multiple WotDs. Seriously, ilu. xo_


	16. Chapter 16

_**Disclaimer:**__ Anything remotely resembling Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Any of the stories within, belong to me. Please do not copy or translate without permission._

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><p><em><strong>Not Going There<strong>_

_**Chapter 16**_

My resolve steely and calm, I walked with purpose to the front entry.

James, for all of his faults, wasn't a stupid man; in fact, he looked rightfully nervous when I opened the door, as if he knew he had it coming. I, on the other hand, was not. Altogether fed up with his shit, I was at my deadliest.

"So, uh, what happened last night?" he asked, shifting a little on his feet.

"What happened?" _Oh, wasn't_ that _rich_. "Let's see, you came by unannounced, took my daughter without permission, failed to inform me and took her fifty miles away. What does that sound like to you?"

"I—"

"Then my babysitter, who was supposed to be _safe_ here for the night, ended up in a rollover accident with severe injuries."

James blanched. "Is she going to be okay?"

"I don't know. She's at Harborview undergoing surgery as we speak."

He looked down at the ground for a minute before replying, "I just wanted to see my girl. I mean, I was out here…seeing a friend, and I didn't think it'd be a big deal."

Wasn't that just par for the course? Now that he was backed into a corner he acted repentant, his voice taking on a semi-whine that set my teeth on edge just that much more.

"Well, it is. And I plan on calling my lawyer first thing Monday morning. As a law enforcement officer, you _know _how detrimental this kind of stuff to a child is. You see it every day."

The gravity of the situation must have been starting to sink in because he didn't say anything and just looked at me with a blank expression.

"You can't just take her on a whim. Her life needs to be structured and safe and, as her mother, it's my responsibility to make sure of that."

"I wouldn't do anything to hurt her."

"I'm done, James. This can _not_ go on any longer. You have two choices here. You can either get over whatever keeps you pissed at me, and be a responsible parent, or, and so help me God if you try anything like this _ever_ again, I'll take you straight to court for 'intention to harass' and for 'custodial interference'. What's most important here is Katie—bottom line. I will not tolerate the toxicity aimed at me any longer."

"What the hell?"

There he was: the asshole that loved to argue with me.

"I'm done with the game playing. You need to get this _now_."

"You don't seem to have a problem replacing her father with your boyfriend."

"Edward and I are together and he's become an important part of her life. Stop being ridiculous. You're her father, and you always will be, so quit trying to create a competition there. It doesn't exist."

He turned to look down the street, took a deep breath, and then let it out. His eyes had softened by the time he looked back at me, and the tension between us began to dissipate a little. After a few moments, he said, "All right, I'll call a truce—for Katie."

"Thank you."

He looked past me into the house, and I followed his gaze to the kitchen where Edward and Katie sat at the table giggling.

He pursed his lips, the look on his face changing to a rather wistful one. He started to leave, and then stopped and turned to speak.

"You know, I always knew I was your second choice," he said, and then he headed for his car.

Completely caught off guard, I closed the door behind me and leaned against it. What the hell had he meant by that? Frowning, I walked back to the kitchen.

"Everything okay?" Edward asked, scanning my face.

"I think it will be now. " I nodded at Katie, indicating to him that we would talk later. "Can we head out to your house for the day? I just want to be somewhere else right now."

"Sure. Let's go get your truck and then make a day of it," he said as he stood up.

Somehow sensing I needed him, he wrapped his arms around me and just held me. With the scraping of chair legs, I felt an added pressure on my side. I reached down and smoothed the hair on Katie's head as she joined in on the hug.

O=^=C

"Just let me check once more."

I walked back through the house to recheck everything: the screen door at the back, the deadbolt on the back door. I looked again at the windows at the back. The safe was locked, the dial spun. Everything seemed in order.

I closed and locked the front door, letting out a big sigh as I did. Katie had already climbed into his truck and he'd buckled her in. Her little legs were kicking along to whatever song was in her head and she had a book on her lap.

"What's going on?" Obviously he'd picked up on my obsessive need to secure the house.

"Something else I need to fill you in on."

He was waiting at the passenger side door to give me a boost, so I stood on my tiptoes to kiss him—anything to replace that furrowed brow of his, especially when I had a feeling that it would only return later.

Once we picked up my truck in town, I followed them out to his house. When we arrived, I parked behind Edward and Katie jumped out of the truck to run over to Abby's kennel and let her out. He had to help her with the gate and we were met with lots of giggling, licking and dog wiggles. He put his arm around my waist and we walked up the stairs into the house.

While he built a fire in the woodstove to ward off the chill, I went into the kitchen to rummage something up for lunch. After feeding everyone toasted cheese sandwiches and soup in the kitchen, I settled Katie with a movie and Abby at her feet, and returned to the kitchen to clean up the mess.

With my hands in the soapy water, I looked out the window across the little valley and thought about the last twenty-four hours. So much had happened that I couldn't wrap my head around it. Katie, Lizzie, Edward… I was so thankful that the people I loved were relatively safe.

I couldn't help but remember what James had said: _Your second choice. _I wasn't quite sure what he meant by it, but I shivered a little remembering the venom in his voice.

I felt my guy before he placed his chin on my shoulder and slid his hands around my waist. Initially, I squirmed a little because it tickled, but relaxed when I felt his arms—that I'd missed so much—tighten around me. "So you want to tell me what else is going on?" he said in a low voice, nuzzling my neck a little.

"If you keep doing that, I'll tell you anything you want to know." I turned on the faucet to rinse my hands and grabbed a towel to dry them off.

He was grinning when I turned in his arms, and then he bent down to kiss me. The worries that had been building for weeks seemed to ease just a bit as our lips met. I looped my fingers in his belt loops and pulled him closer.

Pulling back to look at my face he said, "Good to know."

I placed my hand on his chest. "Let me check on her first, then we can sit and talk."

I peeked around the corner and saw Abby up on the couch, curled into Katie's side.

"Uh oh."

"What?" He looked around the corner. "Man, she knows better. I guess it's okay… for now."

I made us a couple of teas and sat down at the kitchen table where I could keep an eye on my girl.

"So, tell me what's with the double, triple security checks…"

I rubbed my fingers over my brow trying to remember all of the details.

"First of all, I can't believe that I didn't catch any of this. Guess I've been too preoccupied with everything else… Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, right before James showed up, there were a couple of things that happened."

"What things?" he said in a stern voice, sounding all Charlie-like. I raised my eyebrow, but he didn't back down. "Go on."

"Well, I went out jogging a few times on my own, taking different paths than usual, you know, to mix it up a little, and had the feeling…" I paused, trying to recall all of the details. "Like someone was watching me. I mean, I don't really have any proof of anything, just weird feelings about it."

"Can you remember any specifics?"

"Out on the 'A' road I saw a car, but it had turned around and was too far for me to see the plate. It was a dark colored, newer model Subaru, but I'm not sure on the exact make."

He nodded. "We can look online and see if you recognize something. What else have you noticed?"

"Okay, so when I took Katie around for Halloween, I saw a car parked in front of our house, but I didn't think much of it at the time. You know how people take their kids to the different neighborhoods, right? Well, I just thought it might have been related to that… but it was only there for maybe ten minutes."

"Yeah, that's odd. Not enough time for trick-or-treating. Anything else? See anyone around the house?"

"No. No one."

"Do you think James is following you around?"

"No. Possibly. I don't know. The second one looked like his but, then again, it didn't. I've been so overwhelmed lately that I haven't been able to keep a clear head. There was another time when the back door was unlocked when I was sure I'd locked it. I'm usually really careful about that stuff."

I could see the wheels turning in his head. He was about to ask me another question when my cell phone rang. "It's Shelly."

Edward grabbed my tea to refill it, and I took a deep breath. I hoped Lizzie was okay…

I flipped open my phone. "Hello?"

"Hi, Bella." she said, sounding tired.

"How are you doing? How's Lizzie?"

"She's out of surgery and in ICU for now. They had to put a rod in her leg and some pins. It's going to be a long haul for her. We have to get her through this, but there will probably be more surgeries."

"Oh, Shelly, I'm so sorry."

"She'll be okay. She's a strong kid. It's just going to take awhile."

"I feel terrible. This shouldn't have happened."

"Sweetie, it's not your fault. Things happen. The hard part is you can't keep your kids safe from everything. No matter how hard you try."

I turned to look at Katie in the living room. "No, you can't."

We spoke for a few minutes more about her injuries and the hopes the doctors had for her recovery. Shelly was worried over how to tell her cheerleading was probably out for the foreseeable future, so I tried to convince her that her daughter was a smart girl and not to worry about that…especially not in the face of everything else they would have to deal with. Things could have been so much worse, but I also guessed that she just wanted something good to tell Lizzie.

When I got off the phone I filled Edward in on the details.

"Wow."

"I just wish I knew, then James wouldn't have…"

"In all honesty, it could have happened any night, to any kid. Don't blame yourself."

"I can't help it."

He reached across the table to grab my hand. The phone rang again and I looked at it.

"It's my dad."

Edward let go so I could retrieve my phone.

"Hi."

"Where are you guys at? I got home and it looks like you haven't been here for a while."

Ever the cop… I laughed a little, glad for the bit of normalcy in an otherwise stressful day. "We're over at Edward's spending the day."

"That's good, kid. Glad to hear it."

Edward whispered to me, "Invite him over, I think he needs to know about this."

"Hey, Dad? Would you like to come out here for dinner? You haven't seen the place and we'd love to have you. And Katie's sure missed you."

"Well, sure. Give me a few and I'll head out. Need the address."

I gave him the house number and said, "See you in a bit."

Once Charlie arrived, there were lots of hugs all around. Even Abby squeezed in for some pets. It took a few minutes to get Katie to settle down before she gave her Grandpa a tour around the house.

"Jeez, I should go out of town more often. Never get this kind of reception at home," he said with a little sarcasm. "Nice place you have here, Edward."

"Thanks, Chief."

"So, what's for dinner?"

"Steak. Potatoes. A He-man meal." I went to the fridge and pulled out a beer for my dad and uncapped it. Handing it to him I said, "Not your usual."

"Eh, it'll work." He took a long pull from the bottle. He eyed me for a moment before he asked, "You been getting some rest?"

"Yeah. Catching up a little bit, I could use some more, though."

"I'll say. You left the back unlocked again."

Edward and I looked at each other. My heart began to pound heavily. I'd checked that door twice. There was no freaking way…

Suddenly, I was glad we'd come to Edward's for the day, because I was positive now that someone had been in my house.

"No, Dad. I didn't."

"Well, the screen and the deadbolt were both unlocked. I assumed you forgot and so I locked it up."

"Dad, someone's been in the house."

Edward wasted no time in picking up his cell phone and calling dispatch. His low, urgent voice shook me—this was bad.

"What's going on?"

Edward, sliding his phone into his pocket, was all business. "I'm going to have Miller go check outside the house. We can go over and meet him in a bit to look things over.

"Will someone tell me what the hell is going on?"

I gave my dad a look and hissed at him to keep his voice down. "Please," I said when he gave me a look that was none too assuring that he wasn't about to take my head off, "Katie's in the next room. Let's just…sit down and talk."

We took seats at the table and filled Charlie in on James, the strange cars and other things that had been going on. He sat back in his chair and took another sip of his beer.

"That son-of-a-bitch better not come to the house when I'm around."

"Shh, Dad," I said, looking for Katie. "We don't exactly know. I mean, every incident seems unrelated to me at least. No connections so far."

He snorted. "Unrelated my ass, Bella. Someone following you when you jog and breaking in to your own house? Get your head out of the clouds, kid."

Edward's phone rang and he picked it up off the counter. "Hey, Gene."

They chatted for a few minutes while Charlie and I waited. I looked down and Abby had settled in next to my father to get her head scratched. He absentmindedly stroked her head and listened to what Edward was saying. We both sat up straight when Edward pocketed his phone once more.

"No signs of anything that they can tell. They said they'd patrol the area and meet us over there when you're ready to head back to look inside for anything missing. Probably dust for prints on the door, take a report. "

"Hell, my hands were all over that door, probably nothing there now." Charlie looked at me. "I don't want you and Katie at the house tonight. Can you stay out here?"

Edward responded immediately, "Of course they can."

"Dad—"

"Nope, you stay here. I'll have things checked out at the house." He got up to leave.

"Where are you going?"

"Won't be able to sit here drinking a damn beer with this shit going on. I'm heading to the house, gonna see if they need anything from me."

I started to speak again, but I knew. He couldn't stay any more than I really wanted to.

"Please call."

"I will." He walked back into the living room to give Katie a hug before heading out the front door.

After dinner, Charlie called us to fill us in on the details. There were no prints to speak of, and whoever it was had wiped everything clean. Nothing seemed to be missing, either, although he said he wouldn't know if anything of mine or Katie's had been taken.

"We're gonna have to take some precautions, kid."

"Yeah. I'm still hoping this is unrelated… I mean, there's that burglary ring that's causing trouble…"

"Be that as it may, I don't want you here alone when you're not on duty."

That pissed me off. "Dad, I can take care of myself."

"I know you can, but until we know what's happening, I don't think either you or Katie should be without one of us, for now."

I silently fumed on one hand, but realized he was probably right. If it was just me that I had to worry about, I would have been okay staying at the house without someone with me, but not with Katie around. I looked at Edward, his arms were crossed and he was staring at the floor.

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow before work. Can you stay with Katie tomorrow?"

"I don't have any plans until next weekend."

"Goodnight, Dad. Thank You."

O=^=C

Once Katie was tucked safely in bed in the room next door, Edward and I sat against the headboard, with me curled into his side.

"I'm so tired," I said, closing my eyes and enjoying the warmth of his body next to mine.

"Then sleep," he said, kissing me on top of the head.

"What if I don't want to?"

He laughed, getting my drift. "What about the Munchkin'?"

"I can guarantee you she's out." My hand wandered down on to his hip and around. He hummed and slid his body down to where we were face to face. Kissing him, I could forget the tiredness and exhaustion of the day. I melded my body into his.

After a few minutes he stopped and pulled back to look at my face. His expression was soft and full of love.

"What?" I asked.

"I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to you."

"Nothing is going to happen to me. C'mon, I'm surrounded by Fork's finest."

"Just, you know, be alert, on your guard. At work, around here…"

"Babe, don't worry," I said reaching up to touch his face. "I've got it."

He gave me a small smile and leaned in to kiss me again.

We made love that night slow and unhurried, taking the time to please each other all over again.

O=^=C

I woke the next morning to Edward putting on his uniform. I watched as he tucked in his shirt then threaded his belt through the loops. _Mmm_. There was something about this particular man in uniform that drove me crazy.

"What time is it?" I asked, stretching my body out.

"A little after twelve. I have to head in shortly."

"Oh my god. How long have I been out?"

"About ten hours. You obviously needed it." He came to sit on the edge of the bed and placed his hand on my hip.

"Where's Katie?"

"In the next room reading her books she brought over to the dog. We made pancakes this morning and then watched some 'toons. She even brought you a friend."

I looked behind me and saw one of her bunnies on the pillow. I reached for it and turned back, tucking it under my arm.

"She cracks me up, she's so thoughtful sometimes."

"She's a good kid," he mused aloud. "Can I get you anything before I go? I don't want you to get up on my account. You're welcome to stay as long as you want."

"No, I need to get up and head back home. No doubt Charlie will be sitting on the front porch with a shot gun."

"You don't have your gun with you, do you?"

"No."

"Might want to consider it, if anything else…"

"Nothing will happen, but I promise I'll carry it with me."

I could see the relief in his face. "It's nice having you here. I might get used to waking up with you. It's been two days in a row now. You're spoiling me."

"I'm the one who's spoiled."

He leaned over to give me a kiss on the lips. "You're off tonight, too?"

"Yeah, Sam finally cut me some slack."

"You might want to talk to him about what's been going on."

"I don't really want to make a big deal out of this. The less people who know the better. I don't want any attention or to be seen as someone who has to be watched over."

"There's a time to be proud, and a time to be practical." He kissed me on the head and then stood up.

"You sound like my dad," I said pouting.

"Good," he said with that devastatingly handsome smile of his. "See you later."

He left the room and I could hear Bug giggle in the other room as he said goodbye. A few minutes later, I heard her heading in my direction. She walked in to the room and crawled up on the bed with me.

"Mama, why are you still sleeping? It's noontime."

"Oh, trying to catch up on sleep, kiddo."

As much as I wanted to stay sprawled out in this bed all day, I knew I should be getting my ass up. I was curious about what had happened at our house and wanted to get things in order for Katie before school tomorrow.

After locking up, I decided instead of putting Abby back in her kennel, I'd load her up in the truck and take her along. I sent Edward a text to let him know we brought her home.

When we pulled into the driveway, I got out to let Katie out of the truck. She ran ahead of me while I grabbed the rest of our stuff.

From the porch, Katie shouted, "Mama, look!"

"I'll be there in a second, Bug," I said, my arms full as I closed the door, Abby at my side. When I reached the bottom step, I saw the huge arrangement of winter lilies in a box next to the front door.

"They're pretty!" she exclaimed.

"Huh," I said aloud. _I never get flowers. _I stared at them a second and then smiled, guessing Edward was being his usual sweet self. My hands were full, though, so I opened the front door and scooted the box inside with my foot until it was out of the way. Katie ran through, shouting for her Grandpa, and I unloaded our bags next to the stairs.

"Hey, Dad!" The click of Abby's toenails on the hardwood echoed through the entry.

"In here."

I walked to the kitchen and he was sitting at the table with Katie in his lap.

"Honey, why don't you go put your stuff away. I want to talk to Grandpa for a few minutes."

"Okay." She headed out of the room, but Abby stayed next to my dad while he scratched her behind the ears.

"So?"

"Nothing much. Whoever it was didn't take anything that I could tell. No damage. Nothing was touched in the den. Even asked Mrs. Yorkie. Nothing."

"Maybe it was some kids trying to get in and they got scared off."

"Who knows. Pretty bold though because it happened in the daylight. I changed the deadbolt on the door, by the way."

My cell rang and I looked down. Edward.

"Hi."

"So you dognapped Abby, huh?"

"It's not 'dognapping' if she willingly jumped in the truck," I said, laughing. "Besides she's snuggling up with my dad at the moment."

"Nice. Next thing and she'll probably move in over there."

"Probably. Um, thank you for the flowers, by the way. They're beautiful. Not used to getting anything like that."

"What flowers?"

O=^=C

* * *

><p><em>AN: Thank you so much-love the reviews. Appreciate your patience today as I am on the other coast for a few days... :)_

_Thank you, nic. xo_


	17. Chapter 17

_**Disclaimer:**__ Anything remotely resembling Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Any of the stories within, belong to me. Please do not copy or translate without permission._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Not Going There<strong>_

_**Chapter 17**_

"You didn't send me flowers?" I said, frowning.

"Not that I wouldn't, but I didn't today. Why? What's going on, Bella?"

I looked over at my dad, whose demeanor had switched into high alert. He glowered and said, "I've been here all day. No one knocked, I didn't hear a car, nothing."

The hair on my arms prickled, a dash of unease lacing my system as I looked back into the entry way to where the vase of lilies still sat. I turned my attention back to my phone call."Well, I have a big bouquet of winter lilies staring me in the face and no clue who sent them."

"No card?" he asked, and I mentally gave myself a shove for not looking.

My steps were shaky as I headed back down the hallway, and then bent down to inspect the flowers and box they came in. The flowers smelled sickly-sweet, as if they had already sat a day or two.

"Nope. Not a thing."

"I don't like this. All right, first, I want you to give Stanley's Flowers a call. They might know who ordered them. If they've got no answer, start calling places in Port Angeles."

"Stanley's is probably closed, but I'll try. In the meantime, I don't think I want these in the house."

Glancing at the clock, I knew I was in for a world of disappointment. Most flower shops in the area closed at a decent hour, and add a weekend schedule in to that scenario? I would be lucky to get hold of a handful of shops.

I wanted answers, and I wanted them now.

Edward's voice was worried when he spoke again. "Do you need me to come over right now? I will if you—"

"No, we're fine here. There are two cops here, we know protocol. It may just be James. He knew how mad I was so it could be a way to try and butter me up before I call the lawyer." Which would explain the too-sweet smell of the flowers: it added up to his character to buy the older bouquet…

At least that was what I was hoping for. The other implications were just… entirely scary.

"Let me know what you find out, then."

"I will."

"How 'bout I stop by after my shift and pick up Abby since you're heading in?"

I glanced back in the kitchen. Abby was in seventh Heaven, and, honestly, I felt safer having her here. Dogs were great about alerting one to possible intruders—their ears picked up noises a human being's couldn't. "She's quite comfortable with my dad at the moment."

"Is he feeding her cheese again?" He still sounded as tense as I felt, but I thought he might be trying to calm me down with banalities. I decided to play along.

"Probably. They're thick as thieves now."

He hummed. "That's all right. I'll stop by anyway and chat with your dad. Probably won't see you, though, so be safe tonight."

"Always am."

"Hey. Before you go…"

"Yes?"

"I thought about having Emmett come hang out with you if neither your dad nor I are available. Any problem with that?"

Of all of the possible scenarios that were running through my head, the one that worried me most was if something happened while Katie was at home. I knew I could take care of myself—my training was extensive and I was confident—but an extra pair of eyes was never a bad thing. As much as I would try to resist, my dad and Edward would override my judgment if it were just me…well, I had a little one that was too important to brush off any offer of help.

"I don't have a problem with him coming over. Katie would love to see him anyway."

"Okay, good. Talk to you later then."

"Bye."

Before I picked up the bouquet of flowers, I took my cell phone and snapped a picture, just in case. Grabbing the box by the edges, I carried it outside to the compost bin. Lifting the lid, I tossed the stems inside and placed the cardboard box into the garage in a plastic bin in case I needed it. Charlie was eyeing me closely when I returned.

"Have an admirer that we don't know about?"

"Not to my knowledge." I thought for a moment, then said, "In the past, James sent me flowers when he was feeling guilty about things: after fights, when we broke up, when he didn't come home… because it was an attempt to cover something. Receiving them generally leaves me a weird feeling inside. I wish I could be thankful about it but—"

"Call him up and ask him."

"I'd like to check the flower shops first, see if there's any description to go on. If they give me a positive i.d. on features, then I'll call him. I don't really want to have to contact him right now if I don't have to."

"Then I will."

"No, Dad, you won't. I need to call my lawyer and get things settled with him so we can figure out our parenting plan. I'm not going to put any more energy into his bullshit."

"All right, but I'm telling you, kid, don't mess around anymore. Pay attention to anything that might be different because I'm not liking this at all. Whoever got in here had a key or the skill to manipulate a lock. Then this…" he said waving his hand toward the front door.

As cool as I tried to be on the surface, the thought of someone letting themselves into our home gave me a violated feeling—and left my nerves on edge. I don't know if it was the smell of the flowers or the anxiousness I felt, but my stomach lurched and I bent over and leaned my hands on the counter over the sink.

"Hey, kiddo, you okay?"

"Yeah. Just overwhelmed by those smelly flowers. Also, I'm kind of pissed at myself for not paying closer attention to all of this stuff that's been going on. My head feels so clouded."

"You're looking kind of pale. Come sit down."

I sat at the table while Abby leaned forward to sniff my hand on my lap.

"Have you eaten today?"

"No. I haven't. Edward fed Katie so I forgot all about myself, I guess."

"Maybe you should go get a check up at the doctor. You haven't been feeling good for awhile now." There was genuine concern in his voice—he knew I hated to show any kind of weakness. "Don't mess around. Get checked out and be done with it. Got it?"

"Yeah, I got it."

"Good. Wanna sandwich?" he asked as he got up from the table.

"Sure."

He got up to go to the refrigerator and started pulling things out. Placing the condiments on the counter, he said, "Got a phone call from the Mason County Sheriff's department."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, they've reopened a cold case down there that was hot when I was still on active duty. You remember Erickson?"

I thought back…"Kind of. Didn't he used to come up here and fish with you?"

"That's him. He wanted me to come down there at the end of the week and go over some new evidence they found."

"And would that involve a side trip to a river?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Uh, yeah, if we have time…though I don't know now if I want to leave just yet."

O=^=C

First thing Monday morning, I called my lawyer in Port Angeles and he informed me that we had a court date on Thursday. Finally. I could get everything in place and keep James under control.

I stared at the phone and thought about calling the doctor. I had been run down as of late, burning the candle at both ends, and under an awful lot of stress. My immune system was probably shot right now, and it wouldn't hurt if I went out to Sequim and saw my general practitioner. Unfortunately, I didn't like going to the doctor here in town; it felt like every time I went, everyone wanted to know my business. I dialed the number and set out to see if they could squeeze me in.

Sitting at my desk at the station two days later , I looked across to where Mike was sprawled out and noticed how tired he looked_. _

_Join the club._

My search into flower shops had turned up nothing. Either the flowers had come from a website-type deal, or whoever had left them wasn't one to stand out. I'd asked around the neighbors to see if they were supposed to get a flower delivery that may have been left at the wrong address, but that was a dead lead. None of my friends had sent them, and I was beginning to suspect James more and more.

He'd been on his best behavior the night before when he called to speak to Katie out of the blue.

Still, though, if he was the one coming in to my house and following me on my runs, we were going to have a war on our hands.

"Hey, Mike, how're Jess and the baby doing?"

He yawned. "Great, actually." Then he laughed. "It's the rest of the kids that are driving me crazy. I figured having them in a bunch of activities would keep them out of trouble, but it's wearing me out."

I thought about it for a few seconds, "You know…you've been so great about having Katie over, I'd be glad to help out if I could. Maybe send 'em over for a pizza and movie night."

"Really? Thanks! I'll let Jess know. We might just take you up on it."

I looked back down at my reports and searched for the piece of information I was looking for.

"Mike?"

"Yeah?"

"These break-ins around town. How are they getting access? I mean, what are they using to break in?" I knew he had been working closely with county on the collection of most of the evidence.

"Generally, they seem to be breaking windows on doors to access the handles or entering through an unlocked window. Pretty much leave quite a mess at their entry point."

"So you think it's kids still?"

"Whoever's doing it is getting pretty brazen about it. Last time they made themselves something to eat."

"Huh." I said, laughing dryly. Not the case at my house. A clean entry—or so it seemed.

"What other info do you have?"

He looked at me and pursed his lips. "Heard about your house the other day. Gene said they didn't really find anything."

"No. Whoever it was let themselves in and out and cleaned as they went. We couldn't find anything missing or disturbed. Kind of frustrating. We deal with this stuff everyday but when it happens in your own home, it's pretty unnerving."

"Do you think it was kids?" Mike asked.

"From what you're telling me, no. It's someone who knows what they're doing."

"Wouldn't be someone from around here."

"Why do you say that?"

"None of our seasoned criminals are that smart."

O=^=C

The kitchen was quiet again after the hub-bub of dinnertime. I was cleaning up the rest of the dishes when I got a call from Katie's teacher.

"Hi, Bella? This is Angela Weber."

"Hey, Angela. How are you?"

"Good. And you?"

"Good, thanks. Been pretty busy with work," I said, continuing to wipe off the counter.

"Do you have a minute? I need to talk to you about Katie."

My stomach twisted with the tone of her voice and I took a seat at the table.

"Sure. I have time now."

"Have things been different around the house? More busy than usual? Any changes in her schedule?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Well, I've noticed a change in Katie's behavior at school."

I rubbed my fingers across my forehead. I sighed and asked, "What's going on?"

"Usually she's pretty helpful in class and generally sticks to the routine. But lately, she's been acting out a little and has been pretty emotional on a few occasions. Not usual behavior from her."

"We've had a bit of turmoil over the last month or so," I said. I hated giving up personal information but knew Angela would keep it to herself. "Her father has moved to the area and we've had a bit of a problem with consistency. I wouldn't be surprised if it was that."

"Yes, that definitely can be a problem."

"And her babysitter was hurt recently. She's not taken it well."

"Lizzie Cope? I heard. That's just awful."

"Yeah. She's definitely had her life disrupted lately. She's been mostly normal at home, save for a fit or two when she returns from time with her dad. Seems like the impact this is all having on her may be more than I realized…."

"Sometimes it's hard to see, especially when you have a pretty stoic kid like her. But, when it gets to be too much, it generally comes out sideways."

"I plan on getting things regarding him on track this week. I'll have a talk with her and see what I can do. I'm sorry if this has impacted your class in any way. "

"It hasn't, but because I know her and you so well, I wanted to let you know. I'll do my best on this end to help her out. Maybe you could visit class, you know, to give us a hand someday. It might be reassuring to her."

"I'll see about arranging a day. Thank you for letting me know."

After I hung up the phone, I sat there for a few minutes contemplating everything Angela had just told me. A lot had happened over the last couple of months: Edward, school, her dad, Lizzie... her Grandpa being gone so much.

As much as I strived to protect her from as much as possible, it seemed that some things had slipped through the cracks in my walls. I hated that the drama in my life was beginning to take a toll on her. There had been too many times in my line of work where I'd witnessed kids who were caught in the middle of disputes.

And I didn't want that for her.

I looked at the clock and knew I had to get her ready for bed before I got ready for my shift. The guilt pressed down on me more and more as I climbed the stairs.

Looking into her room, I saw her playing on her bed with some of her animals.

"Honey, time to get in the tub."

She paused in her playing, and turned to smile at me."'Kay, Mama. Can I use my bath crayons?"

"Of course you can, Bug. C'mon, let's get you clean and pretty."

She giggled and leaped up, racing around her room as she tried to decide on which pajamas to wear—princesses or Dora were apparently big decisions.

I walked into the bathroom and started the water. When she came in, first thing she did was grab the small plastic bin of toys next to the tub and dump them in, making a big _ker-splash_. Shedding her clothes, she climbed in and stirred the bubbles in the water.

"How's school goin'?"

"Fine."

I had to chuckle at her clipped response. She got the one word tactic from me _and_ her Grandpa.

"Do you like it there?"

"Yes."

"How are the kids? Do you like them?"

"Yep. I have lots of friends. That Lucas boy isn't so bad."

"He isn't?"

"He shared his cookies with me at lunch."

"Oh." I tried hard to suppress my smile. Taking a softer tone I said, "I talked to Miss Weber today. She said you had a couple of hard days in class. Wanna tell me about it?"

Silence.

"Katie-Bug, school is very important. Miss Weber says that you're doing great with your work, but that you get mad sometimes and cry. Do you?"

She nodded.

"Can you tell me about it?"

She sat there for a few moments then sighed a little. "I don't like it when you and daddy yell. It hurts my tummy."

My heart sunk. I knew it and I was just as much at fault as he was. I ran my hand over her hair. "I'm sorry, baby. Your dad and I are going to try really hard to not do that anymore." I prayed that this time James would get it.

"I miss Grampa, too. And Lizzie."

"Grampa has stuff to do but you know he'll be here as much as he can to stay with you. And I promise we'll visit Lizzie as soon as we can."

She didn't say anything but swirled a crayon in the water, and then started drawing loops on the tile wall.

"How about I come to your class one day and you can show me how good of a helper you are in class like your teacher says?"

She brightened a little at that, turning back to me with a excited expression. "Really?"

"I need you to try really hard, Bug, to show Miss Weber how good you can be. When I come to visit, you can show me, too. Sound good? And if something makes your tummy hurt I need you to let me know so we can figure it out, okay?"

She nodded and beamed up at me with a beautiful smile. Moments like this were stored away so I could pull them out on a rainy day. The water was getting a little tepid so I figured I'd better get her finished with her bath and off to bed.

"Tip your head back so I can rinse your hair."

O=^=C

On Thursday, when I woke up, the nerves in my stomach were bunched and swirly as I got up to get Katie ready for school. I hated going to court. I knew it was a necessity, but I hated not being able to predict the outcome. I was sure that everything would be set in place, but I could never count on James being reliable or certain in these matters. I worried about what he'd try to pull.

Thankfully Sam gave me the day off on short notice and got someone else to fill in on my shift. I never took this much time off from work and would have to work on achieving some sort of balance again.

When I dropped Katie off at school, I wanted to walk her to her classroom today, to let Angela know that I could come in next week if it could be arranged.

We entered the classroom holding hands and Angela gave us a warm "Good Morning." After we spoke for a few moments, I went to drop Katie's hand and she turned to hug my leg.

"Honey, you all right?" Angela looked at me and I shrugged my shoulders at her.

"Katie? Why don't you hang up your coat and get out the numbers for the number board for me. Can you do that?"

She nodded her head and reluctantly let go of my leg. The guilt washed over me again and Angela said in a low and kind voice, "Baby steps."

I smiled at her and waved goodbye to my girl, retreating before I got emotional myself.

On my way to Port Angeles, I got a call from Edward.

"Hi, Babe. How's it goin'?" he asked.

"Oh, okay, I guess. A little nervous."

"It'll be fine. From what you've told me, there's nothing really that should change a whole lot. It's pretty much the same schedule you've tried to give him recently. It's not unusual."

"I know. I'm just worried he'll try to pull something. You know, the 'poor me' card. It makes my blood boil to even think about it."

"Just take a big breath and try not to worry. Have zero expectations and you might be pleasantly surprised."

"I will, thanks. Wish you were here."

"Me too, but that would probably make it worse."

"Yeah. Hey, I'm going to be a little late. I have to run to Sequim after for… some shopping. Would you pick Katie up?"

"No problem. Call me before you head home, we're supposed to be having some nasty weather roll in."

"Yeah, I heard. I won't be long. I'll give you a call and let you know how things go."

When I pulled in to the courthouse parking lot, I saw James on the other side of the parking lot having a smoke. He was pacing back and forth and looked a little rumpled. I looked away and headed straight into the lobby.

I had a plan to speak to him after our hearing. I'd find out about the flowers, ask him point blank if he'd been coming in to my house, and if he answered in the positive, I wanted to at least try and work out things between us before going back through our lawyers.

I didn't like his attitude, but I wasn't so vindictive to point fingers in court. That would only make me look bad if he denied it, like I was adding on to a list to make him look like a bad parent. And I was tired of always arguing with him. It was time to act like the adults we were, both at court and in front of our daughter.

My lawyer was waiting for me on the second floor.

"Hey, Bella. Ready?"

"Let's get this over with."

O=^=C

I stepped out into the cold, fresh air, my mind begging for some release. The court session had gone well: the judge had agreed to almost everything I asked for. What I was surprised by was that James could only have her every other weekend.

That hadn't sat well with him.

He tried whining to the judge, but Judge Banner merely listened politely, in the end stressing the importance of consistency in co-parenting and that he should follow my lead. I thought I would feel smug over my plan being granted, but his gloomy look and the stiff, angry set to his shoulders when all was said and done made my stomach hurt.

I wouldn't like to be in his shoes.

I searched the parking lot for him to ask him the things I wanted to, and found him staring at me, his face clouded and dark. I started toward him, but he got into his vehicle instead, started the engine, and was gone before I was halfway across the parking lot.

Well, that was just awesome.

I sighed and rubbed my forehead, and then decided to just go and get my errands done. Clearly he needed time to cool off, and I really, really wanted to get home.

Walking through the parking lot, I noticed a dark colored Subaru parked that looked similar to the one I saw when I was jogging that day. I paused, a tingle setting up my spine, but then noticed this vehicle was a green color, and nowhere near as dark as the one from the day on the "A" road.

At least I had a make and model, though: an Outback, and, judging from the looks of this one, no more than two or three years old.

I had to race to Sequim (pushing limits that I was all too aware of) and barely made it to the doctor's in time. They'd had to squeeze me in so I apologized profusely at the front desk for being a few minutes late. Jeannie took it in stride and told me to have a seat.

I fidgeted a little in my chair. I didn't want to read or watch the information video playing on the tiny television. Sitting in these places always made me impatient. There was always someplace else I would rather be.

"Bella Swan."

My head snapped up and I got up to head through the door.

After the usual basic tests: height, weight, urine, etc. I returned to the exam room to undress as the nurse had instructed me and waited for my usual physician's assistant to come in to the room.

Someone knocked on the door twice and then opened the door, peeking around the corner. "Hey, you, long time no see!"

Expecting the P.A., I was surprised to see my doctor.

"Oh, hi, Emily. I know, haven't been in for awhile."

She looked down at my chart. "Which is why you get me today. Bella, you know better than that. Going on two years since you've been to see me…what's that about?"

"Been pretty healthy, for the most part, except recently. Just worn out, I guess..."

I filled her in on most of what had been going on. Emily and I had known each other growing up, and I was so glad to see she was doing so well. She had chosen to practice here instead of her home. Like me, she wasn't fond of the gossip small towns thrived on.

"Sounds like you have a full plate."

"And then some."

She chatted idly and asked me a few more questions while performing her exam. Once she had completed, she told me to get dressed. My vitals checked out fine, so I was warned of the dangers of doing too much at once and told to try and get some more rest.

"So, this part is done, but I'd like to look over your tests before you leave, see if there isn't something lurking. Some illnesses creep up on people, and I'd like to rule those out first. While you're here, ya know? Who knows when I'll see you again…" she said, smirking, and I laughed, too. _Busted. _"Can you hang on a minute?"

"Sure."

After about five minutes, she came back into the room, and from the serious look on her face, I could tell she was holding back something.

"Take a look at this," she said as she flipped the chart around for me to see.

My eyes scanned the page until it got to the bottom. I looked back at her then the page again.

"You have to be effin' kidding me."

O=^=C

* * *

><p><em>Thank you to my loverly nic for all of her amazing-ness. Fingers crossed for the CGHG collection… <em>


	18. Chapter 18

_**Disclaimer:**__ Anything remotely resembling Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Any of the stories within, belong to me. Please do not copy or translate without permission._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Not Going There<strong>_

_**Chapter 18**_

With my mind in full-on distraction mode, I didn't stop to do my usual shopping on the way home from Sequim. Instead I tried desperately to drive with one hand on the wheel and rummage with the other to find my phone in the black hole I called a purse. My fingers glossed over the strip of pictures I had neatly tucked in the side pocket.

My stomached quivered a little and I smiled. I couldn't wait to get home…

Honestly, I didn't think I was going to be this late returning from my doctor's appointment, but time had gotten away from me. Thankfully I'd called Edward earlier and asked him to pick up Katie from school since no one would be at the house. I checked my clock again, planning how best to rush my last two stops before I could call it a day.

The nights were turning dark fast and, with the occasional rain squalls this evening, it made getting home a bitch. When a gust of wind rocked my vehicle, I abandoned the search for my phone to concentrate on the roads.

After stopping at the grocery store and the pharmacy, I headed toward Forks. Around Lake Crescent, the wind picked up again and leaves swirled in front of my windshield. I _so _didn't need this right now.

As hard as I tried, though, my thoughts kept drifting to the unexpected news I'd received at the doctor's office. I'd gone through an entire range of emotions in what felt like four seconds flat, and now I just wanted to share the news with Edward.

_He's gonna be floored._

The rain held up until I started up the hill on the other side of the lake at Fairholme, and then all Hell seemed to let loose. The skies really opened up, dumping gallons of water onto my windshield, and I flicked my wipers to the fastest setting. I kept my eyes peeled for animals on the side of the road. It seemed like they always liked to step out at dusk regardless of the weather—just as the light and dark started to mingle.

About several miles from Bear Creek, my lights started to flicker and the radio died out.

"Shit, shit, shit," I said as I banged on the steering wheel and pulled over on a wide spot on the side of the road. It had to be the alternator in this thing. I'd fixed it once before but there must have been something messed up in the wiring.

_Crap_.

I immediately called Edward.

"Hey, it's me."

"Hi, you getting close? It's getting pretty nasty out there."

"No, uh, the truck crapped out."

"What do you mean?"

"I have no lights or electrical."

"I'll be out to get you in twenty," he said without hesitating.

"Let me just look at it first. I think it may be in the wiring. I've fixed it on the fly before."

"Well, don't be hanging out there any longer than necessary. Call and we'll load up in the truck to come and get you."

"I'm sure it's fine. I just didn't want you to worry."

"Okay, I'm going to wait on your call. I'll even call Miller and see if he can head out that way."

"No need to call him. I won't be that long, I promise."

"You have your service revolver with you?"

"Yep. Don't leave home without it." I smiled over his concern. I knew because of the random things that had been happening lately he was being a little overprotective, but, in a way, I welcomed it.

It was a shock to realize I was getting over my whole "I can do it myself" thing and finally allowing someone to just…be there for me. I liked it, though. However, I _was _irritated by my delay—I just wanted to get home to him and Katie-Bug.

"Call me," he said in a concerned voice.

"I will, love you."

"Love you, too. Be safe."

"Always am."

I closed my phone, put it on the seat, and leaned over to the glove box to retrieve my flashlight. Gritting my teeth and hoping the downpour would let up soon, I popped the hood and jumped out to take a look. I'd fixed it before with a jiggle or two. Key was to not turn the engine off, else I would have been screwed. But when I jumped out, the engine died.

A few cars passed as I was under the hood and I laughed dryly to myself about how 'friendly' people were nowadays about helping a stranded motorist. But it was dark and I'd be cautious as to who was on the side of the road as well.

I was immediately soaked to the bone, but at least I felt safe with the knowledge that my sidearm was under the seat and phone was laying on the bench within reach.

After a few jiggles on the wire, a search for a loose connection and a few turns of the ignition, I knew it was time to call Edward. There was no way this thing was going to start.

The slowing of an engine, the crackle of wet gravel, and I was warned that a car was pulling over behind my truck. I looked down the side, temporarily blinded by the headlights of the other vehicle. Instinct made me move toward the open door of my truck.

"Bella?"

The voice sounded familiar and I shielded my eyes trying to recognize who it was and I stopped.

"Oh! Oh, hey. Uh, what are you doing out here?"

"Just heading out to Forks. What happened? Did you break down?"

"Yeah. I think it's the alternator in this thing, but I can't get it to go. I've been jimmy-riggin' it for so long I think it's on the last of its nine lives."

Another vehicle passed us then, a small red car, going slightly slower as I turned to watch.

"Do you want a ride home?"

I thought about it for a moment. This truck wasn't going anywhere, and it wouldn't hurt. I'd just give Edward a call and let him know.

"You don't mind? That would be great. Let me just grab my phone and my bag…"

I dropped the hood shut and moved to the driver's side to turn off the vehicle and grab my purse, phone and gun. "Oh, I need to call home real quick to let them know I'm on my way."

"Hey. Take your time."

Surprised that of all people…well, I just hoped the ride to my house wouldn't be uncomfortable, I walked back to the driver's side and opened the door and leaned in to grab my phone. As I flipped it open, I felt a dampened cloth hiding a strong grip close around my mouth. The smell was vile, and I only had a brief millisecond to panic before my world faded to black.

O=^=C

_Thank you nic, xoxo._

_Songs: Cold-Aqualung & Lucy_

_Put Your Lights On – Everlast_


	19. Chapter 19

_**Disclaimer:**__ Anything remotely resembling Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Any of the stories within, belong to me. Please do not copy or translate without permission._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Not Going There<strong>_

_**Chapter 19**_

EPOV

When the clock struck 6:30, I gave in to the sense of unease that had been steadily churning in my stomach and began to pace back and forth between the kitchen and the entryway, peering out both doors for a second each time to see if Bella was home yet. It had been thirty minutes since I heard from her and there was no way she would have taken this long without calling back.

Clenching the phone in my hand, I looked over to where Katie was quietly curled up on the couch watching _Tangled_. She'd been subdued ever since I picked her up from school, asking over and over when her mom was coming home. I hoped she wasn't getting sick—I had little experience with sick children. That was definitely Bella's area of expertise.

"Edward. Is Mommy home yet?"

I glanced at the couch. Abby was curled up in front of it, and Katie was not at all interested in her movie it seemed. Her obvious discomfort made me take note. Something didn't feel right about this night, and I cursed myself for not just telling Bella I was coming to get her in the first place.

"She should be here soon, Katie. Are you feeling okay?"

"My tummy hurts. Mommy knows how to make me feel better and I want her."

I glanced at the phone. "Let me call her and see where she's at, deal? Hang tight, kiddo. She'll be home soon."

I headed back in to the kitchen and dialed Bella. It rang twice and went to voicemail.

It just wasn't like her to ignore phone calls, especially when she knew other people were worrying about her. And with all of the strange happenings that had been going on…

That thought had me picking up the phone and dialing my sergeant.

"Hey, man, it's Cullen. Can you do me a favor?"

"What's up?"

"You in the vicinity of Bear Creek? Or know of anyone who might be?"

"Yeah, I'm actually about ten minutes away from there. You need me to swing by somewhere or something?"

"If you wouldn't mind, man, that'd be stellar. Bella was on her way home from Sequim and had some car trouble, and now she's not picking up her phone. I've got Katie with me or I'd already be out there…"

"Yeah, I'll check it out. You want me to tell her to call you when I get there, or just bring her to your place?"

"Just have her call me, we'll figure out something from there. I'm not at my place, but thanks, I owe ya."

"Not a problem. I'll let you know in just a few."

I set the phone down on the counter and drummed my fingers on the tile. No, I didn't like this one bit. Needing a distraction, I grabbed two glasses down and filled them with water, and took one to Katie.

"Hey. You think a sip of water might make your tummy feel better?"

"Did you talk to my mom?" she asked as she took the glass from my hands.

I grimaced. "No, but I think she just didn't want to answer the phone because she's driving. Don't worry, okay?"

At least, I hoped she would be.

O=^=C

Fifteen minutes later, I heard my cell begin to ring in the kitchen. I stood from where I'd been sitting with Katie and dashed to the kitchen, catching the call on its last ring before voicemail.

"Cullen."

"Hey, Miller, here."

"She all right?"

"Well, Ed, I got out here and her truck's here with the keys in it. I also found her phone with her sidearm underneath the seat, but no sign of her anywhere."

_Fuck._ Gravity was working against me, pulling the blood down my body to settle somewhere near my feet. Why hadn't I insisted on picking her up, reassurances be damned? As a deputy, I knew better than fucking around with weird happenings.

"Where are you?" I asked, already making plans in my mind on whom to call next.

"Milepost Two-fourteen, east of Snider Road."

"I'll be there as soon as I can."

I immediately dialed my mom; my nerves were tight as a drum.

"Hi, dear. How are you?"

"Mom, I need you to get over to Bella's as soon as possible to watch Katie. Charlie's not due back in until tomorrow and I don't have anyone else to call."

"That's fine…but, Edward, sweetheart, what's going on. You sound worried."

"I'll tell you when you get here." Katie was peering at me over the top of the couch; I could see her worried eyes from my spot at the kitchen table "I, uh, can't at the moment."

"I'm on my way."

When she arrived at the house, we spoke in hushed whispers as I was putting on my coat. Her face was fraught with worry, but she pulled it together when she walked in to the living room.

"Katie, honey," she said, "let's go get you some dinner."

They retreated to the kitchen and I literally ran out the front door and jumped in to my truck, tires squealing as I pulled out of the driveway and headed for the highway.

O=^=C

It took me less time than it should have to get there, but I was in agony the entire drive. Scenarios and bits of training in missing persons cases flashed through my thoughts, alongside worry and a deep seeded sense of anger. If someone had hurt her…

When I arrived, Johnson, one of the local state troopers was also on scene. Practically flying out of the truck, I moved quickly to the truck where Miller, shining his flashlight in and around the cab, stood.

"Find anything else?"

He turned around. "You haven't heard from her?"

"No, not yet."

"Then let me show you what we got. She obviously broke down here, keys are still there and the engine won't turn over. I'm guessing her leaving was abrupt: the hood was still cracked open upon arrival to the scene and the driver side door was ajar."

That bit of information did nothing to ease the knot of worry in my gut. My fists clenched and unclenched at my sides as I said, "She wouldn't leave here without calling _someone_."

"Are you sure someone didn't pick her up? Maybe someone she knew well, someone from town?"

"She wouldn't leave her stuff, Gene, especially not a loaded gun."

"Can you try calling anyone you can think of to see if she may have caught a ride?"

I yanked my phone out of my pocket and dialed Rose at the hospital first.

"This is Rose."

"I need to ask you something."

"What, no hi, Rose; how you doing, Rose; nice to hear your voice, Rose. Geeze, who taught you phone manners?"

She snickered, and the sound aggravated me. Like this was a time for one of her ridiculous jokes.

"Have you talked to Bella today?"

"Um, no, I haven't talked to her since yesterday. Why?"

"She didn't call you or Em for a ride home tonight?"

"No, what's going on?" she asked, her voice turning serious.

"I don't have a whole lot of time to fill you in, but I haven't heard from her for a while. Listen, if she calls you, call me right away, will you? I'll call you as soon as I know anything."

"Shit. Yeah, okay, I will. You'd better call me when you talk to her," she replied.

Saying a quick goodbye, I hung up and called Bella's house.

"Mom. Did she show up or call?"

"No, honey, she hasn't."

"All right. If she does, tell her to call me right away."

I quickly snapped my phone shut. Every cell in my body knew that this was bad. It had been more than an hour, and there was no way she'd leave Katie that long without letting someone know.

"Hey, Ed. Come over here for a sec."

Sergeant Miller waved me over to the driver's side of the truck, taking care to move a distance away from the door.

"Look there."

I looked down at the wet ground and immediately saw what had Gene's guard up. There were a couple of sets of footprints besides Miller's and some deeply etched marks in the mud.

"Fuck!" I shouted in frustration, banging my fist on the side of the truck. "Motherfucker!"

"We can't assume anything, Ed. _If_ this is a worst-case-scenario, and she has been taken, they left in a hurry. Something must have spooked whoever it was. Any ideas?"

I looked back down the darkened highway, beyond the flashing lights of the patrol cars as if it would give me some inspiration. Turning back to Miller I said, "There's been some incidents lately where she thought she was being followed but couldn't connect anything enough to make a report."

Miller took a minute to write down a couple of things. "Any leads?"

I sighed. "The obvious choice would be her ex-husband, but, even though I think he's an idiot and an asshole, I don't think he'd do anything to her. Besides he's with P.A.P.D. and I don't think he would jeopardize his job."

"You never know in custody cases."

Everyone was pretty familiar with the back and forth between Bella and James by now. It _was_ a small town.

"At this point, I've got to ask you something that may be a little uncomfortable."

"Sarg—," I already knew where this was going.

"Have you guys had an argument recently?"

I sighed and rubbed my hand over the back of my neck. "We did, but we've worked things out. It couldn't be that."

"Is there a possibility of a boyfriend or lover in the picture? Another 'close' friend? Someone she may have been seeing on the side?"

"No! I mean, _fuck, _we're together all the time. I'd know if there was someone else."

"I gotta ask. It happens way more often than you'd think."

"No fucking way. Not Bella."

"Hey, Ed, I know this is close to home, but watch what you say and how you conduct yourself during this process, it could get you in some hot water."

"I don't fucking care, Gene. She's gone. Disappeared into fucking thin air," I said gesturing with my hands. With the fury at full tilt, I looked back at the truck wanting to kick the shit out of the side of it as if it would make her appear.

"Look at me. You know we'll do everything that we can," he said. "Can you think of anyone else? Anyone she was having trouble with?"

I racked my brain. The Mallory kid? No. Her and the kid seemed to be on good terms lately. She even seemed to be mentoring him when she could. Lauren? No. That'd be too much effort for her. I couldn't come up with anyone else. Slowly, an idea grew in my head.

"There was some guy she went out with once before we got together and he got a little, I don't know, persistent with her. From what I recall, he's from Port Angeles, I think. I played ball against him last summer—he was on Mike Newton's team. Riley something-or-other. I don't really know much about him, but I could give you a description of him."

Miller turned to Trooper Johnson and gave him the info. "If this is the case, then you know we have to forensically examine the vehicle, see if we can't find any evidence of a struggle—"

"I can't wait for that. I need to find her."

Miller sighed and tapped his clipboard on his leg as he thought for a moment. "Let us take a look and I'll have Johnson call dispatch for a Group Eight teletype. We can notify State Patrol, Border Patrol and all of the local agencies. After I'm done here, we'll have the truck taken to the evidence facility in P.A. Look, I'm going to release her belongings to you as long as you handle them according to protocol."

I felt a moment of relief. I knew he'd do his best to help me but I also knew he had to follow the code. One false move and I'd be out of the loop on this one; sidelined to wait on any news and goings-on like any other family member or loved one of a possible kidnap victim.

God, even thinking the word made my heart pound in a disjointed way. I'd finish anyone who dared to hurt her.

"I'll put a call into Jefferson County down south and to our detachments at the east end. There's only one highway either direction to get out of this county from here, they can't be far. Meanwhile, why don't we go back to the office and get organized," he said.

I acknowledged him vaguely, trying to figure out where would be the best place to start searching.

"Hey, Johnson is going to check the houses a mile in either direction and see if he can find anything there. The other agencies will be on board soon with a heightened alert. Chances are she's still on the peninsula."

"I can only fucking hope." I lifted my hat and ran my hand over my short hair. "Shit, I've gotta call Charlie."

He tightened his lips into an understanding smile. He himself had two teenage daughters. "Okay, let's go."

O=^=C

Time seemed to be crawling by the longer I waited to hear any news. From arriving on the scene to back at the station, only an hour had passed, but it felt so much longer. The first forty-eight were critical, and all I wanted to do was get out there and join the search, but I had to let Charlie know, first.

"I've called everyone I could possibly think of and it's been way over a reasonable time. She should be back at the house by now."

"Jesus, I'm on my way but I won't be there for a little over two hours. Where are you guys at Forks? State?"

"Chief, I know you want to be here, but I think Katie needs you right now. She loves my mom, but I know she'd probably feel safer with you at the house."

There was a pause on the other end of the line. "You're right, Cullen. Keep me informed?" he said, his voice tight.

"You know it."

I turned back to the computer at my desk and eyed Bella's bag. Dread washed over me again. I _knew_ her, she would have been in touch with someone by now.

I closed my eyes and rested my head on my hands, praying that she was okay. Images of her appeared behind my lids: the first time I saw her again, the moment she told me she wanted to be with me, the first time we made love. My eyes felt tight and my head had begun to pound when I sat back in my chair and tried to clear my head of those thoughts. Memories would only hamper my ability to function.

I looked over again to where her things sat next to me on the desk. It was my next task, as soon as I was through searching the NCIC data base. Earlier, I'd donned gloves to unload her pistol and leave it in an evidence bag, though I'd known it most likely hadn't been touched—it was found in the same place she always put it when she traveled.

The computer screen glared at me while I tried to gather facts in to an orderly manner: the details she'd given me about the two separate vehicles, one a late model Subaru and the other a darker color SUV. I really didn't have a thing.

"Hey, Gene. I'm gonna call over to Forks PD and see if they've spoken to her."

He nodded as I pulled out my cell and dialed the direct line to the office.

"Newton."

"Hey, Cullen here. Have you seen Swan in the last hour? She come by the station at all?"

"Not recently. I just got here, though. She on duty tonight?"

"No. Would you do me a favor and put a call out on your local dispatch to see if anyone has made contact with her?"

"Why? What's going on? Is this what the teletype is about? It's coming through now."

"Yeah, no one can get a hold of her. Can you just find out for me and give me a call back?"

He whistled, and I was sure he was seeing the details now. "Fuck, dude. Yeah, I'll pass this around to the guys and get back at you. You know it'll go out over the local scanner."

"Yeah, I do."

"Hopefully someone will hear it that's seen her. Keep us updated, will ya? Let us know if you need help down there."

I thanked him and hung up, and just a few minutes later, the local scanner crackled with the call Mike had made to dispatch.

"_All units. Attempting to locate off-duty Officer Five-nine-four for welfare check. Request contact to Forks PD if seen in area the last sixty minutes."_

I waited and listened as the negative responses came in.

Looking back to her bag, I reached in and gently rummaged in the bottom, wondering off hand how she could find anything in this mess. Her purse looked like a bomb had went off inside, and the thought made me pause and put my head down.

I was trying to hold it together, I really was, but every second that passed with no news ratcheted up the fear that she was hurt somewhere. Beaten, scared, or…no. No. I couldn't go there, not yet.

Finally I found her phone, noting that it was still on and only had one bar left. Flipping through her contacts, I hesitated as the cursor landed on James.

The phone rang again on Miller's desk. After a few moments, he hung up and headed in my direction.

"Newton called. After the call to dispatch, a Connor Mallory showed up at the station. Mike's bringing him over. Apparently he has something to tell us that may give us a lead."

I set her phone down again and made a few notes on the papers I had scattered in front of me. I could only hope so.

O=^=C

It was just after nine P.M. when Newton arrived escorting Connor and his friend into the office. The teenager's eyes darted all over the room before landing on me, and I noticed how much his demeanor had changed over recent months. He looked worried, but more _together_ somehow, as if he'd finally figured out some of life's lessons.

"Mr. Mallory here informed me that he saw Bella earlier this evening."

Finally, a break. I leaned forward eagerly, watching his face for any signs he may have been lying. "You did? Where?"

"Well, Nate and I were cruising back from P.A.—we'd gone to get stereo stuff—and I saw her old truck on the side of the road. I mean, nobody would miss that thing."

Now he had my full attention. "Was she there?"

"Yeah, we slowed down because I knew it was her but she was talking to some guy. It looked like she knew him, ya know? Sometimes when you're talking to a stranger, you act funny, but she wasn't."

I nodded. "Did you see what he looked like?"

"No. It was dark and I could only see that he had some kind of dark jacket on."

"Was there a vehicle there?"

"Yeah. It was one of those newer model BMWs, looked like it was black. An X3 with a roof rack."

Gene was already on the computer starting a search.

"Did you see a license plate? Anything else?"

"No. Not really. It was dark and shitty out."

Well, at least we had something. A make and model were more than we had before, but the fact that it wasn't a Subaru like we'd been searching for perplexed me. It certainly wasn't her ex-husband's vehicle. We spoke to him for a few minutes more, repeating some questions in different ways to see if his information was reliable. His story held up, though, so there was that.

"Thanks. Connor. You've been a huge help." I handed him my card with my cell phone on it. "Call me if you remember anything else."

"Okay. I will. I hope you find her, sir. She's a nice lady. "

I closed my eyes against the flutter of panic his words brought forth. "Thanks. We're trying our best."

He turned to leave and Newton followed, but stopped short.

"You thinking two-zero-seven?"

"Yeah. It's not official yet but we're doing everything we can around it."

"I'm on it," he said, "She's like one of the family, you know."

I nodded at him. "Yeah, I do. Thanks."

Picking up Bella's cell phone again, I didn't hesitate to dial James this time.

"Hello?"

"James, this is Edward Cullen."

There was a very long pause, and then he breathed out a harsh breath. "What do you want?"

So he wasn't going to be easy about this. "Have you seen or talked to Bella in the last couple of hours?"

"No. Saw her a court today and that was enough."

Miller called across the room then, "Got a possible match on the car. A 2010 BMW X3: _black, _registered to one Riley Biers. I'm gonna call dispatch and put out a BOLO for a detain and question."

James must have overheard, because he instantly asked, "What's going on? Be on the lookout for what?"

"You've had no contact with her besides court today," I asked again.

"No. Why?" His voice shot up, sounding irritated and concerned.

"She broke down halfway to Forks and hasn't come home. We haven't heard from her since six o'clock."

"Where's Katie?"he asked instantly.

"With my mom. Charlie will be there shortly." Deciding to trust my gut instincts on the situation, I began to fill him in on what we knew so far.

As contemptuous as our dealings had been up until now, I wasn't about to let my dislike of his treatment of Bella and Katie get in the way of finding my girl. He was an officer, too, and any help from he and his department would only add in the favor of finding Bella sooner rather than later.

Getting into any sort of argument with him now was counter-productive.

There was an extended silence on the other end of the line as I spoke, and he only broke in to ask me pertinent questions. There was no malice in his voice, though, and he sounded truly concerned.

"Shit. What can I do to help?"

"We have someone we think may be involved. Can you get someone in your department to check out a Riley Biers?" Miller handed me a paper across the desk. "The address I have for him is four-oh-seven 'C' Street. Owns a black 2010 BMW X3. No prior record."

"On it. Where do you want me to reach you?"

I gave him my cell. "Thanks, man, appreciate the help."

"No problem."

Over the next couple of hours we continued to compile all of the information we could and put in calls to other agencies in an attempt to get word out before things became official.

O=^=C

I received a call back from James at a little after eleven.

"You'll never believe this."

"What did you find out?"

"After calling my sergeant, we met with one of our detectives. We went on a routine field interview to his house to ask him some questions, and lo and behold, there was a 2008, dark green Subaru parked in the driveway."

_Bingo. _

"Did you run a check on it?"

"Yes, and it belongs to his mother. Her residence is listed in Gig Harbor."

"Any sign of him?"

"Wasn't home and we didn't have any kind of warrant, but I took a cruise down the driveway and looked in the garage. Without entering of course."

"Go on."

"There was a ton of outdoor equipment stacked neatly in the garage. I mean, everything from kayaks to tons of climbing gear. Dude's definitely an outdoor enthusiast. Scary how organized it was."

The more I heard, the more I felt like I was wasting my time sitting here.

"I'm going to check out his property listings, call friends and family and see if I can't locate him through them."

"Thanks, man, it helps to have as many people as I can on our side."

"Oh, I'll find them, Cullen. This is what I do best."

O=^=C

By one a.m., all of Clallam County had been alerted to a heightened level of the possible kidnapping of a law enforcement officer. To keep from going insane, I took a drive up to Clallam Bay and Sieku, and then made my way back out to Forks and the La Push area.

Over and over I checked the maps for all dwellings in the vicinity, trying to pinpoint a location with the little I had to go on. The bad thing was that there were a lot of squatter cabins in the area that we didn't know about.

They could be anywhere.

We still hadn't found Biers, and the interview with his mother had given us little to go on. She hadn't been in contact with her son in a few days, and there was no response to our attempts at trying to contact him.

At that point I was only going on a few hours of sleep from the night before, fueled by coffee and an instinctual need to keep going, to find one more clue that could lead us to her. I was way past shutting my mind off to all things that would only hinder my finding her, instead acting on the tried and true methods for handling a probable kidnapping. The rules and regulations were a constant mantra in my head.

Charlie had been in contact with me all evening, but the last call had shaken loose some of the fear my stoicism was trying to hold back.

Eventually I turned back up at the detachment and sat in my car for a minute to calm myself down once more. I thought of Bella then, and the idea that she could be stashed somewhere with a sick fuck doing God knew what to her was a gut punch.

I hunched over my steering wheel and breathed out harshly. If he'd hurt her…

"_Call me." _

"_I will, love you."_

"_Love you, too. Be safe."_

"_Always am."_

My fist found the steering wheel and the horn blared loudly. I hit it again, and again, and then threw the door open and took a deep breath. Why was she so damn stubborn? When I found her, I wasn't going to let her out of my sight for at least…another fifty years.

Gene was out on a call when I got back in, and I headed to my desk to go over the information we had once more. Maybe something would jump out at me, some hint we'd missed.

There was a pile of printouts and notes scattered across the desk's surface, and her purse was still there. I grabbed it, dumping it out gently and sorting through the receipts and multiple piles of chapstick and hair…things. I placed everything into sections of relevance: the girly stuff in one; her wallet in another; her phone and other electronics; mail and papers. And then I started to comb through them, all the while thinking she would kick my ass when she found out I'd done it.

Somewhere inside the disorganized mess would be a clue about her day—where she'd gone, who she'd come in contact with. It felt weird getting into her stuff, but at the same time it was all I had of her.

_I'm not going to lose her now. If it takes everything I have, I'll find her and bring her home. _

The makeup and other items I bagged right away because there was nothing in those items of importance. Inside the wallet was about $35 dollars, some coffee receipts, and an appointment card. I flipped over the card, saw it was for Sequim Women's Clinic for a date next month, and placed the card back in the wallet.

When I was finished with it, I was only more frustrated. I didn't see anything out of the ordinary.

Looking back into the depths of her bag, I noticed a few things stuffed in the side pockets. Pulling out the papers, I noticed there were a few more receipts and a bunch of pictures. At first, when I unfolded the strip, I couldn't figure out what it was. After stretching out the entire ribbon of images, I looked at each picture and the date on the corner. My stomach flipped once in response to what I thought I was looking at, a surge of adrenaline coursing through my body.

_Oh my god. She's pregnant._

O=^=C

_A/N: Love your reviews and comments. I so look forward to them rolling in throughout the day._

_BOLO - Be On the LookOut _

_207 - Code for kidnapping_

_Gotta thank a couple of deputies from my local county who were more than willing to assist with some of the details. Great guys._

_And Nic, you are absolutely brill. xo_


	20. Chapter 20

_**Disclaimer:**__ Anything remotely resembling Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Any of the stories within, belong to me. Please do not copy or translate without permission._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Not Going There<strong>_

_**Chapter 20**_

EPOV

My mind raced back and forth trying to make sense of what I held in my hands. I flipped the strip of pictures over as if the answer would be on the other side, but there was nothing but blank paper.

The date and time stamp, however, were from earlier today…no, yesterday… just a short time before I'd spoken to Bella last.

So…she knew. And, because of some asshole that I was really going to hurt when I got my hands on him, she hadn't even been the one to tell me the news. It was good news, the best, and I couldn't even experience it with her beside me. Instead I was scared and agitated, half-sick with worry over her whereabouts, and forcing myself not to lose hope that she'd be found.

I dropped my heads to my hands and blew out a harsh, broken breath.

"Find something, Ed?"

Unsure of how to respond, and not really ready to reveal any of this, I shook my head slowly. My hands scrubbed my face roughly as I straightened up to look over to Miller's desk.

Simply put, I felt frozen until I could talk to Bella. _When_ I could talk to Bella. _Oh God, please let her be okay. _

"No, there's not much else in her bag," I replied. "I need…something."

Hoping he thought I meant coffee or a chance to take a piss or—whatever, I didn't even care—I stood and exited the room. I needed some time to myself. I found a quiet spot in the station and sat down, holding the strip of pictures in my hand and studying them more fully. They were grainy, all black and white and grey, and I couldn't make put much more than a lot of contrast, but there was definitely something there.

Anyone who passed by probably would have thought I was cracking up, the stress of the situation too much to take, but I cracked a small smile and closed my eyes.

A baby.

_My_ baby.

Of that I had no doubt, and _holy fuck_ what I wouldn't have given to be able to revel in it, Bella in my arms or on my lap or….fuck, anywhere close to me. I wanted to be able to talk to my girl, to pick her up and whirl her around because I was so—I didn't even know how to describe it.

At the same time, though, I was gutted. From past case experiences, I knew there were a number of things she could be going through right now, most of them unbelievably terrifying. And this news just changed things, made me so much more anxious to find her as soon as possible.

I warred with telling someone. It wouldn't change the fact that she needed to be found. Plus, Bella was incredibly close-lipped about personal issues in her work environment - how well I knew that…, and telling anyone right now felt like something she might get upset over. So, I would cross that bridge when we came to it. Finding my resolve, I went back to my desk, calling to Miller as I entered the room, "Do you have those maps yet?"

"Yeah, here's the satellite picture of the area."

I crossed to his desk. Reaching up, I rubbed my hand across my eyes, trying to dig out the weariness that was slowly taking over.

I should have gotten a coffee.

"Why don't you go home and get some rest, man? We've got this, and you know we'll call you the minute we find something out. I just called dispatch and completed the report to go into the Nixle community alert, so the info is out."

Just then, I heard the outer door open. In walked Charlie.

"Hey, Chief. What are you doing—"

He held up his hands. "I know what you're thinking, but Katie's fine. She finally wore herself out a little after one and fell asleep hard. Sue's with her now—house is locked up tight, even let Abby up on the bed so she'll feel safe. I tried to stay out of it, but I can't just sit at home. I can't. I'm going to head back in a bit, but first I _need_ you guys to fill me in on what the hell is going on here."

No way around it: I felt some relief at having someone here who cared just as much about Bella being found as I did. The guys were being great, working their asses off to put together details as they came in, but my worry was far more personal than theirs.

Charlie loved her, too.

I nodded at the extra chair by my desk. "Have a seat, and I'll fill you in on the gaps and what we've found out so far." I shuffled some papers, found my notes. "Here. We have a person of interest, one Riley Biers. It's circumstantial at this point, nothing hard just yet."

Charlie looked up at me and absentmindedly ran his hand over his moustache and mouth. "Biers. Biers… she went out with him once, right?"

"That's right. Right before we started…seeing each other."

"And you think he's the one behind all the weird shit at the house? A stalker, maybe?"

"Looks like it. Here's the thing, though. His characteristics don't fit the typical profile of a stalker—he's not emotionally immature, extremely jealous, nor does he have low self esteem…I mean, not from what we have so far. They're running a background check right now to see if there are any priors.

"What do we have on him, then?"

"Right now we're going on everything Newton has told us. He knows him, played ball with him for a few years. He says the guy was a go-getter, extremely focused but also a little ego-centric and very competitive."

"I don't get it. She went out with him just the once, I hardly think that left time to form a deep attachment."

"Chief. You know as well as I do that there are sick bastards everywhere."

He reached up to rub the back of his neck. I watched him then, noting how tired and worn down he looked, and made an effort to dial back my aggravation. He was in the same boat as me, and probably wondering why it was his daughter who'd been messed with. He gestured for me to continue.

"It was only the one date; that much I know. She had a few encounters with him after that were a little uncomfortable, but she didn't seem worried about it at the time."

"I've seen cases where it doesn't start out as an obsession or even violent, just as a spurned lover."

"Yeah, I talked to one of the detectives in P.A. and he said that often times the 'stalker' wants to talk to their obsessions one last time; they want to try and reason with them, convince them that they made the wrong decision."

"I'm sure as hell she didn't go willingly," added Charlie, huffing a little.

My gut clenched a little with those words. I knew she'd fight, I just hoped she'd use her head. My eyes closed again, and I shook my head to clear the thoughts. If I let myself go down that path, I'd be worthless in moments.

Charlie said, "You pinged his phone yet?"

"Yeah," I said, opening my eyes. "It's been located at his residence. Nothing to go on there. They've got patrols covering all of the major highways on the peninsula. Once morning breaks, we can search a little more thoroughly. Our hands are kind of tied with the weather right now and the fact that it's the middle of the night."

Miller piped in. "What about trying his mother, again? She's local."

"James has been working with the detectives in Port Angeles to get as much info as they can. I think they've enlisted the Pierce County Sheriff's department to go over and see her."

"James? What's he—?"

"I know it seems odd right now, Chief, but I had a feeling he wasn't involved in any of this, and I'm not going to turn down any help we can get. He's available to help us out from the P.A. side of things."

"I guess," he said, scratching his head. "I'm a little angry that she didn't tell us any of this sooner. She's smarter than that, goddamnit."

She's had a lot on her mind, I thought.

After that, we went back over the possible routes they could have taken, and Charlie added some knowledge of the back-road areas with a map. He knew some roads that were out of the way that could turn up some possible search areas. So far there had been no contact down south or out east.

It was after four in the morning before he could be convinced to go back home, and I understood. He knew he needed to be there for Katie, but his daughter was missing, vanished into thin air, and he had the training to help. I promised to keep him as up to date on info as I could, and settled back into my notes once he was gone.

After rechecking every point of progress we'd made so far, I decided to lay down on the old couch in our office for a little while. I didn't know if I could sleep, but my body was beginning to ache all over and I knew I needed to try if I was going to be of any help. The mustard colored material felt rough on my face and it had seen better days, but it was at least soft and not my hard office chair.

With my arm over my eyes, I did my best to relax, even with the bustling in the outer office. We were going to have a briefing as soon as daylight hit so we could turn up our search full tilt.

Instead of sleeping, all I could do was wonder what she doing right now. Worst case scenario was that he'd taken her and hidden her somewhere—keeping her hostage. For what, though? I could barely breathe, the heavy pressure in my chest overwhelming everything else.

_God, baby. Assess the situation. I know you can outsmart him. _

Apparently my body overthrew my scattered brain, because when I heard a new round of people entering the main office I shot up with bleary eyes and no sense of time. I jumped up, determined to not miss any piece of information.

When I walked out of the Sergeants office, I was met with the sympathetic faces of my co-workers. They knew all too well that the statistics for kidnapping were grim. I paid them no mind; I had to. I had to believe she would make it out of this safely.

I walked over to the coffee and poured myself a shot of the fresh pot that someone had just brewed. There were a few new faces I hadn't seen before, and I guessed it must be the guys from the FBI. Good. Extra help was going to bring her home quicker.

As everyone assembled for the briefing, Miller, looking a little tired himself, clapped me on the shoulder, and I realized with a sense of gratitude that he must have stayed here as well last night.

"I owe you, man," I said.

"You'd do it for me," he said.

Lee Stephens, the Sheriff of Clallam County was at the front of the room. He cleared his throat, and we all sat up to pay attention. "Morning, gentlemen. I'd like to introduce a few members of the Federal Bureau of Investigation that have joined this morning. Ever since we discovered that Officer Swan was missing, we've been on a heightened alert and communicating with all branches of law enforcement to hopefully bring this to a quick closure."

Papers rustled, pens clicked, but no one said a word. The atmosphere in the room was determined.

"As far as the logistics, no contact has been made with either the person of interest or Officer Swan, but we remain encouraged that they are still here on the peninsula. Alec Vasilli, one of our profilers, has put together a background for the individual. I'm going to let him fill us in on what he thinks we're dealing with."

My stomach rolled some, whether from the fact that I hadn't eaten anything and was dousing it with black coffee, or nervousness about what I was about to hear, I wasn't sure.

"The individual in question, Riley Biers has no known criminal history. But his background check, as well as interviews with family and friends, has turned up some red flags. We have determined that he has displayed a pattern of this type of behavior in his past. When jilted, he seems to go through a period of stalking his former lovers. None of the incidents came to any legal recourse, but the definite facts were there.

"Biers has in the past been persistent when rebuffed, making multiple efforts and unwanted contact by said individuals. In one case, the victim had made an effort to file a restraining order only to withdraw the request and move out of state."

My fist clenched at my side.

"With what we know of him and his character at the moment, we're surmising that even with the minimal contact between himself and Officer Swan, he has likely formed an obsession with her. Any contact, whether positive or negative, has only reinforced to him that this is worth pursuing."

"We have also determined that, outside of work, Mr. Biers isn't much of one for socializing. His only social activities are a softball team and running. The other players describe him as quiet and somewhat of a loner." He flipped open his notebook and began to read out loud. "He doesn't 'go out for beers afterward with the team' and 'shows up, plays the game, and then leaves' are the common answers we got. We have no evidence that, since he has moved to Port Angeles, he has had any outside relationships."

Miller piped up with a question "Where did he live prior to Port Angeles?"

Alec looked down at his paper work and said, "Prior residences were listed as Spokane and Pullman."

That was…strange. WSU's main campus was in Pullman, and where Bella had attended college. And Spokane…

I shifted uncomfortably where I was standing, feeling the bile rise in my throat.

"In cases like these, what we've seen time and again is that any contact with the victim—again, positive or negative—fills that emotional void. In the simplest words, they seek out whatever they can get, believing the person will return their affection at some point. When these attempts are rejected, the stalker will resort to means more aggressive or violent to get their feelings across."

_Just wait until I get my hands on that fucker._

O=^=C

While the search continued across the Olympic peninsula, law enforcement in Port Angeles was able to obtain the warrant we were looking for on probable cause.

The sky was just starting to lighten, and I was just about to head out to join in the search parties, when my phone rang. I glanced at the screen. James.

"Cullen."

"Where ya at?"

"West End detachment. What's up?"

"Don't leave. I'll be there in ten. I've got something to show you."

Ten minutes later James came flying through the door. "Got something, Cullen. You ain't going to like it."

In addition to some paperwork, he tossed a bunch of pictures on the desk, and a bag containing a few pieces of fabric. The picture on top caught my eye and made me see red.

"Seems like Biers has had a fixation on Bella for a while, now. Some of that shit is from when I met her…"

Every fiber of my being tensed and ready to pummel something, I slowly pushed aside each bit of evidence with my index finger: various photos, newspaper clippings, and other assorted items, including what seemed to be a marathon number. I immediately recognized her red blouse.

_Sick fuck._

"Yeah. I know how you feel. This goes back a long while—some of those pictures are of her when we first started seeing each other. Makes me want to find him and rip his fucking head off. Thank god there's no mention, picture, or anything to do with Katie or I…I don't even know what I'd do."

I stared at the photos and then turned away. God knows what he had planned and I couldn't even imagine.

"Yeah, I also had the chance to speak to his mother and she thinks he spends time hiking up here."

My head snapped up. "Here on the peninsula?"

"Yeah, up near lake Ozette or something. If he knows it well, I can almost bet that's where he took her."

I looked across to Miller and he immediately responded, "I'm on it."

We established contact with the park rangers and border patrol up in that area, and I was just grabbing my things to head up there when we got a call from dispatch.

"A citizen in Clallam Bay is reported a possible sighting of the vehicle in question last night."

I grabbed my jacket and hurried out the door.

O=^=C

My tires sent gravel flying when they stopped in the parking lot of a convenience store in Clallam Bay. The owner, who had been working the previous night, had been the one to place the call about the car.

"Well, I heard the alert on the travel info thingy last night so I thought I'd better call," she said.

"We appreciate it," I said. _Now let's get on with it_. "What can you tell us about him?"

"The guy came in here last night, tall and kind of on the skinny side, to buy some water and food. He didn't seem nervous or anything, but when I looked outside to where his car was parked, I could see someone sleeping in the passenger seat, so I asked him, 'Been traveling all day? Someone looks tired'. He looked at me then and I didn't like what I saw there. Kinda shifty eyes, ya know? Then he snapped at me 'Yes,' and left the store. Some people are so rude."

I needed some fucking air and turned to walk outside as the other deputy continued to question her.

James, smoking a cigarette, turned to me and said, "So, he was stocking up?"

"Yeah, but from here, he could have headed back to Port Angeles or up to the Hoko."

"I got a feeling he's not far from here."

I had the same feeling, too. Those words filled me with the first miniscule ray of hope I'd felt all morning. Bella was out there, somewhere, and I felt like we were close to catching a break on the case. I nodded my assent.

"Could be. A lot of people hide out up on the Hoko River. He's made a couple of stupid moves so far, though, leading us right to where he could be."

"Yeah," he agreed. "Not the brightest bulb."

I thought for a moment. "If he were to do this so no one would figure out where he is, he would have made provisions ahead of time, made a vehicle change, _something,_ and gone straight to his destination. I'm thinking this was all spur of the moment."

"You think he was following her and just decided to fucking grab her?"

"Seems like it."

"If he has no real 'plan', this could be a real shit show," James said.

"We're going to have to be careful how we approach this when we find them. He has no registered fire arms, but we both know how little that means."

He nodded, and then pulled out a notepad and we went back over what we had.

O=^=C

Over the next hour, and with the joint cooperation of the law enforcement agencies, we discussed how to go into the area covertly. Swarming the area might only make him do something irrational.

I was ready to fucking burst. The whole process had taken entirely too long, at least it seemed that way to me. On one hand I knew better, but, on the other, my girl in the hands of some stalking-motherfucker and I was left completely helpless. I banged my fist on the side of my patrol car.

"Dude. You need to chill," said James.

"Really?" I said as I turned on him, teeth gritted. "How the fuck would you feel?"

He looked at me, a mingled look of empathy and pain on his face. In a very controlled voice, he said, "If you don't tone it down, they're going to send your ass back to Forks and you'll have to sit and wait rather than be here."

He was right.

"And even though you might not believe it, I care about her, man."

I just looked at him. Could have fooled me…

"Yeah, I know what you're thinking. But I only just came to understand it myself recently."

I crossed my arms over my chest, waiting for whatever revelation he'd had recently.

James turned to look down the road and toward the water. "I fell for her so quickly when I met her; it was just so easy to do. After awhile I figured out that she was holding herself back from me and I didn't know why."

"Okay…?"

"There was this one day, pretty early on actually, when I overheard her on the phone asking about you. I could hear it in her voice. I knew then she was still carrying some kind of torch for you. I tried in my own way to win her over and she'd tell me that things were okay. But I knew they weren't. Instead of confronting it, I just got pissed off and made her pay for it."

He fidgeted somewhat through his confession.

"So, the more I got pissed off, the more she retreated. I'd try to bring it back around, but I could see it just wasn't one-hundred percent there. I didn't grow up with a 'happy home', so I didn't know how to deal with it. My parents dealt with things by drinking away the pain. I loved her and knew what I was doing was destroying the whole thing, but I also knew deep down she never could really completely love me. And it fucking bit."

I said nothing. If he was looking for me to take the blame, I couldn't do that. I'd distanced myself from Bella on my own mistake, and had hoped like hell that her feelings would fade away. They hadn't, but it had been through no string pulling on my part.

"It even bled into my relationship with Victoria. I never got over the pain of what happened with Bella and she knew it. So after a few years of back and forth, of me repeating the same pattern, she just up and left me without a word."

Now, that was news. I didn't think Bella even knew that he and her ex-partner were a thing of the past.

He lit another smoke and inhaled deeply. "Then I came here wanting to at least be a part of Katie's life. But you were already there, and it bothered me. Seems like I'm leaving a path of destruction everywhere I go. Bella was right, though. It's got to stop for Katie's sake."

I started to offer him a few words when he held up his hand, "No need to say anything. After that last confrontation we had when I came to pick her up, I got to thinking. I'm so lucky to have this little girl in my life and I knew I needed to get my shit together."

"Katie's an awesome kid," I agreed.

"Bella's done an excellent job of raising her. When I saw her at the courthouse, I knew I had pushed her too far and was freaking out that she might take Katie away from me for good."

"She'd never do that. She doesn't want her to be without her father."

"Yeah, I know. I get it now." He shuffled his feet a bit. "I can see how good you are for her. I hear it in Katie's voice and I can see it in Bella. She looks… beautiful."

"I love her."

"I know. And I'm glad."

Maybe we'd never be friends, but I understood him better now. I was thankful for the man hours he was putting in on the search, and hoped his words weren't just false promises. Time could only tell.

One of the State Patrol vehicles pulled in to where we were standing and Trooper Johnson got out of the car. There was an excited glint in his eyes and his motions were jittery, eager. I pushed off against the patrol car so I could hear everything that he was saying.

"I just went up to the command post near the entrance to Ozette. We've blocked it off and we've been in and around the area questioning locals."

"And?"

"I think we've got their location."

O=^=C

_A/N: Thank you so much for your reviews. So fun to read._

_Song – Crawling In The Dark – Hoobastank_

_TY nic for putting on the muck boots tonight…lol. xo_


	21. Chapter 21

_**Disclaimer:**__ Anything remotely resembling Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Any of the stories within, belong to me. Please do not copy or translate without permission._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Not Going There<strong>_

_**Chapter 21**_

**BPOV **

I awoke to a stabbing pain behind my eyes, bursts of white light caused me to shift too quickly. Dizzy, I pressed my forehead against a hard surface to try and stave off the sudden threat of nausea. The churning feeling became too much, though, and I leaned over to release the contents of my stomach. Not that there was much there—my appetite had been decidedly lacking the past few days, and I'd only eaten a light breakfast of toast and tea this morning.

Tears gathered in my eyes—my natural reaction to vomiting, and I flopped backward onto my bed. A whisper of footsteps, a cold cloth pressed against my lips; I smiled, thinking that Edward was taking care of me, and tried to open my eyes again but the light was still too bright. It was way too much effort, so I left them shut. The sound of something brushing away my mess reached my ears, all opaque and strange.

I frowned, then, thinking that something wasn't right. When I started to raise my hands to wipe away the bleariness in my eyes, I found they wouldn't move. For that matter, my feet felt like they were stuck together, too, like my limbs were welded to my body, rendered unusable.

The jarring feeling of only moments before turned into confusion. I struggled against the heavy weight of my eyelids for a few minutes, opening and closing them until the glare of light wasn't painful. Finally, _finally_, as the fuzziness still lingering in my brain abated in fits and stalls, I took in my surroundings from my awkward position on the bed.

The room was sparse…very rustic and simple. I seemed to be laying on one of the only pieces of furniture in the room: a twin sized bed outfitted with coarse sheets and a threadbare blanket. The source of light was a bare-bulbed lamp, shade lost to who-knew-where, that sat atop a small table. A chair was at an odd angle next to the bed, like it'd been pushed back in haste and not righted yet.

Still, though, all I could see was one side of the room, and this was definitely not my room—hell, it was most definitely not _any_where I'd ever been in my life. The last things I remembered slowly made their way back into my brain: the truck; the alternator; talking to Edward; and…Riley.

What the hell was happening? As much as I hated to admit I had been wrong, that the weird happenings of the past few months hadn't been James or random occurrences. My thoughts went to Katie, my dad, and Edward. God, I hoped they were okay; that this odd run of violence had only extended to me.

A door slammed, a lock clicked, and, not wanting to vomit again, I turned my body slowly to greet my…visitor. But I was alone in the room, and clearly he'd been here just a second ago, watching me but not in my line of vision.

A chill crept up my spine, panic rising along with it, and I choked back the bile that threatened to make a reappearance. I didn't need to dehydrate any further; already my lips felt chapped and my throat was sore. On the plus side, save for the tight bite of the zip ties around my ankles, I was in no pain at all. Just fuzzy, and with the previous night's—No, I didn't really know it was the night before, did I? The sickening smell that had warned me just before I'd blacked out had probably been some form of ether or chloroform, which explained the extreme grogginess I was feeling now.

The gravity of the situation settled on me like a blanket of snow. At the same time, rage rose inside of me, swift and vicious. There was no time to be scared or feel sorry for myself—I had to figure this out.

Now.

I heard him on the other side of the door again. Keeping my eyes closed as he entered the room, I prepared to get as much information as I could.

Footsteps fell lightly on the bare floor. "Hey." A light shake of my shoulder—my skin crawled at the touch. "Bella, you need some water."

I cracked open an eye to see him bending over me with a Nalgene water bottle in his hand. It took a moment to find my voice. My throat was still burning from the acid, but I needed the moisture.

"Just water?" I asked with a rasp in my voice, not trusting him at all.

He looked at me with consternation on his face. "There's nothing in here besides water," he said sharply.

Yeah, 'cause the question was totally out of left field. Why should I be frightened of my kidnapper?

Still, I nodded my head slightly, and he put the straw to my lips. After a few sips, he pulled it away and moved to the corner of the room. I turned my eyes to the ceiling and could tell he was watching me. The edge of the window caught my attention, and, even through the thick blanket covered the panes of glass, I could tell it was dark outside. So, nighttime or early morning, but that still didn't help me gauge how long I'd been knocked out. With it being December, the nights were already long as it stood.

Eventually I looked in his direction. His head was in his hands, feet moving in a silent rhythm—all signs of agitation. I didn't speak, though, only waited for my limbs to lose the pins and needles sensation and my brain to re-situate itself to a more normal state.

We sat like that for the better part of an hour.

"I need to pee."

His head snapped up and he stared at me for a few moments. Obviously, he hadn't been prepared for that. He stood up and left the room. locking it behind him. I cursed under my breath, wondering if he was going to leave me to my own devices, but he returned shortly with a bucket. Wordlessly he set the bucket on the floor near the bed, and then looked at me.

"Keep your hands at your waist and don't move," he instructed.

Carefully he unwrapped the blanket, taking care to stay out of reach of my hands. Stupid. If he wanted me completely immobile, he should have bound my hands behind my back. I simply stared at him. Surely he didn't think I was going to relieve myself with him present? My bladder was full, but I'd rather eat nails than do that.

When I was free of the blanket he stepped away quickly and retreated to the door.

"I'll be back in a few minutes."

Relieved that I wasn't being subjected to humiliation—well, at least not yet—I propped myself into a sitting position, my head still slightly woozy from the chemical he'd used to knock me out. Definitely ether—the slight odor of it lingered on my clothes, in my hair, and I recognized the scent now—and maybe something else. The thought terrified me, had me holding my bound hands over my stomach in a protective gesture. If he'd hurt my baby…

Somehow, through the cloud of worry and anger, I managed to get my pants down and went about my business.

At least he left me alone.

The protective mothering instinct yelled at me to run, now, get out however I could and try to find safety. But the cop side of me insisted I stay put and listen to him for the time being. I didn't have enough information to try an escape and didn't know if he was armed or not.

That rationale won out. Reason told me he hadn't…_touched _me yet, that my body would let me know if it had been subjected to any harm or unwanted actions, and now that I was awake, I could fight him off if he tried anything. It'd be awkward, especially with the limited range of motion, but I'd taken down a three-hundred pound man in worse circumstances.

He didn't realize he was dealing with a pissed off, trained law enforcement officer, who had also just found out she was pregnant. He didn't understand the fury he'd awakened.

Once I was finished, I thought about looking around the room, out the windows to gain a better perspective of my surroundings, but I could hear him right outside the door, so I shuffled over to the bed and scooted myself against the wall to get a better vantage point.

He returned, silent, twitchy, and I watched him remove the bucket. Anger rose like a hissing snake, and I wanted to strike out like a cobra would: swift and deadly.

_You son-of-a-bitch. _

My first instinct was to come at him swinging, but I knew, logically, that there was too much at stake to play it that way. I needed to get out of this alive. All of this emotion would get me nowhere. I knew I needed to play the game in the way he expected me to; it'd be the only way I could figure out what he had planned.

Not looking at me, voice void of emotion, he asked, "Are you hungry?"

"No."

"Do you want more water?"

"No."

Clearly he expected gratitude for the offering, but he wasn't going to get it. Calm? Yes, I could do that. I needed to. Accommodating? He could go fuck himself.

So, I sat silent against the wall, looking away, legs folded to the side. His sulkiness was evident, and I wondered in what twisted version of this situation he'd imagined me as thankful that he'd kidnapped me. How fucking dare he take me away from my family?

Before too long, he got up and walked out of the room.

Good.

O=^=O

The slivers of light from the window shifted slowly underneath the thick covering, and I watched as night turned to day. My eyes wandered around the dully lit room repeatedly, searching for anything that would help me out. As much as I wanted to get up, to explore more fully, I didn't want him to hear me moving.

I could hear him, though. He'd been silent for the longest time, but now he was moving. He didn't return or poke his head in at me, but I heard him walking around the outer room. He was restless, muttering to himself and banging about, and I added to the growing list of things in my head that he was probably dangerous right now. Things weren't going to plan, and that made me wary.

It also forced me into action.

As quietly as I could, I placed my feet on the floor and scooted toward the edge of the bed. A slight creak from iron frame made me still my movements. I could hear him moving about in the outer room, but the fading of his footsteps left me feeling safe for the moment. Sliding to the corner of the bed, I grabbed the edge to pull myself up.

The window was directly in front of me now, and, reaching for the Pendleton style blanket, I peeled back the slightest bit where it hadn't been stapled to the frame.

In the silvery light of dawn, I saw woods.

It gave me hope that we were still on the peninsula. Somewhere I knew and could navigate if necessary. Hearing his footsteps move down the hall, I squatted back down to the bed and my rear end nearly slid off of the side in my haste to get seated. The lock on the door turned loudly.

He entered the room again and approached me with the water bottle, still not looking me in the eye. Coward. I gritted my teeth and held back the expletives that nested under my tongue like a pit of vipers. He crouched down, held out the bottle, and still said _nothing._

I couldn't hold my tongue any longer.

"What is this about, Riley?"

His eyes shot to me and I could see the muscles working in his jaw, nostrils flaring. I could see him trying to work out his answer, and it irritated me.

"I wanted to talk to you," he said at last, and I huffed.

"Talk to me? By abducting me? A phone call would have sufficed."

He stood up abruptly and walked to the window, checking that the blanket on the left side was fully covering the panes.

"Are you going to answer me?"

He turned, fury flashing in his eyes. "You are in no position to ask questions."

Like that would stop me. During the time I'd been awake and locked inside the room, details had began to resurface, things I hadn't paid correct attention when I was cold and wet, and stranded on the side of the road. How the wire in my truck had been hanging on by a thread; how I'd thought it had loosened and now understood it had been purposeful.

"Have you been following me?"

He ignored me and paced the room for what was surely the seventeenth time. I shifted on the bed, situating myself into a position that could combat a sudden attack.

"I wouldn't call it following."

"Then what the hell would you call it?"

"Observing."

I didn't understand the qualification. There were so many factors that made no sense. We'd had one date, and it really wasn't one to write home about. Of course, sometimes it only took once for an unnatural attachment to form in situations involving a stalker.

The random run-ins with him came to mind now. The store, when his words had seemed so strange. I couldn't believe I hadn't picked up on it then, and tried to remember what had been going on in my life at that point.

I needed to keep him talking, though. "Why?"

"You don't get it?"

"Get what?"

He threw up his hands. "You've been missing the single most important thing that could have changed your life. Ever since college—"

I sat back, confused. "What do you mean 'since college'?"

He looked at me like I was the crazy one here."At WSU? We had a lot of classes together freshman year. How could you not remember that?"

The lead weight in my stomach felt heavier. "You've…you've been following me since then?"

"I started running because of you. I was with you at all of the events. I just figured it'd be a matter of time...But then you met James…"

My mind was spinning college, Pullman…

"Wait, you've been following me around for a decade?"

"I said, 'observing'. I was just waiting for the right time. At first, it wasn't all of the time. I dated but it was only to pass the time until I knew you were free. I had one girlfriend who reminded me so much of you, that I felt fortunate I could have struck gold twice in my life. She left me and moved away, too," he said, his voice trailing off.

"But I never talked to you. I… I don't remember meeting you," I said in a small voice. This was wrong, so much worse than I'd thought. His obsession wasn't recent; it was a festering wound that had been left open for too long. _Dangerous_, my mind warned, _be on your guard. _

"I'd say 'hi' to you, Bella, and sometimes you'd even smile back," he said in a voice that sounded like he was talking to a child.

I honestly couldn't remember a single thing about him. He was completely delusional. He had created something in his head that I had nothing to do with.

I backed off, knowing I needed to shift tactics. He needed to trust me right now, or I'd be in trouble.

I looked up at him, pretending to really see him for the first time. "But you look so different now. I hardly recognize you."

"I don't wear glasses anymore," he said proudly.

"Oh," was all I could think of to say.

He got up and moved to grab the chair in the corner. Swinging it around, he straddled the seat and leaned forward on the back to face me. "I never understood what you saw in James, though. He was so not your type. And you married him. I couldn't tell exactly what was going on. But when he and Victoria got together…"

That part of my life didn't bother me_. Just don't mention Katie_. I didn't want her name to pass his lips.

"But you kept moving, and I couldn't afford to keep relocating to where you were. By the time I could move to Spokane, you'd already moved to Forks."

Just the fact that he'd been privy to my life for so long made my skin crawl. He'd been there at various parts of my life, had probably witnessed me on some of my worst days and convinced himself I needed him.

I wanted to be at home with Katie and my dad; to be on my couch with Rose, gossiping and sipping at a cup of hot tea; to be sharing good news with Edward. I was pregnant with his baby, and I didn't even know if I'd get to tell him.

The fear I'd been holding at bay broke at these thoughts. My throat felt tight, and I blinked my eyes rapidly to hold off the tears that sprang up.

"And then once I got to Port Angeles, and we started to spend time with each other, I thought 'This is it'. She's finally going to see me. When you said you would go to dinner with me, I just knew we'd be together. But you didn't choose me, you chose…him," he said, in a frightening dead calm.

I gulped. "I—" My voice was too shaky, so I waited until I could talk easier. "I tried to explain to you, and tell you how sorry I was. I was confused at the time. I should have been honest with you."

"It wasn't enough. You never gave me a chance."

He got up and moved over stand by the window again, effectively bringing him within reach of me. I scooted further into the wall, drawing my knees up in case I had to use my feet as a weapon.

At that moment, I was so, so grateful for my training. He was delusional, but not belligerent. And I was starting to understand what things would and would not set him off. I didn't want to mention any names of my family, anything to make him any angrier, so I thought I'd try to barter with him instead.

I started off easy. "Riley, listen to me. You could be in a lot of trouble right now, but I could help you out. I have a lot of friends here; I'm sure we could work something out."

He paced over to the chair that he had been occupying and sat down, putting his head in his hands.

After a few moments, I lowered my voice, trying to keep the situation on an even keel. "What are you going to do with me?"

He didn't answer, instead rising to stand on the other side of the room.

"Riley?" I asked gently.

"I don't know," he said.

"You don't know? You didn't plan on staying here forever, right? I mean, you were going to take me somewhere, weren't you?"

He still didn't answer.

My mind was trying to sort out all of the possibilities. I needed to stall. I knew Edward, Charlie, everyone would be on this by now. We had to be somewhere on the peninsula, because it was still dark when we got here, so that'd be … oh, shit. We could be in Oregon for all I knew.

I pressed on. "What is the plan? Where are we going?"

He pulled a few things from a backpack he'd brought in the room.

"Riley?"

He turned around to yell, "I don't know!"

His words made me nervous. He had no plan; therefore, I didn't know what I was dealing with. Now he was extremely agitated—I could see it in the way he shoved things back in the pack, the way his breathing became heavier. What the hell was he going to do with me? The thought only strengthened my resolve. I had to keep thinking of Katie, Edward…the baby.

I glanced at the window again, trying to see the light and gauge the time of day.

Before I could react, even swing my eyes back to the center of the room, he was at my feet. There was a tug, and my center of balance was lost. In a flash my feet were being secured to the end of the bed. I cried out at his roughness, trying to pull away as he did the same with my hands and the iron rails of the headboard.

Watching him move about the room reminded me of an animal only now realizing it wasn't free. He moved nervously from one room to the next, leaving the door to my room open so I could see him checking the windows and doors. Every so often he'd appear in the doorway and utter something new.

"_You shouldn't have left me to be with him."_

"_You don't belong with him."_

"_The timing was perfect, until he came along."_

The last time he turned to walk from the room, I noticed a revolver tucked in the back of his pants.

_Oh, Jesus._

My first instinct was to tug on my bindings to see if there wasn't any way I could pull free, but the duct tape and zip ties held true. The panic was too much to push aside this time, and I began to shake.

On his last cruise by he threw a blanket on me, shut the door, and locked it.

The silent tears that I'd been holding back unleashed their bindings, and refused to be stopped.

O=^=O

Keeping my attention on the sounds outside the door, I tried to pass the time by counting and making plans in my head while he moved about the house. It had started to rain; the sounds of it on the roof helped me to imagine myself curled up at home on the couch with Bug and Edward watching a movie. I was planning what I would do when I got home, going over and over it in my head so I wouldn't sink into despair.

After a long while, he reappeared to give me more water and part of a granola bar.

"I just wanted to take care of you, Bella. Just you and me."

Too scared to think about the situation and dealing with him rationally, I began to plead. "I have a family, Riley. A family that needs me."

"I am your family now. You need to understand this."

"No. I am not yours to keep."

He loomed over me then, grabbing my jaw; his entire hand encompassing my face and throat.

"Tell me you love me." His eyes wandered over my face looking for something that wasn't there.

I tried turning my head to the left, to free myself from his grasp.

Fuck this. I was so done with his bullshit. Let him try to hurt me—he was close enough for a solid head butt, and I'd use my teeth if I needed to.

"I don't fucking love you, you bastard."

The grip on my face tightened, I could feel his fingers digging into the side of my face. "Tell me."

I moved my face up, trying to wrestle free from his grasp. I was looking out the window, through the small opening I had made, and I swear I saw a flash of something out the window.

No, I told myself, stay in the present. At this point I was so tired, so hungry and thirsty and scared, that I was probably starting to hallucinate.

"No." And I spat in his face.

Too late, I realized what a bad move I'd made. Up until then, he'd been on the edge, but fear gripped me tighter then than it had at any point in the whole ordeal as I watched unadulterated hate pass over his features.

His hold on me tightened and he kneeled on my legs. The rage pouring from his body was toxic, his muscles shaking from the fight. His knee worked its way between my legs as I struggled against him.

This wasn't about a long obsession anymore. Now, it was about control.

_I'd die first, you motherfucker._

He grunted and tried to pin my body further down into the mattress. Over the sound of my blood pumping in my ears, the grunts of anger and rapid breaths, a soft _click _had me turning my head.

All I could think, even as I struggled and fought, twisted my head to bring my teeth closer to his neck, was please, please let this be real.

I turned to the right and saw Edward, more horrified than I'd ever seen him before, in the doorway, gun pointed directly at Riley.

I stilled, staring at him.

Sensing the change, Riley, who was still holding me down with his frame fully against mine, turned to reach for his firearm.

Before he could fully glimpse my deputy in the doorway, an ear-splitting shot rang out. The full weight of my abductor slumped on top of me, and I screamed.

O=^=C

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><p><em>AN: SO happy you've enjoyed the story so far. Your reviews are golden to me. _

_nic, you are the best. xoxoxo_

_Song – I Will Possess Your Heart- Death Cab for Cutie_

_ #1 Crush - Garbage_


	22. Chapter 22

_**Disclaimer:**__ Anything remotely resembling Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Any of the stories within, belong to me. Please do not copy or translate without permission._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Not Going There<strong>_

_**Chapter 22**_

Feeling a heavy weight on my legs, my body twisted to get it off; the bitter scent of rust clouding my senses and I wanted to gag; voices raised in shouts, so full of alarm that they only scared me further…

"…open those eyes—"

In a panic I did as the voice said and opened my eyes, struggling to sit up as I did so. I twisted to the side to try and free myself from the ties that bound me. The sight that greeted me wasn't the dirty brown of the cabin, though. The walls were white, all sterile and cold, and a television, apparently on mute, flashed bright cartoon images back at me. I wasn't lashed to a dirty twin bed with zip ties—no, an I.V. was the source this time.

I blinked, confused, and then shrank away from the touch of a hand on my shoulder.

"Hey, sweetie, it's okay," Rose said, her face horrified when she realized she'd scared me. "You're safe here."

Just like that I folded, so relieved that I thought I might cry. I was safe, sound, and away from that horrible place, and apparently in Forks Hospital. On fast forward, my mind ran through all of the possibilities: where was Riley? How long had I been here?

Was my baby okay?

"Rose," I croaked, throat dryer than the Sahara. "Oh, shit. Rose!"

My voice broke on the last note and she rushed to calm me down.

"Bella, you're safe. Calm down, I swear no one will hurt you here."

Gulping a great lungful of air, I tried to do as she asked. It wasn't easy. Oh, the relief was there, that was for sure, but I needed to know so much more besides that I was safe. I grabbed her arm and pulled her to me, burying my face into her hair. I started checking items off the list rapid-fire. "Oh, god. How long have I been here, and where is…?"

"Shh. You're fine besides some bumps and bruises and the fact that you're a little dehydrated, but that's to be expected. They're keeping you for observation."

I relaxed a little, reclining back against the pillows. It was impossible to miss that she hadn't answered all of my questions, but they could wait…for now. Instantly my hand went to my abdomen, covering it as if my fingers could feel the tiny life inside. I took a deep breath and tried to talk around the tears I was struggling to keep at bay. "I was so scared…"

Rose's face, usually stoic and so, so strong, twisted as she was trying to hold back her own tears. "Girl, we all were, too. I drove Emmett crazy the past few days on updates. I'm so glad you're…"

She didn't say it, and I was glad. But I understood because I was thankful to be alive, too. Taking a deep breath, I looked farther around the room and then lost what little hold I had on my emotions.

Edward was asleep in the corner of the room, head held up by a hand propped on the arm of a chair. He looked as rough as I felt: face ragged and bristly with a few days worth of whiskers, and clothes as wrinkled as they could possibly be.

"He hasn't left your side, you know," she said, whispering so as not to wake him.

My breath caught around a sob, eyes welling up because he was here. His head snapped up at the sound. Even though he was obviously running on little sleep, he shot out of his chair and crossed the room lickety-split, and came to stand at my side.

"Hey, Babe."

My entire life I'd prided myself on being tough, my ability to not show weakness in front of others, but at that moment I was absolutely unable to keep in check the wave of emotion that washed over me.

He was here and I was away from that awful nightmare.

"I—" I tried to speak, but I choked on air instead, tears falling freely down my face.

"Hey," he said kissing my forehead, my eye, my cheek, one side of my mouth and then the other before gently kissing me on the lips. His forehead touched mine momentarily before he broke away. I reached up to pull him back to me and just breathed him in.

"I think I'll just leave you kids alone now," said Rose, touching my hand softly before she walked out of the room.

His movements were whisper-soft as he held my hand and lifted to his mouth to kiss my knuckles. The angry red lines that crisscrossed my wrists caught my attention as he did so, and I had to look away.

Not only had that sick fucker tried to take me away from all that I held dear, but he'd marked me, both physically and mentally. The wounds would fade in time, that much I knew, but it'd probably be a long while before I could look at my wrist and not see them there.

Edward's hand on my hair, so tentative and soft, brought me back to the here and now, and I forced myself to get it under control. When I could speak, I said, "You're too far away."

It was a production to get myself situated. There were wires and a hospital gown that didn't want to stay put, but finally I was able to scoot close enough to the I.V. pole so he could climb into the bed, too. Kicking off his shoes, he gently crawled up beside me.

"You know Rose will have my ass if she catches me, right?"

"I'll take her on," I said as I curled into his side. "I just need you here."

Humming his agreement, he wrapped his arm around me. The steady rise and fall of his lungs beneath my ear was soothing, a sign that I was safe and where I wanted to be. The tears began to silently flow again, and, instead of shushing me, he just held on tighter.

I loved that he knew what I needed without my having to ask for it.

When the tears had dissipated, his left hand, which had been keeping my hair out of my face, began to stroke my arm, light touches and then dragging fingernails that soothed me further. Over, around, wide, comforting circles near my shoulders, and then down to the wrist that bore the signs of torment. I shook my head, determined to not be dragged under again. His fingers touched mine, and then traveled down, down, down and over to my stomach, ghosting so, so softly over the bump that wasn't yet.

I glanced up at his face, knowing that now was the time to tell him, and was met with closed eyes and the slightest, sweetest smile I'd ever seen on him. My mind clicked, reeled, and then began to put the pieces together.

"You…you know?"

He opened his eyes, and that earnest stare that had told me a hundred times already that giving him my heart would be the safest thing in the world, greeted me. "Yeah. I was the one who searched your purse for clues on your whereabouts, and I found the pictures.. I didn't tell anyone until the medics came to pick you up and bring you here."

"I'm so sorry you found out like that. I was so excited to come home and tell you… I wanted it to be special, for us."

Carefully, he pulled me closer. "It's amazing, regardless. I'm just thankful that you're okay. I don't know what I would have done if anything happened to you. I mean, when I broke in there and saw him—"

Words spoken out loud for the first time today triggered flashes of memories for me: Riley's anger; the shot; Edward pulling my abductor off of me; the SWAT team swarming into the room; the ambulance ride and how Edward held my hand the entire time.

Some were awful memories, so painful and scary that just thinking about them made me shiver, and some were good; little splices of hope and relief after a harrowing ordeal. The absolute worst, though, was remembering how unhinged Riley had become, and knowing that there was little to nothing I could do to stop whatever it was he'd planned for me. The uncertainty of whether or not he'd meant to do with me what he wanted, whatever that may have been, or if he'd just meant to kill me was something I knew would haunt me for a good long while.

My mind flashed back to that instant and I shuddered. I had been whisked away from the flurry of activity in that room, not knowing if he was alive or dead. Needing to know, if only to smother some of the lingering fear that still tinged my every move in abject terror , I pushed my body into Edward's further and opened my mouth, only to close it when a shiver made me bite my tongue.

"You okay?"

"What… What happened to him? I mean, is he—"

Though I could think his name, saying it just…hurt.

Edward exhaled harshly. "He's alive. They flew him out to the Harborview trauma unit. He was so close to you, and I wasn't sure if I would hurt you by accident…" He stiffened, looking out of the window, and then clenched his teeth. "The shot got him in the chest. He's in bad shape, but last I heard the doctors think he'll make it out. Son of a bitch is lucky you were in the way… I wanted to… I would have—" .

"Are _you_ okay?"

"Me? Yeah," he said, pausing. "I'm going to have time to take care of you, though. Got some free time coming my way."

It was standard procedure for an officer to go on administrative leave when a shooting was involved. It left the brass time to conduct all investigations, both internally and with regards to the case, but something in Edward's voice made me think it was more than just that.

"What do you mean?"

He scrubbed a hand across his face. "I more or less blazed in front of SWAT to get to you. Along with some higher ups, the Chief of the State Patrol and Stephens aren't exactly thrilled with me right now."

Surprised, I looked at him. "That's a little out of character, Deputy."

He scoffed. "I would have done anything to get to you."

I understood, though. Had it been me on the other side, and Katie or Edward or even my dad the captive, I would probably have done the very same thing. My eyes filled with tears again.

"Sorry. I'm sure this is all pretty raw for you yet."

We had plenty of time in the coming weeks for heavier discussions, and we would no doubt need to have them to begin the healing process. But, right now, I craved normalcy. I rolled my eyes, trying to lighten the heavy mood some.

"Obviously. At least we know why I'm an emotional mess right now," I said, chuckling and waving a hand over my belly. It made me think of someone else. "Is Katie at home with Charlie?"

"Yeah, he'll bring her up in a bit. We wanted to make sure you were okay first. She just thinks you were sick."

"That's good, I'd hate it if she knew the truth. I'll have to explain it to her eventually, but I'm not crossing _that_ bridge until I get there."

"Besides the detectives, who I asked to wait until you got home, there's someone else that wants to talk you when you're ready."

Confused, I looked at him and waited for him to elaborate.

"James."

Well, that was the last name in the world I expected to hear from his lips. "What? Why?"

"He was pretty instrumental in tracking down the information we needed to get to you. Did everything he could to help us out, and he helped me keep my head on straight."

"I…don't believe you."

"Trust me, we're not buddies, not by any means, but I think you should hear what he has to say."

"Now I'm curious—what does he want to tell me?"

"I'll leave that between you two. Seriously, Bella. Stop looking at me like you think I'm crazy. I think it's what you need for some closure. It's not my place to tell you ahead of time."

Oh! There was no other phrase I hated more in the world, and he knew that. Intent on getting the story out of him one way or the other, I dug my fingers into his side. He laughed, trying to pull away.

The sound made me smile, too. There was still the doctor to talk to, and until I knew for certain that our baby was fine and healthy, I would be nervous, but we could make it through this. I knew we could.

"Oy!"

The sudden voice made me jump, and I turned wide-eyed to face the door. Rose, not at all amused, stood with her hands crossed over her chest.

"Busted," Edward said under his breath.

"Off the bed, mister. Doctor's coming in soon."

I groaned as he got up and left the bed.

"And you, missy, should know better. You might be able to go home today if they think everything looks good."

The lightness of just moments before froze and then slipped away. "Is everything really okay?"

"The doctor will let you know," she said giving me a small smile that eased some of the tightness in my chest.

Edward had pulled a chair to the side of my bed, grabbed my hand again, and gave me a reassuring smile.

Dr. Banner walked into the room then, clipboard tucked under his arm. "So, here's our brave one."

"I'd hardly call it that," I replied.

"You've been through a lot. Good news is your test results have all come back normal and we should be able to release you to go home."

A feeling of utter, complete joy stole over me at his words, and I breathed easier all the more. Edward ducked his head down beside me.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"The stuff he used on me? Ether, I think? Will it hurt the baby?"

"From what I gather, very little was used. I don't suspect there will be much issue. I am, however, concerned by the amount of stress you were under. Any signs of spotting or bleeding?"

I tried to think back. "Not that I know of."

"Any cramping or pain?"

"No, the only pain I have is in my wrists and ankles."

"Good. You'd be surprised how tough these little beings are sometimes. I'd highly recommend an informal bed rest for the next week or so, just so you can get a much needed break. Then you can see your practitioner in a few weeks. Sound good?"

"Yes," I said, smiling.

"How far along are you now?"

"Eight-almost-nine weeks."

He muttered something to Rose and she left the room. He went over some general care tips with me while she was gone, and checked my vitals, pronouncing that I was very lucky, indeed. I agreed. A few minutes later Rose returned with a small machine that I recognized as a fetal doppler. I'd used one when I was carrying Katie.

"We might not be able to hear anything yet, but it's worth a try."

I looked over to Edward to gauge his reaction. He looked as excited about hearing our baby as I felt. I wasn't sure how it was possible to love him any more than I already did, but when he smiled, and the look in his eyes told me how happy he was, I did just that.

Moving my gown aside, the doctor gently prodded my abdomen with the doppler, looking for the right spot. At first all we could hear was the static of the radio waves. Dr. Banner caught it before I did and looked up to see if I had, too. The gentle _whoosh-whoosh_ was definitely there.

The look of pure awe and joy in Edward's eyes was the very best part of the last few days. He loomed over me, peppering my hairline with gentle brushes of his lips, words of thanks and love and excitement whispered for only me to hear.

"So, again, a follow-up with your OB and we'll go from there," said the doctor as he picked up the chart and made a few notes. He paused at the door. "Glad you're all right, Bella."

Almost immediately there was a light knock on the door, and we both looked over to see James poking his head in.

"Is now an all right time? I have to head back soon."

"Sure," said Edward. He got up and kissed me on the forehead. "I'll go give your dad a call so he can bring Katie up, and then we can head home."

They kind of nodded at each other as they passed. I watched the exchange with a raised eyebrow, amazed that they weren't taking a swing at each other for once.

Taking a seat in the chair Edward had just vacated, James rested his elbows on to his knees and studied me, a look of concern on his face. "You doing okay?"

"Yeah, they're going to release me here in a bit."

That Edward had confessed James an important part of getting me out of the cabin was a good enough olive branch to grasp on to, and after sitting silent for a few minutes, I took hold of the conversational reins.

"Thank you for everything. Edward told me how much you helped through the whole thing."

"Eh. Just glad everything turned out okay. We were pretty fucking worried."

"Yeah…" I said, picking at m blanket.

"I'm sorry that this shit has been going on for so long. I mean, that he was around when we were together. I had no idea."

"None of us did. Least of all me, and that's something I'm going to have to process."

He smiled at me sheepishly and wrung his hands. "I'm sure Ed told you I wanted to talk to you about something else, too."

"He did."

He sighed and fidgeted with the sleeve of his shirt. "First off, I owe you one huge apology. For everything, but most of all for the way I've treated you when it comes to Katie. That shit wasn't right."

That admission took me aback—though maybe it shouldn't have. I thought back to our court date, the way he'd held himself back from yelling at me for once. True, he'd argued vehemently while we were in front of the judge, but I realized now he'd said nothing rude _to me_ that day.

Had this change in him been set into motion before my abduction? Had I just been too angry to notice?

"You're a good mom. No, you're a fantastic mom. That little girl is amazing. And you've done it pretty much on your own."

Thread by thread with each word, the bitterness I 'd carried toward him for so long unraveled.

"And Cullen. I was wrong to jump all over you guys. I get how much you love him—I see it in your face. I have to admit, I've been pretty aware of it for a long time now."

"Huh? I—"

"I saw it, Bella. I knew it when we first got together. And it pissed me off. So I tried to make you pay for it; figured I'd show you, but went about it the wrong way. It was fucked up, I know." He ran his ran over his head. "I can't take back any of that now. But I need you to know how sorry I am. I'm thankful that you continued to allow me to be a part of Katie's life. I'm going to try to be the best that I can for her."

I sat in silence for a minute, astonished by his confession but also moved.

"I really do appreciate that, James, it's huge of you to say that."

He shrugged. "I owe it to you."

Just then his phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out to look at it and scoffed lightly.

"Important?"

"Nah, well, maybe. Just Victoria calling me again. Ever since the media went apeshit with the whole thing, she's been calling. Said she's been looking for me and she's sorry, yada, yada, yada…"

Although I'd wondered if he and Victoria were still an item, I'd never asked. I wasn't surprised that they were split up—not when I knew his track record.. "Are you going to call her back?"

A wistful look passed over his face. "Yeah, probably. She said it was important I reach her."

"Sounds like she was pretty important to you."

At one time in my life, it was hurtful what they'd done to me, but I honestly had no problem with it anymore. I'd grown up and moved on, realizing my own mistakes in the process.

If she truly meant something to him, I only hoped he could find some happiness with her.

"Believe it or not, she got me. And she wouldn't put up with my shit," he said, smiling. "I still tested it, though, started up the same old bullshit, and she finally just left. It was sudden, no warning at all, and it…I don't know. I guess it made me begin to see how shitty I've been to people, and you helped with that, too. I don't blame her."

"Well, good luck to you. I hope things work how you want them to."

"Thanks."

Just then there was a flurry of activity outside the door and in whirled my girl.

"Mama!" she cried, running over to the bed.

James lifted her up into my arms while he told her, "Be careful, baby."

She flung her arms around my neck, ignoring all warnings. I winced, but hugged her tightly all the same.

"Oh, mama. I was worried."

She smelled so good, all crayons and bubble bath soft. The tears were in full force. "Oh, Bug."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Charlie hanging in the corner. His mouth was screwed tightly shut, causing his moustache to twitch a little. His eyes were glassy, and, as I reached out my hand to him, his shoulders began to shake. In a few shuffled steps, he came over to the bed and wrapped his arms around Katie and me both. "Glad you're okay, Bells, even though I'm still a little pissed at ya."

"Grampa!" said Katie. "That's not nice!"

I kissed his cheek, which only made him turn beet red. We all laughed a little and chatted for a few minutes before James made motion to leave.

"Go say goodbye to your daddy, sweetie, okay? Then we'll head home."

She slid off the bed and wrapped herself around James' knees. He picked her up and talked to her quietly for a few moments, walking slowly toward the door.

I turned back to my dad, grabbed his hand and gave a squeeze. He wasn't much for words but I could see the monumental relief lingering in his face.

"We need to get you home so you can rest. Need to take care of that grandbaby."

"Jesus. Did Edward take out a three page ad?"

He chuckled. "I think everybody knows at this point. Things okay?"

Edward's voice rang out. "As far as we know."

I glanced up, saw him standing in the door, and watched him make his way back to my bedside. His hand reached for my shoulder and I put mine over top of it, loving the warmth of it.

Charlie tried to give him his sternest look, but failed. He smiled instead. "That's a good thing. Well, I'll take her back and see you at the house." He directed the next words at me. "I'll try and keep the traffic to a minimum, but there's a lot of people asking about you."

"Thanks, dad."

He took Katie's hand from James and walked out of the room while she called goodbye.

When Rose showed up a half an hour later with a clipboard, written instructions that she went over with me, and a question on if I was ready to go or not, all I could do was say, "Please."

O=^=C

Back at the house, I was doted on continuously. I had more stuffed animals than I could count, all the decaf tea in the world and food coming out of my ears. Normally I'd be really irritated by all of the attention, but I just sat back and enjoyed watching my family do their best to take care of me.

As many people stopped by as Charlie would allow. We expected the detectives a little later in the day, but I was fine with it. The first visitor was an unexpected one, though: Mike, all nervous and wringing his hat, stopped by not an hour after I'd been home.

"I'm really sorry, Bella. I had no idea what-so-ever that this guy was a creep. I mean, I thought I knew him through baseball. He seemed like a pretty decent guy. I feel pretty duped right now."

"Mike, please. Don't beat yourself up about it. He really didn't fit the typical profile and I didn't even see what was coming. He'd been following me for years apparently, and I didn't have a clue."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I don't know everything the investigators have gathered on him, but I got a rundown of it from the source himself. He told me how this has been an ongoing thing, got a little worked up about it. He was warped."

He whistled in a low tone. "Just glad you're okay." He looked over at Edward who was sitting next to me on the couch. "Thanks man, you've done us huge."

Edward's lips formed a tight smile and he reached down to grab my hand.

On the surface it seemed right then that he was mad at Mike, and I knew Newton took it as such, but I also knew that deep down Edward was struggling with a different beast.

It was an officer's job to serve and protect, and sometimes that meant the possibility of taking a life to protect a victim. Edward was a good officer, and strived to do his job as best as he was able, but yet keep people out of harm's way in the course of that job. That he'd almost killed Riley was a difficult pill to swallow, no matter that it was personal or not.

Sam stopped by late that afternoon as well, and after he left, Charlie wandered into the room. "That's it. No more traffic for today. You need some rest."

"I'm fine, Dad. Keeping somewhat busy is a good thing for me right now."

He looked at me and then at Edward. "Regardless. I'm gonna take Katie down to the burger joint for lunch. You two hang out here and we'll be back in a bit."

I smiled at his over-protectiveness and watched as he and Katie retreated out the front door. The silence in the house still seemed heavy.

"Can I get you anything?"

"How about just cuddling with me here on the couch. I don't need anything but you right now."

"I think I can handle that," he said, sliding behind me and tucking me in to the curve of his body. Abby came in to the room just as Edward threw an afghan over our bodies, her tail wagging when I reached out to stoke the soft fur on top of her head.

A warm arm around my waist, the weight of them comfortable and familiar; a kiss on my neck, lips exactly the right temperature. Not foreign, wrong, but perfect and just what I needed. My back tried to melt in to his chest, the ease and love that I felt with him doing more for me than anything else would on this day.

"Would you be up for dinner at my folk's house this weekend? They're dying to see you, but they wanted to make sure you were up to it first."

"That would be great actually. Normal is everything right now."

"Good. It'll work out perfectly."

O=^=C

The rest of the week was sort of exhausting. I sat for interview after interview surrounding the case, making sure that the paperwork and statements that needed to be just so were correct. As the weekend approached, I was looking forward to heading out to the Cullen's. Rose and Emmett were supposed to come as well. I missed Sunday dinners at their house.

After being stuffed full of the most amazing food, we headed into the living room to watch a movie. I was standing in the doorway watching Katie, who sat on Emmett's lap concocting a grand scheme, when I felt hands wrap around my stomach.

"Come with me for a few?"

"Sure," I said turning in his arms. We walked to the stair case and began to climb the steps.

"Where are we going?"

He looked at me with a mischievous smile, "You'll see."

When we reached the third floor, I finally figured out where we were going. I had to laugh as he opened up the windows and climbed through, and held out his hand to me.

"This is silly. We're not seventeen anymore," I said.

"Correction. I was eighteen. Come on. I've got ya."

Grinning at the goofy sweetness of the gesture, I took his hand and followed him through the window. The short December day, chilly but at least dry for a change, was ready to call it a night.

Memories of the last time we were up here flooded my mind as we carefully arranged ourselves in to safe spots on the sloped roof. Ages ago, a different lifetime, even, but it felt like yesterday just the same. He was still the most handsome guy I'd ever seen, and I still loved him with a wonder that astonished even me. My heart had been fit to burst with everyone I'd squeezed in before he came back into my life, and now it ran over, leaking a joy into my blood that I'd never known I could achieve.

I could clearly remember how happy I'd been when he kissed me here, in this same spot, and how devastated I'd been when we parted ways.

And we'd found our way back in the end. "Wow. Good memories, but a little bittersweet, too."

He pulled me in tighter to keep me warm. "We could always make some more memories."

I poked him in the side. "We already are," I said, leaning my head onto his shoulder.

We sat there in silence for a few moments before he spoke.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

He turned to me, his eyes bright. "I've thought about this moment for a long time. I started something here, in this same spot, a long time ago, and I didn't do it the way I should have. I want nothing more, have always wanted nothing more, than to be with you, to care for you, and to have you as my best friend. Will you do the honor of becoming my wife?"

I couldn't see his face now, my tears had blurred everything. I sniffed partially because of the cold and partially because I was crying.

"You're going to go there, huh? Bring me up here and try to make me fall for you again? Lucky for you, Cullen, that I'm perfectly happy in going there, too. Yes, I can't think of anything I want more."

O=^=C

* * *

><p><em>AN: Just so you know, I LOVE each and every one...of you._

_One more chapter after this and then an epi…xo_

_Nic, I (heart) you so. Thank you for the meat...It must be late…lol_


	23. Chapter 23

_**Disclaimer:**__ Anything remotely resembling Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Any of the stories within, belong to me. Please do not copy or translate without permission._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Not Going There<strong>_

_**Chapter 23**_

"Can I kiss you?"

As it had all those years ago, when he'd whispered the very same words, a feeling of warmth and contentment spread its way through my body like blue flames licking up driftwood, and dispelled the touch of chill that hung in the night air. Smiling through tears, I nodded, breath catching when my lover, my best friend, touched his lips to mine.

The shingles of the roof were damp beneath my back when he lay me down, and I arched into him, into his warmth—of course, just like always, Edward seemed to know what I needed, and his arms wrapped around me, a shelter from the cold. The fingers of one hand brushed the hem of my shirt and slipped underneath as they moved up my side.

Attempting to meld us together, I reached up to pull his head to me and deepened our kiss. My heart felt fit to burst, so full that I wasn't sure I'd be able to stop from breaking into a show tune unless his lips were permanently attached to mine. His head dipped down below my ear and he placed a gentle kiss there, and then worked his way down to my collarbone.

I wrapped my leg around his in an attempt to get closer still.

"Hey, you guys up there?"

Groaning, I slumped back onto the roof and sighed. Damn it.

His face lit from the soft light streaming through the window, Edward lifted his head. He looked so completely exasperated that I had to snicker, and I reached up to wipe a shiny smudge of my lip-gloss from his lips. He caught my fingers in his teeth, nipping softly before he sat back up.

"Nice. Perfect timing, Em," he mumbled. Turning his head towards the dormer he shouted, "Yeah, we're here."

"Dude, you guys want dessert?"

Only Emmett…

His voice was muffled, like he either knew he was busting up our party and didn't care, or that he just didn't want to move near the open window and get cold. Normally I would have gone with the first, but there was food involved and that was serious business to him. Laughing, we moved ourselves into a sitting position, and I brushed a few pine needles from my sweater.

"Be down in a sec," Edward called, and there was a note of frustration in his voice.

I understood, though. For starters, we were just moments past being engaged, an occasion that called for some time together to celebrate and love on each other without interruptions. Also, there was the fact that, with the investigation and assorted mayhem that went along with it, our alone time had been cut down to the barest minimum recently.

And we'd just been cock-blocked on an epic level.

Again: Damn it.

"Don't take too long or there won't be any left."

"Guess we better head down," I said, turning to meet his eyes.

He leaned in and gave me another long tender kiss.

"Mmm," I said, running my fingers across the nape of his neck. "Maybe just a little bit longer…"

And then, because he wasn't on top of me keeping the icy fingers of night away, I shivered and broke the spell.

"Let's get you inside," he said, moving to stand and holding a hand out for me. "Can't have my fiancée getting cold on my watch."

The word made me shiver for entirely different reasons. Fiancée. I was going to marry Edward.

Once inside and on our ways down the stairs and back to our family, he said, "You want to talk to Katie first before we go public with this?"

"Yeah, I would. Thank you for thinking of her."

After all, it wasn't just he and I getting married.

O=^=C

If the past had taught me anything, it was definitely the fact that keeping things mum never worked out quite the way I wanted it to.

Charlie, who couldn't figure out why I had a perma-smile on my face in the midst of an ongoing investigation, was the first to be let in. He was happy for us, that much was obvious, but I could tell he hadn't expected it so soon. I couldn't help feeling a twinge of regret that, in the coming future, I'd be moving Katie and myself out of his house. He'd been such an awesome help to me over the past few years, and I'd miss having meals with him and my daughter every day.

It made me wonder how I'd react when my children grew up and left the nest. I only hoped I could handle it with as stoically as he did, but I wasn't so sure about that.

Speaking of rugrats, Katie still didn't know. I was certain that she'd be okay with everything, but I wanted her little heart to be in the right place, too. And things were still so crazy…

Aside from the friends and co-workers who stopped in, both Edward and I been hounded by a few reporters for several days after the story broke. They were relentless, hanging around outside of our homes, popping up when Edward went to work; hell, they'd even went as far as following me to Katie's school one day.

Charlie was pretty good at keeping them at bay, but it was still a nuisance. There was something they didn't count on though: small towns are funny in the way they can pull together, and when the townsfolk started to head them off here and there so they'd leave us alone, most of them retreated to their proper beats in search of more tantalizing prospects.

All in all, it was time for a much needed break. To avoid the insanity that surrounded Christmas, as well as fit a little soon-to-be family time in, Edward and I had made plans to round up Katie and head down the coast. Our goal was to be back in Forks for Christmas Eve, and not a moment before. I had already done most of my shopping online, and what I couldn't find I had Charlie rustle up for me.

So, now, our things were packed into the back of Edward's truck, Katie was bouncing in delight, and Abby was seated beside her in the cab. Edward stood in the open door talking quietly to her, and only my father clearing his throat could break my attention from the heartwarming scene.

"You guys have a safe trip," Charlie said, his mouth set in a firm line.

Even with Riley in jail and awaiting trial, I knew that having us out of his sight right now didn't sit well with him. The semblance of a safe environment had been shaken, and all of us, trained or not, still felt vulnerable…which was exactly why we needed this time to ourselves.

I stepped up to him and said quietly, "Dad, we'll be fine. We're even better together."

"Eh, I know, kid, but it's my job to worry, you know. All of my precious cargo is in there. Heck, I'm even attached to the dog."

"I know," I said smiling and gently squeezing his arm. "We love you, too."

"You going to tell her the big news?"

"Yep. Besides wanting a little distance from all of this, that's the other reason we're going. It's about time to give things a chance to settle down."

"I hear ya."

"By the way, I really appreciate you taking care of everything for Christmas. I'm sorry I had to dump all of that on you."

"It's fine, Bella. It'll keep me from missing you guys too much."

"Oh, Dad," I said, sniffling. Damn hormones—they had me tearing up at the drop of a hat, and Charlie patted my back awkwardly when I hugged him tight. Poor guy. He was about as adept at handling overly emotional women as he was knitting, so not at all.

Once he'd tucked me into the truck, told (threatened) Edward to take care of his girls, and said goodbye to Katie, we were on our way southbound to the Oregon Coast. It wasn't thirty minutes on the road before Katie was out like a light.

I watched her through the mirror, smiling at how cute she was and running my fingers over my belly. I wondered what from the little one inside there would take: boy or girl; brown haired or that crazy copper tone of its daddy; rambunctious or quiet. Any way things turned out, I couldn't wait to find out.

And maybe my eyes misted up when Edward caught me and reached across the console to run his hands over my stomach, too.

O=^=C

Once we reached Cannon Beach, we drove to a small beach house that Edward had rented for the next few days. I'd always loved this area: the view of Haystack Rock was extraordinary, and I looked forward to hiking around Ecola State Park—something I remembered fondly from my childhood. Since it was late, the sky had darkened quickly, and the wind was bitingly cold, we didn't linger outside.

Katie was knocked out from the ride down still, and once I had her and Abby tucked safely into their room, I went to the living room where Edward had started a fire. There was something so sexy about the way he relaxed on the couch, arm draped over the back and legs sprawled all comfortable-like, and I moved to tuck myself right into the crook of his arm and wrapped my arms around his torso.

He planted a kiss on my forehead and murmured, "How are you feeling?"

"Mmm. Not bad, but that drive wore me out. Feels good just to get out of Forks," I said, tightening my arms around him.

"I know what you mean. At least we don't live in the city; things could have been a lot worse."

Another reason our trip was so welcomed: the last lingering reporter, a rather determined female (and, coincidentally, the one who followed me to my daughter's school) with a drive to succeed that was plain as day, was bound to get sick of waiting for us to give her a scoop and go back to her beat.

I sighed as he rubbed my temple in a slow, soothing pattern. It was amazing how the simplest of gestures could evoke a feeling of need and want all in a matter of moments.

Turning to reach for him, I pulled him in for a kiss.

It was slow and so, so gentle as his tongue teased mine and his hands threaded through my hair…and not what I wanted right then. It'd been weeks since we'd had any true alone time, and I missed feeling connected to him in _that _way. Shifting to hover above him, I moved my hips back and forth, slow but firm, and continued kissing him. I wanted to drive him insane, and it worked. His hands gripped my hips, pulling me into and away from him, and then moved up my back, fingers digging into my shoulders.

Reaching for his belt, I started to undo the buckle as deftly as I could… when I heard that one word that stopped me cold.

"Mama?"

We froze, eyes locked and widened. He broke first, of course, lips quirking and shoulders shaking as he tried to hold in his laughter. Thankful that we still had our clothes on I pushed myself back off of him carefully, and almost lost it myself when he arranged a pillow over his lap as we moved apart.

I crouched in front of Katie and pushed her tangled hair out of her face. "What's wrong, honey?"

"I can't sleep."

Even though she didn't know the details of what had happened with my abduction, there was a definite upset to the balance of our household. People coming and going, phone calls and trips to town…and, now that I thought about it, waking up in a strange place probably wasn't comforting either.

"How 'bout you come sit with Mommy and Edward until you're sleepy again, hmm?"

I picked her up and carried her to the couch. Edward had already shifted to lie against the back of the couch, and I curled up beside him. Katie wiggled herself around until she was in between us, head on my chest and her breaths already starting to fall into a sleepy rhythm. I looked over at Edward and silently mouthed 'sorry'.

He chuckled and lightly brushed my arm with his fingertips. "Just part of our new reality."

I didn't think I could love him any more than I did right then.

O=^=C

The next day on the beach was beautiful, albeit windy and therefore cold and it didn't even faze Katie. She sat still for the few minutes it took to bundle her up in a heavy down jacket, scarves, gloves, and hat, and then was out the door and down the beach, Abby nipping at her heels. Edward and I followed at a safe distance, calling warnings to her to be careful when she'd stop to check the tide pools for starfish.

I was pretty sure she was also looking for a pineapple under the sea, too.

Edward knew that I wanted to talk to her about the upcoming joyous events, so after a while he took Abby down the beach and left us girls to ourselves. I noticed he didn't stray very far, though—with the events of a few weeks prior, I was grateful for the extra eye. It wasn't that I couldn't take care of myself, I knew I could. But to be able to share my troubles with someone only renewed my strength, making me feel safe and sound.

"Hey, Bug, come here for a minute."

She ran up to me, her cheeks pink from the biting wind. "What, Mama?

I reached down to pick her up—my God she was getting big—and turned us so we could look out over the ocean.

"I have a couple of things to tell you, sweetie and I think…I mean, I _hope_, that you'll be happy about them."

"Are we going to get a puppy?"

I laughed. Well, in a way…

"Hmm. Maybe someday," I said, knowing that someday was sooner than she might think…and the puppy was actually a grown dog. "But, first, I'm going to tell you about something I think you're really going to love."

"What?"

"Edward asked me to marry him."

Her eyes were comically big in her face, all excited and bright. "You mean just like Ariel?"

"She married Prince Eric, right?"

"Yes!"

"Just like that."

I could see her mind working a bit, and wondered what she'd come up with. There was no beating around the bush with her. She liked straight answers and I could see more and more each day how much she was growing up.

"Do we get to live in his house?"

"I'm pretty sure that's the plan."

She was getting a bit heavy so I slid her back down to the ground and stood up. She immediately tugged on my pants to get my attention again. When I looked down, her eyes were full of tears. She said in a tiny voice, "But what about Grampa? Is he going to come and live with us too?"

I scrunched down and gathered her in my arms. My heart clenched at her worry, especially when it mirrored my own so well.

"Honey, we'll see Grampa a lot. You can still go and stay with him on weekends, go to the beach and visit Sue's house. That part's not going to change. Plus, we'll have him over all of the time."

She thought about it for a minute and then looked up at me. "Okay."

One subject down, one to go, I thought. We walked hand in hand for a bit, picking up rocks and drawing things in the sand before I broached the next subject.

"Bug?"

"Yep?"

I took a deep breath. "How would you like having a little sister or brother?"

This time her eyes were huge.

"A baby? A real baby?"

"Yeah, sweetie, a real baby."

I'd expected her to take a bit to get used to the idea of having a a sibling around; what I didn't expect was a flurry of words to come tumbling out of her mouth as she excitedly talked about the very same thing. Would it be like Mike and Jessica's baby—all squishy and pink? Would it have hair? What were we going to name it? Where would it sleep?

And on, and on, and on...

Not that I thought she'd be angry or resentful of having to share me with another child, but it was a relief to realize she was so happy about it right away. Her stream of questions kept up even as we turned around and began making our way back to the handsome guy walking toward us.

"How'd it go?" he said watching as she twirled around in the sand.

"Well, the baby's name is going to be Ariel, Jasmine or Tiana. She's certain it's a girl and we have to build Grampa his own house at the 'new' house so he has someplace to live when he's lonely."

He laughed aloud. "I'll get right on it."

He slung his arm around my shoulder, kissed my temple and we headed back, Bug and Abby kicking up sand as they raced ahead of us to the beach house.

O=^=C

Though the rest of that winter was filled with wedding plans and getting things ready for the new baby, things that were bound to keep my mind busy, it wasn't exactly easy for me.

I can't say I didn't struggle with what happened to me for weeks that stretched into months. The reality that my privacy had been violated for over a decade was a difficult truth to face. Riley's trial date came and went, and he'd shocked us all, including his lawyer, by pleading guilty in a very uncomfortable scene in the courtroom that left me in tears. His face had been devoid of any emotion except for sadness, and I felt pity for him that he'd deluded himself so badly.

And yet I still hated him for what he'd done to me, for the terror I'd faced and was still dealing with.

Years of training on how to respond to life-threatening situations had challenged my abilities, leaving me somewhat insecure. I was paranoid when I was alone—double checking doors and constantly securing the house. Although I knew Riley was incarcerated for what would be a very long time, there was a certain feeling I was left with: that I would be permanently altered as a human being. It would take me awhile to recover; to trust again.

The men in my life made sure I wasn't alone for too long or often, but both of them knew me well enough to know that they needed to keep a casual distance. Allowing me to do this on my own terms and at my own pace was the way I dealt with things, and in this my preferences were no different.

Eventually I was able to sleep without dreaming of it, and then I could handle leaving the front door open to let in a bit of fresh air.

When it came to work, there was a bit of a conundrum. It's difficult for a small town police force to compensate for a pregnancy, so I did whatever they needed me to do. With some training, it worked out that I was able to fill in on local dispatch when Shelly had to be absent for Lizzie and her therapy.

Lizzie was making good progress in her rehabilitation. She'd been through multiple surgeries but was coming out of it a true champ. She had a dream of becoming a doctor someday and was ready to finish high school and enroll in college as soon as she was able to get around.

When I thought of her and all she had been through, it gave me strength to move forward.

O=^=C

Springtime sun filtered through the trees and into the little green valley beyond our home, touching everything with its goldenrod glow. The grass seemed to bend upward in greeting of it as I stood at our bedroom window, watching Katie and Abby as they played on the lawn below. My little girl had narrowly missed getting tackled by the freshly groomed ball of yellow fluff three times in the past ten minutes, and I could only hope she'd last the next hour without getting dirty and grass-stained.

Tearing my attention away from the happy sight, I reached out for an earring, pausing in the process of putting it on when they light caught the dangling sapphire.

For all that I was certain of Edward and everything he meant to me, I'd be lying if I said this day wasn't nerve-wracking. The same old doubts of the past had managed to creep their way into the normal wedding day jitters, reminding me that a failed marriage in the past had temporarily tarnished my belief in all things that were good, and it had taken me a long time to get over it.

Then again, there was the little fighter on my other shoulder telling me to get over myself, because what I had was so much stronger this time around. As for our future, I was bound and determined that we'd be okay.

Hell, if my guy could assure me that he wanted to marry me even when I was beginning to take on the characteristics of a blimp, and tell me with a straight face that I'd never been more beautiful to him, I knew I certainly had a keeper. This thought, of course, made me tear up. But that was nothing new.

I glanced at the clock, and winced when I realized it was almost time to start and I was nowhere near ready.

Rose had stepped into the room looking for me to be set to go.

"Why are you crying, B? This is supposed to be the happiest day of your life!"

"I don't know." I said, sniffling. In truth, I was overwhelmingly happy, but those pesky hormones… I'd been having attacks of the vapors all morning long. "I guess I just feel like a whale."

"Oh my God, you look absolutely radiant. Who cares if you have a thick middle? You should try watching Bridezillas for once. Believe me, it doesn't compare."

I laughed as I dabbed my eyes.

"Thank you... I think. I'm so lucky to have you as a friend."

She sniffed. "Damnit. Don't make me cry, too."

Tissues were passed around, and then she attacked my face with a round of makeup. She leaned back on to the vanity after the last dab of lipstick, and eyed me seriously.

"You have a pretty amazing guy waiting for you out there. I've watched both of you come so far and fight for something you both believe in. Things like this don't often come more than once in a lifetime."

"I know that Rose. I'm thankful every day that we found each other again."

"Well, don't keep him waiting too long. Deep breath, chin up and make sure you go pee before you come downstairs."

I laughed heartily as she smirked at me and quietly left the room. Not five seconds later I heard her voice raised in agitation, and I turned around to face the door, anticipating a good, loud argument.

"You're not supposed to see her yet."

"I know something's wrong, I want to talk to her. Babe, open up!"

An exasperated sigh—I could just picture Rose right now, arms crossed over her low cut dress, one hip jutted out to the side for balance when she made her move to slap Edward upside the head. And he thought I was moody…

"Talk to her through the door then."

A mumble, and then a soft knock on the door. "Bella?"

Getting to my feet was a production, but I made it to the door as quick as I could.

"Hey…"

"Are you all right?"

Would it have been easier to lie and tell him that I was just moving slow? Well, sure. But that wasn't the couple that we were, so I took a deep breath and let my fears out along with it.

"Yes. Just nerves I think. I'm fine."

Just then the doorknob turned; thinking he was going to walk into the room, I scooted back and looked for a place to hide.

Instead, what I saw was his left hand slip through the crack, palm up and waiting for my fingers.

"I just wanted to tell you that… I love you."

I moved to the door, placed my hand in his and gave it a light squeeze, "I love you too."

We held it for a moment before I heard Rose return out in the hall. "Jeez you two, let's get this show on the road. Then you'll have all of the time in the world to hold hands."

We let go and he closed the door. "Shit," I said sniffling one more time. I let out a long sigh and blotted my eyes in the spots where my mascara had run a little. I knew I'd be emotional, but not like this.

So much had happened over the last year. It was like we had shoved an entire life into such a short amount of time.

It was funny how life worked that way sometimes. It had for sure been a crazy time, filled with more ups and downs than anyone could imagine, but there were very few things I would change about it. To think I'd avoided him in the beginning was mind-blowing to me now that I knew what I would have been giving up. I had found, amazingly and for the second time, the man I had always adored, looked up to and admired beyond belief. He was my soul mate and my best friend in the truest sense of the word.

I was so, so blessed.

I picked up my flowers, smiling to myself, "Let's do this."

O=^=C

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><p><em>AN: Thank you so much for being patient with this last chapter. I will do my best to get the epi out on next Thursday. As a treat for all of your reviews, I'll post the pic tease for the epi on the blog notgoingthere-luckyirishtart(dot)blogspot(dot)com right now. It has to be one of my favorite pics ever…_

_Nic, you are the bestest…no, seriously._

_Songs- Amie – Damien Rice_

_For Annabelle – Band of Horses_


	24. Epilogue

_**Disclaimer:**__ Anything remotely resembling Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Any of the stories within, belong to me. Please do not copy or translate without permission._

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><p><em><strong>Not Going There<strong>_

**Epilogue**

Growing up, I'd always dreaded that time when the clock struck curfew and I had to go home. Back then it had seemed the ultimate of lame. What a difference a decade or two and experience made.

Today there was a small flutter of excitement in my heart when I took the turn down my father's road. Maybe it was simply because I didn't live there anymore, or maybe it could be chalked up to the chance to spend some time with my dad, but it was a comforting feeling just the same. He'd been on a fishing trip to Alaska the past two weeks, and my first order of business before my shift started was to have a cup of coffee with him and shoot the breeze. I'd really missed him.

Although a happy one, the change of moving into Edward's house had been...something I'd had to get used to. It'd been just Bug, my dad, and I for so long that I found myself missing living at home. Edward had encouraged me to set aside some time every week to hang out with my dad—even if just to talk shop—and it was a connection that I'd truly needed to have.

Also, there was the fact that I had to check on the new pup Katie had insisted we give her grandfather for his birthday. That particular conversation was a funny one that brought a smile to my face, all full of pleas starting with dogs that needed homes and ending with lonely-no-more grandparents.

My daughter… the animal advocate.

Jake (said chocolate lab) came ripping out of the house when I pulled into the driveway, barking as fiercely as a six-month old pup could. When I got out and walked around the car he pulled up short at the edge of the lawn, cowering a little when he saw me in uniform.

"Nice attack dog, Dad," I said, walking across the driveway. No sooner the words left my mouth than the dog turned into a wiggling mess at my feet, belly presented for a rub.

"What's funny is that he only does that to you—acts all tough and then turns into a complete wimp. Sue spoiled him when I was gone."

I reached down to scratch his belly before we retreated into the house.

The earthy scents of the house mingled with fresh coffee hit me as soon as I walked inside, all comfort and homey, and a small pang of nostalgia for days gone by seized me for a second. Stepping in to this house made me feel grounded in a way, and I was immensely grateful all over again that we lived so close by.

"How's it feel to be back at work full time?" he asked, pouring me a cup of coffee as I pulled the creamer out of the fridge. Jake took his place at my dad's feet, curling up in to a ball but keeping ever watchful eyes on me.

"It's good, not too busy. Summer tourists and bored kids."

"The usual," he agreed. "How's my grandbabies?"

"Getting too damn big and just as cute as anything," I said, hiding my grin around a sip of coffee when his smile got all big and goofy.

It always amazed me how my father acted now that he was a grandfather. Things that I never would have gotten away with were looked over when the kids did them, and with decidedly more than a smidgen of indulgence. And the spoiling that man did, good grief.

"And Edward's fine, too."

"Hmpf." He took another sip of his coffee, and reached down to pat Jake, acting like he wasn't going to ask.

But, I knew better. Despite the fact that Edward had "taken his girls away", they'd become pretty tight over the last year. Charlie had been his biggest advocate during the investigation, arguing to any of the brass that would listen that any of them, if put in the same situation, would have probably done the same thing. Edward was cleared of any wrongdoing eventually, but he took a little heat from his higher ups over not following protocol during the rescue. Thankfully, all he ended up with was a light slap on the wrist.

Deciding to let him play the grump card for a little while, I diverted on to another topic. "Mom called the other day."

"Oh? What's she up to?" he asked.

"Planning a trip up here in August, wants to see her grandchildren. And she said, 'It's really the only time the weather's any good up there'," I said, using air quotes.

"Have fun with that. Don't count on any babysitting."

"I know. She'll be off to Bunco with her old friends."

He chuckled. "How're your schedules working out? Childcare thing okay?"

"Actually pretty good. We're lucky to have most of the same days off, and our shifts work out that when I'm getting home he's getting ready to go in for his. We just sort of pass off the kids," I said, laughing. "It works, though, especially with not having to pay for daycare."

"Oh," he said, looking down at his mug. "Sounds like you two have it worked out…well."

It took me a minute to work out his despondent reaction. "Dad, you can have them any time you want, you know that."

"Yeah, but I don't want to disrupt the schedule," he said gruffly.

"You're not disrupting anything." I thought for a moment. "How about they come over this weekend? Would you like to keep them overnight?"

A smile spread across his face before he caught it. He cleared his throat and said, "Sure. That should be fine. You don't mind if Sue's here?"

Since we had moved out, Sue spent most of her weekends here with my dad. During the week, she kept her home on the reservation where she worked. They were comfortable in their relationship; it seemed to suit both of them.

"Dad—," I reached across the table and gave his arm a squeeze. He knew we all thought of Sue as family but for some reason needed to be reassured on occasion.

"Okay, sounds like a plan."

O=^=C

There was nothing like a scary call to get me back into the swing of things…though, I realized with a pang, it also made me miss night shifts. One of my first calls was to pick up an elderly woman who had wandered away from her home, and the thoughts of what could happen to her if I didn't find her quickly made me long for calls about a homeowner's too-bright lights while another neighbor tried to sleep.

I felt bad for her when I finally found her wandering around a park a few blocks from her house. She was confused and dressed in just a robe and slippers, so I let her sit in the front with me while I radioed in to the station that I'd found her. Her daughter, a woman I vaguely remembered as working at the grocery store when I was much younger, wouldn't be able to be there until midday, so I agreed to check on her house after I dropped her off at the hospital and escort her home if need be.

After checking the house and completing the requisite paperwork at the station, I headed back to the E.R to check on things, where I spied Rose walking down the hall. I caught up with her and tagged her on the elbow.

"Hey, Trouble."

"Hi! What brings you here?"

"I came to escort Mrs. Miller home. Her daughter called and asked us to make sure the house was okay before we left her. She'd only run into Port Angeles this morning for an appointment and her mom wandered off. Do you know anything about how she's doing?"

"She's fine. Just a little confused. How have you been? Surviving the grind?"

"Yeah. It's great. I loved being home but I kind of missed work."

"I can't imagine you doing anything different."

"Yeah," I said. "Oh, been dying to tell you…Never guess who called me the other day."

"Who?"

"Victoria."

"No shit?"

"Yeah. I guess she and James have been working on getting back together for awhile and now she wants to move to Port Angeles to be with him."

"Oh, how cozy."

I snorted at her skeptical tone. Rose had pretty much heard everything I had to say about Victoria at one time or another and wasn't the biggest fan of my old partner. Not that I didn't agree, though…

"She was calling me to 'patch things up' so it wouldn't be uncomfortable. I have a feeling that it was more James behind it, but I appreciated the effort."

"Sure you're good with that bitch rolling into town?"

"I…don't know. I think it'll be good for him. He's been doing pretty good about the whole responsibility thing, which is a big relief. Well, as much as he's capable—he's still a pain in my ass every once in a while, but from what I've heard, she isn't one to put up with his shit. So…maybe. He trying, though, and I can't ask for more than that. Besides, I think I ended up with the better end of the deal."

"I would say so." She looked down the corridor to the nurses' station. "Mrs. Miller should be ready. Want to come back and get her?"

"Sure."

O=^=C

After that first call, the morning seemed relatively slow. That is, until the emergency calls started rolling in. A house fire down in Robin Hood Loop set the rest of the day on course: the fire, a false 911 call, a few traffic stops, and breaking up a fight at the park to end my day.

Gotta admit, though, the fight was a highlight. Nothing like pulling apart two over-caffeinated mothers when their children's argument resulted in them pulling each other's hair while said children looked on in awe. The one who ended up in my car whined the whole way there that the other had started it, and I was sure Newton was hearing the same thing. It was hard, but I kept the retort about her acting more juvenile than her kid inside.

I hadn't had a break yet, so I was back at the park completing paperwork in my patrol car in an attempt to make it home on time. In my peripheral vision, I could see someone approaching me from the side , so I turned to roll down my window, and came face-to-face with Connor Mallory.

I rolled down the window, "Hey, Connor, what's up?"

"Nothing. Just saw you here. Wanted to say hi."

"How's your summer going?"

"Good. Just enrolled in classes for the fall."

"You did? Where?"

"At Peninsula College. I'm going into the Criminal Justice program."

I looked at him. He wasn't my kid but damn if I wasn't swelling with pride at the moment. "That's pretty cool. I'm impressed."

"Yeah. I did Running Start last year and wanted to keep going. My mom isn't too happy about it but it's what I want to do."

I chuckled. I had to keep my comments about his mom to myself.

"Well, good luck. Keep me up on how you're doing and if I can help out in any way, let me know."

"I will, thanks." He turned and headed back towards the skate park with his board tucked underneath his arm.

"Huh," I said aloud as I turned the key in the ignition.

O=^=C

The comfort of the winding road leading to our home helped ease the tension from a particularly long day. There had been so many emergency calls that I had barely any time to eat. A day like today made me question returning to work. I had been spoiled after the baby was born; I was able to stay home with my kids for almost a year and just be…a mom.

I wanted nothing more than to get home, take a hot bath, slip into my pajamas and snuggle with my family. But reality was something else. Pulling my patrol car in behind the SUV, I remembered Charlie always told me early on that no matter how hard your day was, the real work started when you got home.

"Hello?"

Stepping inside the house, I went to the small den to put my gun belt into the safe, already feeling twenty pounds lighter. From the kitchen came an aroma of the best sort: comfort food. I snuck a peek, opening the oven as mouth-watering smells of lasagna and garlic bread wafted out.

I stood up, closed the oven door and listened for the sounds of my ever busy household and was met with silence.

"Honey? Katie?" I said. After a few moments, I called into a seemingly empty house, "Where is everyone?"

"Out here," came Edward's voice through a crack in the sliding glass door.

I stepped out onto the back deck to find Edward and Katie perched at one end both holding Baby Bug up on her feet.

"Look, Mom," said Katie, excitedly.

Edward, crouched in his uniform, looked up and smiled at me—a smile that still melted my heart to this very day.

When little Lucy saw me, her face lit up full of sunshine and she bounced as she rocked a couple of times on her feet.

"Watch this," he said as he let go of her waist. She raised her arms and took a few steps toward me before squatting and falling on her padded bottom.

I raced in to scoop her up, peppering her face with kisses.

"She just started this morning. I saw her take a couple of steps from the couch, and then she was off. I'm sorry you missed it."

I placed my hand on his arm and leaned in to give him a kiss. "Oh, it's okay. I figured she might any day. She's been working so hard at it for days now. Gets this look of determination on her face like—" I said, making a scrunched face.

"Oh, that's all her mom," he said laughing.

I lightly punched him in the arm as he pulled us in and kissed me on the head.

"How was your day?"

I made a face at him.

"That good, huh?"

"The usual. It was a little better today. But I can definitely say, I was absolutely spoiled being home all of the time."

"You could have taken longer you know. We would have been fine."

Setting the baby down, I stood back up a little breathless. "I know," I said as I turned to look out at the yard. "But I love my job."

"I know that. And you're good at it. I just want you to be happy with whatever you do."

"I couldn't be happier than I am right now." I said as I leaned into him, watching Katie play with Lucy on the deck.

He was everything I imagined he was: a fantastic husband, a great father. He challenged me when I needed him to and was supportive when I needed him most. Life was so, so good, as full and close to perfect as it could be.

"I'm taking the girls to my Dad's this weekend. So looks like it's just you and me," I said smiling up at him.

It was almost like I could see the possibilities sliding into place in his mind as he put his hands on my waist and pulled me in a little closer. I instinctually looked over to the girls; Katie was teaching Lucy how to 'gently' pet Abby who laid close by. There was the softest pressure, a little kiss placed on the skin underneath my ear, and I couldn't help but sigh softly. I wrapped my arms around him tighter as he kissed me again on the neck.

"Now, I'll be thinking all night about how to make best use of our time together this weekend, Officer Cullen," he said, kissing me, the touch of his lips on mine so, so gentle.

Every fiber of my being was attracted to this man and I almost forgot where we were as I slid my hands around to his backside and whispered against his lips. "I'm gonna hold you to that, Deputy Cullen."

Leaning in painfully slow for one last kiss, he set my heart racing.

In a flash, he stepped back and looked at his watch, leaving me cold. I harrumphed at him, but his smile melted my pique.

"Gotta go. Dinner will be ready in about fifteen minutes for you guys." He kissed me and Lucy on the forehead and turned to rumple Katie's hair as she squealed. "See you tonight."

I never thought that I could love someone other than my children so much, but, oh, I did. I really, really did. And I wasn't quite done yet letting my love grow.

"Love you. Be safe," I said.

He turned around and flashed his beautiful smile at me as he stepped through the sliding glass door.

"Always am."

O=^=C

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><p><em>Song – Jack Johnson – Do You Remember<em>

_A/N: Thank you so much for your patience. RL has handed me a hectic couple of weeks. _

_Would love to hear what your thoughts are now that we're finished. Your reviews were just awesome and kept me excited to write each week. Kind of sad to see these guys go._

_Please indulge me with my long list of thank yous… _

_Thank you to each and every one of you who pimped this story out on your websites, to your friends and on twitter. _

_There were so many peeps along the way who helped me out in a pinch, gave their support and encouraged me so much. kimmydonn (hearts)for your much needed red pen. If it weren't for you, I'd probably hide from semicolons—forever. carenl, I so appreciate every word of the feedback you gave me and it was the love of your Copward that made me want to do this. Thank you also to ttharman and licpa for indulging me when I bounced a few ideas off of you before incorporating them into the story. _

_And nic, my amazing beta and friend... I owe you so much and can't possibly tell you how much I appreciate what you've done for me. The last weeks when I was tight with time, you made it feel so easy. In my eyes, you have such a gift._

_And I can't forget the Deputy that showed up one night responding to our call after we'd been burgled. His wisdom and expertise helped me so much as I wrote this story . Deputy, I've made a new friend and have the utmost respect for what you do every day. xo_


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